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[MBTI General] infp & estp... does it work?

ENFP GAL

New member
Joined
Aug 24, 2009
Messages
8
MBTI Type
ENFP
curiosity

What are your thoughts on ENFP (Female) and ESTP (male) then?

What should I look out for? Would the relationship be the same as if I was an INFP?
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Ha! That's the spirit ShortNSweet! Throw caution to the wind; it's the only way to live! :D

this is how i feel around estps. as if they're saying,

stop paying attention to your feelings (and their inconclusive readings)! stop using Ni to foresee possibilities that show many probable disasters! let me be in charge and lead the way! or be more like me and take charge, even tho your natural way of interacting is behind-the-scenes or chart-the-course! don't pay so much attention to my personal values and motives! etc.

estps play their own brand of game like all of us do. i don't see it being a fulfilling one for most inf types in the sense that it helps bring out their best, put them in touch with themselves, encourages growth and profound communication, etc. there are many things that can be gained from all relationships, and an inf type learning to go head-to-head with an estp type could be a great accomplishment. but, for the most part, i see infjs who are 1 afraid to take care of themselves and 2 appreciate the occasional Se overload of an estp and 3 see an opportunity for a s.o. with whom you have almost TOTAL privacy (bc they'll never understand the way your mind works or connect with your feelings/personal values).

what they do is take charge. they may lead you on an unspeakable adventure, but they might just sell you a lemon of a used car. it depends on the situation, but hell- even if you get a hemingway, he's still gonna say "shut up, little rabbit" when he is tired of listening to you.

If you like the person, try it.

Forget about type.

People need to stop using MBTI as some predictive measure of overall subjective compatibility. It's just ridiculous.

it explains how people perceive and judge. how they process information/think. this drastically effects how they communicate, how they direct their attention, how they value (not what, but the form and function dictate much). it's a big fucking deal. what it doesn't mean is that needs and wants aren't highly adaptable; they can, of course, take on many forms and achieve many different chemical compounds that are at least somewhat stable. but communication (read: connection) is very important to nf types in relationships, which is why an sj or an sp type seems ludicrous for most of us.

estps create an amazing sense of energy, they sell you the situation really really well. but i find the process very transparent, for the most part, like a too-practiced porn seduction and the same amount of hair product.
 

King sns

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
6,714
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
What are your thoughts on ENFP (Female) and ESTP (male) then?


Sounds pretty dangerous for everyone involved.
Do not try this at home, folks.
 

Hunni518

New member
Joined
Aug 27, 2009
Messages
16
MBTI Type
ISFJ
I've been in a relationship with an ESTP for about 15 months. Our relationship is so difficult. We have fought constantly since about the second month into it. Our fights get us nowhere. I just end up thinking he is an insensitive asshole who doesn't even care and he gets annoyed at my persistence to understand him and how I don't just let things go. We break up and get back together at least a few times per month and we only get back together because either he manipulates me or I won't let him go. He gets annoyed really easily, is abusive and unpredictable, and has days when hes mad at everything, including and especially me. It is such an unhealthy relationship but I'm sticking it out.
 

Hunni518

New member
Joined
Aug 27, 2009
Messages
16
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Because I love him and I can't help it. And the sex. Unfortunately, I am one who feels strongly that sex should be between a husband and wife but after a month of dating, I got drunk for the first time in my life and we had sex. Now I'm REALLY attached and can't break myself from him even if I try.

Actually, any suggestions?
 

King sns

New member
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enfp
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Is this the first person you had sex with?
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Is he sticking around with you just for the sex?
 
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,858
MBTI Type
INFP
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54
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I had the same^ problem with walking on my grandma while sitting on the pot. A viscous cycle that was.
 

Hunni518

New member
Joined
Aug 27, 2009
Messages
16
MBTI Type
ISFJ
No, he was the second person I had sex with but the first guy I had sex with was in high school and out of curiosity... but even that was after two years of dating him. And I don't know if he's using me or not... people have told me he keeps me around like a "trophy" and he'll never find anything better. But he doesn't ever let me know that I'm beautiful or special.
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
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INfp
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9w1
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sp/sx
We sound like nosey concerned nagging parents.

Hehe. Damn, we need a beer injection STAT!

Actually, I'm asking because it's something she should think about. I don't really care one way or another, but if he is she should realize it. It may help her get over him.
 

King sns

New member
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enfp
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Hehe. Damn, we need a beer injection STAT!

.

Yea or maybe we just need to get laid ourselves! ha!



Anyway, regarding your situation Hunni, I don't know what to tell you. Seems like you know exactly what to do, (break it off for good). But something is holding you back from doing it.
Love is such a broad term that I think can be overused in situations like these. What do you love about him? Clearly its not the way that you feel when you're together. It can't be the sex, because last I checked, around 50% of people on the planet have penises. From the few posts you've made, sounds like you might have a possible problem with self esteem. Is it that you think you can't do any better? Its hard to know what kind of advice to give in these situations.
 

Koocoomoo

New member
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Messages
127
MBTI Type
iNFp
Enneagram
4w3?
I always thought it was interesting that we're supposed to be opposites,
but GOSH! I think ESTPs are THE MOST hilarious people I've ever met. No one makes me laugh as hard and genuinely as they do.
Plus, all the ESTPs I know are the nicest, sweetest, most considerate beings ever.
I could never in a relationship with them, but the ESTP is good people.
'Sall I'm sayin.
 
