[ENFP] Underdeveloped ENFP?

[cheerchick23]

what would an "underdeveloped" enfp look/act like? probably needy/clingy/lazy etc. but i want more details and more thoughts.

how do you prevent this? how does an enfp go about "developing" themselves correctly and healthily to be the best they can?

 

[Roflcopter]

Haha I would benefeit from this too, anyone got any advice? at all? anyone? please?

 

[Into It]

You have to realize what you want to be, recognize the steps taken to improve yourself and do it. That's all there is to it. (In doing so, you will be using your underdeveloped Te, so it will be somewhat difficult or unnatural) The system is simple, yet the process is difficult.
Take quitting smoking for example. The way to do it quickest with the least amount of days spent in withdrawal is quitting cold turkey. So that's the system- just don't do it. But the actual process is quite difficult.
You must realize what it is you want to be, and focus on that better you, know exactly how that person differs from who you are now. Realize the differences, and simply act them out. If you have an explosive temper, imagine someone who can stay cool and rational. The next time someone vexes you, act out the actions that the better you would do. This creates a small groove in your consciousness. Eventually that groove will be a rut. This is what we call 'habit.' And then, in a short time, you become who you wanted to be. I have undergone a large amount of self-transformation over time and this process of realization, visualization, and manifestation made me into someone wiser, calmer, kinder...

 

[therationaledge]

Yeah, the three adjectives you used were pretty much right. But anyone can be like that I suppose.

 

[BlueScreen]

what would an "underdeveloped" enfp look/act like?

Me

 

[Sentura]

when i went from not knowing who i was or what i was fighting for to where i am now, it never felt unnatural. it felt like it was supposed to happen. i still have some bad sides (being lazy in regards to uninteresting things), but i can at least see where i am headed clearly.

 

[CzeCze]

Underdeveloped ENFP - I guess that means which function you are talking about?

An ENFP's (gooey?) center is Fi, so until you get all the kinks worked out and figure out which make and model you want to invest in, you aren't really a full-fledged ENFP. Or rather - you are ENFP through and through but you haven't gotten your wings to fly yet.

Immature/undeveloped ENFPs cannot take responsibility for ourselves and can be outrageously flaky. It's not intentional of course, it's often caused by being distracted or actively running away from pain centers because we are so lost and have no idea how to handle them. So it's related to being extremely sensitive.

I think kinda like that metaphor of a butterfly coming out of the cocoon and needing that crucial time to push its wings out to full shape (during that time it's fugly and still connected to the
coccoon and struggling)

Underdeveloped ENFPs lose or do not have the capacity to really see things from others POV or excercise true empathy because we're so wrapped up in our own swirling issues and too much stimuli. It makes us really irresponsible and contributes to being super flaky (I'm not talking about being somewhat 'flaky' because that goes with being an boilerplate ENFP, I mean truly dropping the ball and not being able to think ahead and realize the consequences or how other people will justifiably feel)

Underdeveloped ENFPs are extremely self-deceptive and unethical.

That is the key that an ENFP is undeveloped or something isn't quite right or complete in our development because the basis of our life philosophy is leading a beautiful, happy, ethical life and it's extremely important to conduct ourselves in line with pretty standard "everyone is created equal, everyone deserves a fair shot" etc. ideals.

I think.

 

[mortabunt]

Unuderdeveloped ENFP's act life ESFP's because they are too nervous to act like themselves. Shame, I really like ENFP's when I get them to stop shooting around at mach four. I knew one, but she got better and stopped using people to get guys she liked jealous. I nearly broke her by telling her to go to hell.

 

[Amargith]

Often it is rough for young ENFPs to be themselves and show it to the world, as it our quirkiness is frowned upon, which is something we're incredibly sensitive to. So we adapt to what society wants from us, or we try at least and often fail. Show us that you accept us for who we are without judgement..and we'll gladly show you more. In fact, it will be a relief to be able to be ourselves.

