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[ENFP] ENFPs and feeling ... confused, fake, misunderstood, weird....

Wonkavision

Retired Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
1,154
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
It's about the values, innit? You're going to face the world, you're going to be in its face, and you're going to want people to be in it with you, so you're going to want to (someday) decide what's good in it and what's bad, and--maybe more importantly--what to support. Like, there's happy, and then there's deep happy, right? And since you're going to be urging happiness anyway, might as well urge true happiness because that feels better, yeah? So worrying about being clownish is the process of finding out what is true.

Or something.

Wow. That's very insightful.

Well done. :)
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
4,310
MBTI Type
INTJ
*enjoys pat on the head*

*remembers he read those things right out of the type descriptions*

*feels fake*


*continues on regardless*
 

sculpting

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
4,148
For the OP, I do feel very mercurial and malleable. Going from room to room, person to person I mold my conversational tones, my behavior, to more closely match the needs of the receiver. I can be moody, emotionally labile at times, and can morph into an entj style ass kicking machine if need be. However it is real to the core.

I tried for 15 years to become something else. It doesn't work, you just become a frustrated ENFP.
Good luck on your quest to become a dumb xxxx. But it's not worth it.

I'll pay for INTP surgery. Just let me know where to sign up... It's my dream!


poki has a point...i get all wired on the good energy vibe and just turn into this silly effusive bubble of a person when in good company...that sounds weird but i think it has to do with the silly switch thing...you get all happy and it just presents iteslf that way...clownish maybe...and it's not that it's fake it's just such a contrast to the deep emotional/thinking introspective person that we also are.

I totally have bubble, silly switch moments. I do this when I am really excited or when I am really tired. It is sincere not faked or put on in any way. It is euphoric honestly, and utterly real and only happens with those I trust. Whenever I see someone that I havent seen in a few days I sometimes even bounce a bit because I am so happy to see them again. I can be very funny or very crazy-silly. I think this is how my Ne-Fi links onto other people. You get to be the focus of a puppy powered laser beam of love.

When tired I think it is an Se defense mechanism-I have to block anymore input as my mind is overwhelmed and needs to stop the Ne rush-so I eject Se-Fi craziness back out-like bursting out into song.

It's about the values, innit? You're going to face the world, you're going to be in its face, and you're going to want people to be in it with you, so you're going to want to (someday) decide what's good in it and what's bad, and--maybe more importantly--what to support. Like, there's happy, and then there's deep happy, right? And since you're going to be urging happiness anyway, might as well urge true happiness because that feels better, yeah? So worrying about being clownish is the process of finding out what is true.

Or something.

I dont know if I have a choice. When I need to convince someone of something, I have to believe it myself, otherwise I sound hollow and false. So deep happy may be all I have :)

*enjoys pat on the head*

*remembers he read those things right out of the type descriptions*

*feels fake*


*continues on regardless*

We still love you fuzzy badger like mammal. here's a treat...:hug: (all out of biscuits)
 
G

garbage

Guest
For quite a long time, I thought I didn't belong anywhere. But it turned out that I belonged pretty much everywhere and could adapt to many different environments. But then as I threw myself into situation after situation, I felt "fake" because of my ability to adapt and the apparent personality contradictions that surfaced as a result.

But then I realized that it was me all along. And I didn't feel like I was lying to myself anymore.

Through this whole ordeal, though, I realized just how much personal integrity mattered to me.
 

Chloe

New member
Joined
May 1, 2009
Messages
2,196
For quite a long time, I thought I didn't belong anywhere. But it turned out that I belonged pretty much everywhere and could adapt to many different environments. But then as I threw myself into situation after situation, I felt "fake" because of my ability to adapt and the apparent personality contradictions that surfaced as a result.

But then I realized that it was me all along. And I didn't feel like I was lying to myself anymore.

