[ENFJ] ENFj's relationships!

[runvardh]

Yeah, I'm not going to lie, gaining my trust is a very long road. The smoother it is the longer it takes.

It didn't help that she gradually started cutting off opportunities left and right till I figured "Fuckit!" sent her one last message over Facebook and gave her two weeks to respond. I didn't tell her she had two weeks, with how infrequently she was answering compared to what she had before I figured two weeks was enough time to just call it quits. As a P I get tired of taking the inititive repeatedly and either getting shrugged off or ignored.

Before that crap happened she wanted to downgrade things to friends. When I'd act like a friend she'd get all tense like I wasn't doing enough. And when I seemed to have been doing enough to make her happy she'd go into guilt mode and pull back.

Honestly, I'd welcome a longer road instead of one night just jumping all over me then cooling off from there.

 

[Kungpowish]

It didn't help that she gradually started cutting off opportunities left and right till I figured "Fuckit!" sent her one last message over Facebook and gave her two weeks to respond. I didn't tell her she had two weeks, with how infrequently she was answering compared to what she had before I figured two weeks was enough time to just call it quits. As a P I get tired of taking the inititive repeatedly and either getting shrugged off or ignored.

Before that crap happened she wanted to downgrade things to friends. When I'd act like a friend she'd get all tense like I wasn't doing enough. And when I seemed to have been doing enough to make her happy she'd go into guilt mode and pull back.

Honestly, I'd welcome a longer road instead of one night just jumping all over me then cooling off from there.

Maybe she wanted more but didn't feel she deserved it? I know someone who broke up with me recently "for my own good". And at first I thought it was bs but they are still really hurting from what my eyes and out mutal friends tell me. So maybe she just couldn't accept what she needed. Groucho Marx put it best, "I refuse to be a member of any club that will have me" Funny words but the meaning can actually be kind of depressing.

 

[BlackCat]

Why is that? I know that dealing with said emotions can be a drag but a sensitive person is sensitive to you too, I would think that kind of caring would appeal to people but it seems to drive a lot of people away

#1 is a good way to talk about it. That person was just being polite but an ENFJ who was really into you would care MORE about you than others and seek to talk to you if you stopped, trust me, is that not what you meant by a sensitive person or is it still not what you want?

The way I see it, I am an emotional person, and I don't want someone to bog me down with a ton of emotions all of the time. T's don't really do this in my experience, but they do have their emotions and do need to talk about it, but I'm not totally loaded down all of the time. When I'm totally bogged down then it's no good for me. I meant sensitive as in... They get offended by the context of things rather than the point of things, stuff like that. Just basically having way too much emotion for me to handle. I tend to mess up in how I communicate, and I need someone to realize that I'm just trying to convey a point and if I'm blunt then I'm not trying to be rude. I get the "you're rude" thing from Fe dominants a lot it seems... I just don't need that whole thing in my life (overly emotional, sensitive etc). I didn't mean sensitive as in sensitive to my needs, I meant it in a totally different way.

I just prefer T's, specifically TJs.

 

[Kungpowish]

I meant sensitive as in... They get offended by the context of things rather than the point of things, stuff like that. J

Ok yeah, ENFJs are not for you then. Oh well, more for everyone else

 

[BlackCat]

Yeah if someone can't handle that side of me then it would be a catastrophe waiting to happen. I just don't understand that really... Getting offended by a context and not a point. >_>

 

[Kungpowish]

Yeah if someone can't handle that side of me then it would be a catastrophe waiting to happen. I just don't understand that really... Getting offended by a context and not a point. >_>

Context is important, I have said once, "it's not what you said, it's how you said it" because the way you say things denotes how you feel about the person you are talking to. Even if you don't think about that at all and are just getting a point across that says, to an ENFJ, you don't care enough to consider how you say things. It may not be the best way of doing things but there is SOME logic to it.

 

[runvardh]

Maybe she wanted more but didn't feel she deserved it? I know someone who broke up with me recently "for my own good". And at first I thought it was bs but they are still really hurting from what my eyes and out mutal friends tell me. So maybe she just couldn't accept what she needed. Groucho Marx put it best, "I refuse to be a member of any club that will have me" Funny words but the meaning can actually be kind of depressing.

