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[ENFP] The dark side of ENFPs

Queen Kat

The Duchess of Oddity
Joined
Apr 3, 2009
Messages
3,053
MBTI Type
E.T.
Enneagram
7w8
I don't know. Everytime I try it, it makes me feel weak. I prefer to fight back. I can't help it, but I love feeling aggressive.
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
whoa really? sounds more infp from the way i understand it.


Really?

I always thought INFP's were extremely forgiving.

Then again I know a male infp in real life and once you cross him, you're toast, with me I might get all mad, say "that's it, we're through, you suck I am never talking to you again" but give me time and I am bound to forgive and let go on my own.

Actually doesn't even take all that long damn it. :doh:
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
i get over things insanely quick. i may adjust my level of trust or the nature of our relationship but i don't hold onto negative feelings about it. i just accept my new perception of you i guess and treat you accordingly.
 

seeker22

New member
Joined
Apr 14, 2009
Messages
173
MBTI Type
XNTJ
i get over things insanely quick. i may adjust my level of trust or the nature of our relationship but i don't hold onto negative feelings about it. i just accept my new perception of you i guess and treat you accordingly.

Perfectly stated. Me too. Bingo.
 

Nonsensical

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
4,006
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7
Cross my moral line, or hurt people I care about and you'll want to get far away from me. My values are so strong that I'd pretty much be willing to break any rule or law to justify them.

I can be really morose and mopey. I don't know if that's considered to be 'dark-side material', but I don't think it's a good characteristic.

I'll admitt that I do have a temper, as all NFs should have. Against my true self, when I want something, I'll develop an edge and go after it. I can be agressive when I know I need to be. getting a job as an example.

I feel like I can morph into different personalities in different circumstances:
I become an ISTJ when I do chores, like mowing the lawn for instance, making sure to do it as neatly as I can and putting pride into my work.
I become an ENTJ when I am dealing with work. When there's a task at hand, I see a common goal and do whatever it takes, without hurting others, to reach it.
I become an INTJ when I study and do homework. Making sure things are done right, and using my intellect to get it done.

I could go on for a while, but what it all comes down to, is that I may seem like I can be edgy sometimes, cruel, and work-oriented, but it's not who I truly am. It's my ENFP approach to things I care about. I realize that I need certain things in life, and I'm taking pride and doing what it takes to reach my goals.

When you take away everything that doesn't matter, you find the real me :). the me that I share with you all here. I really am a clown and I do like to have a good time, even though it may seem that I do have some dark aspects of personality.
 

Ace_

New member
Joined
Jun 2, 2009
Messages
233
MBTI Type
TNT
Well if I really had to think of downsides of ENFPs, these would be it:

- they are often irresponsible
- they are the creators of hype, reality distortion and misguided self-confidence in others
- they are lazy as fuck
- they find it very hard to be objective about their friends or family
- they start stuff but don't finish 95% of what they started
- they would find an excuse for Hitler and let him go(they can't punish people)
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
^^ that's all somewhat true except for the hitler comment.
 

Ace_

New member
Joined
Jun 2, 2009
Messages
233
MBTI Type
TNT
I know. That was an exaggeration. You should know something about it :D
 

BBethAnneBB

New member
Joined
Jun 7, 2009
Messages
12
One thing I've heard is that ENFP's often censor their views to not be contrarian or cause conflict. This is very much unlike my personality. Also, although I do worry about what others think of me, I consider it very wrong to sell myself out in any way or alter my personality to appease them.

I make my views open, and am not afraid to back them up in front of a crowd. Well, depending on what mood I'm in.

But ... why worry about what others think of you? I'm going to live my life the way I want to, while helping as many people as I can, and if anyone gets in the way they won't be running away unscathed.

I've seen and heard NF's be extremely manipulative and self-absorbed, to the point of throwing tantrums to get their way, habitually cheating on SO's, and being really self-deceptive. As in hiding being this mask of feeling superior to others because they are so omniscient or 'so good at manipulating people' when really they are really afraid of people and unsure of themselves.

Then there are ENFPs who go overboard trying to people please and sacrifice their Fi or lose a solid hold on values in order to appease everyone.

Fortunately, for the people who have to deal with me, "extremely manipulative and self-absorbed" are things that I wouldn't be accused of being by anyone with ANY observatory skills.

Sold values = good. Self-deception = bad.

