[MBTI General] Do NFJs tend to be the most private types?

[Glycerine]

I've noticed that all the NFPs I know tend to open up more than the 3 or 4 NFJs that I know. INFJ's are supposed to like self-disclosure but it only seems to be on a need-to-know basis . For example, I had hung out with someone regularly for three months straight and they didn't realize that I had siblings. Also, I've noticed with the self-disclosure thing, I will talk a lot but much of what i say is very on the surface. I've also noticed this with other NFJs. Also, i will get really mad if my parents tell other people of my accomplishments and my future plans (even though its not that private). Is this typical for other NFJs?

 

[pippi]

INxJs are the most private in my experience. It's one of the biggest differences I've noticed between Ni and Ne.

 

[Glycerine]

INxJs are the most private in my experience. It's one of the biggest differences I've noticed between Ni and Ne.

Oh yeah, I totally forgot how reserved INTJs usually are. Good call!

 

[cascadeco]

Really? Huh, I guess I see it differently. Maybe it's a matter of what people consider as private.

To me, the NFJ's that I know (including myself) are quite open about themselves. The key is that they require people to seek the information out, and to actually ask questions of them. They don't just voluntarily start spewing out personal details - they need to know the audience is interested in and receptive to hearing it. Opinions might be more closely held, as opinions tend to be more volatile depending on the audience. But personal life details? I think NFJ's can be quite open. The other thing with NFJ's would be the tendency to seek others out, so they might naturally be wanting to learn about the other person, so tend to get other people to start talking a lot .... but then don't have the same questions asked to them in turn. Hence, because they don't voluntarily start talking about themselves, they might be perceived (rightly so? I don't know) as private.

I've actually found INFP's (and maybe the INT's to an extent, just in a different way) to be more private in the sense of personal life details and things close to them. Sure, the Ne might inspire more talkativeness and a tendency to not hold opinions as closely (less wary and less care/concern for whether the other person jives with them or not?), but when it comes to them sharing about their life and feelings? They don't respond very much to questions. They share in their own time...but I don't think it can be easily solicited. At least in my experience. I think solicitation can be easy with NFJ's, as long as there's trust built up.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

I'm as private as the news.

 

[Udog]

Tough call. INFJs tend to be pretty open about many things... things I'd be mortified to talk about to all but 1 or 2 people. As long as you ask them, they'll talk about it.

However, INFJs, perhaps more than any other type, leave large chunks of themselves buried.

 

[ReadingRainbows]

Tough call. INFJs tend to be pretty open about many things... things I'd be mortified to talk about to all but 1 or 2 people. As long as you ask them, they'll talk about it.

However, INFJs, perhaps more than any other type, leave large chunks of themselves buried.

Correct, the INFJ is one of the most secretive types, I think its from what I consider to be private, is not private to others.

 

[MrME]

I value my alone time above most things and I do require a considerable amount of time to recharge. In that way, I am extremely private. But, in conversations with friends and even acquantainces, I don't mind revealing truths about myself. Granted, there are a number of personal things that I would never discuss (and I'm sure this is the same with everybody), but even those subjects could be breached if somebody I trusted enough approached me in the "correct" manner. (I put quotes around "correct" because I don't know how else to put it. I don't know, specifically, what the correct manner would be. Hopefully I'll know it when I see it. )

Cetain social situations will make me completely clam up, however. Parties, for one. But, that's an entirely different discussion.

 

[Glycerine]

Tough call. INFJs tend to be pretty open about many things... things I'd be mortified to talk about to all but 1 or 2 people. As long as you ask them, they'll talk about it.

However, INFJs, perhaps more than any other type, leave large chunks of themselves buried.

You hit the nail right on the head. (in bold) I think that was what I meant by "private". But then again, individual differences probably play into how private someone is.

hmmm... it depends. For me, as long as there isn't a strong personal connection to said topic, ask away. Things about my romantic life, my past, my closely held beliefs (religion or politics), my friends, and my family.... I'm a bit cautious about it.

