• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ENFP] ENFP's deep, intense empathy: a gift and a curse?

cheerchick23

New member
Joined
Mar 6, 2009
Messages
59
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
Ne
Does anyone else experience this sort of intense feeling of wanting to connect with people, wanting to understand them, wanting to help them and love them and change their lives.... and a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?

there are days when i just feel such a strong and personal yearning to connect. sometimes it's just an overwhelming desire to cheer someone up (writing encouraging letters, calling an old friend), or a desire to engage in an exciting or spiritual or complex conversation with someone..... but sometimes it's that dreamy, almost whimsical, longing to change a life, touch a soul, mend a heart.......

when you're bored and alone on a late night, some people have dreams of money and fame and power.... this is my dream: to randomly meet someone who is interesting, dynamic, kind, and broken... together we would explore the world, explore the mind, explore the heart, and i would be able to heal, inspire, entertain, and love them.... :heart: forever, complete with our own soundtrack and movie montage :wubbie:

but back to reality ;) i feel like everyday is an opportunity. i love helping people and talking with them in almost any and every way.... but there are those days when everyone is having fun, everyone is happy and content on their own, there's no drama to mediate, no conflicts to settle, no advice to give, no explanations to provide, no gloomy faces to brighten.....

i hate those days :( :cry: it makes me feel useless, boring, awkward, and restless... almost paranoid sometimes....

does anyone identify with any part of this?
 

tibby

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
682
MBTI Type
fool
but there are those days when everyone is having fun, everyone is happy and content on their own, there's no drama to mediate, no conflicts to settle, no advice to give, no explanations to provide, no gloomy faces to brighten.....

There's nothing I'd wish for more
 

velocity

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
477
MBTI Type
epic
paranoid that things are actually going well?

dude that's a little messed up
 

Rachelinpa

New member
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Messages
878
MBTI Type
ENFP
I totally get what you are saying. We like to feel needed, useful and appreciated. Thing is though, there are really always people who need love. You just have to look for them. And, if everyone is really truly happy as you say, you can experience that emotion with them as well and it can be just as fulfilling and probably even more so. Maybe the searching for a connection is healthy, but the desperate desire to be needed is not. I think they are two separate thoughts.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
i relate to the first part of wanting to connect and get to know people but not the second part...i love to just live in the moment when life around me is pleasant...i get in some weird zen mode and just soak it all up...i love it.
 
G

garbage

Guest
At the very least, feeling useless is about the worst feeling in the world for me.
 

IEE623

New member
Joined
Jul 1, 2008
Messages
196
MBTI Type
NeXx
hahahha.... identified completely!!! it was the cause that led to my mental mess right now..... *_*
 

revolve

New member
Joined
Jan 13, 2009
Messages
243
I COMPLETELY relate to what you said too . . . I recommend a job or career where you work very closely with needy people ie. human services / social work - that helps a lot to quench that "thirst" . . . but not completely . . . & I also relate to IEE623 too . . . because I messed up my life pretty bad as well . . . being drawn to people I can help / sad people / depressed, dark people . . . why do we have to be the sunshine? I'm getting back on track though . . . woo-hoo! Life is beautiful!!!
 

Shaula

Te > Fi > Ni
Joined
Nov 27, 2008
Messages
608
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
Does anyone else experience this sort of intense feeling of wanting to connect with people, wanting to understand them, wanting to help them and love them and change their lives.... and a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?
I think this is common for ENFPs.

there are days when i just feel such a strong and personal yearning to connect. sometimes it's just an overwhelming desire to cheer someone up (writing encouraging letters, calling an old friend), or a desire to engage in an exciting or spiritual or complex conversation with someone..... but sometimes it's that dreamy, almost whimsical, longing to change a life, touch a soul, mend a heart.......
I lived with an ENFP for a long time and when she couldn't 'connect' with anyone she kept bothering me. She'd frequently ask how I was and I'd tell her that I was fine. It was like she was searching for something to fix and jumped on any opportunity. But I was stubborn and didn't fully accept her advice which annoyed her and caused us to fight a lot.

