[INFJ] Where to find an INFJ?

[Tallulah]

QFT for all of it!

The only trouble is how do you APPROACH them without ruining your chance? I sure as heck don't want to be suddenly accosted on my meditation walks! Maybe if you catch me at a grocery store or bookstore. I tend to meet some of the coolest people in bookstores like Borders or Barnes & Noble.

It takes a lot of EJ determination, ENP insight, and a lot of ISJ patience to turn a chance encounter with an INFJ into anything meaningful.

Any of these INFJ descriptions could fit me, too. And yeah, I'm not easy to approach if I'm alone, because I'm inside my head and hate being interrupted. The best place to talk to me would be in an academic setting, because I want that kind of interaction. That or a guitar jam or music store or something.

jeno, haven't you been reading this site? INFJs are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!

 

[Winds of Thor]

I hope it's worth the effort... what exactly are you bringing to the table??

My theory: All that they are?

 

[jenocyde]

Well, I guess my curiosity is getting the best of me once again... I must have one, at least once in my life!

 

[MrME]

Ha, I got his work number so he had to answer the phone. He was stunned and wanted to call me back but I told him no. I found out he plays tennis, so we are meeting on Monday for a match. (I'll try not to bring it too hard on the court...) I didn't give him my number so he can't call (or text) to cancel. He seemed pretty happy. Done.

That's so awesome, jenocyde.

 

[nightning]

This is why dating is so challenging for me. I don't want to rush into things, and am not in any hurry at all, and then I seem like a bizarre person when I'm not wanting to do something more than once a week, and am the one pulling the reins
...
But..with the rare exception (and they're oh so rare), I 'know' right from the get-go that I really like the guy and want to pursue him. This probably means that I shouldn't even be trying with the former ones..the ones I lack that initial clarity with..but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt I guess. And, don't want to overlook something based on potentially inaccurate initial impressions.

Agree with pretty much everything you said. Except I usually figure out fairly quickly whether somebody's a "hit" or not. There's very very few of those. Close to zero chance for a relationship. Then there's guys that ask but I don't feel anything. So I give them the benefit of the doubt and try. I guess sometimes I seem too "friendly" which gives them the impression it's working out when I'm not feeling anything. They want to continue, I feel like pulling out. It can get to the point where I just "drop it" and it leaves the guy absolutely confused. I'm at lost as to how else to handle it.

I don't mean that someone has to pester me, but if you have strong romantic inclinations that you are holding back, then yea, it's probably not a good match at all. Spontaneity is key for me, even if it means that I have to deal with emotional displays... I just don't get how you can possibly know if you like someone unless you spend time with them, you know what I mean?

I don't know about the other INFJs, but for me spontaneity only happens when I'm with people I'm close to. It's pretty hard to sense it until you get "let in". You can say it's aversion avoidance behaviour. When you can see all the ways something can backfire, it makes you reluctant to be too forward.

The sense of "fit" for me starts developing BEFORE I spend time one on one with them. Part of it is based on observing how they act in various situations. Whether I'll also act in a similar/complimentary manner. A difference between observation driven Ni compared to hands-on testing driven Ne?

That's part of what makes them so elusive. They're hard to type.

It's funny how other types have difficulty typing INFJs when we ourselves have no problems with the same task. Actually INFJs are one of the easier types to spot for me.

QFT for all of it!

The only trouble is how do you APPROACH them without ruining your chance? I sure as heck don't want to be suddenly accosted on my meditation walks! Maybe if you catch me at a grocery store or bookstore. I tend to meet some of the coolest people in bookstores like Borders or Barnes & Noble.

It takes a lot of EJ determination, ENP insight, and a lot of ISJ patience to turn a chance encounter with an INFJ into anything meaningful.

Assume they're not you and therefore wouldn't mind as much to be accosted on their meditation walks? (*cough* not that they take such walks).

Good luck with trying to make it work on a single chance encounter. It pretty much never works for INFJs... well this one any how.

 

[EcK]

Actually I'm terrified to be around my friends alone, because I feel like I have to be entertaining. So no it's actually similar, heh...

and on the whateverth day, god made alcohol

 

[jenocyde]

That's so awesome, jenocyde.

haha, thanks. I'll keep you posted...

The sense of "fit" for me starts developing BEFORE I spend time one on one with them. Part of it is based on observing how they act in various situations. Whether I'll also act in a similar/complimentary manner. A difference between observation driven Ni compared to hands-on testing driven Ne?

Before one on one time? I don't get it - do you do group dates?

 

[Winds of Thor]

.

