[MBTI General] INFP partner - ISFJ?

[hommefatal]

I'm really in love with an ISFJ girl from my class. In my opinion it is a very good match. She is rather secluded which pleases me very much. I'm also kind of a loner, I prefer being alone or with friends I know well. I don't want people I don't know to visit me at home. With an ISFJ I could live a bit isolated without having to go to events. I could talk to others about my ideas while she could meet her friends to talk about her life. As I really want to please and support my partner I would do everything to make her happy. I could help her becoming less worrying while she could help me manage my life better. I am also not materialistic, which is why my home is not that messy though I hate cleaning. As for love I prefer SF types a lot to NF, NT, and ST types. Basically she should be kind and not criticise me much. I have to commit it isn't easy to me to live with a successful girl, that's why I am finally sick of ESFPs. I am very fickle and I would prefer a girl that's more constant. Of course her judging preference shouldn't be too high, she shouldn't be very controlling. Controlling is okay but only if she stops asking when I tell her she doesn't need to. Frankly speaking, she shouldn't be overly intelligent. I am very intelligent but I can't manage discussions too well and prefer not to discuss too much. I also prefer dallying with sensing types, many intuitive people do interpret that as superficialness as I am determined and stop flirting when I think it doesn't work. Sure this suggests a judging tendency but I do know INFPs who act like that as well. Whereas SF types can't get enough of compliments. My grandma is an ISFJ. She does utter doubts but when I tell her that it's no problem she stops uttering. I think ESFJ and ISTJ do have similar approaches but very different. Both are much more superficial, ESFJs seek success and ISTJs are insensitive. That's probably because ESFJ tends to be the most extroverted type and ISTJ tends to be the most thinking type. And ISFJ is neither extroverted nor thinking. What personalitypage says is total bullshit. I think neither INTJ or INFJ nor ENFJ or ESFJ are a good match. All of them are too dominant to me.

 

[Sentura]

it wouldn't hurt to put that block of text into paragraphs for easier readability.

you're in love and it reflects on your post in that you think other types can never be ideal for you. you're trying to change the facts so that you can somehow justify your love for this girl.

that's not to say it won't work as a relationship, but i'm not certain how much happiness this would truly yield you.

 

[Udog]

Are you dating this ISFJ yet? Falling in love with a girl you aren't even dating is a huge INFP No-No.

Otherwise, ISFJ seems to be a legit enough match for the INFP. It would be tough to get off the ground, and communication (or lack thereof) could be an issue, but otherwise it could be fairly complimentary.

However, I think you are seeing an idealized version of ISFJs instead of who they really are. I think your grandma backs off when you tell her to in a way that your wife or girlfriend won't.

 

[BlackCat]

I highly doubt you're "in love", you just have a large crush or just a crush at this point. You need to get things rolling like Udog said, start dating. There's nothing stopping you. Don't over idealize, everyone has their flaws and bad sides. Chances are this ISFJ isn't much like your grandma too.

Also... Please break up your post into paragraphs. I honestly couldn't read over all of it.

 

[Sentura]

I highly doubt you're "in love", you just have a large crush or just a crush at this point. You need to get things rolling like Udog said, start dating. There's nothing stopping you. Don't over idealize, everyone has their flaws and bad sides. Chances are this ISFJ isn't much like your grandma too.

Also... Please break up your post into paragraphs. I honestly couldn't read over all of it.

a crush is defined as being in love... just pointing out.

 

[Snow Turtle]

I'd suggest not getting involved in a romantic relationship due to the reasons listed. However go for the ISFJ.

 

[hommefatal]

I'd suggest not getting involved in a romantic relationship due to the reasons listed. However go for the ISFJ.

Well, I'll just try it. I don't see why it couldn't work. Two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship. Since most people stop talking to me when I start discussing my favourite topics (sexuality, death, nazis, lunatics) and stuff I should better not discuss in a relationship. Friends can give me everything but affection.

I really don't care about conventions. I don't want a partner who is very rich or successful. The only thing I care about is affection. But that's what I miss in most types. I don't need no money, I just need love. That's why I think a partner who is "perfect" isn't ideal. I would be jealous and I couldn't love them then. I don't have no demands because they are too difficult to me. Just affection. Maybe I never got many affection.

I don't want people to visit me because then I couldn't elope. I like making a profile, make just everyone visit it and then delete it because it overwhelms me. I don't want to eat regularly or sleep enough because there are more important things to do.

I could be more realistic, of course. But then again I won't because I simply don't adapt. I do what I want but never hurt anyone because I avoid them.

You could say INFP is a better match. But I don't think so. I get bored very easily. I would leave the relationship after three days. The only thing that keeps a relationship going is differences. The reason why I think ISFJ is a good match is that I would neither get bored nor have many arguments. I am also masochistic, the idea of a perfect world disgusts me. I would rather lead a stressful relationship than a "happy" and thus petty one. I seek excitement. The only "no-no" I could think of was indifference and comparison. Turning a relationship into a community of purpose is something that would bring me down forever. I would instantly leave the relationship and start promiscuous sex and substance abuse.

I should start dating, yeah. But I
1. Get satisfaction from thinking about it rather than doing it. So it's a time without depression. It motivates me to do something instead of thinking about it. I can't live with reality, so why should I?
2. Would be more faithful afterwards. The easier it is, the less seriously I take it.

That was really exhausting. I think I'll just kill myself now. Well, that was a joke. I am weak sometimes, but aren't you?

Yeah, I hate paragraphs.

Should I press "Submit Reply" now? I am not as lunatic as you could perceive me as. I just do have a lot of doubts and the abilities to think about them.