 

[Glycerine]

Really? Huh, I guess I see it differently. Maybe it's a matter of what people consider as private.

To me, the NFJ's that I know (including myself) are quite open about themselves. The key is that they require people to seek the information out, and to actually ask questions of them. They don't just voluntarily start spewing out personal details - they need to know the audience is interested in and receptive to hearing it. Opinions might be more closely held, as opinions tend to be more volatile depending on the audience. But personal life details? I think NFJ's can be quite open. The other thing with NFJ's would be the tendency to seek others out, so they might naturally be wanting to learn about the other person, so tend to get other people to start talking a lot .... but then don't have the same questions asked to them in turn. Hence, because they don't voluntarily start talking about themselves, they might be perceived (rightly so? I don't know) as private.

I've actually found INFP's (and maybe the INT's to an extent, just in a different way) to be more private in the sense of personal life details and things close to them. Sure, the Ne might inspire more talkativeness and a tendency to not hold opinions as closely (less wary and less care/concern for whether the other person jives with them or not?), but when it comes to them sharing about their life and feelings? They don't respond very much to questions. They share in their own time...but I don't think it can be easily solicited. At least in my experience. I think solicitation can be easy with NFJ's, as long as there's trust built up.

Thank you for the insight. From what I've read so far on this thread, I might be wrong I had a limited number of NFJs that I've observed and used some of my personal behavior to make a hypothesis about this. Ironically, several people IRL have told me that I'm a reserved person and that I'm very hard to get to know. Also, i was thinking about my ENFJ teacher vs. the three XNFP teachers I've had. I learned much more about the XNFP teachers through casual classroom discussions than I have about the ENFJ teacher

 

[cascadeco]

Thank you for the insight. From what I've read so far on this thread, I might be wrong I had a limited number of NFJs that I've observed and used some of my personal behavior to make a hypothesis about this. Ironically, several people IRL have told me that I'm a reserved person and that I'm very hard to get to know.

I dunno. It's just based on my observations and people I know in real life. But everyone's going to have their own observations that might be different.

I think I just need to have this as part of my footer on every post I make, but mbti is just a classification system anyway, and describes overall trends. It's not gonna speak towards every aspect of psychology. And as you already point out, there are individual differences within type. Age and experience can play big roles too. I think I am much more open now than I was 10 yrs ago, although in some senses am still reserved. I see personality as having the potential to be a lot more fluid than mbti seems to account for.

 

[cascadeco]

haha yeah. I like reading your intelligent responses. There always very interesting.

Aww..thanks.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

NFJs are selectively private. The things they keep private most people would have no problem discussing and the things they discuss most people would like to keep private. However, if they feel close to you they may be too open about themselves. And then regret it later

 

[Thursday]

NFJs are selectively private. The things they keep private most people would have no problem discussing and the things they discuss most people would like to keep private. However, if they feel close to you they may be too open about themselves. And then regret it later

For example - me and Lauren Ashley are the same person

 

[Glycerine]

I must just be a highly private INFJ then.

 

[MrME]

I must just be a highly private INFJ then.

There's nothing wrong with that at all.

 

[pippi]

The two INFJs I know well (one of them for 10 years) are both very private. Neither of them volunteers any information. Fortunately I ask a lot of questions and like others here have said, when asked they do open up.

They seem to put up walls, not so much to protect themselves as to protect everyone else. I'm not sure why, maybe because of being introverted, but they believe they need to protect other people from their 'emotional intrusiveness', for want of a better phrase. Or their emotional expressiveness, maybe, I don't know how to describe this. They hold back part of themselves. Their own emotions get tangled up with other people's and they try and avoid that by putting up defensive walls to keep their F contained.