 

[Immaculate Cloud]

Re CzeCze's last post!!! This is how my endearing, yet daydreaming and lost and confused IRL ENFP friend is or at least, comes across to me, but will flatly deny it!!! Next time I get another round of projections or denials, I'll pull out that post by CzeCze and show it, I swear I am tempted to do that! Yea, the analogy of the butterfly still struggling in the cocoon is right on.

There are times when I do get impatient at such SLOOOWWW growth. There are times when I tell myself it goes with the package. That the ENFP, no matter how old, will still be a big kid deep down. If you're lucky, you get a playful comrade, interesting, full of wit. If you're not so lucky, you get a petulant child who wants things just so. Or you get an indecisive girl, attracted by everything that glitters and not settling for anything, 'raining away from centres of pain' just like CzeCze wrote.

And more often than not, someone who sends out fluffy mail to a dozen or so people who are all so special, and who are all supposed to 'be sure to send back' that 'i love you' mail or 'bear hugs to you all' mail...And if you receive back 12 or so, that means, you are REALLY loved.

Comes across to me as just so much fluff mail, destined to provoke some kind of similar response , all sappy, syrupy sentimenalism. More like seeking reassurance that they are still loved or what not. Like applying patches on bruises or I don't know, storing up on people's adoration/praise and using that as fuel to feel happy and get through the day's routine...Musta been an ENFP who first said, you just made my day!

Yet, go ahead and do show them how much they mean to you and you get this light-hearted response, that just bursts your bubble...

The Teddy Bear INFJ, on the shelf right now.

 

[sculpting]

i would guess you could see a few things. ( i am a totally odd, screwed up, warped enfp myself)

1. version 1-they are really sensitive, creative, a little silly, not good at long term planning or follow through, and think thinkers are kinda mean at times. Also dependent on others opinions , and too passive. Prone to being a bit moody, overly excitable, and prone to getting pissed pretty easily. sweet and affectionate though. I think this is pretty normal and is a sign of growing your Te as you get older and mature. really wonderful and beautiful as they grow up.

2. Version two-These folks follow the pattern that Lennorre thompson calls out-They overuse tertiary Te in a defensive fashion and underdevelop Fi. They (me ) can appear moody as I switch from Te to Fi when interacting with the same person at different times. I am structuerd and can get lots of work done but I can appear bossy, bitchy, cold if I am insecure or not open to interacting with others. I project a very secure wall and have learned to be very tough when needed. My Fi wobbles a lot though and is very, very sensitive to criticism. If I open myself to others and let them play with Fi, my soul, and they become agressive, it hurts profoundly and i lash out.

"blaze to amaze". However I think by using Te to block feeling potential pain, I also block some amount of happiness, so I am left feeling neutral and flat or even empty and emotionless at times. If I feel I am under attack I will often not interpret motivation correctly. Fi sees the "attack" but cannot effectively judge what the cause is. I need to practice using Fi.

3. Version 3-I was here much of my childhood/teen years. I go here under profound stress once or twice a year nowdays for a day or two before I snap out of it. I totally shut everyone out in the crappiest INFJ doorslam ever . It is usually prompted by feelings of rejection or total emotionally being overwhlemed. So I lash backwards, sever all connections with the world and hunker down. I isolate myself from the rest of the world behind huge walls and am impervious to what they say or do, but am utterly alone. Now that I recoginize the pattern I can choose not to move in this direction. I spent much of my childhood here and didnt learn to talk to others conversationally till I started waiting tables in high school. If you look at the leftover functions after Ne, Fi, Te, Si, you are basically left with a shadow personality of an INFJ, so perhaps I used this as a protective front.

I have seen myself move from the third version from my childhood and teens, to the second version from say 16 to 28 and now I am growing towards the first version (or perhaps a healthy enfp) since about 28 to 32.

Nowdays I spend likely 60%/40% Te over Fi. Only occasional visits to the dark land. I wonder if borderline personality disorder is not fluttering between these three states constantly.

 

[mortabunt]

Often it is rough for young ENFPs to be themselves and show it to the world, as it our quirkiness is frowned upon, which is something we're incredibly sensitive to. So we adapt to what society wants from us, or we try at least and often fail. Show us that you accept us for who we are without judgement..and we'll gladly show you more. In fact, it will be a relief to be able to be ourselves.