when you're bored and alone on a late night, some people have dreams of money and fame and power.... this is my dream: to randomly meet someone who is interesting, dynamic, kind, and broken... together we would explore the world, explore the mind, explore the heart, and i would be able to heal, inspire, entertain, and love them.... :heart: forever, complete with our own soundtrack and movie montage :wubbie:
No offense, but I HATE this about ENFPs. Because in practise I've seen them getting involved with the wrong kind of crowd because they are able to see the good in everyone but then may potentially rationalise the bad aspects of these individuals as acceptable. I have an ENFP friend who believes if you stay long enough with an abusive person they will eventually change even if it takes a lifetime.

but back to reality ;) i feel like everyday is an opportunity. i love helping people and talking with them in almost any and every way.... but there are those days when everyone is having fun, everyone is happy and content on their own, there's no drama to mediate, no conflicts to settle, no advice to give, no explanations to provide, no gloomy faces to brighten.....

i hate those days :( :cry: it makes me feel useless, boring, awkward, and restless... almost paranoid sometimes....
Cherish these days because it was probably in part due to you helping someone. Maybe you said something that brightened a person's day which started a chain reaction. Healthy environments are good.
 

Immaculate Cloud

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
143
MBTI Type
INFJ
i hate those days :( :cry: it makes me feel useless, boring, awkward, and restless... almost paranoid sometimes....

LOL!

To think it is the INFJ who gets accused of trying to fix the world! :doh: You ENFPs are so funny, always wanting some drama...

Even your whining about feeling useless, boring and awkward sounds sooo schweet in a funny way! :hug::hug::hug:
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
what!!?? i resent that!!

we could have ourselves a lil dramatic scene about it if ya want....drama!!?? me??!! hey screw you!!! :newwink:

edit...actually really though...i don't think i am...this mbti shit is messing with my self perception...you guys can knock it all off now.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Totally identify with the OP...though I don't consciously go looking for people who are broken to fix. Somehow I do find them though and I do love to help. Also, when I am bored with no one to talk to, it's not that I'm wishing misfortune on someone so I can help 'em but I do know what it's like to be bored out of your skull and needing a fix by connecting with someone intensely. If I don't get it, it makes me restless, annoyed and I rebel against just about anything. My SO has learned to stay far away from me when I'm in that mood :D
On the other hand, I do occasionally relish having the day all to myself without anyone needing my help :)

And yeah..I thought that the INFJ was supposed to top us in this?
 

Siegfried

New member
Joined
Aug 21, 2008
Messages
237
MBTI Type
?
Totally identify with the OP...though I don't consciously go looking for people who are broken to fix. Somehow I do find them though and I do love to help. Also, when I am bored with no one to talk to, it's not that I'm wishing misfortune on someone so I can help 'em but I do know what it's like to be bored out of your skull and needing a fix by connecting with someone intensely. If I don't get it, it makes me restless, annoyed and I rebel against just about anything. My SO has learned to stay far away from me when I'm in that mood :D
On the other hand, I do occasionally relish having the day all to myself without anyone needing my help :)

And yeah..I thought that the INFJ was supposed to top us in this?


I think ENFPs are very empathetic, they make a huge difference in people's lives and have in mine. :) I understand what you are saying.
 

Immaculate Cloud

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
143
MBTI Type
INFJ
Totally identify with the OP...though I don't consciously go looking for people who are broken to fix. Somehow I do find them though and I do love to help. Also, when I am bored with no one to talk to, it's not that I'm wishing misfortune on someone so I can help 'em but I do know what it's like to be bored out of your skull and needing a fix by connecting with someone intensely. If I don't get it, it makes me restless, annoyed and I rebel against just about anything. My SO has learned to stay far away from me when I'm in that mood :D
On the other hand, I do occasionally relish having the day all to myself without anyone needing my help :)

And yeah..I thought that the INFJ was supposed to top us in this?

