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[ENFJ] Help! INFP problems with ENFJ

The Grand Chameleon

New member
Joined
May 23, 2009
Messages
144
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
3w2
enfjs believe in getting people do favors, adhere to manners, and looking good while doing 1 and 2. The problem is that I want to be in control, but can't truly have it with them around. Lose-lose.

The only ENFJ that fits your definition is I. But I am unhealthy, and it is important you differentiate between me and the rest of my kin. On a side note, have we met?
 

shellybelly

New member
Joined
May 16, 2016
Messages
2
MBTI Type
Infj
Enneagram
?
I know this post is years old but anyway:
In my experience ENFJ's are warm to everyone, but they have ranks within their friendships. ie those in their inner circle, some just outside of that circle, some even further out (picture the rings in a tree stump). It can be confusing to know where you rank because of the *intensity of love* they give out. For instance, you may feel you're closer to them than they feel to you (ie you're actually on the next ring out). Nevertheless, you are loved by the ENFJ. If (when you are all together) the things you say are being overlooked, it's (likely) simply because you're not in the inner circle bubble. I've seen the inside of an ENFJ inner circle, and anyone inside that circle could say practically anything and still be worshipped!
All of us rank our friends to some degree. Maybe not the same way ENFJ's do (they can be a little exclusive in their need to create a 'safe place') but it doesn't mean they don't love or care about you. If an ENFJ is being dismissive (or whatever), the best thing is just to shrug it off as 'we are different types of people'. Whatever you do, dont get emotional over it, as they may take it personally (they genuinely hate disappointing people, which generally occurs unintentionally on their part). If you felt the need to bring it up, do so in a calm, non- combative manner with a heavy side of praise! But ultimately, embrace your differences. Different is good, their strengths and weaknesses balance out your strengths and weaknesses and vice versa. Embrace the difference, don't fight it, ride it out :)
 
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