Through this whole ordeal, though, I realized just how much personal integrity mattered to me.

wow. almost every post on this topic is like i wrote it... i guess i should get used on that.

btw. i don't know many enfps in real life, maybe one, and few who i never thought about they are like me. i even think some of ENFPs in RL are annoying me at first sight. Or maybe those are (more likely) some other ESs:shock:
 

sculpting

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Messages
4,148
i even think some of ENFPs in RL are annoying me at first sight. Or maybe those are (more likely) some other ESs:shock:

perhaps not. I love other enfps but we cant stay too long together normally. It's just too much randomness. Hours of the most wondering conversation imaginable then we both collapse. Or I have had a few Fi battles, not really understanding the source of the conflict. I am too intense for most people for more than short amounts of time. Double me and you send people into seizures.
 

Lady_X

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Oct 27, 2008
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sx/sp
really?? i don't have a whole lot of real life experience other than family but i think other enfps are so much fun to be with. it's just about the only time i feel like i can just talk w/o walking on some invisible emotional eggshells...always trying to tiptoe around others sensitivities...so in a way i feel more me in their company...and i LOVE it. :wubbie:
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
I think that maybe ENFPs as all NFs feel very deep and need deep connection, but they feel it towards the world... and as one can't have deep connection with stupid and often superficial world, that makes ENFP struggle between deep Fi and outer world... Fi wants something that world just cant give enough, but still, that something, for ENFP, is in the world.

Any thoughts on this??
Or perhaps, solution for this heartbreaking problem..

I'll take a quick swipe since I find ENFP interesting in their typical lightweightness.

ENFP's with strong cores will not feel fake, ENFP's with weak cores will feel fake. Why? Because ENFP's with weak core selves let external things determine "who they are" or how they are. The ENFP core is often very diffuse and light so that around stronger personalities they shift and alter. This is why they can feel inauthentic, because they are shifting, chameleon-like to match those around them. They often need "deep connection" (what does this mean?) because they cannot supply their inner emotional needs and identity needs. In fact, I think ENFP's can become stronger by working on developing their own true selves. Reconnecting with who they really are.
 

Chloe

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I'll take a quick swipe since I find ENFP interesting in their typical lightweightness.

ENFP's with strong cores will not feel fake, ENFP's with weak cores will feel fake. Why? Because ENFP's with weak core selves let external things determine "who they are" or how they are. The ENFP core is often very diffuse and light so that around stronger personalities they shift and alter. This is why they can feel inauthentic, because they are shifting, chameleon-like to match those around them. They often need "deep connection" (what does this mean?) because they cannot supply their inner emotional needs and identity needs. In fact,I think ENFP's can become stronger by working on developing their own true selves. Reconnecting with who they really are

Truth. I knew that. But the thing is I don't feel fake, as we said already in thread, i feel pretty me and real when I am clownish, but it looks confusing after, sometimes. I think it is normal to have that 2 or more states, but sure they are more intuned when enfp has stronger self.

You are somehow missing the point because we weren't talking about shifting, chameleon around stronger personalities - we were talking of so contrasted emotional states that both are natural and real, but you wonder how can I be so deep and peaceful and at the same time v extraverted.


Lady X, happy puppy - I think I am often annoyed (I was before I found for MBTI which made me more accepting for all types) of other Es, and how loud/attention whores they are (of course when you get to know someone its not important is he E/I). I think I know only 1 ENFP, my very good friend, and I am hardly ever annoyed by her. And yes, I know one ENFP girl over internet, she is most wonderful girl I know, so energetic and smart.
Its perfect when you meet someone E, and I often think that person is coreless, and not deep, and then you see person really has deep core...thats fascinates me -deep Es..
 

sculpting

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4,148
really?? i don't have a whole lot of real life experience other than family but i think other enfps are so much fun to be with. it's just about the only time i feel like i can just talk w/o walking on some invisible emotional eggshells...always trying to tiptoe around others sensitivities...so in a way i feel more me in their company...and i LOVE it. :wubbie:

I havent known many, but we have to work in short little bursts. Most I have loved in tiny bites, but the one I work with now-wre drive each other crazy. She called me unethical and implies I dont work hard, but not directly. Our Fis dont really agree on this stuff.

