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[ENFP] Touchiness... ENFP version

cheerchick23

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Mar 6, 2009
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Ok so briochick posted this a bit ago:

I want to know if many of the other INFP/Js are like this too. I don't like being touched by people I don't know. I can stand it but I am quite uncomfortable with it. Even those who I would consider pretty close friends I'm not hugely physically affectionate with. It's not that I'm not capable of it. Those people who have gotten into my heart (ie. my family, boyfriends-after-a-time, a select few girl friends) I am very physically affectionate with. I snuggle, hug, hand hold, sit upon, launch myself at. But, until that mysterious and very difficult to reach line has been crossed to someone I can "truly trust" I am not very physical. Even a hug is pretty awkward. This can also make things with guys kind of strained as even a guy touching my hand can end up a big deal, just because my body is my own and I hardly let anyone touch me. Is this normal for any of the rest of you?

and i read it and realized that i'm almost polar opposite. so this might not have anything to do with being an ENFP... or maybe it does! but i'm one of the most touchy people you will ever meet! i'm so physically affectionate to everyone (mainly friends and acquaintances) that one of my best girl friends said "if anyone would be able to turn me into a lesbian, it would be you!" haha!

not only i am super comfortable with being very touchy... but i'm also very um, raunchy, in the way i speak. there's virtually no line i won't cross when i'm talking/thinking. (of course i tone things down in inappropriate places, i.e. work/school) but get me with my friends and everyone's surprised at how "perverted" and "out there" i can get! not just in the sexual realm but in all areas of taboo. but the weird thing is i would never actually do the things i talk about. it's like my mind can visualize/fantasize/verbalize/explore thousands of mega-taboos, but my body has definite lines it won't cross. with most of my friends, it seems like their mental and physical "lines" mesh up.... but not for me. i'm concerned with consequences and morals and ethics as seen by society, so i control myself in real life. but in my head i've explored more taboos than most people even know exist. if i hadn't have learned that some things were "wrong" by worldly/spiritual/moral standards i'd think they're completely acceptable in my mind. when i haven't learned all the details of the wrongs and rights to something, i'm so open minded that i accept almost anything and see a logical argument as to why one would think it's okay.

hmm... i think i'm rambling and having trouble verbalizing the rest of my thoughts on this. i hope you understand what i'm trying to say, but if you don't, just ask me and i will clarify!!
 

Ender

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Typology as side, I would say you're not alone in thinking those thoughts. I for example have a very morbid, twisted, sarcastic sense of humor. My own mother comments at times on how the things I say at times are mean or cruel. Friends in the past have commented on the fact that they're surprised at the things I say at times. To certain people I'm known to say the most off the wall things getting comments like "the things that come out of your mouth at times".

Yet my actions are almost always the opposite. I would never do what I say at times just like you.

It may have to do with upbringing more then anything. My mom for example, never criticized me for thinking those thoughts, even tho she would comment on how mean or cruel they were, she'd be laughing at the same time, so I always felt secure in actually saying them.

Physical affection wise, I am a massive teddy bear. I can't seem to get enough of it at times. Overall tho, I'm very hands off, and tend to stay away from people in general, a lot like briochick.
 

Queen Kat

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I can't stand it when people touch me. When someone touches me, I really feel like beating the crap out of them (even if that person is a friend, I know, it's weird). But I don't because then I'll get in trouble and stuff and that makes it even more frustrating. No, there are very few people who can touch me.
 

Chloe

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I love when people touch me but I ADORE touching people, like touching their clothes, hair... but that is only when I am in to them.. but its some kind of "getting to know you" ... like i sniff them :D
 

IEE623

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not just in the sexual realm but in all areas of taboo. but the weird thing is i would never actually do the things i talk about. it's like my mind can visualize/fantasize/verbalize/explore thousands of mega-taboos, but my body has definite lines it won't cross.

:yes:
:hi:
i'm very similar with you on that.
 

Immaculate Cloud

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Jan 15, 2009
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INFJ
To cheerchick,

I am relieved to hear that there is a line that you won't cross despite your raunchy style of talking! My IRL ENFPs sound like you or you sound like my IRL ENFPs!!! I've often wondered whether they did not hear themselves speak or whether they were saying this to SHOCK my more prudish self, or what???:shock::huh:

My IRL ENFP are so ...unconventional that I sometimes wonder what they can gain from friendship with such a staid person as me? But then ENFP are known for their large network, are they not?

Like I said, I am relieved...IF you can be speaking for all ENFP, of course!
 

Immaculate Cloud

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To Cheerchick,

oh and that line by your friend, yea i can see that. ENFP typically exude charm and appeal that cross the gender line!
 

Moiety

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Unless it's a mutual thing (like a friend I haven't seen in ages) and appropriate for a certain situation (I dunno....waltzing or something :p) then I don't really see the point for a lot of touching with someone I'm not romantically involved with, no. And female friends get no special treatment in this regard.
 

Laurie

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But the weird thing is i would never actually do the things i talk about. it's like my mind can visualize/fantasize/verbalize/explore thousands of mega-taboos, but my body has definite lines it won't cross. with most of my friends, it seems like their mental and physical "lines" mesh up.... but not for me.

I agree. I can talk about anything and it shocks people. It's really not a big deal to me but it seems like it is to other people.
 

