[INFJ] Where to find an INFJ?

[Thursday]

What is shyness for 200

To be shy is to want to seek the person(s) out, but not have the courage

 

[Phantonym]

I am also curious as to why all the hype with INFJs. Not that y'all aren't awesome. It's just that there is a disproportional amount of INFJ curiosity on these boards, it seems.

I get that impression as well. Yeah, people. Don't you get that you've been sucked into a collective craze? The Loch Ness Monster, the Bigfoot and now...the INFJ? Are INFJs the myth of the 21st century?

 

[Sniffles]

Are INFJs the myth of the 21st century?

The 21st century will be one of the INFJ!

 

[jenocyde]

To be shy is to want to seek the person(s) out, but not have the courage

I always wonder what you think could happen possibly happen - rejection? If you smile at her, and she smiles at you, wouldn't it be reasonable to assume that she would not reject you?

Also, would you be receptive to a woman approaching you, or would you try to find a way to walk away as well?

To answer the question about the INFJ fascination:
I am curious about INxJs because these are the two types I'm most unfamiliar with. I dated 2 INTJs (I'm pretty sure they were, at least) and they still remain as much of a mystery to me. One exhibited extremely abnormal behavior that kept me very intrigued. I have a good INFJ male friend and he's more guarded than the Pentagon. It's no mystery why an ENTP would be curious about them.

 

[Udog]

what's all this hype with infjs? are we really all that?

First, yes - INFJs are more often than not all that.

Second, I think ENTP / INFJ has the potential to be a very solid matchup.

Having said that, I think the rarity of the INFJ makes it very tempting for ENTPs to idealize the relationship potential, while making it very challenging to actually test it out. The ENTP love for challenge then takes over, enabling them to diminish the very legitimate issues that the INFJ/ENTP couple may face.

I'm very curious about what it means to be shy (not introverted), it's something so foreign to me and I want to understand it.

Intellectually, it's a fear that hits someone in certain social situations. The fear can come from several potential things: overprotective parents, negative social experiences, lack of confidence and self-worth, etc. The fear paralyzes or diminishes the ability to think straight, which in turn diminishes the ability to converse naturally, speak clearly, and use healthy, confident body language. Also, an introvert will have less experience or is less likely to know what 'protocols' to robotically follow to push past their uncertainty. Naturally, this causes the other person to react adversely.

A negative feedback cycle is then created, as the shy person only gets punished for trying to overcome the fear.

There are many things you do that can leverage the uncontrolled adrenaline fear brings. Sadly, the subtle art of interpersonal communication isn't so much one of them.

 

[Sniffles]

I always wonder what you think could happen possibly happen - rejection? If you smile at her, and she smiles at you, wouldn't it be reasonable to assume that she would not reject you?

That's not really the issue with us. As introverts, we live primarily inside ourselves, and having to venture outside that can be quite daunting - even when you know full well nothing bad will actually happen.

Of course over time we can develop our abilities to interact with others to a considerable extent - to the point we can sometimes be mistaken for Extroverts.

This is true in my case. It's easier now for me to overcome my shyness than it was when I was younger, but it still doesn't change the fact that my innate instincts move in the opposite direction.

Also, would you be receptive to a woman approaching you, or would you try to find a way to walk away as well?

Depends. Usually I'd try to carry on a conversation as best I can. It's quite discomforting to me for anybody to approach me unexpectedly and then try to carry on a discussion with them. This is so even with friends. Although this is mostly true when my original intention was to have some quiet time by myself.

 

[jenocyde]

I think we all have moments of shyness but I've always wondered what it's like to think like that on an everyday basis. I guess I'm curious now because there is this guy that I see often and he never speaks to me but I can feel his eyes on the back of my neck. We have mutual friends and they tell me that he's always asking about me. Because I can't stand waiting (!!), I approached him at a party and he just about blanched. I swore that I would never make that mistake with him again and decided he wasn't worth my energy. But the next day a friend said that I was all he could talk about after I left - analyzing and rehashing our 15 min conversation over and over.

The fact that he was at a party and has other friends makes me think that he doesn't have a social anxiety, so I guess this is what being shy looks like? How do you get past this point with someone like that...

