[Jungian Cognitive Functions] INFJ vs INFP -- which is more forgiving?

[Duffy]

I'm more of a grudge person. Not saying I plot revenge or let it bother me to the point of burden (hence the need for forgiveness in some people). I just think it's important to remember the burn.....for self preservation reasons.

 

[Riva]

Do INFJs think that they are forgiving?

I'd say INFJs are one of the least forgiving of all the types, with some caveats.

Small things I can forgive relatively easily. I don't get easily offended by inconsequential power plays or failure to follow social niceties or things of that sort that some other types seem to bristle at. If I feel that the other party is not being mean-spirited, I usually let things slide.

HOWEVER.

The bigger, make-me-cry type of things in which I feel the other person was being vicious.... Oooh I hold onto that for years. It's rare for me to forgive serious, emotional betrayals like backstabbing or abandonment. It's like I'm a very caring, emotionally open person until a sacred line is crossed and then I shut the other person out forever.

An INFJ admits.

Phew.. faith in humanity restored.

 

[MyCupOfTea]

I'm more of a grudge person. Not saying I plot revenge or let it bother me to the point of burden (hence the need for forgiveness in some people). I just think it's important to remember the burn.....for self preservation reasons.

I can forgive if the other person truly feels sorry for his/her words/actions. Although the memory remains... It's like Hijynx said, it's not about planning a revenge, it's more personal thing, like a lesson learned about the human nature.

 

[windoverlake]

I'm more of a grudge person. Not saying I plot revenge or let it bother me to the point of burden (hence the need for forgiveness in some people). I just think it's important to remember the burn.....for self preservation reasons.

Precisely. And if you are going to choose to 'forget' the burn, one does so as a leap of faith. Second chances depend upon faith entirely.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Precisely. And if you are going to choose to 'forget' the burn, one does so as a leap of faith. Second chances depend upon faith entirely.

Or a poor memory.
As a general rule, I think both INFJs and INFPs remember details about their interactions with people. We can remember both the good and the bad without trying too hard. It has surprised me that not everyone does this. Other people forget former interactions with people as easily as I forget what other people were wearing last week. I don't typically forget much that ever held my attention, so I remember the good experiences as well.

 

[windoverlake]

Or a poor memory.
As a general rule, I think both INFJs and INFPs remember details about their interactions with people. We can remember both the good and the bad without trying too hard. It has surprised me that not everyone does this. Other people forget former interactions with people as easily as I forget what other people were wearing last week. I don't typically forget much that ever held my attention, so I remember the good experiences as well.

Yes, that's very true. I do say that I forget, but it would be more accurate to say that I 'forget', because I still retain it in the memory bank as it was an important experience. What I meant by 'forget', though, is to say that once I've doorslammed I'm not actively thinking and remembering and reliving the event. On occasion, if I'm reminded I will do all those things, but it's more of a reaction than anything else; and once I'm finished ruminating and re-processing I'm onto something else. And I totally get you on the good and the bad. I still have very fond feelings for those I've also cut out of my life.

 

[IDreamtIWasABee]

INFPs. Even the internet trolls. Especially the internet trolls. Yeah, yeah, we "never forget" how you hosed us. We also "never forget" telling you that the rare card in your Pokemon pack was lamer than ours.

I'm sure there are some hardasses among us who would consign Hitler to Hell, but combing the earth for the 13 INFPs who wouldn't shame God for creating Hell in the first place is not the most productive use of your time.

INFPs are soft. Every schoolkid knows it. Your evil ex knows it. And your parents really know it. The fact that we conquered our steely inner landscapes like American settlers storming the continent doesn't change the fact that we could have never Jacksoned the Indians. A "weak" INFP is just someone who doesn't demand sincerity with your apology. But if you are sorry, and make any effort to not suck, all is forgiven.

 

[highlander]

I voted INFJ because I think INFPs are more likely to hold grudges which is something that is somewhat foreign to me.

 

[Riva]

I voted INFJ because I think INFPs are more likely to hold grudges which is something that is somewhat foreign to me.

Sometimes i wonder whether you are a e6.

 

[Evee]

Sometimes i wonder whether you are a e6.

Or an INTJ.

 

[Chrysanthe]

Vengeance and Evil are the works of Fi.

 

[Arctic Hysteria]

Just because the INFP says "that's okay" and resume affection / friendliness more quickly than you expect doesn't mean he/she has forgiven.

To watch someone showing remorse and seeking forgiveness in agony is painful for INFPs. Most INFPs believe their existence has a sense of purpose when they can successfully improve the mood, alleviate the stress and ease the pain for people around them, right there and then, with little hesitation.
Therefore, when you do us wrong then seek forgiveness, even though deep down inside we haven't forgiven and forgotten, and we may even be hurting, we'd tell ourselves that withholding affection from the other person and alienating them would cause them so much pain. And that thought is more painful than being done wrong to.

Of course, this kind of behavior in INFPs doesn't help us show people where the line is drawn, and people might find doing us wrong then seeking forgiveness just gets easier.
We keep on forgiving, while bottling up the grudges. We might break down or subtly try to tell people too that we won't accept this kind of behavior, which people would often take pretty lightly.