I'll take a quick swipe since I find ENFP interesting in their typical lightweightness.

ENFP's with strong cores will not feel fake, ENFP's with weak cores will feel fake. Why? Because ENFP's with weak core selves let external things determine "who they are" or how they are. The ENFP core is often very diffuse and light so that around stronger personalities they shift and alter. This is why they can feel inauthentic, because they are shifting, chameleon-like to match those around them. They often need "deep connection" (what does this mean?) because they cannot supply their inner emotional needs and identity needs. In fact, I think ENFP's can become stronger by working on developing their own true selves. Reconnecting with who they really are.

Tuning out Ne incoming crap, and strengthening Fi I think, to become more true to what we feel, rather than what others want us to feel. I think I am going to try meditataion to this goal.

Truth. I knew that. But the thing is I don't feel fake, as we said already in thread, i feel pretty me and real when I am clownish, but it looks confusing after, sometimes. I think it is normal to have that 2 or more states, but sure they are more intuned when enfp has stronger self.


Lady X, happy puppy - I think I am often annoyed (I was before I found for MBTI which made me more accepting for all types) of other Es, and how loud/attention whores they are (of course when you get to know someone its not important is he E/I). I think I know only 1 ENFP, my very good friend, and I am hardly ever annoyed by her. And yes, I know one ENFP girl over internet, she is most wonderful girl I know, so energetic and smart.
Its perfect when you meet someone E, and I often think that person is coreless, and not deep, and then you see person really has deep core...thats fascinates me -deep Es..

I think the flexibility of states is an asset, but with other enfps maybe we are being so flexible, that we get all turned topsy-turvy. I LIKE it, not annoyed but it can be draining.
 

Lady_X

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sx/sp
I'll take a quick swipe since I find ENFP interesting in their typical lightweightness.

ENFP's with strong cores will not feel fake, ENFP's with weak cores will feel fake. Why? Because ENFP's with weak core selves let external things determine "who they are" or how they are. The ENFP core is often very diffuse and light so that around stronger personalities they shift and alter. This is why they can feel inauthentic, because they are shifting, chameleon-like to match those around them. They often need "deep connection" (what does this mean?) because they cannot supply their inner emotional needs and identity needs. In fact, I think ENFP's can become stronger by working on developing their own true selves. Reconnecting with who they really are.

i get what ya mean...yep.

and to me a deep connection just means truly understanding each other...and it can be rare because of our many facets i think that some people see one side of us and put us into that box but when you meet that person that gets it...all that you are and vice versa it's very fulfilling because i think that kind of understanding is just very important to us.

and just to clarify...i never felt fake...felt misunderstood...but never fake.
 

Chloe

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May 1, 2009
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and just to clarify...i never felt fake...felt misunderstood...but never fake.

changed topic title because fake is to confusing and basically i expressed wrong -better is confused,misunderstood.
 

alexx

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Dec 30, 2008
Messages
503
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ENFP
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2w1
poki has a point...i get all wired on the good energy vibe and just turn into this silly effusive bubble of a person when in good company...that sounds weird but i think it has to do with the silly switch thing...you get all happy and it just presents iteslf that way...clownish maybe...and it's not that it's fake it's just such a contrast to the deep emotional/thinking introspective person that we also are.



:yes:
 

Heart&Brain

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Mar 29, 2009
Messages
217
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ENFP
While reading this, I realize that I've often felt more ... obliged... to hold on to feelings of depression, grief and regret. As if letting these negative feelings go (or just admitting they are mixed with more positive feelings) would somehow prove that I didn't 'really' feel them, that I am 'really' shallow and volatile. On the contrary I often tend to be harsh on more optimistic, happy and energetic feelings, because I notice that they will come and go and conclude that they were not 'real' to begin with. It's like I don't trust those feelings, but judge them to be illusionary, having experienced them to fade eventually. So if I feel something positive, I am quick to dismiss it or remind myself of all the bad things to 'restore balance'. Whatever that could be.:cry:

Some of you fellow-ENFP's have described so well how both the funny, energetic AND the pensive, serious ENFP are expressions of true self. I agree. Theoretically anyway...