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

You for sure are. I me some INFJ.

why, pray tell?

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I think we all have moments of shyness but I've always wondered what it's like to think like that on an everyday basis. I guess I'm curious now because there is this guy that I see often and he never speaks to me but I can feel his eyes on the back of my neck. We have mutual friends and they tell me that he's always asking about me. Because I can't stand waiting (!!), I approached him at a party and he just about blanched. I swore that I would never make that mistake with him again and decided he wasn't worth my energy. But the next day a friend said that I was all he could talk about after I left - analyzing and rehashing our 15 min conversation over and over.

The fact that he was at a party and has other friends makes me think that he doesn't have a social anxiety, so I guess this is what being shy looks like? How do you get past this point with someone like that...

sounds like he's got the hots for ya. will you see him again soon? if so, i'd just send him some eye contact--once or twice-give him a chance to walk up to you. if he doesn't, slowly work your way over there. he'll be more ready for conversing the second time around. he's probably been kicking himself ever since the first time!

it takes me many times to 'get it right' with people that i am attracted to cuz i'm already so damn nervous i can't be myself. isn't it like that for you?

 

[Udog]

I think we all have moments of shyness but I've always wondered what it's like to think like that on an everyday basis. I guess I'm curious now because there is this guy that I see often and he never speaks to me but I can feel his eyes on the back of my neck. We have mutual friends and they tell me that he's always asking about me. Because I can't stand waiting (!!), I approached him at a party and he just about blanched. I swore that I would never make that mistake with him again and decided he wasn't worth my energy. But the next day a friend said that I was all he could talk about after I left - analyzing and rehashing our 15 min conversation over and over.

The fact that he was at a party and has other friends makes me think that he doesn't have a social anxiety, so I guess this is what being shy looks like? How do you get past this point with someone like that...

Honestly, it may be more work than it's worth. For one thing, he's obsessing about you before he really knows you. That always scares me a bit. Does he like what he's observed about you, or does he like the ideal of you he's created? Which is he intimidated by?

I'd definitely say he's introverted - capable of being perfectly normal, perhaps even really funny and cool, to his friends, but completely sucking at being around strangers. Is this dude an INFP? Regardless, introverts aren't compelled to overcome shyness, because we don't need people all that much, so the shyness can persist.

How to get to a shy person? Persistence helps. Talk to him, and leave before the conversation completely dies out if it's going nowhere. Do it again next time you see him. He'll likely think of something to say in between. Finding a topic of their passion is always good - something that lets them forget they are talking to a girl they crush on and lets them play to a strength. Ask the friend if there's any topics he won't shut up about, and work the conversation towards it when you talk to him.

If he's a shy person that wants to be drawn out of his shell, it won't take much. If he's a shy person that fights you - then forget about it unless he's really hot and the fact that introverts are usually great in bed compels you.

Edit - oh yeah! If he's introvert the party atmosphere isn't going to be his thing. Something quieter and more intimate will be much more effective in drawing him out of his shell.

 

[jenocyde]

it takes me many times to 'get it right' with people that i am attracted to cuz i'm already so damn nervous i can't be myself. isn't it like that for you?

Not even a little bit. When I see someone I like, or who looks interesting, I am so excited to talk to that person. Patience is something I struggle with and nervousness is something I know nothing about.

If he's introvert the party atmosphere isn't going to be his thing. Something quieter and more intimate will be much more effective in drawing him out of his shell.

Why go to a party if you don't want to talk? I definitely won't pursue him anymore now, I gave it that shot and I think I'm over it. I could only imagine the cycle this would have created if he did that to a woman who was also shy or insecure or whatever...

If he's a shy person that fights you - then forget about it unless he's really hot and the fact that introverts are usually great in bed compels you.

well, maybe I can give him one more shot...

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

Not even a little bit. When I see someone I like, or who looks interesting, I am so excited to talk to that person. Patience is something I struggle with and nervousness is something I know nothing about.

wow. i can't believe that. i really had no idea (duh) people didn't get nervous like that......i can't even hardly bring myself to talk on the phone with someone i'm attracted to!

i'll have to ponder this now.

and it's intersting you are 'done' with this guy. that is so not me. i'd find it a challenge even more now, if i found him attractive that is.