I think the dark side of an enfp is the oppposite of the bouncy, giggly enfp stereotype. There is a heck of a lot more going on and people just don't always catch it.

Well, who says that the opposite of the ENFP stereotype has to be their "dark" side? It can be a good thing, I think. You just have to know how to balance it out with your "stereotypical" side.

Most people around her thought she was this fickle, weird, affectionate, bubbly girl and they thought that that was all she was. I saw through to her depth, intelligence, intense and fragile inner world, and that simultaneously excited and scared her.

And, yeah, inner world could get pretty dark if she had plenty of time alone to stew on her thoughts. Is this common with other ENFPs?

I can relate to "she". I'm sure that most people I know think of me as the same thing, and only that. And of the few who have discovered my other side, well, they've basically drawn away from me. I have yet to find anyone that could embrace both sides of me ...

One of my fears is being left alone, and it's for a reason. My Intorverted and Thinking sides really kick in when I'm left to stew on my own thoughts, and it's not always about things I want to "stew on".

Thank god for those that do take a moment to look beyond that first impression :hug:

Ditto that. :hug:

Yes, I have a *VERY QUIET, SERIOUS, DEEP* side. The stereotype is what I show others when I don't know them at well or are not at work or just feeling silly and need to chill.

I'm quite capable of holding my end of a conversation, debating, public speaking, or whatever....I just have to care enough and be in the right mood.

In fact, outside of work, I spend most of my time alone....

I can relate completely. :yes:

Well if I really had to think of downsides of ENFPs, these would be it:

- they are often irresponsible
- they are the creators of hype, reality distortion and misguided self-confidence in others
- they are lazy as fuck
- they find it very hard to be objective about their friends or family
- they start stuff but don't finish 95% of what they started
- they would find an excuse for Hitler and let him go(they can't punish people)

:shock: The sad part is that of everything you've listed, I can't say that I'm any of that. Yes, I have my lazy days, but doesn't everyone? And if I don't finish something I start, it bothers me until I do.
 

sculpting

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
4,148
Well if I really had to think of downsides of ENFPs, these would be it:

- they are often irresponsible
- they are the creators of hype, reality distortion and misguided self-confidence in others
- they are lazy as fuck
- they find it very hard to be objective about their friends or family
- they start stuff but don't finish 95% of what they started
- they would find an excuse for Hitler and let him go(they can't punish people)

oooo, I like that one. However let's just call the others "lack of follow through" and I'll nod in agreement.

The Dark side emerges after I have felt rejected or hurt by another or if I perceive people that I care about are being hurt.

Some of these can be very productive but are not very nice.

If in pain I will tend to misinterrpret whatever Ne feeds to Fi. I am very good at making the connections and in identification of what is connected to what. The failing can be in interpretation of the motives behind the connection. I can screw this up badly and assign a very malevolant intent. I am very much on gaurd against this.

I can dominate others with too much Te. Typically after sufferring a blow that hurts me or watching others i care for hurt, I back away in pain for a day, then lash out with Te in anger, then settle down and logically analyze my emotions and why I behaved they way I did.

Long term, this Te domination can be VERY effective in the workplace. I scare people. I go from happy, fluffy enfp to serious, its time for you to die Te when I find someone not holding up their end of the deal. Since the Te is driven by an idealistic sense of Fi inspired rightousness and caring for my fellow employees, it has much respect. I don't do this unless I am right.

There can be an urge to be manipulative but you really have to hurt someone I care for before I can do this. Fi is a double edged sword and doing something harmful to another hurts me as well.
 

boondocked

New member
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Messages
110
MBTI Type
NP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
My INTJ best-friend tells me that my worst fault is the tendency to see all my faults as loveable. He'll tell me I'm too manipulative and I'll hear "You really get people." He'll tut-tut-tut me for being irresponsible and I'll read into it "you're a free spirit."

And since I've got the traditional ENFP circle of many great friends who love me despite my flaws, I tend to think "How bad could my faults REALLY be?"

This whole thought process is, I know, a pretty damning fault. I'm glad he pointed it out.
 

Mondo

Welcome to Sunnyside
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
EsTP
Enneagram
6w7
An ENFP gone bad probably has been manipulated by some more clever ENTP or ENTJ.. :p
 

stigmatica

New member
Joined
May 8, 2009
Messages
308
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
Oooooh! I have a Dark Side *Deep Voice Echoing...* :happy:

Dun dun dun duuuuuuun! Mua ha ha ha ha!

