[MBTI General] Touchiness

[Southern Kross]

I'm not a 'huggy' person either. I never have been according to my mum. I've been desensitized by a couple of very 'huggy' friends but I don't think I'm ever going to be overly physically affectionate.

I do hate being touched by strangers. I try to avoid it as much as possible. I used to work in a shop and being touched shouldn't have been that much of a problem, but some people seemed determined to grope my hand. When I would go to give people their change, I would hold it in my fingers waiting for them to put out their hand so I could place it on their palm. Some people took my hovering hand as a signal to wrench their change out of my fingers slithering their slimey fingers all over my hand. Ugh, seriously gross and annoying. Sometimes I visibly shuddered.

 

[briochick]

I'm not a 'huggy' person either. I never have been according to my mum. I've been desensitized by a couple of very 'huggy' friends but I don't think I'm ever going to be overly physically affectionate.

I do hate being touched by strangers. I try to avoid it as much as possible. I used to work in a shop and being touched shouldn't have been that much of a problem, but some people seemed determined to grope my hand. When I would go to give people their change, I would hold it in my fingers waiting for them to put out their hand so I could place it on their palm. Some people took my hovering hand as a signal to wrench their change out of my fingers slithering their slimey fingers all over my hand. Ugh, seriously gross and annoying. Sometimes I visibly shuddered.

I dropped people's change for very similar reasons many a time.

*pounces on Tallulah* SMOOCH SMOOCH SMOOCH!!!

She brings up a good point about context. For example, if my ESFJ male friend was hugging me, it was natural for him to do so because he was a physical guy and gave hugs. Not creepy hugs. Just hugs. If another guy who wasn't a hugger came up and hugged me the way ESFJ friend hugged me? NO. Just NO. I used to like the way an ESFP friend of mine would just float up and drape an arm around my shoulders. It wasn't gropey or weird. He was so carefree and earthy, it just made sense with his personality.

And I never complained when flirting/rough housing with my ENTP. He could get me in a body press and I wouldn't care AT ALL. That was being close to him, and he was careful with me, so I didn't mind.

Girlfriends may hug me all they want if it helps them.

See, yeah, couldn't quite, ever, do that. At least I don't think so.

You would HATE an ENTP I know, then. We're still trying to teach him a little thing called a 'Personal bubble.' So far I think rubbing him when he gets a tad irritating works. Thankfully a lot of his attention goes to ENFPs who have the energy to have the patience for his shenanigans. (But that's for a different thread)

Did I post here already? Too lazy to check, but I follow a similar consensus. I prefer not to be touched unless I'm close to the person (I like to give surprise hugs, the look on their face can be priceless!)

The ironic thing is, as much as I don't like being touched, sometimes the people who have gotten closest to me are the ones who completely ignored my discomfort and touch me anyway. One friend in particular used to hug and rub my back and touch my hair. If I didn't know she was strait I wouldn't have thought she was. Very very physically affectionate, with everyone, me included, and no amount of stiffness would stop her. Eventually I came to where I would kind of sneak to her when I needed snuggles or whatnot. So, dunno, maybe we can sense intentions.... and I'm going to stop that thought right there.

 

[Tallulah]

That's the kind of stuff that makes me cringe....

Nah, Pinkie has pouncysmoochy privleges. She's coo'.

The ironic thing is, as much as I don't like being touched, sometimes the people who have gotten closest to me are the ones who completely ignored my discomfort and touch me anyway. One friend in particular used to hug and rub my back and touch my hair. If I didn't know she was strait I wouldn't have thought she was. Very very physically affectionate, with everyone, me included, and no amount of stiffness would stop her. Eventually I came to where I would kind of sneak to her when I needed snuggles or whatnot. So, dunno, maybe we can sense intentions.... and I'm going to stop that thought right there.

Intention has everything to do with it, really. I will say that I adore having my shoulders/back rubbed or my hair played with, as long as I don't sense any skeevy intentions behind it.

 

[entropie]

I took a 10 week massage course with three other people, total strangers to me, and we paired up 2 and 2 to work on each other, completely nekkid under the sheet on the table. I didn't pursue it as a career because of my own bad back, but I was happy for a stranger to come in off the street, have a shower, and lie down for a massage (non-sexual, I'm talking professional body work here...). What about in that context?

Thats why I would like to make love to several woman, cause the one you love, ultimatively wants to take a massage course

 

[Domino]

Kross -- being groped is NEVER cool. There's a reason why you don't like it. It's an invasion of even the most basic rules of personal space. As a mechanic, I had to deal with such garbage on occasion, when someone was stupid enough to actually grab me. At one point, some guy had grabbed me in a, shall we say, very suggestive hold and wouldn't let me go. I was furious, warned him twice, he paid no attention, so I slapped him.

That was the end of it.

I hate it when people push me to lengths that I loathe. Like slapping someone.

It's like Leelu in "The Fifth Element" - never without my consent.

 

[Poki]

When I would go to give people their change, I would hold it in my fingers waiting for them to put out their hand so I could place it on their palm. Some people took my hovering hand as a signal to wrench their change out of my fingers slithering their slimey fingers all over my hand. Ugh, seriously gross and annoying. Sometimes I visibly shuddered.

I can so relate to this on the opposite end. Sometimes when someone holds there hand out I feel like I may have touched there hand to much just trying to make sure they dont drop the change.

 

[briochick]

It's like Leelu in "The Fifth Element" - never without my consent.

