[MBTI General] NFs! Help prevent a murder!

[Kangirl]

Does he really have to change for you?

I don't really buy this. Being on time is common decency. Asking someone to be on time (especially someone who *is* capable of it) isn't asking for some profound change in regards to who they are on some fundamental level.

And for the record, most of the time, I just bite my tongue when he's late and let it slide. He was just *so* late today that I couldn't bite my tongue.

 

[Laurie]

Just speaking from experience. You should ask him what he thinks.

I do agree I wouldn't go for an hour and a half either. But the late thing, if it's all the time, is probably just something built in he has to work really hard to change. It's probably not meant to be an affront to you at all.

 

[Tiltyred]

The People Who Are Late really do not understand why The People Who Are On Time resent their lateness so much. I have seen threads about this on other forums. TPWAL have zero sense of time, they claim, and they are just incapable -- seriously physically unable, crippled in their time sense, as it were. They suggest TPWAOT bring books. They say they never mind when other people are late. They just read their books.

I know, I want to strangle them for it, too. STRANGLE, I TELL YOU. WASTING! MY LIFE! WAITING FOR THESE PEOPLE!

Maybe murder is justified...

 

[Neo Genesis]

Is this an INFP thing?

LOL, no. Sorry, but if he's locked himself away, there's not much that anyone else can do to get him to own up to his mistake. I think this is going to get really ugly for him.

 

[Costrin]

The People Who Are Late really do not understand why The People Who Are On Time resent their lateness so much. I have seen threads about this on other forums. TPWAL have zero sense of time, they claim, and they are just incapable -- seriously physically unable, crippled in their time sense, as it were. They suggest TPWAOT bring books. They say they never mind when other people are late. They just read their books.

I know, I want to strangle them for it, too. STRANGLE, I TELL YOU. WASTING! MY LIFE! WAITING FOR THESE PEOPLE!

Maybe murder is justified...

Only because you let your life be dependent on other people.

 

[Tiltyred]

Oh, baloney.

 

[Costrin]

Oh, baloney.

See. If you just made no plans at all, then you wouldn't be impatient!

Beautiful solution, don't you agree?

 

[Kyrielle]

See. If you just made no plans at all, then you wouldn't be impatient!

Beautiful solution, don't you agree?

Except it's not that simple and doesn't work when you throw in the needs of other people. In which case, you have to make some kind of plans at some point in order to manage your time so the needs of others mesh with your own needs. Even when looking at your own needs, it ends up involving some type of minor planning.

 

[Costrin]

Except it's not that simple and doesn't work when you throw in the needs of other people. In which case, you have to make some kind of plans at some point in order to manage your time so the needs of others mesh with your own needs. Even when looking at your own needs, it ends up involving some type of minor planning.

Pfft... details.

My philosophy is perfect.

 

[Kangirl]

The People Who Are Late really do not understand why The People Who Are On Time resent their lateness so much. I have seen threads about this on other forums. TPWAL have zero sense of time, they claim, and they are just incapable -- seriously physically unable, crippled in their time sense, as it were. They suggest TPWAOT bring books. They say they never mind when other people are late. They just read their books.

I know, I want to strangle them for it, too. STRANGLE, I TELL YOU. WASTING! MY LIFE! WAITING FOR THESE PEOPLE!

Maybe murder is justified...

This post makes me feel the warm glow of mutual understanding.

Btw, bf and I have worked it out. He apologized and managed not to choke on the 'sorry' word, so I've calmed down a bit.

 

[Ulaes]

About to be murdered: my INFP boyfriend.

We had a time set up at noon. He was 1 and a half hours late. He knew I would be mad (and yes, 1 and a half hours = very, very unhappy Kangirl) so he just hid from me all day and is now sending me Blackberries along the lines of "don't be mad" and "don't shout at me". No apologies, though. Sometimes I think this guy will melt a la the Wicked Witch if he utters the word "sorry", ever.

Is this an INFP thing? Why can't he just own up to being a dick and say sorry? It would go a long way to assuaging my anger at his timekeeping. He just makes it worse acting like a damned weasel.

*sharpens kitchen knives*

that guy is a spineless whimp.
you must tell him so.
you know the saying: tell the truth and shame the devil

 

[Virtual ghost]

Just be careful that he does not kill you.
Stress usually brings out the worst side of NFs to the light.

 

[ColonelGadaafi]

Just be careful that he does not kill you.
Stress usually brings out the worst side of NFs to the light.

yeah, i was once a target of such an outburst, not pleasant.


#to the OP:
You should tone down, the solution to your problem is simple, the matter just requires a surpression of your angry nature. Appeal to his Fi, try to make him value time punctuality and make him respect your Te values, confront him about the effects of delay. It should give him a thinker. Just remember to remain calm and give the attempt enough neutral ground.

 

[Tiny Army]

Man, I make my ENTJ roomate angry because I am ALWAYS late for shit. However, I have learned to try and be more punctual with her and she has learned to wait for a while for me.

An hour and a half, though!? The only time I was even close to an hour and a half late for something with her was because I got trapped underground on a train for an hour.

 

[Kangirl]

Just be careful that he does not kill you.

He knows this would result in, at the very least, his serious maiming. I am confident he won't kill me.

You should calm tone down, the solution to your problem is simple, the matter just requires a surpression of your angry nature. Appeal to his Fi, try to make him value time punctuality and make him respect your Te values, confront him about the effects of delay. It should give him a thinker. Just remember to remain calm and give a the attempt enough neutral ground.

OK. Alright. Fine. But do you think I haven't tried this? I've been with this guy for 5 years. I feel like I've tried *everything*. If I confront him about the effects of his lateness, even in an even tone of voice, he loses it. I mean, am I giving the impression that I am the emotionally volatile one in the relationship? I'm not. Yes, I get angry at times. But this guy - I have seriously never met someone who takes every damn thing as personally as my boyfriend. At times it is virtually impossible to discuss anything with him, regardless of tone, word choice, circumstances of the conversation etc. - he will often shut right down. What I most often hear is "you're attacking me and I'm not having it" - then he walks out of the room. And he will respond this way even if I do my very best to say something neutral like "I felt pretty hurt waiting in that cafe for you today for an hour and a half, I wish we could figure out some way to work this out and not have it turn into a fight."

I HATE fighting. And some part of me thinks he almost needs it - it seems like he just tries to ignore problems until they burst out in a big messy blast of yelling and recriminations. I can often predict when he's going to lose it because he hasn't lost it for awhile and I know it's got to be coming.

Sorry, this is an admitted sore spot. Just because I'm an ENTJ doesn't mean I spend my days screaming at him and beating him with kitchen implements. I try SO DAMNED HARD to be patient with him, and it is very painful for me sometimes to think that all my patience sometimes seems to have been for naught.

Ugh.

 

[BlackCat]

It's all your fault Kangirl!

 

[Kangirl]

Urge to kill Blackcat...

...rising

...RISING!

 

[BlackCat]

On a less trolling tone, do like I told ya to and talk with him. Every. Time. He. Does. It.

If you talk to him about it every time then SOMETHING is bound to click in his mind.

Also respond to my user messages! Woman! Pfft.

 

[Kangirl]

I HAVE tried talking to him. 1 bazillion million kajillion trillion times.

And is he still chronically late?

YES!!!

Blackcat, I don't know what to say to the user messages. It was a total compliment. You seem emotionally open and smart to me - hence the word "astute". It's all good, cat-lover.

 

[BlackCat]

To that then. I can go and assume you've done everything to try and prevent this, brides and whatnot. Chronic lateness is odd... I wonder how it comes to manifest.

And okay to the user message complement.