Why do I treat the bad feelings as something to hold on to? And the good feelings like something not to be trusted? Do you do something like this too?

For me, I don't think it is really a matter of social pressure or being misunderstood by 'the world'. I suspect the pressure comes from the inside. A poorly developled Fe 6th function (critical parent) perhaps?

Oh - and Kalach, hi :hi:! Couldn't you please write some more about this deep happiness of ENFP's? I just broke up with my bf and suspect that happiness, whether deep, shallow or mediocre, is really just a fairytale. So please... tell one?
 

Lady_X

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^^ aww...that makes me sad babe.

i do not do that...quite the opposite actually. i let go of the negative/painful ones rather easily because being in that happy excited place feels more comfortable and natural to me. i'm an enneagram 7 though which could possibly be the reason for that.

but...being around critical people is toxic for me. a recent relationship was that way and it really just makes me miserable.
 

Kalach

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Well, I assume feeling can arise for all sorts of reasons and in all sorts of conditions. I assume feeling feels more satisfactory if it feels reliable. That is, if you know and approve the origin of that feeling. Like, say, this burst of happiness will stay with me long after the glow has faded because it arose in association with an act I know to be good and worth doing, so I can count on that happiness as having been true.

Ah, but then, "good" and "worth doing" need definition. Something is "good" if it makes you feel the glow? Or it's "good" because you know it's right to do even if it doesn't make you glow this time? And then you glow anyway because you know you did right.

I suppose negative feelings feel more valid because they more easily prove something. They prove that something didn't happen, or happened wrong, or wasn't right. Even if just from a logical point of view, I presume it's much easier to prove an absence of a creation than it is to believe something good was created.



Hey Ma, lookit your son, educatin' about feelin's!
Yes, son. But don't start telling them what clothes to wear. That's when they'll know you're up to something.
 

Sentura

Phoenix Incarnate
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
750
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ENXP
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1w9
i can agree on the shifting personality; i am that sort of person. i wear those personalities as masks. perhaps because of my naivety and because my true face is so distant from everyone that i without doubt would alienate them.

i have come to realize then that my true face is not worth wasting on those that cannot understand it - and so, in social settings, it is much better to use masks and just go by what people want to hear at a party. not many are willing to listen to intelligent conversation when there's booze to be had, at least not until the end of the party.

the people i trust my true face with are people i have the greatest confidence in. i trust them to do what is right, because they see things how i see them.

as for the worthlessness: i have had moments where i could kill myself because of being bound to something. these "bound" events have entirely been things that i have been forced to do; in a more or less liberal way. whenever i work with what i like to work with, i never have those problems. the keyword here is obligation, and how i as ENXP consider obligations barriers/limits that keep me frustrated by removing what i want to do the most: be my true self.

i don't know how pure ENFPs pass off some things, but being able to sometimes switch over to a more thinking personality has helped me in many situations.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
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INTJ
People, you're still freaking me out.

You want to be with people, and you're content to be with them on their terms? Your terms aren't good enough?

It's that "flex" thing, isn't it? The ability to flex and fold and bend as the moment requires.

I am currently dealing (or hoping not to deal to much) with an INFP buddy who is digging himself into a deep hole having broken up with an INFJ. He is, it seems to me, mostly down on himself for not having become a different enough person to succeed.



(That, and he lost his love, but it seems to me those are two different issues.)
 

Lady_X

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you know kalach...what i'm seeing here...is ne's ability to bounce off/feed off of what it interprets from it's surroundings...right? and fi is about remaining true to yourself and being authentic...so...they fight a bit...when the ne makes you react in a way that fi disaproves of...there's a sense of discontent and unhappiness with ones self...so...ya gotta keep ne in check and don't let it run the show all the time.

or something...haven't really thought about it.
 
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