This empathy and need-to-connect thing must be an NF thing. I suppose it is how each type goes about it that is different. This INFJ goes about it in a way that looks too purposeful and intense. My IRL ENFP goes about trying to fix me whenever she is having her bouts of existential angst.

THIS INFJ has learned to focus on fixing THINGS now (like broken laptops and things around the house) as opposed to people. True, THINGS don't thank you when you've fixed them.:smile: But the feeling of being in control of my life and not subject to my moods at least WHILE I am fixing those broken things, is worth a LOT, IMHO. Intellectual pursuits are also another way of relieving 'boredom'...And picking the brains of y'all on this forum too!;)
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
I will probably hurt someones feelings but I think that some things need to be said.


To me this entire empathy , love people , need people .... etc. thing in many cases look like something that can be called a form masturbation.

I would dare to say that this comes out because of problems with your confidance.
You (NFs) when you don't know what to do you play it safe by trying to help people understand their feelings. Basicly this is nothing more then need to be needed.

Plus if you are in vulnerable/unplesant situation you will make a number of mistakes. Mostlly by projecting your emotions on others.
OK sometimes people really need help, that is a fact. But NFs approach in this kinds of things can go too far. So instead that you help a person you annoy that person. Probably by saying that they are denying their feelings.
While the person can have much smaller set of emotions.
Not to mention that in many cases can be debated if the person actually need a session.

I think that in many cases you are the ones that really need help/support and you probably know it.

As for gift/curse: I think that is more of a curse.



This is written in very simplistic way but I think that my claims are clear.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Totally disagree AO and think that's whole lot of projecting and misinterpretation on your part....but perhaps i feel that way because i don't share the op's need to be needed...i actually prefer that i'm not...but relating, connecting to and empathizing with people is by no means any more a form of masturbation than your need to dissect them is...and it's ridiculous to say so...quite arrogant as well. We all have our abilities and situations they are best used for.
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
MBTI Type
xNFP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Does anyone else experience this sort of intense feeling of wanting to connect with people, wanting to understand them, wanting to help them and love them and change their lives.... and a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?

there are days when i just feel such a strong and personal yearning to connect. sometimes it's just an overwhelming desire to cheer someone up (writing encouraging letters, calling an old friend), or a desire to engage in an exciting or spiritual or complex conversation with someone..... but sometimes it's that dreamy, almost whimsical, longing to change a life, touch a soul, mend a heart.......

when you're bored and alone on a late night, some people have dreams of money and fame and power.... this is my dream: to randomly meet someone who is interesting, dynamic, kind, and broken... together we would explore the world, explore the mind, explore the heart, and i would be able to heal, inspire, entertain, and love them.... :heart: forever, complete with our own soundtrack and movie montage :wubbie:

but back to reality ;) i feel like everyday is an opportunity. i love helping people and talking with them in almost any and every way.... but there are those days when everyone is having fun, everyone is happy and content on their own, there's no drama to mediate, no conflicts to settle, no advice to give, no explanations to provide, no gloomy faces to brighten.....

i hate those days :( :cry: it makes me feel useless, boring, awkward, and restless... almost paranoid sometimes....

does anyone identify with any part of this?

I used to be like this before I became cynical and realized that most people are just stupid, resent help, want to keep on their dumb-ass paths that lead to destruction, and refuse to be educated.
 

SuperFob

New member
Joined
Aug 7, 2008
Messages
264
MBTI Type
INFJ
This is written in very simplistic way but I think that my claims are clear.
And inaccurate.

My post, put in an even more simplistic way: You've misread NF's more than just a little bit.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
thanks superfob.
t7xhappy.gif
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

Well-known member
Joined
May 11, 2007
Messages
7,263
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
It's both a curse and a blessing. I deal with this stuff all the time. It helps when you can understand the shit out of people, comfort them, and predict exactly how they're going to react and how to create certain reactions using mood, tone, and words. It sucks when you are feeling the discomfort of others and confusing it with your own, or when you become really sensitive to things and shut down or let anxiety get the best of you.
 
Top