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[MBTI General] Do you mirror and add personality traits to be able to converse "normally"?

Serendipity

the Dark Prophet of Kualu
Joined
Mar 24, 2009
Messages
852
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RAD
I'll try to make myself understood.
I do not show myself at all if possible and I've only shown the real me to one person on this planet. My best friend says that whenever I speak to myself, that's where he has learned to know me. Not by my actions or words to others.

Since an early age I have developed a strategy to handle the world around me. I basically looked at another person, listened to all their thoughts, saw their body language, how they interacted with others, how others spoke to them and their physical/mental responses to this and I made a map of everyone around me. A pattern.

After reviewing and disregarding what I did not like about their behavior; I mirrored them and implemented their physical patterns into mine.

This has given me the opportunity to seize others thinking process quite accurately and I can sometimes end a whole conversation with someone I just met after 5-10 min into it.

Also, my truths vary from the perspective I have chosen at the time.

Now, to the questions;

Do you do something similar to this or not?

How has it affected your life so far?

Does it improve your social life?
 

Valiant

Courage is immortality
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sx/so
I'm a social chameleon, yes.
I did it especially when I felt that me being myself wasn't going to be enough... And it wasn't. It has helped me change who I am over a long time, for the better. It's not as much "fake it till you make it" as "reprogramming the self". It's hard to describe.

But yes. It starts with imitating body language etc and trying to empathize my way into the other person's head in order to think like them, while not adopting their disgusting or bad personality traits, according to my own value system.
 

Serendipity

the Dark Prophet of Kualu
Joined
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Messages
852
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RAD
It's not as much "fake it till you make it" as "reprogramming the self". It's hard to describe.

But yes. It starts with imitating body language etc and trying to empathize my way into the other person's head in order to think like them, while not adopting their disgusting or bad personality traits, according to my own value system.

That's exactly what I meant.
 

Valiant

Courage is immortality
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It's called "being adaptive". Which is one of the most important traits in a human.
You can't do it without insight, intelligence and a few other little things. Feel good about it, dear sir. Shit, you're Swedish! :) Just noticed. I live in Boden. Come to think of it... I might have written in your intro post. Anyway.


It's affected my life positively, since I remove personality traits over time and replace them with desirable ones. Hopefully desirable in other peoples' eyes as well. I know I feel a lot better about myself now than I used to. You could even say that i'm sort of fond of myself :smile: (boy, that sounded narcissistic.)

And it has improved my social life. I dumped my old friends who had a bad influence on me. I got to play the role of the "stupid" guy in that group for a couple of years. That's pretty odd... Since I left them and gained back my self-respect and perspective, I see that I was not the stupid one. On the contrary, the two ISTJs, the ESTJ and the ESTP seem utterly and incurably retarded to me.
It was just social strangulation on their behalf.
You could also say that this is why I have such a hard time with SJs. I feel like they strangle who I am. Since it was the ESTJ's fault, most of it, I have a strong distaste for that type to this day... It's pretty odd, and it's something that I am working on.

Other than that, i've become:

- Smarter
- More empathetic (seriously needed that. For a while I effing hated people. After the ESTJ incident. I wasn't mean or cruel as a kid, and i've never pulled legs off little animals or such... I'm no psychopath by any measures, but I wasn't very warm most of the time. I felt after meeting a few ENFJ elements in my life that I needed to improve. Also my first and most recent girlfriends really helped me selfdevelop in that area.)

- More logical (logical in the sense that I now better understand the logics of others, instead of just my own. Theoretically it's a step down. 148 IQ. Since it differs more than 30 from most people, I had a hard time understanding what the heck they were on about... Or rather why.)

- Artistic (like the one below, it's in order to express myself and my dreams)

- Better at expressing myself (nobody could really understand what I was saying. Too intuitive and strange, I believe)

- Less prone to over-extroversion. I have more "introverted" interests, like reading, writing etc. (I started with this at like... age 8. I found my father who is a really extroverted person overbearing).

- I keep focusing instead of doing the classical Extrovert-can't-fucking-concentrate-while-in-a-conversation-thing :D You can see why I find that annoying, no?



So, what I would like to know now, is how this little thing has improved/worsened your way of life, dear INFP?
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
MBTI Type
INFJ
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4w5
I'll try to make myself understood.
I do not show myself at all if possible and I've only shown the real me to one person on this planet. My best friend says that whenever I speak to myself, that's where he has learned to know me. Not by my actions or words to others.

