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[MBTI General] How Does One Deal With Heartbreak and Is Psychological Pain Necessarily Part Of It?

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
I'm definitely the "fuck out".... lived and learned.

Congratulations. You dodged a bullet that takes down many. Consider yourself lucky if there were no children or other consequences other than lost time.
 

Qre:us

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
4,890
Would it help to identify the actual qualities in her that you are drawn to and realize that with certainty there are other women who possess the same qualities that are alone and would respond to you?

The human mind is not that comforted with probabilities...this is why gambling is such an addiction, the risk (and payoff), entrenched within uncertainty, is the appeal.

* with certainty, there may be others just like her, with doubt, there may not be likelihood that he shall have another like her.
 

Nyota

New member
Joined
Nov 13, 2008
Messages
69
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4w5
INFJs seem very susceptible to these types of relationships because they are so concerned with the internal well-being of others.
Yes, it's a fine line of selfishness and selflessness we must walk.
 

Nyota

New member
Joined
Nov 13, 2008
Messages
69
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4w5
Congratulations. You dodged a bullet that takes down many. Consider yourself lucky if there were no children or other consequences other than lost time.

Thanks! I'm indeed very blessed.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
Their needs are others' needs. Odd, I know.

Just seems rather self-effacing and masochistic. But, I do admit to appreciating a more nurturing person. Past a certain point, it becomes unhealthy. I also want them to be strong.
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Just seems rather self-effacing and masochistic. But, I do admit to appreciating a more nurturing person. Past a certain point, it becomes unhealthy. I also want them to be strong.

They are. Clearly so.
 

iwakar

crush the fences
Joined
May 2, 2007
Messages
4,877
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Allow me, and I'll give you a cut of the profits (promise :cheese:)


I know ya'll got the skills. This is why during a prior meet-up I felt the need to give jenocyde props and remark that her entrepeneurial spirit in all things meant that she was an "opportunity actualizer." --Course, as the ENTJ present pointed out, this could justify bank robbery.
 

phoenix13

New member
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
1,293
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8

Accept it. Let yourself mourn for a fixed amount of time that you feel is appropriate (typically a month for heartbreak), and then move on. And by move on, I mean that even though your heart is sore, you don't wallow in it. You acknowledge it, let yourself feel it (ie. accept it), and just do your best to ignore it.

During the mourning period, I suggest cathartic music. Listen to people singing about what you're going through, or things that are way way waaaayyyy worse (for example, Gorecki's 3rd Symphony movt. 2, where a teen in a gastapo prison sings to her mother who she'll never see again, telling her not to cry... Jesus, imagine being that mother and never knowing what happened to your kid, only knowing that she's somewhere suffering... ouch). This helps you keep things in perspective, so you remember that your life isn't over, and you're not alone in your sufferings, etc.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
I know ya'll got the skills. This is why during a prior meet-up I felt the need to give jenocyde props and remark that her entrepeneurial spirit in all things meant that she was an "opportunity actualizer." --Course, as the ENTJ present pointed out, this could justify bank robbery.

Bank robbery is fraught with too much risk. I could never do anything where the risk is being in prison for a long time. I would die there.
 

iwakar

crush the fences
Joined
May 2, 2007
Messages
4,877
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Bank robbery is fraught with too much risk. I could never do anything where the risk is being in prison for a long time. I would die there.

Of internal bleeding. You're too pretty. Avoid prison at all costs, you must sayeth Yoda.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Really..Like buying houses with a guy who won't get a ring on her finger? After 7 yrs?

Any woman of this value would be taken by 23 or 24. Meaning married. You would understand. This is a paradox.

Does she even want a ring? We're not in the dark ages, you know...
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
Really..Like buying houses with a guy who won't get a ring on her finger? After 7 yrs?

Any woman of this value would be taken by 23 or 24. Meaning married. You would understand. This is a paradox.

That is her decision. If you poach her, she is still living passively. You just become the new boot walking all over her. If you want to help her, help her. Do not wrap yourself in the mantle of looking out for her interests. Your point of view is compromised by your desire to have her for yourself. This is not love.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
You know..if an INFJ shows someone something personal, it's for a very, very specific reason..

I'm not talking about surface -level things...no. I am referring to deep, relationship issues. She told me these things for a reason. I said, "7 yrs and there's no ring on that finger?" She knew I knew there was a problem. And with her heavy, active flirting, these types of messages started forming a picture inside of me of a potential future. In other words, she thinks I'm good enough. No INFJ would actively flirt, because that would be hurtful, if she didn't mean what her intentions showed. So I can't answer if she wants a ring, no. She does want to be in a relationship..She isn't happy with her current relationship and hasn't been for some time. This is the reason she told me those things. She doesn't want to be with a loser. I haven't told her I offer her a serious, committed, long-term (short of saying marriage) relationship. She doesn't have the courage to break up with him, but she doesn't want to make the change if there's some possibility I wouldn't stay around.

Which you know my position.. I will and I want to . Through thick and thin.

When I expressed my feelings to her. "I feel more than friends for you. But I understand that the circumstances are difficult due to your relationship. I do get it when it comes to that. I just want to be honest"

ENTP's are doorknob jigglers. INFJ's leave doors unlocked.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
She looked into my eyes and her expression went from a deep peaceful place of primal understanding...then transformed into a fire of passion which shot out into me. Then she looked down, perhaps feeling unrequited. She is conflicted. This I know! And I feel for her.

You sound a bit like a stalker, my friend. Has she actually verbally expressed any of these things you KNOW?
 

iwakar

crush the fences
Joined
May 2, 2007
Messages
4,877
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I don't think he's a stalker, just a knight-errant.

(In pursuit of a damsel of course.)
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
You sound a bit like a stalker, my friend. Has she actually verbally expressed any of these things you KNOW?

Hush! He's trying to save her! She clearly needs to be rescued and he knows how to do it.
 
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