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Thread: ENFJ and Groups

  1. #31
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    4w5 sp/sx
    IEI Ni


    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    i think nfj types aren't really combative or hostile generally, and would rather avoid confrontation if at all possible. unless it is a particular battle we are invested in far and above over others.
    I don't mean the ENFJs I know just smile or nod politely so as not to be thrown into debate with a person of differing opinion. Yeah, I do that too. You cannot constantly be the voice of dissent....

    Here's an example of what some of the ENFJs I know do, and maybe these individuals aren't the most well-rounded, and maybe it's coincidence that they are ENFJs and do this, but either way, this is not an isolated incident:

    ENFJ friend comes to visit me. I suggest a really nice, well-known art museum, among other ideas of things to do. I tell him it's his choice, and I'm happy to do whatever (cuz I live here & go to these places all the time). He chooses the art museum and says he likes art. Then I visit him...he takes me to an art gallery. He seems genuinely interested in the art. I have been given the distinct impression that this ENFJ has some appreciation for art, even if it's not a major interest of his (like it is mine).

    Later, I overhear a conversation with that ENFJ & someone else:

    Guy: What did you guys do today?
    ENFJ: We went to an art gallery.
    Guy: Honestly, I cannot stand art. I think it's ridiculous and stupid.
    ENFJ: I don't really like it either. It's not my thing.

    I've had people tell me they don't like art and I just smile and say "hm", but I'm not going to agree with their view when it's not mine...
    Unless this ENFJ was putting up a front to impress me....
    In any case, this is behavior I have noticed at times in all the ENFJs I know. Yet, other times, I see them stick to their guns. So maybe they do this when a topic is not particularly important to them? That's when they pull the chameleon trick....?
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #32
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    4w3 sx/so
    eNFJ Ni


    How can someone NOT like art?? O.o

    I'll go with you But we must make a stop in the pre-Victorian British collection.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P

  3. #33
    Senior Member chris1207's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008


    I gotta say in general, I can relate quite well to what spotting has been saying. Where I differ is with handling situations that I can't just agree with people in. If they're people I don't know, I typically just back down. If they're my friends and become tyrannical and don't bother to consider where they're coming from so that I can maintain my universal judgments without they're influence or input. As I was saying earlier my way of getting out of this behavior is to rock Se and see what Fe+Ni think of it.

    Rocking Se basically means that you make observations, but not just for observations sake. I can remember a time when I was conscious of Se but not of the MBTI (ya know, way back when.) And I would extrapolate all of the details of a scene before me and toy with the idea of these details being "important". It seemed silly at the time, but eventually I found a way to really appreciated the sensory details and keep an Se open mind. Now I use it for all sorts of things.

    You just have to find what you like. Then you figure out which of those activities involve Se. And do those a whole bunch. For me, it's music listening and driving. When you've pursued those interests and spent a couple hundred bucks if not 1000+ you'll end up with a better grasp on it.

    Back to my friends, the reason it works out so well for me is that my main compadres are infj, intj and esfj. By being Se, I present data that the intj and infj can't refute and argue about philosophically or otherwise. I also draw the esfj closer to the group because he's not alone in making realworld observations. In the end, however, I have my own identity without even working for it. Heck, I don't even have to have Fe refute Se for harmony because they stand on an equal extroverted footing with me. Se does some of the E legwork for me.

    Oh and art sucks
    "... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.

  4. #34
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009


    I guess I should of added the addendum that if it is a group of friends or any group where I have a firm understanding of everyone present I won't be reserved at all in my views. I guess at the same time though If I knew something I thought would cause excessive discomfort I would avoid it.

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