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[MBTI General] do you ever feel like you're "lagging" behind?

file cabinet

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let's say you are raised in a home where drinking in a home is wrong but you never actually start drinking til after you're 21 yet all of your friends began drinking much earlier.
or, maybe your mother dressed you when you were wrong so you didn't have the chance to find clothes you really liked but only now do you find some joy in getting clothes that you really like (parental lag? or, parental drag?)
or, you put off college and now you're back in school and it's tough but you can do it and everyone else is younger and doing alright
or, you know people that watch tv all the time but you find tv mostly boring, so are you lagging behind or are they
 

Athenian200

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Come to think of it, yes.

When I was in high school, I was mostly "buckled down" and focused on getting through, not really letting myself make time for anything extraneous. Everyone else kind of let things slide at that point and used that time to learn how to relate to others and figure out who they were and what they wanted.

By the time I was through, I began to feel burned out, and wanted a break. Maybe to do something different than I had been. Unfortunately, this was around the same time that everyone else started buckling down and setting priorities, and thus it became a lot more difficult to find opportunities to learn about any of this stuff. I seem to be out of sync with other people, and it tends to have negative consequences for me. The worst of them is that I've hardly done anything except sit in front of my computer for the past 2-3 years, lacking any motivation to face the present. I tried to go to college (which lasted about a year), and then tried to get a job (which lasted about 6 months), but there was nothing driving me to keep at them. I suppose I've given up trying to better myself.
 

ajblaise

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I had some very corrupting family influences when I was younger, and I'm kind of thankful for that. I'm not sure if it let me get stuff out or if it just increased my appetite for some things. But I got a head start in some ways socially and now I feel like I'm ahead of my peer group, and I can see how things could have went different had I had different influences.
 

kiddykat

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I don't think I ever felt like I was lagging behind in terms of peer pressure.. I kinda compare myself to myself, so i usually set my own standards in that regard?

Only part in my life where I feel I'm lagging most is in my career? I really wish I wasn't so wishy washy about what I wanted.. sucks.
 

Skyward

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I don't think I ever felt like I was lagging behind in terms of peer pressure.. I kinda compare myself to myself, so i usually set my own standards in that regard?

Only part in my life where I feel I'm lagging most is in my career? I really wish I wasn't so wishy washy about what I wanted.. sucks.

Ditto
 

Kyrielle

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let's say you are raised in a home where drinking in a home is wrong but you never actually start drinking til after you're 21 yet all of your friends began drinking much earlier.

or, you know people that watch tv all the time but you find tv mostly boring, so are you lagging behind or are they

Yes and yes to those. I usually feel like I'm very behind the times. In some ways, it means I'm actually "ahead" in some other aspect, but that aspect is never one that is conducive to relating to my peers.

For the first one, I remember it was a "ladies night out" with the women in my family and I was invited. This was...over the winter, I think. I was excited. This, surely, was some right of passage veiled in an evening out. I was finally going to be considered no longer my mother's child, but me. It didn't happen. You see, I didn't bring my driver's license with me, or my wallet, because my mother offered to cover the dinner. So, in spite of being 21, I didn't drink. Actually, I hadn't really wanted to drink that night. I was ostracised for it by my aunt and grandmother. They chided, teased, and bullied me about not ordering any alcoholic drink that evening. Instead of feeling accepted, I felt like I had been lured into some situation where I was being "put in my place" and stepped all over. I cried on the way home. My mother was furious with my relatives.

Anyway, compared to my peers, I'm emotionally and socially very behind. I've been on a date once. Only been kissed once. I've had online relationships that failed because neither side could get their act together to visit the other. I'm not anywhere near to most of these other people who date all the time and seem to have no trouble finding guys they like their age. All the ones I like are always taken...
 