That's the second picture change in a week, is there something wrong?

 

[Amargith]

That's the second picture change in a week, is there something wrong?

 

[jenocyde]

what would an "underdeveloped" enfp look/act like? probably needy/clingy/lazy etc. but i want more details and more thoughts.

Underdeveloped/unhealthy ENFP:

I recently, very unfortunately, ended a profitable relationship with a business partner because she was too damn emotional. I love her to death, but working with her was a nightmare. I was never allowed to say anything, for fear it was a personal attack. The minute she read anything remotely negative by email, she would flip out and come to all sorts of conclusions about what I was trying to say. Well, I never try to say anything - I just say it. She imagined the worst case scenario at every step. If I tell her that next time, she should let me know if a certain supplier has a certain deal, she took that as me saying she was ineffective and inefficient. If I told her that she looks good today, she'll take that as me meaning she didn't look good yesterday. When she would call me and cry, I would explain what I meant. Then later when she calmed down, she would call and apologize because after re-reading, she realized it wasn't actually bad in the first place. This would happen almost on a daily basis. I would rearrange my words for hours on a daily basis before sending her emails, to no avail. No matter what I said or did, her first reaction was offense. We would waste countless hours each day dealing with this. When she had problems with me, she would never tell me, making the problem quadruple in her mind to the point where she was calling Dr. Laura or whoever that radio personality is on a weekly basis. But she never told me - her excuse: she prefers harmony. Well, how harmonious is dishonesty and secret resentments? I ended the partnership last week. She has called me every day since then crying and wondering why it was over. No matter what I say, she won't hear me. She imagines what she believes to be the truth and refuses to face reality. If she asks, and I answer, she will just add her own color to it and go off on tangents. So I have to use stronger words, so she gets it. Then that starts a whole new cycle of tears because I am so mean... She lives in her own fantasy world. And all the hours on the phone doing crisis management, she thinks that was productive and she still can't understand why this stresses me out and makes me want to sever ties with her. Because she refuses to hear me, I must be quite aggressive with my words - so there is no misinterpretation. And this is when the tears start again. I have no patience at this point because I have tried and failed, so the tears seem like a tactic to make me concede or feel bad. This sort of manipulation irritates me to no end. She wouldn't have been hurt if she had just listened in the first place.

She is the most forgetful person I have ever encountered. If she asked me a question, I could see her mind drifting before I got three words out. Sure enough, she'd be back to ask me the same question in 10 minutes. I would snap at her after the 10th time of the day with the same damn question, and then she would use her undeveloped Te to explain exactly why I had "anger issues".

She is a 38 year old woman stuck in "version 1" that Happy Puppy wrote about above.

I could go on and on about how clingy she is, but I think this is enough for now...

 

[Little Linguist]

1. version 1-they are really sensitive, creative, a little silly, not good at long term planning or follow through, and think thinkers are kinda mean at times. Also dependent on others opinions , and too passive. Prone to being a bit moody, overly excitable, and prone to getting pissed pretty easily. sweet and affectionate though. I think this is pretty normal and is a sign of growing your Te as you get older and mature. really wonderful and beautiful as they grow up.

Ferk. I think that's me right now.

2. Version two-These folks follow the pattern that Lennorre thompson calls out-They overuse tertiary Te in a defensive fashion and underdevelop Fi. They (me ) can appear moody as I switch from Te to Fi when interacting with the same person at different times. I am structuerd and can get lots of work done but I can appear bossy, bitchy, cold if I am insecure or not open to interacting with others. I project a very secure wall and have learned to be very tough when needed. My Fi wobbles a lot though and is very, very sensitive to criticism. If I open myself to others and let them play with Fi, my soul, and they become agressive, it hurts profoundly and i lash out.

"blaze to amaze". However I think by using Te to block feeling potential pain, I also block some amount of happiness, so I am left feeling neutral and flat or even empty and emotionless at times. If I feel I am under attack I will often not interpret motivation correctly. Fi sees the "attack" but cannot effectively judge what the cause is. I need to practice using Fi.