Since an early age I have developed a strategy to handle the world around me. I basically looked at another person, listened to all their thoughts, saw their body language, how they interacted with others, how others spoke to them and their physical/mental responses to this and I made a map of everyone around me. A pattern.

After reviewing and disregarding what I did not like about their behavior; I mirrored them and implemented their physical patterns into mine.

This has given me the opportunity to seize others thinking process quite accurately and I can sometimes end a whole conversation with someone I just met after 5-10 min into it.

Also, my truths vary from the perspective I have chosen at the time.

Now, to the questions;

Do you do something similar to this or not?

How has it affected your life so far?

Does it improve your social life?

I do something similar to this... but not as much in physical expressions as mental ones. Just thought patterns, not emotional or physical ones. I generally do this better over the Internet. In real life, I'm more prone to stick to rigid behaviors that I've found to be acceptable to both myself and other people in a large number of situations, becoming a bit robotic. I would be afraid to do what you're talking about even if I could, because I'd be afraid that I'd be letting the other person turn me into themselves and adopt their values. And then I would no longer be myself.
 

Valiant

Courage is immortality
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I do something similar to this... but not as much in physical expressions as mental ones. I generally do what you describe better over the Internet. In real life, I'm more prone to stick to behavior that I've seen as acceptable in a large number of situations, becoming a bit robotic. I would be afraid to do what you're talking about even if I could, because I'd be afraid that I'd be letting the other person turn me into themselves. And then I would no longer be myself.


Oh, I don't swallow entire personalities :D I merely acquire things that I like.
There are few people that I deem cool through-and-through, mostly ENFJs and INFJs, and i'm already kind of like them in a way.

In the MBTI sense, i'm trying to balance things out until I could call myself XNXX. I do not wish to become a sensor, though. That would be awfully boring... :) No pun intended, just my personal opinion that it wouldn't be enjoyable. I have, however, improved my sensory abilities, I believe. MY Si is incurably bad, though.
 

Athenian200

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Oh, I don't swallow entire personalities :D I merely acquire things that I like.
There are few people that I deem cool through-and-through, mostly ENFJs and INFJs, and i'm already kind of like them in a way.

I generally try to adopt traits that I like as well, if I'm comfortable enough with the trait.

I guess I have a tendency to resist being mentally or emotionally controlled by other people I'm in situations with as much as possible, it's kind of a paranoid instinct. My tendency to stick to a clean, safe, outside perspective rather than taking chances of getting messy with an inside perspective as my reference tends to alienate some people... especially Sensors. It's for the same reason that I don't like to download and run software when I don't know or trust where it came from.
In the MBTI sense, i'm trying to balance things out until I could call myself XNXX. I do not wish to become a sensor, though. That would be awfully boring... :) No pun intended, just my personal opinion that it wouldn't be enjoyable. I have, however, improved my sensory abilities, I believe. MY Si is incurably bad, though.

Ah, that's a good goal. Being anything like a sensor just doesn't feel right at all if you're not one already, so I can understand that.
 

Serendipity

the Dark Prophet of Kualu
Joined
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Messages
852
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RAD
You could even say that i'm sort of fond of myself :smile: (boy, that sounded narcissistic.)

Well, I am more or less in love with myself. Don't be shy.

You could also say that this is why I have such a hard time with SJs. I feel like they strangle who I am. Since it was the ESTJ's fault, most of it, I have a strong distaste for that type to this day... It's pretty odd, and it's something that I am working on.
About the ISTJ's, I feel your distress. And my own.

So, what I would like to know now, is how this little thing has improved/worsened your way of life, dear INFP?

Well, my life has it's ups and downs.
I generally enter a personality crisis twice every year to pick apart the personalities I've gained in 6 months and take what I like. The upside of it is that I do try out everything until I decide on what to keep and what not to keep.

F in my life has been very... low-key. Until I met an INFJ whom I could interact with and understand the possible changes beneath my skin.
Before that event, I've been interested in people but generally disregard them quite fast for their lack of intellect and intelligence.

It also gave me a structure of average individual and made it easy for me to manipulate as I wished. Thus helping and ruining personal relationships.


Other than that, I am more or less always in a pursuit of myself. I seem to never find "home" but on the rare occasions I do, I am highly insecure and terrible at communicating. And if F's would know me, I would be considered "evil".