Then one day, we take off.
By then, good luck with having us back in your life.


INFJs are just better at leaving people to their own bullshit and take off before shit hits the fan.

 

[Emperor Enigma]

I hold grudges. Don't know if this is related to Fi or Se or simply NTR.

My mother is an Fe type and she can brutally insult you one moment and act like the nicest person in the world the next. I find it kind of insulting, to be honest, especially when she makes the excuse that her insulting me was influenced by her anger and what she said was not the truth. Bullshit. I believe that you reveal your true self and your true feelings when you surrender to your emotions.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

I hold grudges. Don't know if this is related to Fi or Se or simply NTR.

My mother is an Fe type and she can brutally insult you one moment and act like the nicest person in the world the next. I find it kind of insulting, to be honest, especially when she makes the excuse that her insulting me was influenced by her anger and what she said was not the truth. Bullshit. I believe that you reveal your true self and your true feelings when you surrender to your emotions.

I have always thought that part too. However, I have recently learned otherwise.

My wife when angry will say horrible things, usually the opposite of what she really means, but I only just realized that.

So, now I that I realize she is just throwing shit out to hurt me (mostly), I don't fret so much about her words.

And my wife is a Fi type......

 

[Destiny]

I hold grudges. Don't know if this is related to Fi or Se or simply NTR.

My mother is an Fe type and she can brutally insult you one moment and act like the nicest person in the world the next. I find it kind of insulting, to be honest, especially when she makes the excuse that her insulting me was influenced by her anger and what she said was not the truth. Bullshit. I believe that you reveal your true self and your true feelings when you surrender to your emotions.

My Fe dom mother does the same thing to me too. She also used to slap me on the face when I was a kid.

I think she has some personality disorder or some mental illness that causes her to be this way. I just try to avoid her whenever I see her and I keep a business-like approach in our relationship. I don't tell her any personal issues of mine. If she is in the house, I'll be outdoors. If she is in the living room, I'll be in the bedroom.

Am I holding a grudges against her? I don't know. I don't view my action as holding grudges though, I'm just protecting my own mental/emotional health.

 

[Poki]

I have always thought that part too. However, I have recently learned otherwise.

My wife when angry will say horrible things, usually the opposite of what she really means, but I only just realized that.

So, now I that I realize she is just throwing shit out to hurt me (mostly), I don't fret so much about her words.

And my wife is a Fi type......

Not everyone is thier emotions. I personally see it as input, not all of me. Who I truly am is someone who tries to avoid emotional reactions and use reason. I am this person day in and day out. To judge me on my outbreaks of emotions is to know a tiny part of me.

To many people will push until someone explodes and get an outburst, the issue is that it's a build up of things that individually don't mean shit. What feeling you need to learn is don't push 50 million crap buttons at once.

My ex did that crap and woud say...now I know who you really are. Yeah, have fun with that...this is who I am when royally frustrated. If all you do is chalk it up to who I am and not learn the cause I really don't want that person in my life. I am very easy going laid back 99.9% of the time. Keep me at that 1% and I will make sure your in my life as little as possible.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

My mother is an Fe type and she can brutally insult you one moment and act like the nicest person in the world the next.

My wife when angry will say horrible things, usually the opposite of what she really means, but I only just realized that.

When someone has the tendency to compulsively say really vitriolic things in the moment whenever they're feeling hurt or angry (or just tired, or whatever unpleasant feeling)- and then either completely forget they behaved that way (and expect others to forget it too) or expect to be able to retract it without it being a big deal- I think it's because they don't have much or any tolerance to feeling unpleasant things, so they compulsively externalize the 'reason' they're feeling bad. There's some truth to it when they later say they "didn't mean it"- because in retrospect, if they're feeling better, their tolerance for the unpleasant feeling may be higher and they will be able to see how they externalized 'too much' of that feeling. It's still a shitty thing to do though.

 

[Crabs]

Ugh...I misread the title and voted incorrectly. I'm an INFP and I rarely hold onto grudges long-term or exert energy trying to get back at people. If someone is persistently violating my values, however, I will deal with the issue and let it go. No sense in harboring negativity. In my experience with INFJs, on the other hand, they seem to hold onto grudges with a firm grip, unless I'm totally misperceiving their actions.

 

[prplchknz]

first few times and they are actually remourseful and was on honest mistake i will forgive. but if it becomes clear that they're using it as manipulation tactic i will drop kick that person to the curb so fast. like one person in the thread claimed on the first page. sorry but people like that disgust me and do not deserve forgiveness.

so basically once or twice will forgive. more than that but actually trying still will forgive. becomes clear it's manipulation or has no actual remorse, fuck that. they can eat dirt.


but i don't think it comes down to type but the person and their experiences. some other INFPs would be quicker to forgive than me and some INFJs would be slower, and vice versa.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

but i don't think it comes down to type but the person and their experiences. some other INFPs would be quicker to forgive than me and some INFJs would be slower, and vice versa.

This. While type may a small component of this, there is a huge factor of how mature and healthy a person is, as well.