 

[ReadingRainbows]

jeno, haven't you been reading this site? INFJs are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Or the actual Rainbows

 

[Udog]

Or the actual Rainbows

Instant Rimshot

 

[Jeremy]

Where are the easiest places to spot an INFJ? Do they tend to congregate in certain areas?

How would you be able to tell an INFJ from anyone else, just by passing them in the street? Or observing them from afar in some sort of social situation?

Their presences have eluded me and I'd really like to meet one.

And fyi, I am in college, if that seems to give you any help as to where thee might be in my environment.

The best way to find an INFJ is to adopt a child and raise them up to be an INFJ. Seriously, that's the only way you'll pull this crap off. Good luck.

 

[scortia]

Jeremy: LOL. Agreed.


For college INFJs... I'd suggest taking a philosophy class. Philosophy is something that many INFJs would gravitate to despite what they're majoring in. Or humanities in general.

According to appearance. Don't know about everyone else, but here's how I appear. I smile and say good morning to co-workers as I am expected to (even when they don't)... but drop the smile immediately after passing. I walk quickly to every destination, but I shuffle in a way to try to not grab attention and avoid talking to most people unless I have to. If I actually have free time, I'll gaze around at things in awe and easily forget how I must look to passing bystanders. I also think aloud... a lot... so find a weird person running across campus and mumbling to themselves.

 

[Fairy...]

I spend a lot of time in my college library. I'm just so happy being by myself studying. However, I am very friendly (once past the stages of getting to know someone. otherwise, i am extremely shy). People often comment that I am very cheerful.

 

[amelie]

In my experience, people often perceive me as outgoing at least as first and are really surprised when I say that I've very shy. It's important to me to put other people at ease, even at the expense of my comfort. So maybe looking for a person who goes out of their way to put you at ease, be friendly, talkative, etc., and then at times seems aloof and distant, or much shier.

In terms of places I hang out - bookstore, coffee shop, and wherever my friends go. I don't like clubs or big crowds, but occasionally can be found at a party with friends, though I'll be the one off in a small group, but I will be really friendly to anyone who makes the effort to get to know me.

Also, looking for people who are interested in helping others - certain professions have more of us - I'm a therapist as is my INFJ sister;
I think you can look up a list of professions that INFJ's would typically be interested in and then try to meet that type of person. If you're in school, you could try those classes. You can also search some dating sites by type - that might be the easiest way. I think we look approachable - people are forever telling me their life stories when I just meet them. Also, we offer to help a lot. I posed this question to my INTJ husband and his response was "anywhere helping someone." lulz

 

[karenk]

dress up anime convention

Ummm.....I don't think that's a good place to look.

According to appearance. Don't know about everyone else, but here's how I appear. I smile and say good morning to co-workers as I am expected to (even when they don't)... but drop the smile immediately after passing.

I once had a coworker tell me to hold my smile a little longer to make it look sincere. ha. (I usually do hold it long enough but he was annoying so I didn't care to anymore.)

I walk quickly to every destination, but I shuffle in a way to try to not grab attention and avoid talking to most people unless I have to. If I actually have free time, I'll gaze around at things in awe and easily forget how I must look to passing bystanders. I also think aloud... a lot... so find a weird person running across campus and mumbling to themselves.

This is exactly how I get around. I walk very fast too. When I walk at a pace similar to people around me I feel like falling over. It's so slow.

When I was in college my major was Cultural Anthropology and I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people in those classes were xNFJs. Also I definitely think language classes would draw the INFJs that are around.

 

[scortia]

Ummm.....I don't think that's a good place to look.

AGREED. I'm an INFJ who is finally pretty much ending my spree at anime cons. I can promise you most everyone at those cons is not an INFJ. It's full of over-the-top exhibition which seems exhausting and unnecessary to most INFJs.

 

[BlackCat]

You can't just find an INFJ... There are certain types that would be drawn to certain activities, such as SPs to paintball or something active or stimulating, NTs to intellectual pursuits such as science and to book stores and libraries. But I can't think of anything for INFJ. A lot of NFs in general get into psychology or teaching, or something human. That's all I can say.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

NTs to intellectual pursuits such as science and to book stores and libraries. But I can't think of anything for INFJ.

Those are good places to find me. In a lab, bookstore, or library. Ta-da!

 

[Winds of Thor]

Those are good places to find me. In a lab, bookstore, or library. Ta-da!

I admire your assertiveness Lauren! Truly.

 

[Sniffles]

Those are good places to find me. In a lab, bookstore, or library. Ta-da!

+1 on the edited version here. Bookstores and libraries are a good place to find me.