I love that movie.
On a funny note, my infj friend noted tonight that I stiffen up sometimes when people hug me. bah, I thought I was better at hiding it.

 

[Lexicon]

I hate being touched.

A lot.

 

[Wyst]

I love that movie.
On a funny note, my infj friend noted tonight that I stiffen up sometimes when people hug me. bah, I thought I was better at hiding it.

There's this girl that likes to give me hugs.
The other day she told me it was because she likes to see me get all awkward.

I felt taken advantage of...

 

[Domino]

Nah, I still stiffen up when people hug me too, and I've had years of track time with an ESFP best friend, and of course, an ENFP sister. I used to be accused (and I do say resentfully accused) of not being cuddly (not by them), but I was like that as a small child. Why would it be expected that I won't be that way? I used to beat myself up about that, like there was something wrong with me.

 

[Poki]

There's this girl that likes to give me hugs.
The other day she told me it was because she likes to see me get all awkward.

I felt taken advantage of...

I have always been the nerdy type and it was so wierd when I saw someone stiffen up just talking to me. I am not the type to reach out and touch someone(in a friendly way), but I like touch and will not turn down a hug.

 

[sade]

Kross -- being groped is NEVER cool. There's a reason why you don't like it. It's an invasion of even the most basic rules of personal space. As a mechanic, I had to deal with such garbage on occasion, when someone was stupid enough to actually grab me. At one point, some guy had grabbed me in a, shall we say, very suggestive hold and wouldn't let me go. I was furious, warned him twice, he paid no attention, so I slapped him.

That was the end of it.

I hate it when people push me to lengths that I loathe. Like slapping someone.

It's like Leelu in "The Fifth Element" - never without my consent.

Despite me liking physical touch.. Wandering hands lead to a removal of said hand and couple of warnings and a glare.. or a slap. Always. It's disrespectful.

 

[Domino]

Despite me liking physical touch.. Wandering hands lead to a removal of said hand and couple of warnings and a glare.. or a slap. Always. It's disrespectful.

I hear you. And the really bad thing about it was that *I* felt like I'd done something wrong in taking such measures. He was a friend, I have no idea what had gotten into him, it's like his ears and brain had been turned off. I *HATE* hurting people - I know what it's like to be slapped across the face, it's just so horribly humiliating and degrading - but I'm not going to let someone else hurt me.

I remember standing there shouting at him, "Why?! Why did you do that?! You knew what you were doing to me!" and in my mind I was thinking, "Why did you drive me to hurt you?! You're a friend! What's the matter with you?!" My feelings were so maimed.

I spent a great deal of my time as a mechanic perfecting the ability to avoid humiliating situations and how to stand off insistent males w/o actually taking a bastard file to their legs.

 

[briochick]

I hear you. And the really bad thing about it was that *I* felt like I'd done something wrong in taking such measures. He was a friend, I have no idea what had gotten into him, it's like his ears and brain had been turned off. I *HATE* hurting people - I know what it's like to be slapped across the face, it's just so horribly humiliating and degrading - but I'm not going to let someone else hurt me.

I remember standing there shouting at him, "Why?! Why did you do that?! You knew what you were doing to me!" and in my mind I was thinking, "Why did you drive me to hurt you?! You're a friend! What's the matter with you?!" My feelings were so maimed.

I spent a great deal of my time as a mechanic perfecting the ability to avoid humiliating situations and how to stand off insistent males w/o actually taking a bastard file to their legs.

I'm so standoffish I hardly ever have to worry about stuff like this.

Remind me never to become a mechanic.

 

[Domino]

Girl, it was piles of trouble. I won't lie. I just wanted to learn how to fix cars and be useful, and I had no idea of the hazing and fighting and the rumor mill inherent in such a profession. Things about me got around the entire garage before I even knew the names of the people I worked with. I still have no idea how that happened. But they ALL knew a lot about me and I hadn't yet introduced myself. My foreman made a point of saying, "Touch her and I'll stomp you flat - and I'll only be stomping flat what pieces she leaves of you, savvy?"

I had an ESTP and an INFJ wingman which helped. In the diesel garage, it was ESTP and ESFJ wingmen. Big guys, both ex-Marines. Still didn't stop the worst of it.

I would go home in tears a lot (after controlling myself in public) because it was so wrong what I had to fight. Then again, I could have left, but then that meant the jerks would win and I couldn't let that happen.

 

[sade]

^
That's so bad.. Don't feel bad about it.

I'm glad I'm snappy enough to get people to leave me be, even if I dislike that side.

 

[briochick]

Wow, I think you are very brave and amazing now. ^_^ I wish I could fix cars, all I can do is scream and kick them when they don't work. But, I've learned that usually hurts me more than the car.

 

[speculative]

What I don't get is when there are people you rarely see, but you have some tenuous connection with (no relation at all in any way) such as they work in some other department that deals with your department like once a year, and then when they see you that once a year they feel the need to hug you. What is up with that?

 

[/DG/]

I'm a bit of a strange ISFP, being that I hate being touched also. I don't think I've ever willingly hugged one of my friends, only family members.

 

[Samvega]

I don't like people in my space, I hate shaking hands with people and I never enjoy having my face or mouth touch. None of it freaks me out but if I don't know you well leave me the &#$% alone. If I'm romantically interested in the person I'm more receptive otherwise ALTO!

I have known 3 or 4 INFP massage therapists, seems like an overly popular field for them.