All the more reason I drag things out. I know that possibility because I did that once at 20 and every relationship I had after that has felt like 7 years bad luck. Actually, that reminds me, only a year and a half left...

 

[SpottingTrains]

I should of phrased my answer better. I was referring more to a full or perfect level of trust where I wouldn't be reluctant to hide anything. Lending someone money or trusting things that are outside of my emotional sphere I have no problem with.

 

[runvardh]

I should of phrased my answer better. I was referring more to a full or perfect level of trust where I wouldn't be reluctant to hide anything. Lending someone money or trusting things that are outside of my emotional sphere I have no problem with.

She jumped my bones after knowing me only 4 days.

 

[BlackCat]

Context is important, I have said once, "it's not what you said, it's how you said it" because the way you say things denotes how you feel about the person you are talking to. Even if you don't think about that at all and are just getting a point across that says, to an ENFJ, you don't care enough to consider how you say things. It may not be the best way of doing things but there is SOME logic to it.

That is just the opposite of how I think about it socially to be honest with you. It's the essence of what someone's saying, the real point, that matters to me. I try to care enough to sound non offensive, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I do consider how to say things, but I consider a lot more what my point is and what the essence of what I'm getting across is. For me, this sort of thing is just a conflict across the board for me, I don't get along with Fe dominants that well. For me I really just don't think about the context too much, and more the point. That doesn't mean that I don't care about the context with what someone is saying, anger, overt happiness etc is obvious and taken into consideration, but it's still the point that matters to me. This is why I can sound blunt a lot of the time with my points and communication. Then when someone gets offended I'm like "Wait... What? What did I do wrong? " in my mind. I just simply have no idea why someone would get offended. That's where the conflict comes from.

 

[Kungpowish]

That is just the opposite of how I think about it socially to be honest with you. It's the essence of what someone's saying, the real point, that matters to me. I try to care enough to sound non offensive, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I do consider how to say things, but I consider a lot more what my point is and what the essence of what I'm getting across is. For me, this sort of thing is just a conflict across the board for me, I don't get along with Fe dominants that well. For me I really just don't think about the context too much, and more the point. That doesn't mean that I don't care about the context with what someone is saying, anger, overt happiness etc is obvious and taken into consideration, but it's still the point that matters to me. This is why I can sound blunt a lot of the time with my points and communication. Then when someone gets offended I'm like "Wait... What? What did I do wrong? " in my mind. I just simply have no idea why someone would get offended. That's where the conflict comes from.

I think a good way to explain it it waving. If you see a friend and wave to them and they wave excitedly back you feel good, they are pleased to see you. If they half nod and then go back to their book it can feel like a snub. In both cases the POINT is the same, they are acknowledging you and returning your greeting. But the WAY they do it says a lot.

In the same way, if I have done something someone doesn't like and they tactfully let me know EX: "I hate to be rude but, could you try not to do that anymore?" I feel a little regretful and try to fix it. But if they say like, "Stop doing that stupid @#$#" then I'll feel offended that they spoke to me that way. Same message but the reaction you get is different, and I feel with good reason.

 

[runvardh]

By the way, I don't write off ENFJs because of the Fe doms in my life the only one I can't stand 75% of the time is my aunt (father's little sister). My great aunt (paternal grandfather's little sister) is great, but some of the psyco babble she's learned from reading seems to have twisted a few of her synapses. My paternal grandmother on the other hand has been an awesome grandma since she was 37 (the age she was when I was born).

 

[BlackCat]

I think a good way to explain it it waving. If you see a friend and wave to them and they wave excitedly back you feel good, they are pleased to see you. If they half nod and then go back to their book it can feel like a snub. In both cases the POINT is the same, they are acknowledging you and returning your greeting. But the WAY they do it says a lot.

In the same way, if I have done something someone doesn't like and they tactfully let me know EX: "I hate to be rude but, could you try not to do that anymore?" I feel a little regretful and try to fix it. But if they say like, "Stop doing that stupid @#$#" then I'll feel offended that they spoke to me that way. Same message but the reaction you get is different, and I feel with good reason.