G

Ginkgo

Guest
My mother is an ESFP, and our communication styles are polar opposites. She cannot grasp intangible concepts for her life, so I had to spell everything out for her in detail before she could understand.

Hopefully you do not have this issue, but if you do, you should make sure that your communication style is clear and concise.
 

Ruthie

New member
Joined
Jun 3, 2009
Messages
436
MBTI Type
?
From the other perspective...

Last month I started dating an INFP, and while it might not be said of all infp-estp pairings, it hasn't been a great match. He tries to do so many thoughtful things for me... every time I mention I like doing something, he invites me to do it. As a result, ALL of our dates have been places I like to go, even though I'm not the one suggesting it or even trying to plant the idea.

It can come out really badly sometimes - I mentioned that I liked fairs, so he invited me to the state fair. Nice, right? Only he hates rides, something I don't really understand until we get on the tilt-a-whirl together and I spend the whole ride telling him to breathe and trying to keep him from being sick. On one level, I know it was sweet of him to try, but on another level... gimmie a break, it was a tilt-a-whirl!

It's not just that. Last week, he took off work several hours early to cook dinner for me - the exact meal I had said I wanted. Again, I know I make him sound like a dream guy, but it isn't that easy.

I do generally try to follow the guidelines of social acceptability, so - as a woman - I try to curb my behavior to be more in line with his. When he's sick on the ride, I become comforting (even though I'm not feeling particularly empathetic). I tell him how delicious the meal he cooked is, even though romantic dinners just aren't my thing. I become completely passive about what I want to do, constantly deferring: Let's do something you want to do next week... even though I'm much more comfortable offering an opinion than soliciting others. I tell myself before each date that I'm going to be myself and either he still likes me or he doesn't. But each time, I wind up subconsciously matching the mood of the moment until I get home and wonder who the hell I was with him.

As a result, while I know this guy likes me, I don't think he really knows me. I soften my jokes, rein in my opinions, and try to say comforting, sensitive, encouraging things. On top of that, it's made me resentful of him. I know consciously that it isn't his fault, but part of me just thinks that if he could toughen up a bit, I could be myself. As is, this relationship is going nowhere, and I'm apparently going to prove to him that nice guys, do indeed, finish last.

Sorry for the long story. Just wanted to give a little glimpse of how it's not always so easy to be on the other side of these relationships either.
 

mangos

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Sep 14, 2009
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21
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INFP
Enneagram
6&2
Please note this is just my personal experience and I'm in no way saying that all ESTP's are this way. That said, I dated an ESTP for 3 years, and it did NOT work out. He was flaky and controlling and insensitive, did whatever he felt like, tried to boss me around, etc. I mean, he had his good points too (he was pretty hilarious and entertaining), but I certainly didn't feel he was "protecting my weak sides" or anything like that--he was kind of an exploitative ass who criticized me a lot and made me feel stupid and irrational. I think he did love me, in his warped sort of way, but our relationship was pretty dysfunctional, seeing as he felt that his wants and whims and thoughts were more important than mine (or anyone else's). I'm sure not all ESTP's are the way mine was, but my experience wasn't good.

Edit: My ESTP also had some mild anxiety/depression going on, and I'm sure that affected his behavior somewhat, although I'm not exactly sure to what extent. But he definitely had some baggage.
 

neptunesnet

man-made
Joined
Sep 5, 2009
Messages
1,228
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5&4
Instinctual Variant
sx
Hm, this is tricky.
One of my good friends is an ESTP. We get along well. I know she trusts me and confides in me about her problems. On the other hand, if ever I ventured to tell her anything truly personal about myself, which is about as rare as my winning a gold Olympic Medal, I never tell her too much. It's always vague and superficial. It's not because I dislike her or don't trust her. She just doesn't see things in the same way I do, and I don't want my idealism to be (once again) discouraged. With her thinking function, she sometimes scoffs at my ideals because she doesn't understand them ('tis a no-no in my book) and prides herself on her pragmatism. I can't begin to recall the times she thought defaming or badmouthing someone was only "harmless banter," and I don't take too kindly to verbal bullies :(.
But we are great friends. She's a loyal and enjoys my company, and I listen to her problems and like her "let's party" personality. We're both creative and share a similar brand of humor, and she has a pretty well-developed feeling function. The relationship is good for the most part...Well, except when she texts me and expects me to respond immediately although I'm stuck in dream world and want. to. be. left. a-lone.


I don't know you personally, so I can't determine whether or not your relationship would work out. Sawree :(. I know with my ESTP friend that I honestly don't feel we could have a long-lasting and meaningful friendship. It's nice for now, but unfortnately it's fleeting.
It could work, though, in a romantic relationship.
Just not with me.
:)
 
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Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
All the ESTPs that I know in real life are badass! They also aren't monogamous or emo, and are occasionally dominating. You gotta be able to lay the smack down on them every now and then, and let them have their space. I'd say no go for INFP in general. They're the lady killers, and you, are the lady.
 
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