What is all this piddly stuff about too nice, lazy, and flippy do da butterflies and rainbows? I thought we had a Dark Side! *Deep Voice Echoing...* Not a too light and fluffy side? That's old news!

Dark? Hmmm... :thinking:

- One time I put bengay on the inside of my little brothers jock strap! :devil:
- I put a king snake in my teachers desk in the 2nd grade. :devil:
- I once hid a fish in the trunk of my best friends car. :devil:
- I once plotted to take over the world, but then I saw something shiny and... uh, what were we talking about? Shiny!!! :run:
 

Nillerz

New member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
391
MBTI Type
ENFP
I sometimes come off as a belligerent and ignorant asshole, but that's just because I'm a belligerent and ignorant asshole at times.
 

alcea rosea

New member
Joined
Nov 11, 2007
Messages
3,658
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
I get bored with people.
I'm terribly moody at times.
 

Hellokittykitty

New member
Joined
Jun 3, 2010
Messages
40
MBTI Type
INT*
Well if I really had to think of downsides of ENFPs, these would be it:

- they are often irresponsible
- they are the creators of hype, reality distortion and misguided self-confidence in others
- they are lazy as fuck
- they find it very hard to be objective about their friends or family
- they start stuff but don't finish 95% of what they started
- they would find an excuse for Hitler and let him go(they can't punish people)

I agree. I always find a redeeming flaw for the criminal and it's like suddenly the murderer is the victim to me. I really feel like everyone has a side that needs to be forgiven. I don't understand why I feel this way though
 

marthella.minne

New member
Joined
Dec 13, 2010
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
hmmm...

what do you think about Damon Salvatore or even Tony Stark being a darker ENFP???
 

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
Joined
Nov 26, 2008
Messages
9,625
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
dark side huh? hehehe most of these traits do not sound like me at all. I think most of the posts have pertained to ENFPs who are 7s and 2s. ENFP 4s are totally different. Our dark sides are much more dramatic and intense. we like to shock and impress people sometimes, but not really please them. in fact, most of us can accurately evaluate people's character extremely quickly and usually decide rather quickly if we don't like someone. most of the time we may have a sort of "I'm here, deal with me bitches" approach to life that makes SJs and 6s gasp in disbelief. 4w3 NFPs have different dark sides depending on the situation

1) they don't get their way on something important: 4w3 NFPs can turn from docile, calm and pleasant to a f#$king diva a matter of a few seconds. spunky, passionate and incredibly intense
2) you're mean to them: similar to the above, but if you're just plain being a douche bag, we'll just be like "fuck you" and have no problem leaving and never talking to you again. we won't really stay mad (at least I won't), we'll just break off the relationship
3) you're mean to other people: at this point, ENFP 4w3s will likely perform what this forum likes to call the "Te bitchslap" and seeks to totally socially destroy the oppressor and then goes back to sweet and nurturing mode to help the victim
4) if you're abusing or oppressing people: this is where the real dark side switch get's flipped. at this point, the normally happy, jovile and calm ENFP does a 180 and turns serious, vidicative and merciless (in INFPs multiply this times 2 or 3). at this point, things really get dramatic (my friends tell me when I get mad, they feel like they are in an opera or something lol) and Fi will do anything to strike down evildoers and mercilessly punish them for their transgressions

I can relate to the claims about being lazy and manipulative tho (although I HATE this quality in myself)
 

animenagai

New member
Joined
Aug 22, 2008
Messages
1,569
MBTI Type
NeFi
Enneagram
4w3
There are a lot of qualities described in this thread which I would describe as negative but accurate. However, there are only so many that I would describe as being dark. Flakiness for example is not the best quality to have, but is it dark? Is it something you can imagine someone with depression or a serial killer having? It's surely not the first attribute that would come to mind. I'll try my best to list some darker attributes:

1. Ne really goes places it shouldn't go sometimes. I pick up a knife and I can think about stabbing someone with it. A relative may bend over and I can think about having sex with them. There are really, really dark images that my mind can conjure up not so rarely and it's not nice at all. I assure you, I am not on my way to a mental asylum/prison. Ne simply does not discriminate. I get an idea, a mental connection, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It's both a great strength and weakness.

