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[ENFP] ENFPs: Hopeless Flirts?

Udog

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Is this sarcasm? :laugh: I'm just saying, I'm not a very subtle person. When I've had motivation to be flirtacious, no man has ever mistaken it. They only mistake my friendly nature because they interpret what they want, despite knowing me to be pretty honest in every other department.

To the posters who are curious how to tell if an ENFP is actually interested, pay attention to that. They'll either flat out say something, make a move themselves, or keep on amping up their playing until you finally get the point.

ENFPs generally have way too much intensity to do subtle for very long.

Hopefully you don't mind me using you to make my point Kyuuei. :)
 

seeker22

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the natural inclination of an ENFP to come across as if everyone is special to them.

Yes...

-AND-

To make each person feel/know that there is SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT THEM PERSONALLY.

THIS is what drives my behavior. (for those of you wanting "answers" ha) ;)

It's about (genuinely) making others feel special. It's not false flattery. We genuinely see special things in each individual - and let them know it.

We see people's strengths - and reflect it back to them.

We make you feel like you are the ONLY person in the room - and the interest and the intensity behind it is genuine.

ENFPs have a naturally voracious curiosity about people.

We will make you feel "fascinating." Because, to an ENFP - YOU ARE.

People are not used to having others mirror themself back in such a positive way. So, they may read into it. They don't realize the ENFP approaches EVERYONE in this fashion!

We make people feel "seen" , "understood" , "special" , "fascinating" ...
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I think just as long as boundaries are set and there aren't too many personally implied sexual jokes, flirting is fine.
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
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To the posters who are curious how to tell if an ENFP is actually interested, pay attention to that. They'll either flat out say something, make a move themselves, or keep on amping up their playing until you finally get the point.

ENFPs generally have way too much intensity to do subtle for very long

Udog knows the truth!

ENFPs have a naturally voracious curiosity about people.

We will make you feel "fascinating." Because, to an ENFP - YOU ARE.

In that moment, at least. That ends up confusing a lot of people. (And I'm not talking romantically here)
 

seeker22

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Udog knows the truth!



In that moment, at least. That ends up confusing a lot of people. (And I'm not talking romantically here)

Yes - IN THAT MOMENT. Precisely.

... and then we are "off to the next!" lol...

They say people don't fall in love with YOU, but the way they FEEL when they are AROUND YOU.

This would apply for the ENFP.

They have the power to make you feel so special - and most people want more of it.

This could be a problem for the SO of an ENFP - they might not enjoy the ENFP making EVERYONE feel SPECIAL!

(because they may wonder if that DIMINISHES their specialness somehow) (answer is no)
 
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O

Oberon

Guest
I think just as long as boundaries are set and there aren't too many personally implied sexual jokes, flirting is fine.

There now... that looks to me like a different definition of "flirting" than the one we've been using up 'til now. Because I think before you posted, the implication was that flirting was expected to have the potential to turn into a hook-up, if not a relationship.
 

iwakar

crush the fences
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LOL, if that's what you wanna hear, sure. I enjoy it, so why not enjoy it. What you don't seem to understand is that my SO actually sides with me and not with you on this issue. He doesn't see the need to lock me up and throw away the key unlike some, coz that would change who I am, and who he fell in love with.

I've never cheated in my life. And I'm not planning on it. He knows that, and that's all he needs. And he in return gets a gf who doesn't constantly page him when he's away on business, checks his emails and screams at him when he doesn't check in with her every 5 minutes, but who is very happy to see him when he returns and does make him the center of her universe at that point. I'm not the only one with the need for personal space, nor the only one who appreciates it. It's the reason we survived as long as we have as a couple.

I'm not fond of the S.O. flirting rampantly (and he respects this), but neither of us would say that I have locked him up and thrown away the key! (?) I am ++:heart: with personal space for that matter --more than he is. So, how do we take the journey from "flirting can/can't cause problems" to "let the caged birds sing"? :wacko:

Sincerely. Take me on that journey. I saw your A, I saw your Z, and I saw scant else in between. Do ExxPs really see prison bars where others see boundaries? I have a helluva time believing that.
 

Synarch

Once Was
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Sincerely. Take me on that journey. I saw your A, I saw your Z, and I saw scant else in between. Do ExxPs really see prison bars where others see boundaries? I have a helluva time believing that.