 

[hommefatal]

Well, when I wrote that I felt kinda offended. I just think waiting is not a bad thing. I personally don't think not dating instantly is that bad. Well, I'm 15 in reality and 30 in mind so it's hard to find someone. I say many things without taking them too seriously. I really write everything down, even if it sounds sick to others. I write things I've read and things that come to mind. I am really diverse and could adapt to a wife very well. My behaviour can lean from ESFP to INTJ. From total exhibition to total concealment. I should become an actor.

 

[hommefatal]

Oh well yes, about romantic relationship. I don't know what I would call a romantic relationship. But to me it doesn't mean everything should be 'nice'. It should be passionate. I am a 7, an enthusiast.

 

[popeye1947]

I've had very bad luck with any sensors. Been married to 3, engaged to 4. Things seem great at the beginning but subtle differences seem to come out like meanings of words, expectations, and flexibility. Maybe I've made bad choices but I am beginning to think that for this ENFP being with an intuitive is very important.

 

[hommefatal]

I've had very bad luck with any sensors. Been married to 3, engaged to 4. Things seem great at the beginning but subtle differences seem to come out like meanings of words, expectations, and flexibility. Maybe I've made bad choices but I am beginning to think that for this ENFP being with an intuitive is very important.

Yes, I think so too now. It's hard to relate to sensors.

 

[hommefatal]

In the meantime I'd say ENFJs and INFJs are really awesome and INTJ are cute too. Just ESFJs are difficult.
(Please don't reply lol, it's over.)

 

[Snow Turtle]

This is certainly an old thread. I'm just somewhat surprised that you would rather have a stressful relationship rather than a positive one. There comes along the issue that a relationship is about meeting the needs of two people, rather than satisfying one person. And honestly the idea of keeping someone within a negative relationship is not really pleasent, why would you want to do that to someone else?

 

[Giggly]

I say go for it!

Yes.

edit: oops I only read the OP.

 

[StormySunshine]

My mom is ISFJ, and honestly, one of the main reasons I'm still single is a constant fear that whoever I marry will end up being just like her. Not that she's a bad person, I just know that my whole life would be miserable being treated on a daily basis that way. I try to stay away from Sensors like death when it comes to relationships...of course, like your average INFJ, I'm looking for something long term and meaningful.

I would agree with one of the other posts...ISFJ's seem ideal at first, but that fades. We see the world in totally different ways.

 

[Nonsensical]

I highly doubt you're "in love", you just have a large crush or just a crush at this point. You need to get things rolling like Udog said, start dating. There's nothing stopping you. Don't over idealize, everyone has their flaws and bad sides. Chances are this ISFJ isn't much like your grandma too.

Also... Please break up your post into paragraphs. I honestly couldn't read over all of it.

You can't tell somebody they aren't in love, BC. You can't rationalize an emotion.

Besides, how would you know if he was or not? And he can type however he wants.

 

[Giggly]

My mom is ISFJ, and honestly, one of the main reasons I'm still single is a constant fear that whoever I marry will end up being just like her. Not that she's a bad person, I just know that my whole life would be miserable being treated on a daily basis that way. I try to stay away from Sensors like death when it comes to relationships...of course, like your average INFJ, I'm looking for something long term and meaningful.

I would agree with one of the other posts...ISFJ's seem ideal at first, but that fades. We see the world in totally different ways.

I would like to know why in the world so many guys on this forum who have ISFJ mother's think that their girlfriend/wife, if she is an ISFJ will be like their mother? Newsflash: You're girlfriend is not your mother! And I can assure you, any woman you date, no matter what type she is, will NOT want to be your mother either. Mothering a guy you're dating is not sexy. Taking care of him, yes. Mothering, in that motherly kind of way, no. I think if an ISFJ starts mothering a guy, then she's probably not sexually attracted to him.

Also any thread you put in an N section, asking about relations with SJ's won't get much support there.

 

[StormySunshine]

I would like to know why in the world so many guys on this forum who have ISFJ mother's think that their girlfriend/wife, if she is an ISFJ will be like their mother? Newsflash: You're girlfriend is not your mother! And I can assure you, any woman you date, no matter what type she is, will NOT want to be your mother either. Mothering a guy you're dating is not sexy. Taking care of him, yes. Mothering, in that motherly way, no.

Probably because INFJs are looking for perfection, and they see their ISFJ mothers as the opposite.

To clarify something though, I didn't mean that I didn't want the relationship I had with my mother as an intimate relationship; what I meant was that I didn't want the type of relationship my mom has with my dad (if that makes sense). My relationship with my mom, although at times strained, had some very wonderful moments where she fought for me tooth and nail. Overall, I was mostly left to fend for myself, which suited my INJ personality just fine.

My dad seems to have no problem dealing with her ISFJ black and white assertiveness, but I would not only find it stifling, but would constantly feel like a failure. I cringe at the things she says to him, and have seen how over the years he has changed. I'm not talking a mother-son relationship here...but a husband-wife one.

My sister-in-law is also an SJ, and though my brother deals with her just fine, even thriving at times, I wilt whenever she feels comfortable enough with me to speak her mind freely. The day I ran out of their house in tears was the last day I was going to try to get close to her. It's all business now between us, which works out just fine.

I'm not looking for a relationship where I have to constantly work in order to have harmony, and I'm not looking for a relationship where I have to constantly be on guard against disrupting another's fragile view of the world. I want to be completely free and open in my relationship.

I understand that there are different degrees of ISFJ out there, and under the right circumstances I could be happy with one, however, I think finding someone like that would be even more rare than finding a like minded INFJ or INFP. Of course, maybe it's just my jaded opinion speaking.

I was certainly in no way talking about dating someone who would have a similar relationship to me that my mother had to me. In a lot of ways, that might not be bad, though. Like I said, she gave me lots of space, and stuck up for me when no one else would. Although to my romantic side, there's still a lot lacking in that type of relationship.