Well yeah... Like I said the connotation can matter, but it doesn't matter as much as the point. I will always try to be nice, but when I get into something and I trust someone I tend to forget about the connotations, thus causing conflict with these people. I just wouldn't want to constantly be watching for that, that would hide who I really am. I don't try to be hurtful, sometimes I can just unintentionally say things that might be perceived as hurtful with how blunt they are etc, and it all goes back to that I trust someone to not get offended since they know that my intentions are good.

 

[Kungpowish]

Well yeah... Like I said the connotation can matter, but it doesn't matter as much as the point. I will always try to be nice, but when I get into something and I trust someone I tend to forget about the connotations, thus causing conflict with these people. I just wouldn't want to constantly be watching for that, that would hide who I really am. I don't try to be hurtful, sometimes I can just unintentionally say things that might be perceived as hurtful with how blunt they are etc, and it all goes back to that I trust someone to not get offended since they know that my intentions are good.

I can see how that would work. But I would need to know you pretty well before I could stop myself from taking things to harshly. Still, it's your life, I'm sure your methods work as well as mine.

 

[chris1207]

No wonder you like TJ's BlackCat because they're completely ignorant of context. Well nearly so.

Runvardh, she slept with you after 4 days because you're an infp. I've met some infp girls in my time and man they are so cute. The dirty thing I would think about when they were around were unlike my interactions with any other type. I just don't know where it comes from. Maybe it's the Fe = nurturer and Fi = nurtured thing mentioned earlier.

Then afterwards she probably realized, "holy crap, I'm not in 100% control of the situation, I need to back off"

I really like the list of types that Blackcat mentioned that are compatible with ENFJ's as well as the reasons. I've known a couple of immature female intps and I agree that I wouldn't have wanted to have a relationship with them. Being emotional for INTP's means making themselves vulnerable. The fact that they were immature means that they weren't ready to connect on that level. Plus they had a penchant for wanting to be right all the time. That would get annoying quick.

I didn't think the ESTP thing was interesting. I can see where the compatibility comes from but I really think they are just more of our wingmen (errr... women.) Sure it's fun to hang out with them but I don't know if it could go deeper than that. I'm not sure that I'd necessarily find an ESTP to be all that attractive. They're in-your-face to everybody about everything. My one ESTP female friend was in my store with other customers getting a phone from my manager and she was going down the list of features that she wanted. Then she said that she needed one that needed a good vibrate function, "Cuz we all know girls need some good vibrato!" Ridiculous!

I sure do like these ENFJ relationship thread thingamabobs. It's so annoying that ENFJ's are perhaps the most discounted/ignored of the NF types here at TypeC.

 

[SpottingTrains]

Runvardh, she slept with you after 4 days because you're an infp. I've met some infp girls in my time and man they are so cute. The dirty thing I would think about when they were around were unlike my interactions with any other type. I just don't know where it comes from. Maybe it's the Fe = nurturer and Fi = nurtured thing mentioned earlier.

I sure do like these ENFJ relationship thread thingamabobs. It's so annoying that ENFJ's are perhaps the most discounted/ignored of the NF types here at TypeC.

We're slowing gaining more

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I sure do like these ENFJ relationship thread thingamabobs. It's so annoying that ENFJ's are perhaps the most discounted/ignored of the NF types here at TypeC.

I think it's because there aren't many ENFJs here that post on a regular basis. I tried to get my ENFJ sister interested in typology but she's too busy doing stuff with people irl *shivers*

 

[runvardh]

Eh, I think I just gave in too quick. Had something similar happen to me with an INFJ only she strung me along to keep a fantasy alive. Kind of funny, both seemed to start because it had been a while since they scratched the itch then they probably felt bad for using me afterward. Either way, I won't hold it against type; I just need to be careful I'm not the easy to reach fluffy pillow.

 

[Domino]

Yeah, I'm not going to lie, gaining my trust is a very long road. The smoother it is the longer it takes.

Truly. I'm the same way. Even when I know immediately that I've got you sized up, I still like to see things unroll in sane progression.

 

[The Third Rider]

wow, no wonder I am single.