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[Jungian Cognitive Functions] INFJ vs INFP -- which is more forgiving?

Generally speaking, which do you think is the more forgiving type?


  • Total voters
    122

ceecee

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In my experience, the INFP's say they are sorry almost immediately. Not entirely sure they have thought it through, which leads me to believe they don't hold grudges exactly but once they have sifted through everything, they may. INFJ, on the other hand (ENFJ's too) can absolutely hold a grudge but will tell you it's all good to your face. This is a huge problem but they can learn a better way and once they see that, they're happy to be more upfront about how they feel. Not so sure about INFP's.

These are my experiences with the types but I also think it depends on the person and probably the situation that required forgiveness.
 

xenaprincess

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I work with an INFJ.
He's much more annoyed and pissed off at many more people than I am. But then, he has an easier time forgiving people than I do.

In my experience, Fe expresses the emotion and is dissipates quickly. Fi internalizes the emotion and it stays there for a while.
 

the state i am in

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whichever ones needs have been better met.

(i can't think of anything else meaningful to say that holds up other than this. even e4 and e9 forgive differently in different situations. e4s are less likely to ideologically "evil" you. e9s are less likely to feel compelled to judge you in the first place. either type can react when their desire to care and their sensitivity and/or self-esteem are fucked with, which can lead to especially strong reactivity when they struggle to take care of themselves and assert the boundaries they need. their internal conflict with their own willingness and acceptance and commitment to asserting their own needs within themselves while still being skilled enough at doing so to hear the other is where the challenge to learn to forgive lies)
 

Arctic Hysteria

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I cannot speak for INFPs of all enneagram types, but there's no such thing as apologising immediately, or not holding grudges, or putting on a sweet face for us type 4. You see it on our faces.
 

dog

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"....to forgive, divine." we can never truly "let go". The question seems to be how we deal with these offences (which of course is what everyone is really saying here) .

i tend to bury them and look at the present/future potential.....(but as i found out this year, they are STILL there.)
 

Forever

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I hope someone can hear me out on this, or present to me a strong case jungian function wise in at least why INFP would be the better overall candidate.

After reading some of the posts, maybe it's some self-bias but reading about people who say that INFJ's aren't that forgiving is kind of odd. If anything, would any of you consider those "INFJ's" who didn't forgive you may very well be ISFJ? I think Si is the thing to look out for is because it helps the user remember how "exactly to a degree/some point" of how the event happened coupled with Fi and you got the internal feeling state on lock-down.

I would therefore say ISFJ's/INFP's are more prone to holding back forgiveness because of the sentimental memory. In an INFJ's cognitive functions Ni is pattern seeking and may seek some people with certain behaviors to avoid, but it is more out of pattern conformity than it is holding a grudge/hate for others. Because Si is known as our weakest or "devil" function, we don't tend to want to focus on every sensation or feeling state we experienced, especially if it's bad.

Now this is generally speaking and there are exceptions. Theoretically speaking, I am strongly sticking to my own type is leaning towards forgiveness.

And if we want to go over the other side of theoreticizing: Those who hold Fi-Te (to some thread I read) tend to think every individual is different and unique and shouldn't focus on they themselves being someone they should or want not to be. While Fe-Ti idealizes a certain kind of self that everyone should/ought to be believing in change. The latter would seem intuitively clear to me that Fe/Ti leans more towards forgiveness (in an INFJ's case, focused on the future makes it more to see other's in their potentials instead of their actualities).

INFJ Door Slam is also been overused to death in FB groups, gives us the bad image as well. In my interpretation of this silly name, you really have to persistently annoy us to death.


Hehe, I matched my signature to the opposite of what I said. ^_^
 

Duffy

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This thread is odd and typical NF boring stupidity. I get the sense that it's a competition on who is more forgiving. If that is the case, then I'd ask why? Is this perhaps a western thing or related to something else?

After reading some of the posts, maybe it's some self-bias but reading about people who say that INFJ's aren't that forgiving is kind of odd. If anything, would any of you consider those "INFJ's" who didn't forgive you may very well be ISFJ? I think Si is the thing to look out for is because it helps the user remember how "exactly to a degree/some point" of how the event happened coupled with Fi and you got the internal feeling state on lock-down.

If it is indeed an ISFJ "thing" then I'd say it would be quite ironic. The stereotypical image of an ISFJ is enneagram 2, which is dubbed the helper. The drive for type 2 is pride, manifesting as knowing the needs of others better than others know themselves, and subsequently, casting away one's own needs. Now heart types are all associated with grief, but it's how they relate to it is what characterizes the differences. When we talk about grudges, and for the sake of precision, we mean someone who's resentful from past hurts, naturally you'd fall into a discussion involving grief and hatred. You may be right in saying that INFPs are more prone to grudges. Maybe. But that's not surprising as INFPs are commonly associated with enneagram 4s, a type with strong ties toward hatred. Type 4 internalizes grief, and tend to focus on loss (hence the "longing" stereotype). And this focus on loss OR we can call "lack," can lead to resentment. So to say INFJs are less likely to keep grudges doesn't make sense to me, because so many INFJs are 4s, unless you believe the meme of INFPs mistyping as INFJs. Hell, I can think of two INFJs I know who hold grudges and aren't even 4s. One is INFJ 3w4 and another is INFJ 6w5.

