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[ENFJ] Fellow ENFJ's: Do You Ever Feel Like People Just Use You?

Desperado44

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I'm curious if anyone else ever feels that way....

You're there for every friend....whenever they need you. You come through in the clutch when no one else will. You work late, you try to always do the right thing.....

Nonetheless, you never seem to have too many great things come your way.

Do you ever feel like you're just being used? Like you're running on empty?
 

Cronkle

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Yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I'm still looking for someone who knows the meaning of reliability, someone who will call me back. I would come over to some of these people's houses in the middle of the night, for almost anything, and some of them won't even call me back!

Oh well. My job as journalist lets me meet new people everyday, so I'm always on the lookout for someone I can trust and confide in.

It seems to be a lot of what Shakespeare said, "Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."
 

antireconciler

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:hug:

may way too many great things come your way~
 

Desperado44

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Thanks for both of those responses :)

Damn....I'm just worn out. And it seems to point to always being the 'go to' person....

I really wonder if my fellow ENFJ's get worn out.....
 

Lookin4theBestNU

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:hug: Running on empty happens to me when I over extend myself with what seems like an endless string of priorities. A sense of balance is something which is difficult to obtain for me let alone maintain for any length of time. People can really drain you for your time and attention if you let them. I've been known to let them. I'm not sure how other ENFJs are but for myself guilt can be a driving force. I don't want to let anyone down that I care about for sure. If I let that little voice in my head take over I'm essentially screwed! I do my very best to detach and listen to the warning signs that I'm about to get in over my head. If I stand back and look most of the things I was telling myself to do were not always that important in the grand scheme of things.
 

Desperado44

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:hug: Running on empty happens to me when I over extend myself with what seems like an endless string of priorities. A sense of balance is something which is difficult to obtain for me let alone maintain for any length of time. People can really drain you for your time and attention if you let them. I've been known to let them. I'm not sure how other ENFJs are but for myself guilt can be a driving force. I don't want to let anyone down that I care about for sure. If I let that little voice in my head take over I'm essentially screwed! I do my very best to detach and listen to the warning signs that I'm about to get in over my head. If I stand back and look most of the things I was telling myself to do were not always that important in the grand scheme of things.


Wow...that all sounds so familiar. I can't seem to learn to detach....I just get worn to the bone....and then I get resentful (?).....and then I alienate and hide....

Ugh....I must be having a bad day.....
 

bearette

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As an INFP, I often feel that way too. Of course, I guess INFPs are known for being "flaky"; however, for those that we care about we are willing to do almost anything. It's just that there are not that many people we choose to let into our inner circle whereas it seems that ENFJs are willing to go to great lengths (or at least some length) to be there for people they may not actually be that close to.

I have a really good friend who is an ENFJ and the thing we seem to have in common (well, one thing) is the amount to which we care (about other people). As an INFP sometimes I think I care more about others than they do about me. In that sense I feel that the ENFJ and I are well-matched as friends. We both go the extra mile for each other. It's nice:)
 

Desperado44

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I'm still looking for someone who knows the meaning of reliability, someone who will call me back. I would come over to some of these people's houses in the middle of the night, for almost anything, and some of them won't even call me back!

This seems to be a snapshot of my life. Do you find yourself wondering why that is?? I can't figure it out.....but I feel like I'm getting angry about it....
 

bearette

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Wow...that all sounds so familiar. I can't seem to learn to detach....I just get worn to the bone....and then I get resentful (?).....and then I alienate and hide....

Ugh....I must be having a bad day.....

ahh....so that's why my ENFJ friend sometimes seems detached and a bit frazzled, and sort of seems to isolate himself.

Sorry to hear that, ENFJs....I often wonder why you feel the need to give to everyone equally...as an INFP I decide who I like and tend to distance myself from everyone else. But, I am introvert- that's easier for me to do I guess.
 

Desperado44

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ahh....so that's why my ENFJ friend sometimes seems detached and a bit frazzled, and sort of seems to isolate himself.

Sorry to hear that, ENFJs....I often wonder why you feel the need to give to everyone equally...as an INFP I decide who I like and tend to distance myself from everyone else. But, I am introvert- that's easier for me to do I guess.

Yeah. I am totally admitting to it. Ever since my divorce and subsequent betrayals by many friends....I feel like I have a shorter fuse for all this crap. I just don't trust anyone anymore....and I get dozens of calls a week from friends who just 'need me'......and I wonder...."what the heck? Why doesn't anyone feel that way about me?"