As I began quite early (read 7-8 years old) I am having troubles knowing "my true self" but that concern didn't enter me until after the F-thing*. I am wondering if this really is healthy for me.

Inside I am of type xNxx . High probability of T. The rest quite uncertain.

Pro's:

- I've gained more knowledge about humanity. As race.

- I've almost concluded a personality classification of my own.

- I've gained social intelligence.

- I've gained resources to move my life forward as I wish.

- I've been able to relieve myself of my "stiff" behavior and does not engage in routines as much as I did as a child.

- I've found more sources of knowledge.

- I've developed a slight bit of artistic talent.

- I find it easier to express myself, but only on things that I've readily thought through. Or not at all.

- Gain of empathy.

Con's:

- I've lost my original goals.

- My focus lessened after extensive drug use. :/

- I am not talking at all. About how I perceive the world. Nor any intricate plans that I may have as I believe no one would understand them anyhow. Thus nullifying my own existence.

- I plot a lot. And I am very cunning in my plotting.

- Gain of empathy.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
*Originally intended as F-hing but due to learning that average would not understand terrible puns I've placed the solution in the right spot instead.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-


I would also like to know if there is any F's that can find themselves in my/it's description.
 

Valiant

Courage is immortality
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Gtzk: whoa. I can completely identify with your list of pros. That's a bit scary :D
On the con-side, though, we're very different except for the plotting part. I feel that my empathy has enriched my life. I would call it 90% good and a 10% bad.

I get what you're saying about the crisis thing... It's particularly when the need arises that I change a lot quickly. For example when a relationship ends, I look over what knowledge and experiences I have gained and what I need to lose in order to improve.
 
G

garbage

Guest
In the MBTI sense, i'm trying to balance things out until I could call myself XNXX.

Inside I am of type xNxx . High probability of T. The rest quite uncertain.

Haha, this is exactly the path that I'm on. In MBTI terms, I suppose this would manifest itself in, perhaps metaphorically, acquiring the ability to use all of the cognitive functions and identify with many different type descriptions, and having the wisdom and discretion to discern which is applicable in any given situation.

To that end, I still don't know whether I "generally prefer" the functions associated with ENTJ or ENFP (or, really, many other type descriptions) more. But I find that the question isn't too important.

I just picked up this book, and I'm enjoying it.

As far as the thread's specific topic is concerned, I find myself adapting to situations as they come, and a part of that is sometimes consciously or unconsciously mirroring others in conversation.

I'm sure I'll have more to say in this thread.. but I generally agree with what's been stated so far.
 

whimsical

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
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351
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Often times I will notice things like a person's diction, their behaviours, how they treat friends and so on, and do the same thing you do, implement this knowledge into how I act so I could be more likable to the person.

It's actually one of the better strategies I've found when dealing with people and getting close to them.
 

Night

Boring old fossil
Joined
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Of course.

It's why we have things like 'regional dialect' and global variations in human speech. Differences in human activity naturally spawn differences in individual approach - both as a way to accommodate popular mentality, and to adapt it for personal use.

The end result of this is diffusion of local routine eventually influencing wider social culture. It's one of the many ways we stay abreast of our immediate environment and protect ourselves from unknown variables outside of it.
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
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Of course.

It's why we have things like 'regional dialect' and global variations in human speech. Differences in human activity naturally spawn differences in individual approach - both as a way to accommodate popular mentality, and to adapt it for personal use.

The end result of this is diffusion of local routine eventually influencing wider social culture. It's one of the many ways we stay abreast of our immediate environment and protect ourselves from unknown variables outside of it.

That's a little unnerving. Are you saying that really backwards values and traditions from small communities eventually begin influencing everyone else? I was kind of hoping it worked the other way around...
 

Night

Boring old fossil
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That's a little unnerving. Are you saying that really backwards values and traditions from small communities eventually begin influencing everyone else? I was kind of hoping it worked the other way around...

It's simply the path of least resistance. Generally speaking, value systems are fluid to their culture of origin and aren't ever uniquely created - more a tailored expression of smaller, 'borrowed' behaviors.

It's important to note that larger communities of people do not necessarily produce 'superior' cultural artifacts. Just happens to be that more people adopt and put into practice what they find familiar, against smaller, more isolated communities where external visibility of cultural tradition is limited.
 

