To me this entire empathy , love people , need people .... etc. thing in many cases look like something that can be called a form masturbation.
I will probably hurt someones feelings but I think that some things need to be said.
To me this entire empathy , love people , need people .... etc. thing in many cases look like something that can be called a form masturbation.
I would dare to say that this comes out because of problems with your confidance.
You (NFs) when you don't know what to do you play it safe by trying to help people understand their feelings. Basicly this is nothing more then need to be needed.
Plus if you are in vulnerable/unplesant situation you will make a number of mistakes. Mostlly by projecting your emotions on others.
OK sometimes people really need help, that is a fact. But NFs approach in this kinds of things can go too far. So instead that you help a person you annoy that person. Probably by saying that they are denying their feelings.
While the person can have much smaller set of emotions.
Not to mention that in many cases can be debated if the person actually need a session.
I think that in many cases you are the ones that really need help/support and you probably know it.
As for gift/curse: I think that is more of a curse.
This is written in very simplistic way but I think that my claims are clear.
If people are well, it is all the better for me, and I am genuinely happier when people are happier. When they are not though, I am not upset.. I work with them as best as I can and do what I can to help lift them up, as people help lift me up when I need it.
I identify only with the need to feel useful.
If people are well, it is all the better for me, and I am genuinely happier when people are happier. When they are not though, I am not upset.. I work with them as best as I can and do what I can to help lift them up, as people help lift me up when I need it.
Does anyone else experience this sort of intense feeling of wanting to connect with people, wanting to understand them, wanting to help them and love them and change their lives.... and a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?
there are days when i just feel such a strong and personal yearning to connect. sometimes it's just an overwhelming desire to cheer someone up (writing encouraging letters, calling an old friend), or a desire to engage in an exciting or spiritual or complex conversation with someone..... but sometimes it's that dreamy, almost whimsical, longing to change a life, touch a soul, mend a heart.......
when you're bored and alone on a late night, some people have dreams of money and fame and power.... this is my dream: to randomly meet someone who is interesting, dynamic, kind, and broken... together we would explore the world, explore the mind, explore the heart, and i would be able to heal, inspire, entertain, and love them.... forever, complete with our own soundtrack and movie montage
but back to reality i feel like everyday is an opportunity. i love helping people and talking with them in almost any and every way.... but there are those days when everyone is having fun, everyone is happy and content on their own, there's no drama to mediate, no conflicts to settle, no advice to give, no explanations to provide, no gloomy faces to brighten.....
i hate those days it makes me feel useless, boring, awkward, and restless... almost paranoid sometimes....
does anyone identify with any part of this?
Ok, I can relate to this. I'm not so much the 'Mother Theresa' type the way it seems like you are but I want to feel needed for sure. Interesting.... I'm really thinking a lot about what you said because my life lately has lacked that quality and I find myself longing for it so much.Does anyone else experience this sort of intense feeling of wanting to connect with people, wanting to understand them, wanting to help them and love them and change their lives.... and a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?
a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?
I cannot agree more.I really strongly hope you don't have this romantic desire to 'save people' and partner with a broken soul who needs you. You are leading yourself into highly troubled and messy waters. A full blown dysfunctional relationship that will rule over your life and color every other relationship you have.
everyone is having fun, everyone is happy and content on their own, there's no drama to mediate, no conflicts to settle, no advice to give, no explanations to provide, no gloomy faces to brighten.....
I'm not sure if what you are feeling is pure fantasy, and we all have fantasies that don't rule our everyday lives and we reserve for daydreamy sighs - but I really strongly hope you don't have this romantic desire to 'save people' and partner with a broken soul who needs you. You are leading yourself into highly troubled and messy waters. A full blown dysfunctional relationship that will rule over your life and color every other relationship you have.
If you want to save someone, channel your energies into larger causes - domestic violence, education children, feeding the hungry, stopping war, saving the environment.