In short, I don't think it's an MBTI thing. If you want to tag this onto type, then it's probably enneagram combined with individual quirks. Personally, I see an investment in being forgiving or "above it all" as more enneagram 2 than anything else.
 

marth

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It depends. As an infj myself its very easy for me to tell when someone made an honest mistake and won't do it again. If it was big it may peeve me off for a while at the person's nerve, but as long as they can make up for it I'd say I was pretty square with them. However if someone shows a repeated line of offenses and bad behaivor towards me I don't have tolerance for that at all lol. Especially when they apologize and do nothing to change. Its a really dirty underhanded tactic and I don't like involving myself with people like that. :shrug:
 

Neshama

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I think INFPs are quicker to forgive those within their inner circle and INFJs are quicker to forgive people outside of their inner circle. INFJs would take the offense coming from a friend more personally, but forgive the ignorance of a stranger. Enneagram differences will come into play, but I think this is generally true.
 

Forever

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Actually I'm thinking the majority is pretty right, I can be pretty unforgiving with certain people.
 

Neshama

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Actually I'm thinking the majority is pretty right, I can be pretty unforgiving with certain people.

I'm leaning toward INFP too, if they are a healthy INFP.
 

KittyK

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So true. I just simply won't show the offender certain parts of myself. It's not necessarily that I am mad at him, it can be a very rational decision (Ti?), this person hurt me so I would be stupid to go to this vulnerable place with him again. Simple as that.

But I tend to be very forgiving in that I always try to find excuses and rationalisations why someone did something bad, thinking how I would have behaved if I would be in his shoes. However once you have exhausted me giving you the benefit of the doubt again and again I will either distance myself from you or cut you completely out of my life.

This sounds so exactly like me. I am forgiving and I never blame the other person, but I had someone who was very close to me who did something that really badly damaged my trust in them and it has unchangeably altered our relationship to the point where I don't tell them hardly anything personal. I'm not holding back because I'm mad, but because my trust in them is no longer there and I just can't.
 

tkae.

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INFJ consider more offenses to be objectively wrong, whereas most INFP consider offenses to be more subjectively wrong. The implication of that is that INFJs are more likely to consider what you did to be wrong, where INFP are probably more likely to "forgive" you since what did isn't "wrong".
 

Heaven's Child

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I would say that both types are very forgiving in their own way.(if they are healthy, of course)
In my experience, INFJs are really compassionate and if you do something to hurt them, they will put their own feelings aside and try to come clear with you (sometimes, this can also reach an unhealthy level)
INFPs tend to value peace and having a good relationship with other people is part of that. Even if someone was mean to me once, I'm ready to forgive them if they are really willing to come clear with me.
 

Outrageousoreo

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Depends... I think both INFPs and INFJs can have a pretty hard time forgiving people if they've been betrayed. Even if I don't bring up something that has hurt me, I think the trust I have for another person is greatly reduced.. I will no longer share as much as I used too.

I spend a huge time thinking about whether a person is worthy of complete trust and then open up to them. If this trust is betrayed, I don't think it'll ever be the same. The relationship might just slowly fade. For minor offences and for strangers or acquaintances, I usually rant and then don't really give a shit about it after that because those people don't mean anything to me. XD
 

Luv Deluxe

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I don't hold onto the past, I'm not nostalgic at all, and I think change is inevitable and welcome and perfect. However, I do have involuntary, gut-reaction, unpleasant feelings when a negative figure from my past crops up again. I may not even remember what exactly it was about this person that upset me so much, but the general impression returns and I want to run from it.

I've actually gotten myself burned pretty badly when I've acted against that sensation, putting my own feelings aside. I've tried to stay friends with people I knew that I shouldn't have, and the only thing it did was prolong a painful experience for both parties.

I don't want to hurt anyone or make anybody sad, and I am the last person to engage in acts of vengeance. I don't stalk people on Facebook, either. I just let them go.

But when I let them go, I kind of want them to stay gone.

I tend to move on quickly, and I'm usually pretty happy after doing so. My life gets better, I find more compatible friends, chase higher goals, etc., and I think the other person's life gets better, too. It sounds cheesy, but I think things happen exactly as they were meant to. Sometimes, if prompted to think about it, I actually remember a lot of the people I've removed from my life with love. I just don't have an interest in rekindling what we were - not even muted versions thereof.

One of those old friends has tried reaching out to me a few times in the last year, and it's sad, but I just can't bring myself to respond to her. Not out of a grudge, just...I know it's not for the best.

So, long story short, I don't hold grudges...but I think it appears to others that I do. It's really hard for me to keep a source of pain in my life. Maybe that's weak, I don't know. But I guarantee you there are probably a few people out there who would say, "Oh, her? Yeah, she HATES me," when in reality, I haven't thought of them in quite a while.
 

Lsjnzy13

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As an INFP, I can tell you that I will forgive, but I never forget.
 
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