[INFP] Time

[speculative]

I was deep in discussion with a fellow speculator until about 3am in college one night. What he said, finally, was:

"Time is this all-encompassing force that kicks ass and makes you die."

I lol'd, like I had never lol'd before.

Lately, I feel like I have been having "Groundhog's Day" syndrome. Where every day I wake up and it's like the previous day never happened, and I haven't made any "progress" in life. For example, something good happens at work, but then the next day it's like it never happened, and I feel like I have to "prove" myself all over again. It's like I didn't make any progress because since something is in the past, it is meaningless, and the only thing that holds sway is whatever is in the present, the now, each second as it ticks by on the clock. What is the point of time if no progress is made; is time only a vehicle which entropy chauffers us off a cliff in at some point via the third law of thermodynamics?

I feel like I am supposed to exist based on some timeline: be born, go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, etc. I feel like I am existing outside this timeline. Why aren't I married or have kids yet? I think back to the last time I went out with someone before recently, and it was years ago actually but in my INFP-time it is just yesterday. Do I need to change my thinking in relation to time to get fully integrated into the "groove" of the world and "sync" up with everything around me? Am I out of phase somehow, in a sense?

Time for me seems very non-linear. It does not feel like things are progressing through a time-line. Because of this, I have a hard time telling people when something happened in the past. I know mostly how it made me feel, but I can't give a day, month, or often a year either. So, I don't talk much about the past because it's embarrassing. For example, what year did I graduate? Well, for me, it's fairly irrelevant unless I need to put it on a form somewhere. Or, for example, in the "now" I am sitting at my computer typing, on an Internet forum, but this has been the case over the past decade at various times of the day, so when is now? As I am putting on my Ne walking shoes to take a trip into the future, what relevance does a timeline of the past hold? Does this make any sense, can anyone relate to this, especially those who are Ne?

More in-depth description is probably needed than a single post can provide, but I thought I'd get this discussion started anyway...

 

[Quinlan]

Sounds like you've made a wrong turn into SP town, kick back, relax and watch the world pass you by.

 

[speculative]

Sounds like you've made a wrong turn into SP town, kick back, relax and watch the world pass you by.

Thanks for the feedback. Just wanted to make sure I understood correctly: is the last half of the sentence describing the first half, or is the last half of the sentence a remedy for the first half?

 

[Quinlan]

Thanks for the feedback. Just wanted to make sure I understood correctly: is the last half of the sentence describing the first half, or is the last half of the sentence a remedy for the first half?

A remedy probably, not having a fixed sense of time is a blessing and a curse. It should free you from things like regret? It gives you a bit more freedom to be foolish and make mistakes. Although I don't really know what I'm talking about I don't think it is something to concern yourself about, it's normal (for some).

 

[Blank]

I know what you mean, even though I'm only twenty years old, but I've always felt like this because I've always had a profound fear of death. (On my first day of school, going to kindergarten, I started crying on the way to school because I was afraid of dying.) It's like, if I don't do something, prove myself, it's like I've never existed at all and that my life was meaningless and didn't amount to anything and that it was over even before it began.

I think society traps us in this rat race, where we are supposed to perceive others getting ahead and we're supposed to keep up. We're supposed to fit the status quo, because hey, everyone fits the status quo and everyone is happy. Only the people who don't fit the status quo are unhappy, right? Of course not, but that's what it's supposed to seem like.

It's been ingrained into us since day 1 how we're supposed to live our lives and fit in as a little cog in a really big machine. Every day I'm reminded how I don't really fit in very well with the other cogs of the machine, and that there are a lot of problems with the machine that I see and refute daily, but I still ascribe the cog status onto myself. I think the biggest part is taking a step forward and analyzing what you really want. If you want to be "normal," that's perfectly acceptable; however, if you don't want to sacrifice your integrity to be a perfect little cog in the machine, I believe that should be even more acceptable. Ask yourself what you really want and then go for it.

 

[CrystalViolet]

Speculative,
I hear you. When I get in that mode I end up doing something stupid like moving countries, or changing jobs, or doing something drastric just to mark the passage of time. I think most people feel it, but that's why humans have all those rites of passage, and fill thier life's with inconsequential things, so one; they don't have to think about it. Two; so they feel they have acheived something.
When I was about twenty five, I felt the out of phase thing acutely....every body else was either settling down, or acheiving great things...and I just exsisted. I had an exsential moment (and was severely depressed also). I knew getting married, having kids, and then a mortage wasn't for me, but I couldn't see the path that was to be mine either....now people seem to look at me with envy because I didn't chose the path of settling...still the grass always looks greener.
My point is, Quinlan put it more succintly, because of your perception of time you are more free. You operate outside of time. I know in some ways I certainly do....and you don't have the constraints of your biological clock ticking either. (which I do).

If there's something you want to do, just do it...not because you "have" too....it will ease the out of phase feeling. Eventually, you will be glad of it.