2. We care way too much about what people think, especially for people who insist on being ourselves. This is both an ENFP and enneagram 4w3 problem. I have eczema for example and I spent pretty much all of last christmas, on the acupuncture bed, treating my condition. My skin was so bad that I couldn't step out of the house without feeling like a monster. I would wake up in the middle of the night, needing to go to the toilet and I wouldn't even have the guts to turn on the lights, afraid of what I'll see in the mirror. I feel like many other types wouldn't really give a shit. They have the coldness to not let it affect them, they can see it just a phase that they have to go through. I couldn't, and my NF went all emo on me. In hindsight, I had at least mild depression.

3. This one isn't quite as scary, but it's one that comes up quite a bit for me. We are perfectionists and I think this is true when it comes to the functions too. I want to be able to step into a predominantly Ti/Te environment while maintaining my Fi. This leads to many issues, for example, someone can give me pieces of constructive criticism and I'll get overly defensive when in reality, I know I'm wrong. Even more common are the situations where an idiot says something out of line, racism for example, and we all know that he/she is just being a retard. However, though I know that intellectually, I don't emotionally. I still feel the bite of the nasty comment and I'll still spend the next week or two thinking about it. This balance is hard and causes quite a bit of internal conflict imo.
 

sculpting

New member
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Jan 28, 2009
Messages
4,148
1. Ne really goes places it shouldn't go sometimes. I pick up a knife and I can think about stabbing someone with it. A relative may bend over and I can think about having sex with them. There are really, really dark images that my mind can conjure up not so rarely and it's not nice at all. I assure you, I am not on my way to a mental asylum/prison. Ne simply does not discriminate. I get an idea, a mental connection, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It's both a great strength and weakness.

I can identify with these-I have never seen anyone call out that first one-but it is totally true. Really dark but true...

I also care way too much about what other people think-I try and use Te to self talk out of it. I can also be neurotic as hell and think everyone hates me-again I use Te to self talk out of it.

I am also guilty of being defensive about my ideas, although I try really hard not to do this, as I need the critical feedback to improve my ideas and myself.

As for darkness, I often feel very dark or broken on the inside, especially when in an emotionally bad place. That sense of despair can chase others away as nobody wants to be part of that mess, causeing me to retreat and feel like instead of being part of the world, I'd rather love and care for the world from outside of it, so I dont overly disturb those within it. Like an invisible angel. I want to give love, but not be recognized as doing so.. I am 4w5 though, so maybe that is part of it.

Ah, the Te bitchslap appears to be my friend as well. On the good side, I WILL stand up for those in pain or need and fight for them, and on the bad side, I will lash out hurtfully and nastily sometimes to those who have hurt me...

Lately I have noticed a very weird dark aspect of myself evolving. If a person does something particularly heinous or keeps bothering me even when I ask them to leave me alone, I have been trying very hard not to bitchslap them as it seems so reactive and emotionally drains me. If I find myself getting angry...bitchslap-y...I quell it, recognize it as not a good idea and instead try and understand why the other person is behaving as they are.

Suddenly I can move into this very focused place-the other person has become my entire focus, the rest of the world is ignored-and Ne and Te weave everything I understand about people in general around that particular person...they become the Ne focal point. As I focus on them, I will find questions I dont know the answer to, and then the answers are just there-the bubble up, gaps are filled in, which allows me to further analyze them. An ESTP described this as an ENFP seeing through you and said it was very creepy. It is like a play by play psychological dissection of the enemy, weaving patterns around them and predicting what they will do next-predictive I suppose as their motives dont matter, just their predicted behaviors. The things they do or say cant hurt me because they are simply part of that particular person's pattern. It is like once I understand they are trapped in their pattern, I can ignore or forgive the hurt they inflict, but identify the required defense before they even do anything.

Now....if that person is hurting someone I care for...they have put themselves in a very dangerous place. I can forgive injury to myself easily, and nuetralize that hurt, but you dont hurt those I care for. In that case, it is like weaved lists appear of that person's weaknesses, an intense focus of them, and I can begin to plan a play by play attack upon them as a person. I lay out the pieces of the puzzle-all individual things-then when the time comes I can quickly gather the pieces and deploy an attack or alternatively let them stumble across the pieces like logs in their path to make them fall more slowly. I havent done this yet as to do so would be really horrible. But more and more I can sense the ability to do this coming on line.. It is scary as Fi holds me back from hurting other people, but if pushed to this cold analytical place, it speaks more softly.
 
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