Athenian200

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It's simply the path of least resistance. Generally speaking, value systems are fluid to their culture of origin and aren't ever uniquely created - more a tailored expression of smaller, 'borrowed' behaviors.

It's important to note that larger communities of people do not necessarily produce 'superior' cultural artifacts. Just happens to be that more people adopt and put into practice what they find familiar, against smaller, more isolated communities where external visibility of cultural tradition is limited.

I see so many negative consequences that could result from the compulsive borrowing of value systems from tainted sources that I'm extremely worried by this dynamic. There are a lot of local value systems with values I would not like to be subjected to, but if they spread like a virus, there may be no way to escape them.

So I guess my question is, what (if anything) can be done to stymie the spread of virulent value systems that tend to create negative, unfair situations for some people?
 

Night

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I see so many negative consequences that could result from the compulsive borrowing of value systems from tainted sources that I'm extremely worried by this dynamic. There are a lot of value systems I would not like to see imposed on me, but if they spread like a virus, there may be no way to escape them.

There's no reason for concern.

By the time these 'pop' behaviors become significant, they're exceedingly diluted as to better culturally integrate into our shared lexicon.

In other words, there's little real chance that we'll be practicing blood sacrifices anytime soon, or that it'll be socially acceptable to mutilate infant genitalia to match some outdated religious standard.

...Wait a minute...
 

Athenian200

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There's no reason for concern.

By the time these 'pop' behaviors become significant, they're exceedingly diluted as to better culturally integrate into our shared lexicon.

In other words, there's little real chance that we'll be practicing blood sacrifices anytime soon, or that it'll be socially acceptable to mutilate infant genitalia to match some outdated religious standard.

...Wait a minute...

Well, not blood sacrifices, obviously. I was thinking more along the lines of racism, sexism, and religious intolerance... there are small communities where those things and ideas are rampant, and I would be concerned about them spreading.

But yeah, I admit that the outdated religious standard regarding mutilation is a little unnerving when you think about it. It reflects the side of our culture that I don't want to see a resurgence of.
 

Serendipity

the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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Oh, but if you don't adopt the values and emotional responses as well as body language and other significant points of a personality; How will you know how they think?
In my head, I prefer to have as whole a picture as possible before I go and disregard parts. You need the background to see what developed those traits and thus you need to live it to understand it fully.

And yes, I have tried out being a racist, sexist, intolerant, religious, fanatical, nazist, neo-nazist and honestly, they have so many broken points that if I got that many broken bones, I'd be dead.
Sure, I could see why they were horrible even on the outside but if I do not adapt behavior to try it out at least a little, how would I know how it feels to be part of it.

Nowadays I feel I can understand ignorant people a bit more. Sure, I am ignorant myself just by typing this but at least I know that.



Mirroring consciously is like art.
You paint a picture, step into it, live it and then stepping out, look at it from the outside and then tearing parts of the painting off. Just to keep the good(according to your value/efficiency system) parts.

So far, I feel quite smudged in between 11/16 profiles.

Though, MBTI is by far too simple.
I don't like it.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
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So I'm going to go ahead and say this topic is freaking me right out. There's people who "mirror" and like it? Well, I'm aware of the meaning of mirroring, say, body language, and as far as I know I'm conscious of avoiding mirroring, and if I mimic other people's language I'm aware of doing it and it generally has a sarcastic tone... and there may be other stuff that I'm not aware of (and I don't like that idea, but it may be true.)

So, I suppose I gotta ask, all you mirror-ers, are there people you don't need to mirror? I mean, people you don't need to work at copying to be close with. Or even if, say, you meet a dual, do you mirror them, but it's easier because those functions are part of your own?

I mean, am I hanging out with duals and thinking the communication is great, but it's only because they're copying my style? Is that good for them?
 

OrangeAppled

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No I definitely do not change my values and truths just to get along or fit in with people :shocking:

I will adapt behavior to get along with people. I will observe people and how they interact and mimic what seems to be successful mainly because I have weak social skills. I would say I am "learning" more than "mirroring". I admit that many things people say and do socially puzzle me. It seems so mediocre and fake sometimes, and I wonder how it is people bond and interact under these terms. I wonder why my natural way is so "wrong".... Someone told me that introverted people often have to "act" to a degree socially to be successful, and that's what I feel like. I really don't like it though, and it's exhausting.
 
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