Lady_X

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i'm actually not really very physically affectionate with many people...i have a few friends that i feel that way with and when in a relationship i am but otherwise no.
 

Laurie

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Yeah I'm not very physical. I think it's being raised by SJ's.
 

ConchShell

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Yeah I'm not very physical. I think it's being raised by SJ's.
Yeah, it can be due to who raised you, rather than a type specific thing. I think my cultural background makes me a bit more picky about who touches me. If that background wasn't there, I'd probably be more openly affectionate with more people.
 

Heart&Brain

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I like touch as expression of love and connection, but different levels of touch to different levels of intimacy of course. When I was younger people watching me would believe I was in love with someone because I would touch their arm or something innocent like that. I would be completely surprised to hear this and also somewhat shameful. I think the shame arises when I realize that I am oblivious to how my expressions come over, thus my communication seems out of control - like talking in your sleep or something. Now that I'm older (40) I consider the appropriate level of touch with different people and think I can tell when somebody would rather not supply verbal expressions of having a good time with physical expressions of the same thing. That's cool too!
Luckily my kids like lots of hugs... :hug:
 
G

garbage

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Unless it's a mutual thing (like a friend I haven't seen in ages) and appropriate for a certain situation (I dunno....waltzing or something :p) then I don't really see the point for a lot of touching with someone I'm not romantically involved with, no. And female friends get no special treatment in this regard.

Pretty much this, yeah.

But when I'm romantically involved with someone, I'm constantly grabby and physically affectionate with them.
 

LunaIndigo

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I'm definitely a hugger. I hug all my friends randomly through out the day, even the ones who aren't that big on hugging. Or sometimes I'll just lay my head on their shoulder at lunch. When I'm in a relationship I'm all about some PDA. Not the gross make out in front of people type deal but I love hugging randomly and stuff like that.
 

CzeCze

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Yeah, the ENFP seems like an oxymoron - someone who is so sensitive and likes people and a 'super feeler' and social etc. etc. etc. but isn't very affectionate.

Personally, for a long time I was not comfortable with physical affection but I now attribute that mostly to my upbringing. My immediate family was not physically affectionate or sentimental (bunch of INTs! LOL, no I'm not kidding, they really are)

However, I am extremely affectionate and enjoy being physical with people I date and feel comfortable with.

I think that's the rub - ENFPs generally are NOT touchy feely at all except with the select few who have reached a certain intimacy and trust threshold.

Chalk it all up to Fi, folks!

LOL.

Seriously, Fi means that touch = intimacy = a big deal. We can be forthcoming and talk about most anything and rattle off random facts and embarassing stories about ourselves because they hold no moral value to or shame over us - not a big deal. I also have no problem telling people my opinions on things (usually in a diplomatic way of course). I yam what I yam and I'm comfortable with that = not a big deal.

Also maybe ENFPs in general are like this, but I have been called a storyteller (for all its good and bad connotations). I like retelling anecdotes of friends and acquaintances (which once in a while gets me in trouble, apparently, not everyone is so free with their stories!) I feel these stories don't necessarily belong to 'me' or the people it happened to, they belong to everyone and no one and I have no need for them to be private.

However, otherwise, I am pathologically secretive. Other people think I attach strange value over everyday things like where I live and am unnecessarily secretive, but they are important to me for reasons that I am well aware of. The fact other people don't know why I'm being secretive is good news to me because I don't want people to know why and where I'm sensitive. I'm not gonna expose my vulnerable spots randomly to the world like that!

Overall, as I've gotten older and Fi has morphed and I've done more work, I'm much more comfortable being physically affectionate. I'm still not what you'd call a "touch feely person". But, I am freely and very physically affectionate with (in no particular order):

1) Children and babies
2) Domesticated mammals, particularly dogs, horses, affectionate cats
3) My partner
4) People I date

I give hugs a lot more easily now too. Once a roommate knocked on my door just to get a hug because she said she felt bad. I was proud of myself for having reached that comfort level with myself that others also felt comfortable with me.
 

Lady_X

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^^ yep...could've written that too. i feel more intimate with people than i should at times...like sitting down and chatting with some older woman while we wait for our order at the restaurant type thing...somehow that just happens...feeling intimate with strangers...it's weird...and hugs or other physical styles of affection are just too much sometimes unless we are actually at that point....it's like a wall i have to put up or something....how weird...you people are making me feel weird about myself...never thought so damn much about what i do and why! i'm not so sure i love it. : /
 

Sentura

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i liked being touched, but i touch only depending on my intention. generally i appreciate physical contact.
 

TaylorS

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Wow, what a contrast. I like touchy-feely stuff and PDAs, but only with people I'm really close to, and my Fe keeps me from verbal raunchiness (and when a raunchy line comes out at an inappropriate time and place I'll be intensely embarrassed about it for a few days.
 

kiddykat

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Yeah.. I'm not touchy feely with people I don't quite know too well either.

I once had a date with this guy, first date, who randomly put his hand on my lap. Boy did I give him a nasty GLARE. :ng_mad: :girlfight:

I usually like to get touchy feely with partners I trust. A head over the shoulders? Ok. Holding hands? Cool. Hugs & piggy back rides, better! Cuddliing? I like. :yes:

Other than that, I think culturally, the way I was raised, I'm pretty much reserved in that department. PDA's bug me. I'm more of a friendly gestures kinda person.
 
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