 

[Tallulah]

He definitely likes you, jeno! I agree with the others--a party is NOT the place to get to know an introvert. Go for coffee or go bookshopping or something.

 

[jenocyde]

wow. i can't believe that. i really had no idea (duh) people didn't get nervous like that......i can't even hardly bring myself to talk on the phone with someone i'm attracted to!

I can't really imagine being nervous to call someone. It's so foreign to me. What runs through your head?

and it's intersting you are 'done' with this guy. that is so not me. i'd find it a challenge even more now, if i found him attractive that is.

This has been going on for a month already. Well, it's been a month since I've noticed him but friends say he's been asking about me for a while now. A month is a really long time when there is no sign of progress... and we've only had conversation in passing. He is hella hot, though. Dilemma.

He definitely likes you, jeno! I agree with the others--a party is NOT the place to get to know an introvert. Go for coffee or go bookshopping or something.

That's sweet and encouraging, but what should I do if he won't call me or talk to me when he sees me? I can only do so much... And then it makes me wonder what could possibly even come out of something like this. If he's too scared to call me, I'll be freaking the hell out of him sooner or later, right?

And why is a party so bad for an introvert? What are you there for, if not to meet people?

 

[JocktheMotie]

Lol shyness. In 6th grade I didn't talk to my "gf" for like a month. Then she broke up with me. Bitch.

In all seriousness, I just can't ever think of something to say. So I say nothing.

 

[jenocyde]

Lol shyness. In 6th grade I didn't talk to my "gf" for like a month. Then she broke up with me. Bitch.

In all seriousness, I just can't ever think of something to say. So I say nothing.

Hahaha, that is adorable.

But do you ever have to think of things to say around your friends? You just talk about whatever, right? So why the sudden pressure?

 

[JocktheMotie]

Hahaha, that is adorable.

But do you ever have to think of things to say around your friends? You just talk about whatever, right? So why the sudden pressure?

Actually I'm terrified to be around my friends alone, because I feel like I have to be entertaining. So no it's actually similar, heh...

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I can't really imagine being nervous to call someone. It's so foreign to me. What runs through your head?

um, i dunno, i guess just a lot of fear? fear i'll bother.....fear i won't think of interesting things to say........fear my voice will shake sorta. GOSH!! this sounds freakin pathetic!!

This has been going on for a month already. Well, it's been a month since I've noticed him but friends say he's been asking about me for a while now. A month is a really long time when there is no sign of progress... and we've only had conversation in passing. He is hella hot, though. Dilemma.

HAHAHHAHAHA!!!!! are you serious? you are crackin me up. a month is nothing to me!! a month just sweetens thangs. are entps a tad impatient? or am i too lax?

That's sweet and encouraging, but what should I do if he won't call me or talk to me when he sees me? I can only do so much... And then it makes me wonder what could possibly even come out of something like this. If he's too scared to call me, I'll be freaking the hell out of him sooner or later, right?

this is so funny for me to see the thought processes of a thinking woman. i totally don't process like this! i would calmly pursue...find the key that turns him on, so to speak, reading him all the time....wouldn't stop til i figured him out. by then, i'd really really want him and so i'd think of course 'something good would come out of all of it.' and i'd just have faith that everything would work out how it should. i wouldn't project into the future negatively at all. and i'd trust that even though he found me weird, he'd, by then, adore me so much it wouldn't matter.

And why is a party so bad for an introvert? What are you there for, if not to meet people?

i agree. i almost think this would take the pressure off a little more than one-on-one. yikes.

haha...this has been interesting

 

[MrME]

I can't really imagine being nervous to call someone. It's so foreign to me. What runs through your head?

You've experienced the "fight or flight" feeling, right? That's what it's like. Your nerves are on-end, your heart is racing, and your mind is cranking a million miles an hour, but really thinking about nothing.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

You've experienced the "fight or flight" feeling, right? That's what it's like. Your nerves are on-end, your heart is racing, and your mind is cranking a million miles an hour, but really thinking about nothing.

exactly!