This was me in college. Even tested XNTJ (due to the Te Panzer Division sweeping everything away in one giant, massive assault).

3. Version 3-I was here much of my childhood/teen years. I go here under profound stress once or twice a year nowdays for a day or two before I snap out of it. I totally shut everyone out in the crappiest INFJ doorslam ever . It is usually prompted by feelings of rejection or total emotionally being overwhlemed. So I lash backwards, sever all connections with the world and hunker down. I isolate myself from the rest of the world behind huge walls and am impervious to what they say or do, but am utterly alone. Now that I recoginize the pattern I can choose not to move in this direction. I spent much of my childhood here and didnt learn to talk to others conversationally till I started waiting tables in high school. If you look at the leftover functions after Ne, Fi, Te, Si, you are basically left with a shadow personality of an INFJ, so perhaps I used this as a protective front.

No freaking way!!!! Me too (not that I'm proud of it - just relieved I wasn't the only one). Luckily, I got over this (though I still have this weird habit of breaking off contact to the world except work for certain periods of time in times of stress).

I have seen myself move from the third version from my childhood and teens, to the second version from say 16 to 28 and now I am growing towards the first version (or perhaps a healthy enfp) since about 28 to 32.

Nowdays I spend likely 60%/40% Te over Fi. Only occasional visits to the dark land.

Dude, yes, yes, and yes!!! *breathes a sigh of relief* Okay, I'm not a the only one. Whew.

 

[sculpting]

Dude, yes, yes, and yes!!! *breathes a sigh of relief* Okay, I'm not a the only one. Whew.

Thanks Little, I have been feeling kinda alone lately so i am glad to hear this doesnt sound so out there. Wasnt sure if this was own brand of oddness or if it was an enfp theme. We can be odd together?

 

[Sentura]

I recently, very unfortunately, ended a profitable relationship with a business partner because she was too damn emotional. I love her to death, but working with her was a nightmare. I was never allowed to say anything, for fear it was a personal attack. The minute she read anything remotely negative by email, she would flip out and come to all sorts of conclusions about what I was trying to say. Well, I never try to say anything - I just say it. She imagined the worst case scenario at every step. If I tell her that next time, she should let me know if a certain supplier has a certain deal, she took that as me saying she was ineffective and inefficient. If I told her that she looks good today, she'll take that as me meaning she didn't look good yesterday. When she would call me and cry, I would explain what I meant. Then later when she calmed down, she would call and apologize because after re-reading, she realized it wasn't actually bad in the first place. This would happen almost on a daily basis. I would rearrange my words for hours on a daily basis before sending her emails, to no avail. No matter what I said or did, her first reaction was offense. We would waste countless hours each day dealing with this. When she had problems with me, she would never tell me, making the problem quadruple in her mind to the point where she was calling Dr. Laura or whoever that radio personality is on a weekly basis. But she never told me - her excuse: she prefers harmony. Well, how harmonious is dishonesty and secret resentments? I ended the partnership last week. She has called me every day since then crying and wondering why it was over. No matter what I say, she won't hear me. She imagines what she believes to be the truth and refuses to face reality. If she asks, and I answer, she will just add her own color to it and go off on tangents. So I have to use stronger words, so she gets it. Then that starts a whole new cycle of tears because I am so mean... She lives in her own fantasy world. And all the hours on the phone doing crisis management, she thinks that was productive and she still can't understand why this stresses me out and makes me want to sever ties with her. Because she refuses to hear me, I must be quite aggressive with my words - so there is no misinterpretation. And this is when the tears start again. I have no patience at this point because I have tried and failed, so the tears seem like a tactic to make me concede or feel bad. This sort of manipulation irritates me to no end. She wouldn't have been hurt if she had just listened in the first place.

just to be clear - it's not always just what you say, it's also how you say it. i used to work with this guy, i reckon him an INTJ or INTP. he would never say anything bad, but everything good he said always seemed to have sarcastic undertones in his voice. it was a nightmare trying to figure out whether he meant it as sarcasm or whether it was genuine approval.

working with him definitely tops in some of the worst experiences i have had with team mates.