[MBTI General] How to deal with thinkers emotional blocked-ness?

[Lady_X]

aww...that's hard for enfp person then...i think

 

[Tiny Army]

Both.

imo

Yep! ENFPs just have more feelings than INTPs. They are also better able to express them.

I would like him to be able to intuitively understand hints that I drop but he often doesn't. I usually sulk for a bit (just 'cause) and then explain to him what kind of response I wanted and why. It's actually remarkable to me how confused he is about the reason for the sulking!

 

[Lady_X]

aww...it's sweet though.

 

[g_vartan]

My bf is an INTP and very emotionally blocked. It was fine with me for a quick minute, but now it's starting to strain the relationship a bit.
Should I just ask him to try to open up a bit more, or wait it out a little more? (we've been together for about 3 months)

Been there, done that. Note though that for most INTPs, 3 months is still very early and this is usually the stage where they take a step back and begin analyzing their feelings towards you. I say give it more of time.

My advice to you is for you both to try to find a middle ground:

1) You need to understand his "love" / "feeling" language and expression will always be different. It will require for you to not be needy and be patient as your INTP gets comfortable with his relationship with you and as he processes his feelings.

2) He needs to make an attempt to be more emotionally expressive -- and the only way he would know that he needs to do that more is by you expressing in a gentle, non-accusatory manner your Fe needs, i.e., "Hon, I like it when you tell me [insert Fe comment] because it makes me feel [insert]."

Relationships are hard, and requires continuous communication and a healthy sprinkling of Fe to sustain/grow. Moreover, the essence of love defies logic, hence INTPs aren't necessarily ready-made, proficient partners off the bat. This is sometimes very hard to accept for the INTP's partner since the relationship could sometimes feel like a one-sided relationship or rather empty/lonely.

Its good to be patient but also recognize your needs / limitations. Relationships though (regardless of type) will only work if both partners wish to grow together. If he's not making an effort or leaving you unsatisfied, perhaps it isn't the relationship for you.

 

[Costrin]

Been there, done that. Note though that for most INTPs, 3 months is still very early and this is usually the stage where they take a step back and begin analyzing their feelings towards you. I say give it more of time.

My advice to you is for you both to try to find a middle ground:

1) You need to understand his "love" / "feeling" language and expression will always be different. It will require for you to not be needy and be patient as your INTP gets comfortable with his relationship with you and as he processes his feelings.

2) He needs to make an attempt to be more emotionally expressive -- and the only way he would know that he needs to do that is by you expressing in a gentle, non-accusatory manner your Fe desire, i.e., "Hon, I like it when you tell me [insert Fe comment] because it makes me feel [insert]."

Relationships are hard, and requires continuous communication and a healthy sprinkling of Fe to sustain/grow. Moreover, the essence of love defies logic, hence INTPs aren't necessarily ready-made, proficient partners off the bat. This is sometimes very hard to reconcile for the INTP's partner since the relationship could sometimes feel like a one-sided relationship or rather empty. Its good to be patient but also recognize your needs / limitations. Relationships though (regardless of type) will only work if both partners wish to grow together. If he's not making an effort or leaving you unsatisfied, perhaps it isn't the relationship for you.

This.

 

[Valiant]

All NT's should be forced to have a tattoo in their forehead that says:

ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTERS...

Or something like that... It would be cool to have that one on the ass, though... ;D
But then again... Ass... Forehead... What's the difference when we're talking about NT's?

 

[EcK]

could u please stop describing not being an emo as some sort of terrible flaw?

please?

 

[Lasting_Pain]

Patience is key. When he opens up to you, it will be a flood gate of emotions that will most likely overwhelm you if not prepared.

 

[Orangey]

To the OP: what would you like him to express that he isn't expressing now? I mean in terms of specifics...physical, verbal, whatever. Do you want him to reveal how he feels about different situations and experiences through speech? Or like hugging/increased physical expressions or actions? Or whispering sweet nothings into your ear ?

I ask because I never know what people mean when they say that others should be more "emotionally expressive." I mean, most people I've met (including NTs) have not had problems voicing that they "felt" the movie was great, or that they "feel" that the situation could have been handled better, or that so and so really irks/saddens/inspires them. Sure, sometimes it can be subtle, but is subtly the problem? I get the impression that for the OP there is absolutely no expressiveness, like he's a literal robot. I know that's the NT stereotype, but I seriously have yet to meet anyone like that (the closest I've seen to this was in depressed people).

So, to sum up...any examples or anecdotes of what it means to be emotionally expressive, or what it means to be emotionally inexpressive? It seems like it would be relative to people's experiences, so I like to have a reference point when assessing situations like this.

 

[civil_disobedience]

You may either have to accept him for exactly who is he and how he expresses himself or break up.
I had similiar issues with the intj I'm with. I used to try to extract (or hope for) an emotional response from him that was unnatural for him.
It was ridiculous. But the more I try to truly get to know and understand who he is instead of trying to make him into who I want him to be, the more he opens up.
NTs feel the same feelings NFs feel, they just have a different way of expressing themselves.

But..it seems like the only way to get close to an NT is to show them that you can teach them something, so I think Skyward makes a good point.

 

[Costrin]

NTs feel the same feelings NFs feel, they just have a different way of expressing themselves.

Actually I disagree with this.

Maybe because your experience is with an INTJ. His Fi as a relief function can possibly seem NF-like.

 

[mlittrell]

i just make fun of them. it seems to work quite well.

 

[ThinkingAboutIt]

If you don't engage the mind (and keep it engaged), you will never get to the heart of an INTP- it's a process that requires patience (if I am pushed into a corner or very pressed, I will block, back up, or bolt).

 

[Fluffywolf]

Let them think and there's no conflict.

 

[zago]

Make him angry... very angry.

 

[Fluffywolf]

It's hard to make a thinker angry.

At least, it's hard to make me angry.

 

[jenocyde]

I don't feel blocked at all. I know I don't have the same spectrum of emotions as feelers, but I know what I like and don't like. But when I speak up and voice stuff, they tend to keep the conversation going for hours and bring it up in every argument. So most times I'd rather not say anything at all.

 

[tibby]

It's hard to make a thinker angry.

But when they're angry... Run. For your life.

 

[Skyward]

i just make fun of them. it seems to work quite well.

It turns into a good debate which engages their mind, the better you can keep up with them the more they respect you.

I find that my INTP friend is an excellent planning partner. when my mind is running in circles like one of the Three Stooges, his is going fairly steady on one direction.

It's hard to make a thinker angry.

There are times when I felt that I might have accidentally slipped over a line with my INTP friend (It would have turned into an ENFP into an explosion) but when he reacts it's a lot mellower than I expect, and then I think that he might have kept it in. It's hard to tell with him but in his current tough family situation I've been seeing a little bit more expressiveness. His emotions haven't grown, but his willingness to talk about it is higher.

He's nonchalant about them, too. He gets over emotional bursts quickly and talks about the situations systematically and logically. The emotion he felt turned into data. As much as I don't like to see him in the situation he's stuck in, I think it'll stretch his F more, making him better than most of the other NTs I know (Who have a tendency to be real pricks)

But when they're angry... Run. For your life.

If its an xNTJ you shouldn't run, because it will only delay your death, giving them time to come up with ways to make it horrible

 

[Fluffywolf]

Oh totally, when I do get angry. And if that happens you really, really, did something terribly wrong. I can fire words like cannonballs, without hesitation or remorse. Straight in your face! Bring on the hurt.

I've only once been in a physical fight and that was alcohol related. I doubt I'd ever get physical in any fight in any situation, unless it's in self defense though.