I've never viewed ESTPs as being as easygoing as they're portrayed, I've always thought they were very sharp, perceptive, and dominant people.
What I've found is that most people tend to cave into to them which creates less friction. And at this point I don't even know if it's about personality type. It seems to me that if you fall into their pack (probably stemming from tertiary Fe) you're cool and protected but if not, you're poked and prodded until some reason is found.
Soooo. freaking. true.
ESTPs totally have the pack leader mentality. As someone who's getting married to an ESTP I usually find this pack thing endearing and cute but do occasionally find it maddening, lol.
(And that's very insightful to observe that the pack mentality probably arises from Fe. That's an interesting way to think about Fe, and probably true. My ESTP certainly has a strong sense of loyalty to the friends and coworkers in his pack.)
My ESTP
is laidback, but not nearly as laidback as his public personna has most people believe. (He acts like a big jokester in front of almost everyone, but he is actually keenly aware of power structures and positions himself to move quickly up the ladder at work, for example.) I definitely see a more wily side of his personality than most of his friends, family, and coworkers see. He likes to be "top dog" and there was some drama in our inner circle of friends recently because he rather shrewdly pushed out someone who he felt was "disrespecting" him, i.e., not falling into his pack.
Another recent example of the pack thing is that we're trying to get a group of friends together to go on a weeklong cruise and we've got all the spots filled except for one person, and for someone with such a supposedly "laidback" personality type I cannot believe how picky my ESTP is being, but in retrospect I think it's because he's very careful about finding people to go who will fall into his "pack." One guy I suggested he shot down because he "doesn't have respect for him" (i.e., he's not considered worthy of the pack). Then I suggested another person we know who happens to also be an ESTP and I thought for sure he'd like him to come along because they have so much in common. But he said no again, and after some questioning I realized that my ESTP doesn't want this other ESTP asserting dominance and fighting for leadership of the pack while we're all on vacation. LOL!
The whole thing is funny to me because I have very little interest in power and asserting dominance and it's hard for me to relate. (I realize that he considers me part of his pack -- an honorary member of course, lol -- but that doesn't really bother me because I know that on the rare occasions that he violates my values I can assert myself and get him back in line, and then go back to letting him take the lead once things settle.)
I have to say, even though it may seem a little silly to my NF nature, it really is pretty impressive how my ESTP seems to always end up on top in social and career situations. I just try to step in and encourage some empathy and a softer approach periodically....