Ugh.....I'm ready to do without my 'F'
 

Lacey

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My mom is ENFJ and she has this problem a lot. She will do anything for anyone, and eventually people (including us, her children) start taking her for granted. She is always exhausted because she's so damn self-sacrificing. She needs to learn to say, "No" sometimes. But it's hard to do that...I know. I'm sorry you ENFJs have this problem... From now on I'll make sure to let all of you know how much I appreciate you, through words and actions. :hug:
 

Desperado44

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My mom is ENFJ and she has this problem a lot. She will do anything for anyone, and eventually people (including us, her children) start taking her for granted. She is always exhausted because she's so damn self-sacrificing. She needs to learn to say, "No" sometimes. But it's hard to do that...I know. I'm sorry you ENFJs have this problem... From now on I'll make sure to let all of you know how much I appreciate you, through words and actions. :hug:

Good insight Lacey. Im sure your mother is a great lady. You would think I would have it figured out by now.....
 

bearette

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I somewhat understand this feeling. While I don't feel that I over-extend myself in terms of helping others (not usually) I often have felt that when I really need someone, no one will be there for me in the way that I was there for them.

I hope that my ENFJ friend knows how much I appreciate him. Maybe you guys feel this way because you have given the impression that you like to help (and I know you do). Others may feel they are not as good at it as you are. Which is true...but it doesn't feel good if you are left out in the cold.

Once I asked a friend (not the ENFJ) why he wasn't there for me when I needed him, when I was willing to be there for him, and he said, "you are better at that than I am":huh:
 

Desperado44

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I somewhat understand this feeling. While I don't feel that I over-extend myself in terms of helping others (not usually) I often have felt that when I really need someone, no one will be there for me in the way that I was there for them.

That sums it up. I've just had it. For some reason, it hit me hard today. I never have anyone step up and treat me the way I've treated them. I'm just burnt out and think I need a life change.

I know I can't help who I am....but I sense myself pulling away from everyone. I don't trust anyone.....and feel....well......used.
 

Ulaes

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i see this happeneing from the outside... all the time. *affinity for enfjs increases*

That sums it up. I've just had it. For some reason, it hit me hard today. I never have anyone step up and treat me the way I've treated them. I'm just burnt out and think I need a life change.

I know I can't help who I am....but I sense myself pulling away from everyone. I don't trust anyone.....and feel....well......used.

yes, go and distrust everyone. people suck. its the truth and youve finally come around to it. good for you, enfj person.
 

bearette

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also remember that an an ENFJ you are an expert at sensing when others are upset and need help. Even if you ask others for help they may not be able to sense how upset you are or how much you need them at the time.

as an example i have an INTP friend who is very nice, but I don't think she would be able to sense what I needed when I was upset, unless I spelled it out for her clearly, at which point she would probably be willing to help me in whatever way she could (probably helping me to analyze a situation and see things objectively more so than co-miserating with me).

I know ENFJs are probably reluctant to ask for help, right? so others literally may not be aware you need it.
 

Desperado44

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Enh....there are those that don't necessarily need help...but would like it if someone was actually compassionate.

I've found that the typical ENFJ can't possibly 'ask for anything'....those around them have grown accustomed to them always having it together, rising above the problems, helping everyone else.
 

lecky

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ENFJ's make the best friends ever! They are so strong and stick to their guns and give the best advice...they are my favorite personality by far, I want to be an ENFJ!
 

SpottingTrains

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Wow...that all sounds so familiar. I can't seem to learn to detach....I just get worn to the bone....and then I get resentful (?).....and then I alienate and hide....

Ugh....I must be having a bad day.....

: / Couldn't have said it better myself. I think due to our Fe we must absorb so much that we can't put up any walls to defend against the onslaught of emotions.

Best way I have found to deal with it is to just have a hot bath with no lights on and just try and process everything. Taking an analytical approach to emotions and just life situations in general I find to be very helpful than just Fe'ing the crap out of everything.

As far as your original point about being used I think that it all comes back to us wanting to please everyone. Even if there is the slightest possibility of completing the task we will go for it- even if it breaks us :(
 

Desperado44

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: / Couldn't have said it better myself. I think due to our Fe we must absorb so much that we can't put up any walls to defend against the onslaught of emotions.

Best way I have found to deal with it is to just have a hot bath with no lights on and just try and process everything. Taking an analytical approach to emotions and just life situations in general I find to be very helpful than just Fe'ing the crap out of everything.

As far as your original point about being used I think that it all comes back to us wanting to please everyone. Even if there is the slightest possibility of completing the task we will go for it- even if it breaks us :(

Well said. I'm contemplating how to attain more of a balance. I've gotten to the point where I just have to let calls go to voicemail....some I never return. I've stopped showing up at some events, I basically.....well, hide.

I need to strike a balance.
 
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