Kasper

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I'd say my childhood was pretty sheltered so yeah, when I got out there in the big bad world I was a little more naive and innocent than my friends. Not having a TV till I was about 14 or so mean any references to old pop-culture shows go right over my head, other than that it has no impact on me now though.
 

cascadeco

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Anyway, compared to my peers, I'm emotionally and socially very behind. I've been on a date once. Only been kissed once. I've had online relationships that failed because neither side could get their act together to visit the other. I'm not anywhere near to most of these other people who date all the time and seem to have no trouble finding guys they like their age. All the ones I like are always taken...

Oh, this was the story of my life in college and in my 20's. :hug: All I can say is keep trying to put yourself out there. :) I also really believe you'll start experiencing some of that stuff, but I myself kind of grumble when people tell ME that, so I understand if you don't believe it! Dating is very...perplexing for me. You might have to learn to turn the extrovert in you 'On'. I did that a lot in my early and mid 20's - I just wanted to go on dates, period - maybe to 'catch up' and get some of it out of my system? - and I was pretty proactive regarding that. Obviously not in my comfort zone initially, but you know what? Some things can get easier the more often you do it. Certainly can become less stressful.

Anyhow...it was perhaps a combination of my upbringing (growing up with a family of emotionally-repressed introverts) and my own personality. A lethal combination for me, in terms of social and emotional development and growth! I felt completely 'stunted' in both of these areas throughout my teens, and in fact I KNOW I was. It wasn't until college that I really started to grow in the social realm, but still not in the relationship realm. Then it was age 23 that I had my first real relationship, and mid-20's that I felt 'caught up' emotionally to, well, high school or college level. lol. So I've always felt I've had a 5-10 year lag in terms of these areas of my life.

By late 20's...I felt pretty happy with where I was at, on all levels. Other people might look at me and think I'm totally 'lagging behind' in some areas -- say, career -- but I've never cared about career (other than wishing there was something I really wanted to do and that was 'calling' to me), or 'status' when it comes to that, so that's more a decision on my part. I just don't put a lot of weight on that, and never have. The necessity of making a living has instead always been a thorn in my side. ;-)
 

kelric

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There's not much doubt that I'm lagging behind in many ways - particularly socially - in that, I'm on the downside of the hill of what's possible. Meaning that I'm old enough that most people my age are "over" the whole social thing and spend much more time with their spouses, raising their kids, etc. - they're established in the stage of their lives that I've not really even stepped on the path toward - and it's only getting more difficult. I've made some efforts to get out more, but I haven't really had much success.

I've thought a bit about why... part of it's undoubtedly my upbringing, part of it's that I'm pretty much the shyest and most reserved person I know (especially in social situations). Part of it's a complete lack of interest in many social situations. Part of it's being self-conscious, and part of it's preferring to stay within my little areas where I excel, instead of those where I inevitably blunder. Not too proud of that. Part of it's that I do best on the edge of a group of friends - and that most of those friends have moved on. I have gotten in touch with an old high school friend lately, which has been very nice, and I'll get together with friends a few states away later this summer. Looking forward to that.

Other than socially (which, granted, is a big one), I don't really feel left behind as far as knowledge, or accomplishments, or abilities go. I can always compare and point to folks who are more accomplished when it comes to careers, etc.... but I guess I'm gettin' old enough to be able to see the downsides of that, and be glad that it's not me :D.
 

Lacey

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I have 5 younger siblings: 1 of them has spina bifida and 2 are autistic. My dad has drug issues and is emotionally absent. We're pretty poor. I've always felt responsible for trying to hold things together, so I was always too busy to work on my social skills. Since I've been at college, I've had plenty of practice. I've improved a lot, but I still have a long way to go. ...but don't even get me started on relationships... :doh:
 

Shaula

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I feel like I'm lagging behind all the time. Most of my friends are going to graduate from university soon and I haven't even attended one single college or made any significant progress in the working world. :dry:

I feel intellectually and socially behind my peers. I feel like a failure sometimes. :violin:
 

Udog

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Yes, on several fronts.