Maybe this isn't an INFJ thing, it could just be specific to the two that I know well. I noticed it and discussed it with them because I hold back part of myself too, and I was trying to figure out why. The INTPs that I know are much more free with their information. For me it feels like I'm imposing on other people if I volunteer a lot of details, but if someone asks a specific question I'm open and willing to share almost anything, no matter how personal (again, much like others here have said). I'm just not likely to blab it in public. INxJ blogs are really boring for that reason, the INxP ones are much juicier.

 

[Thursday]

pippi - you have it like the back of your hand

 

[speculative]

I've actually found INFP's (and maybe the INT's to an extent, just in a different way) to be more private in the sense of personal life details and things close to them. Sure, the Ne might inspire more talkativeness and a tendency to not hold opinions as closely (less wary and less care/concern for whether the other person jives with them or not?), but when it comes to them sharing about their life and feelings? They don't respond very much to questions. They share in their own time...but I don't think it can be easily solicited. At least in my experience. I think solicitation can be easy with NFJ's, as long as there's trust built up.

First rule of fight club: you don't talk about fight club...

I am very talkative at certain points, due to Ne, but zero percent of that is focused on my personal life. If you ask me what I did last weekend, I just flat out won't tell you, even to the point of risking being rude... My Ne is focused on politics, business strategy, hobbies, interests, etc. When it comes to talking about me, I don't feel there is anything interesting to say, and then I would get horribly embarrassed for being such a boring person with no value...

On the other hand, my internal monologue is all about me. So, that tends to spill out into my Internet ramblings also...

I think it matters if you separate out "private" from "emotional." INFPs can be very emotionally revealing, while revealing little about their private life at the same time. (If that makes sense...) INFJs on the other hand, at least what I have experience so far, tend to be better about not being emotionally revealing.

 

[iwakar]

I've noticed that all the NFPs I know tend to open up more than the 3 or 4 NFJs that I know. INFJ's are supposed to like self-disclosure but it only seems to be on a need-to-know basis . For example, I had hung out with someone regularly for three months straight and they didn't realize that I had siblings. Also, I've noticed with the self-disclosure thing, I will talk a lot but much of what i say is very on the surface. I've also noticed this with other NFJs. Also, i will get really mad if my parents tell other people of my accomplishments and my future plans (even though its not that private). Is this typical for other NFJs?

Oh. Yes.

It should be said however, individual (and even general "type") values vary largely, which will account for the discrepancies in various perspectives on the paradox of INFJ openness/closedness. For example, I've been surprisingly okay with revealing horrific family events with friendly acquaintances when/if the topic were to surface and personal experience would serve the discussion appropriately. (Topic examples that I have quietly shared with a small group of coworkers during a late night pow-wow: My uncle killed himself in our garage when I was 6 years old. My grandfather murdered my grandmother (and my namesake). I ran away from home at 14 and didn't return for 7 years.) All of which is true information that would be revealed MUCH to the horror of my SJ mother if she knew. It isn't that they are "light" topics to me --just that I don't feel they are significantly revelatory about me as an individual, therefore I feel comfortable sharing these facts if they serve my point or goal.

Contrarily, my mother's incessant desire to impress her friends with things like "my daughter wants to teach" and "she's been writing since she was a kid" makes me cringe. For reasons completely incomprehensible to her, I do not want this information shared with just anyone because it reveals my passions, therefore it reveals me --whereas my family debacles feel less personal as they are simply "events" that have shaped the course of my serpentine life.

There are also people who have known me since birth that do not know huge swaths of my life. For example: they would not know that I have survived several serious bouts of suicidal depression, was baptized on my own at 14, decided I was agnostic at 21, was seriously abused for many years by my own mother, or even my favorite song etc --yet I share this information freely with a forum of complete strangers. My choice of self-disclosure is fickle, circumstantially dependent, and purpose-driven whether the listener knows it or not.

For every inch I reveal there remains a mile underground. Ultimately, INFJs spin their own intricate web of values that seems complicated to many but the makers.