I used to be of the don't fence me in school. Now I find myself building my own fences just to keep my mental herd intact. Bluewing covers the dangers of self-effacement for extraverts in his book (get it). Basically, extreme extraversion with its external focus on the object rather than the subject can lead to a diffused identity. To a certain degree, it seems like extraverts (especially EXXP) feel compelled to "connect" with others or they don't have any identity to grab onto. Like they would become uncomfortable if you just left them alone without anyone to "connect" to or latch on to.
 

Amargith

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Maybe it's the actions speak louder than words thing.

Maybe so, but if that were true, then why is it that it usually doesn't pose a problem when I say this up front? This is the kind of game you don't play with just about anyone anyways. I've noticed that different people are comfortable with different levels of how far that game should go, and I tend to respect that. Some just enjoy some playful innuendo, others enjoy tossing in some sexual innuendo and some enjoy pushing what I call your 'what-if' button. It depends really from person to person.

I'm not fond of the S.O. flirting rampantly (and he respects this), but neither of us would say that I have locked him up and thrown away the key! (?) I am ++:heart: with personal space for that matter --more than he is. So, how do we take the journey from "flirting can/can't cause problems" to "let the caged birds sing"? :wacko:

Sincerely. Take me on that journey. I saw your A, I saw your Z, and I saw scant else in between. Do ExxPs really see prison bars where others see boundaries? I have a helluva time believing that.

Then you have your 'fences' earlier on than we do, which is fine. Don't get me wrong, I have restrictions at home to, otherwise we wouldn't really be a couple. I also have no problem discussing this upfront with my partner in the beginning of the relationship and respecting their comfortzone as long as that comfortzone doesn't mean I have to sit at home knitting. If I were to date you, I'd probably adhere to your wishes because I love you and don't want to hurt you. I just enjoy intense (good) emotions and evoking those in others as well, at least, those that are open to it. I don't really see the harm in that.
 

Salomé

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I gotta say Amar, your avatar is really turning me on. ;)

Who doesn't enjoy intense (good) emotions?
But invoking those indiscriminately? I don't know. Somehow cheapens them. I don't want to share myself with just anyone. Then, when it does happen, it's all the more precious. Is this just an E/I thing? Perhaps. But I still have to wonder if there isn't something wrong with the primary relationship if either partner goes looking for their thrills elsewhere.
 

Amargith

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Didn't know you were a jessica-fan, blue :D

I never share myself fully with anyone else besides my SO. Ok, so I know to push a few buttons to cause intense emotions, but its nothing more than a small crush in effect, even less, as I know what I have at home is a thousand times stronger. At the same time it can produce a rather powerfull connection between friends. But it isn't comparable to what I have at home. That kind of connection only comes from being together for years and knowing each other inside out.

Also, I am willing to share a lot of myself with friends, with or without playing this 'game', I'm a pretty open book. But some stuff is reserved only for him ;)
And that's why to me, it's not cheapening.

For that matter, I might be playful like this with a lot of people, but it's not like I click with just anyone all the time. There are different levels, and only a few really reach that special type of friendship and that high intensity level in the game. So to me, that's precious as well. It's also very possible to have a deep friendship with someone without flirting. And vice versa. It just depends on the click you have with the person.
 

Salomé

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More and more, I'm concluding it is an E/I diff. I just don't have that sort of energy to go around starting fires. Also, it seems to me that flirting/teasing create a kind of fake intimacy, or even a safe distance - that's what humour does (it has its roots in fear, after all). It doesn't create a real bond. You need to get serious for that.
 

Amargith

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Nothing says you cannot mix it up. Humor can be a nice break from deep intense conversation, IME, which then gives you time to contemplate and digest everythign that's been said, as well as reestablish the bond somewhat if the deep conversation was somewhat intense and painful. It's able to break the tension :)
 

Salomé

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It's funny how differently we can experience/interpret the same situation. If I'm having an intense and personal/painful conversation with someone and they suddenly change the tone, I'd be all WTF? I'd feel abandoned. Like they were pulling away. I'd be hurt.
I think we're straying of-topic now, but this has all been very interesting. :)
 

Amargith

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The thing is I only go for a break when I notice the person needs it. Like when they're suddenly very quiet (clearly mulling things over), or there's an awkward silence, or they get too hurt and too reactional and vice versa. If they go near a topic I don't wanna discuss coz I'm just not ready to reveal that yet, I'll indicate that gently, and then change the tone to continue having fun together. There's no need for the conversation to end at those points, I feel and the sooner we get rid of that awkward feeling the better :)
If they indicate however that they'd like to continue with the previous topic, I gladly jump back in though.

And yeah..maybe they should shift these posts to a seperate thread?
 
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