The good news (sort of) is that the majority of people just kind of wade passively through life. You may never catch up to the handful of people that have been giving full effort their entire life, but it's never too late to catch up and surpass everyone else.
 

Wiley45

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Yes, you just described my life perfectly.

I missed the culture of a whole decade, thanks to my very religious environment. I am just completing my Associate's Degree at age 28. Ack.

I try to just be happy that I've begun to thrive and enjoy my life, and be excited about all the new things I'm learning. It's never too late.
 

Serendipity

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Tritto ... ( ? )

There's not much doubt that I'm lagging behind in many ways - particularly socially - in that, I'm on the downside of the hill of what's possible. Meaning that I'm old enough that most people my age are "over" the whole social thing and spend much more time with their spouses, raising their kids, etc. - they're established in the stage of their lives that I've not really even stepped on the path toward - and it's only getting more difficult. I've made some efforts to get out more, but I haven't really had much success.

I took it back by interacting with waaay younger kids than myself. o_O Sort of made a transcend to quite sociable nowadays. Or former days rather. Now I would be considered an "introvert" again.

I feel like I'm lagging behind all the time. Most of my friends are going to graduate from university soon and I haven't even attended one single college or made any significant progress in the working world. :dry:

Hrrm. I live on a loan from my pa atm. I did some work for some time. Didn't work out though. ":holy:" Anyway, I am going to Chinese lessons in a university but I ain't motivated enough. I feel inept to take on classes. Rather, I need something to identify with. Our teacher just does it by the book. -.-'' "aping around" is what we are supposed to do, after her. -.-''.

Wait, back to topic.

I would consider myself normal, except for the part of; Going back to younger kids to be able to develope social skills and take my "lost years" back.


I'm wondering, would you say that you've Lived your life all the time or just a bit of it? o_O
 

briochick

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yes. I was quite innocent when I came out of high school. Didn't drive until I was 17. Didn't drink 'till I was 21. Then I took nearly six years to graduate. Now I'm a year out and 25 and others are a year out and 23 and I feel behind (especially because I don't have some corporate job). Also, my father was incredibly emotionally unstable/abusive an' after 18 years of that I learned to trust neither myself nor men. Though I'm aware of the issue and working on it I know it's seriously stunted me socially, especially when when it comes to guys, and the few who have asked me out/said they liked me and I've gone like this: "....*blink* *blink* o_O Weeeeeee! Run away! Run away! *scampers off stuttering some stupid excuse and blushing*" *^_^* I'm working on it. But, yeah, feel very very behind.
 

Athenian200

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Wow.

I have to say, this isn't what I thought it was. I've felt as if I'm out of sync with people, but... it's not like I feel that there's a single track through life with several points that I'm supposed to pass, and I've got to compare my progress with that of other people.

Why is it necessary to perceive things through that paradigm? That everyone has to get the same basic achievements that have been defined as desirable by a group of people that are often respected, and some people have got more of them than others, and that is decidedly positive? I mean, sure that kind of logic makes sense playing a video game, but I hardly think it's appropriate to apply it to real, individual people.

Could someone explain why it's done this way? I don't get it. :huh:
 

something boring

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Wow.

I have to say, this isn't what I thought it was. I've felt as if I'm out of sync with people, but... it's not like I feel that there's a single track with several points that I'm supposed to pass, and I've got to compare my progress with that of other people.

Why is it necessary to perceive things through that paradigm? That everyone has to get the same basic achievements that have been defined as desirable by the collective, and some people have got more of them than others, and that is decidedly positive? I mean, sure that kind of logic makes sense playing a video game, but I hardly think it's appropriate to apply it to real, individual people.

Could someone explain why it's done this way? I don't get it. :huh:

+1
 

briochick

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Why is it necessary to perceive things through that paradigm? That everyone has to get the same basic achievements that have been defined as desirable by a group of people that are often respected, and some people have got more of them than others, and that is decidedly positive? I mean, sure that kind of logic makes sense playing a video game, but I hardly think it's appropriate to apply it to real, individual people.

