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  1. #11
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    5w4 sx/sp
    SLI None


    this is kinda tricky. EXFPs are very affectionate and boisterous and often come across as flirting. I am gay and I had a bunch of ESFP friends in high school that I thought were gay because they were always touching me affectionately, giving me seductive looks, and pretending to flirt with me. it turns out, they were just really affectionate straight dudes and did that with all of their friends. The thing that got me the most is that they really did love me, but in a different way than I loved them. on the flip side, I have broken a number of women's hearts this way. having been on both sides of this phenomenon, I think it's likely you're experiencing the same thing.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009


    Hi BDM.

    Look----First off.....

    ENFPs can pull of the illusion of poise, self-confidence, and social coordination very well, a lot of the time. I think the truth, however, is that ENFPs are awkward and insecure much of the time, and manage to overcome it by challenging themselves and just doing their best.

    I think this is important to point out because if you do actually get close to an ENFP you might get disappointed when you find that they aren't always as graceful and confident as they can seem to be.

    Secondly, and much more importantly---I think you should be careful about an ENFP who is trying to get out of a relationship and just can't find the courage to break it off.

    Right now she is probably more attracted to quick-fix, temporary solutions to her problem than to being wise and thinking ahead.

    The last thing YOU want to be is one of her temporary solutions.

    OR......maybe you do......

    ....which is your prerogative, but I would caution against it...

    PARTICULARLY because, right now, with whatever temporary solution she decides to take, she will likely be so passionate about it that it will seem like she has thought it through and is sure about it.

    ENFPs can be so PASSIONATE about the things they do, that the other person mistakes their PASSION for CLARITY of VISION.

    For example---if the two of you get together right now, she might be so PASSIONATE about it that you might think she is SERIOUS about it being a long-term relationship, when she may not really be at all.

    OR----She might even tell you POINT-BLANK that she is NOT looking for a serious, long-term relationship, and STILL, because of her enthusiasm, and her flattery and making you feel so special, you might think she cares for you much more than she does.

    Furthermore, by means of her intoxicating free-spirited enthusiasm, she may be able to convince YOU, against your better judgement, that just having an open-ended fling is totally natural and that you should just go with it.

    Bottom line is---right now she's probably looking for a fun and convenient way out of her other relationship, and it's likely that she isn't thinking clearly about what's best for herself, for you , and for her KIDS---for fuck's sake!

    I'm tempted to tell you to stay the hell away from her, but I'd rather take an informative approach than a directive one.

    So, since you already seem to be under her spell, I say proceed with caution.

    Good luck.

    Hope that helps.
    Wonkavision is offline Add to Wonkavision's Reputation Report Post Reply With Quote
    I agree. Awesome post. I would esp. since she is married. w kids!!!

  3. #13
    Senior Member ilovereeses's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by bdm View Post
    She is also involved in a long term relationship with a guy she lives with and has children together, but she gives me indications she is through wit him, but just can't find the courage to break it off. Again, another ENFP trait.
    Do you want to end up like the guy she's with right now? If she doesn't have commitment now, who says that she will with you?

    I know that sounds harsh, but indecisive women are the worst. I feel bad for all the poor INFP men out there who always gravitate towards them.
    eNFP 9w8 sx/sp

    ~Don't ignore the truth, it will set you free.

    ~10% of life is what happens to you, 90% of life is how you deal with it.

  4. #14
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009


    I wonder if he is still having these same questions a year later.

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