Could someone explain why it's done this way? I don't get it. :huh:

Well, I know that I have always desired other people's approval, and they expect certain things of me, which I haven't achieved. It feels like strike one right off the bad. They don't even get to decide that I'm too-whatever, they're already looking at me distastefully for what I haven't achieved.
Example; One of my co-workers (graduated last year just like me) heard that I was struggling to figure out where I was headed after this and money stuff with the economy. She made some comment which I can't and I said something about "Yeah, but I'm 25, I feel like I should be doing adult things." And she got this look of disgust on her face and said "Oh, I didn't realized you were *that* old. Well, maybe you can try for an *unpaid* internship."

Now, side story is that she doesn't like me for whatever reason and I'm stupid enough to be nice and try to talk to her when I'm stuck in a room with her, which always results in me being insulted but it was my lagging behind which she chose to fixate on, and the idea that it devalued me.

There's also the idea that if these traits or achievements-by-a-certain time are desired by those respected than you will receive more if you achieve them. And I think, sort of an idea that those who have achieved them rule society while everyone else is subordinate to them.

I personally wish I could *stop* thinking this way. It would make my life a lot less stressful.
 

Athenian200

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Well, I know that I have always desired other people's approval, and they expect certain things of me, which I haven't achieved. It feels like strike one right off the bad. They don't even get to decide that I'm too-whatever, they're already looking at me distastefully for what I haven't achieved.
Example; One of my co-workers (graduated last year just like me) heard that I was struggling to figure out where I was headed after this and money stuff with the economy. She made some comment which I can't and I said something about "Yeah, but I'm 25, I feel like I should be doing adult things." And she got this look of disgust on her face and said "Oh, I didn't realized you were *that* old. Well, maybe you can try for an *unpaid* internship."

Now, side story is that she doesn't like me for whatever reason and I'm stupid enough to be nice and try to talk to her when I'm stuck in a room with her, which always results in me being insulted but it was my lagging behind which she chose to fixate on, and the idea that it devalued me.

There's also the idea that if these traits or achievements-by-a-certain time are desired by those respected than you will receive more if you achieve them. And I think, sort of an idea that those who have achieved them rule society while everyone else is subordinate to them.

I personally wish I could *stop* thinking this way. It would make my life a lot less stressful.

I guess I sort of understand that, then. I prefer not to be disliked, but my approach is generally to avoid people (or at least avoid letting them get to know things about me) so that I don't have to deal with their opinions about me. Which is actually pretty screwed up but in a different way.

But still... why is "more" respect better? I guess what I think it would be best to do, is try to associate with people who value things in similar ways to myself. For two reasons... one, even if you achieve the respect of these people you're trying to impress, you still won't really relate to them (or vice-versa) or feel fulfilled by what you've done, because it wasn't what you wanted. Second, it's generally much more satisfying to be respected by people you relate to for doing things that you consider important, than it is to be respected by people you don't relate to for doing things you feel like you're just "supposed" to do.

Does that make sense? I should note that I'm probably not in a good position to be giving advice to other people, but I felt I should say this.

Lastly, I guess I'll make one more note. It's quite possible that you're somehow "stuck" with this perspective on some level because you've been exposed to it so often, and that could make it very difficult to be fulfilled. It's an unfortunate tendency of human beings to unconsciously and without choice absorb the ideas and behaviors of others. Often, even in being disgusted by such a thing, you've still acknowledged it's presence in a way you can't control, and have thus given it power you probably didn't want it to have.
 

Manimal

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oh man i constantly feel this way, for years ive thought this!!! i usualy find i lag behind in areas like family, career, amassing stuff but i also find im way ahead of the curve in alot of other areas like personal growth type stuff.
 
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