[Fi] Fi-types hating Fi

[Xellotath]

And this is how I will prove that I'm crazy...

I'm an ENFP, Fi is my supporting function and due to a few personal reasons, I've grown to mistrust it to the point of anxiety.

I was wondering if there was anyone out there that didn't idealize this particular function as the magical-human-connection-/-door-to-the-collective-unconscious-thing.

For Fi-types..
Have you ever wished you would feel differently?

Am I alone in viewing that part of me as a sickness or a cage? Something that does not really have its place here on earth? It's like a current, a feeling that everyone is connected and worst of all, it's judgmental and righteous. It's impossible to rationalize with it. And exercising it feels so -right- as if getting high, like a drug. But I also know its incorrect and I could never begin to justify it or define it.

I hate it. I want out of these "spiritual feelings". How does one unhook from a function at all?

Affirmations? Tried that.
"I will not see the connection."
"Everyone is fundamentally alone and isolated"
"There is no right or wrong. That's just your feelings, stupid."
"The mechanics of the universe are cold, distant and impersonal"
[Problem is I say it... I know it.. but I don't -believe- it.]

Or.. have I really, officially lost my mind?

 

[BlackCat]

You are most likely just feeling fleeting emotions right now and want them to stop. I think that you'll be fine. I personally would miss my Fi a great deal, it feels like a blessing and a curse to me, but mostly just a blessing.

 

[Xellotath]

I probably am..

I suppose it started with a conversation I had with a friend.
Strong Fe. She obviously..sympathized first, but then confessed that she couldn't really see/feel the connections as I did. She, like most Fe's that I've met... assume independence first.. then connect later, I assume, something like genuine empathy. My emotional assumptions immediately connect people to something magical, childlike and cosmological.. then its just me trying to push and separate things partly because my intellect objects to this with the threat of "inconsistence".

Is it possible to disconnect? I mean, I could stay in la-la-land forever .. because it feels lovely.

How's this for a nasty contemplation:
Fi drives us to feel some weird sense of empathy and connectedness, right?
If the connectedness was true.. then it should follow that all would feel connected.
It's not true, therefore... we are all crazy.

 

[Siegfried]

I prefer using Te or Fe more, for fairness and objectivity, but Fi's capacity for empathy and depth of feeling is truly a blessing. I've found it to be a gift, but I feel I want to have all those characteristics without the negatives for objectivity in most situations, for that expense have made it less pronounced until the other cognitive processes are understood effectively, this is under further contemplation though.

 

[BlackCat]

I can disconnect when I meditate and have music on.

And if it's not true then we will correct ourselves and stop feeling that way, that's how I feel anyways when this happens. I feel the after effects of the feelings still, but it's not lush and it's a "getting it out of me" process. So you aren't crazy, other people that would see what this was without knowing what it was would think you are crazy. Crazy is an opinion. It's not crazy to feel as deep as we do.

I have to admit, I went through what you did. A good friend of mine has a strong Fe (INFJ), and I got the same reaction you did. It was sort of disappointing but what can you do?

 

[Jeffster]

I think maybe as a kid I hated it, because I thought it held me back from having a lot of fun and caused me to be a coward and a wuss. Now I'm actually thankful for it sometimes, for keeping me out of a lot of long-term trouble. I think I'm more balanced now, so even though I still get pissed at myself, it's not nearly as often.

 

[the state i am in]

I personally would miss my Fi a great deal, it feels like a blessing and a curse to me, but mostly just a blessing.

this is exactly how i see Fi. sometimes it's a ticking timebomb. it can be so paralyzingly tragic. nothing can stop its momentum. but it also can be the most human, warmest, most HEALING function available. it depends on health, support, and the fit between the environment and the Fi core. and it's usually somewhere in between.

as an Fe i help articulate and free trapped emotions for others. i show them a bigger picture that allows them to accept and appreciate the complexity of the world and their place within it. Fi helps warm them up and thaw them out. it makes them believe, have faith, be strong. it opens a space for people to commune and share their interiors. it can be emotionally purifying, accepting, and profoundly beautiful.

the weakness and frustration of Fi is in its slowness and its sometimes inability to articulate itself. the weakness of Fe is in its inability to be grounded, content, and not shape-shift with the weather.

i love my Fi friends for their depth of feeling, their conviction, their idealism, and their warmth. yet it can become exhausting for them and for me. but we all wish our functions were more successful at times and without obvious weaknesses. and they are able to do (and enrich my life bc of it) what i cannot.

 

[BlueScreen]

I want to have all those characteristics without the negatives for objectivity in most situations

Aren't objectivity, authenticity and truth pretty closely linked concepts? How does the pursuit of authenticity undermine objectivity? Or reworded, how does seeing the person, rather than creating the person from various ideas you have in your head of what people are, appear more subjective? It tends to mean you have something less predictable in your system when you come to make the decision. But I don't really see why ignoring parts of a system, so logic feels more certain, achieves anything more objective or solid. It is just feels like it does.

 

[Costrin]

I suggest you learn to love your Fi. Really for a lot of people they could learn to use their auxiliary function more. Don't be afraid of it. Sounds like you might be falling to tertiary temptation.

 

[the state i am in]

I probably am..

I suppose it started with a conversation I had with a friend.
Strong Fe. She obviously..sympathized first, but then confessed that she couldn't really see/feel the connections as I did. She, like most Fe's that I've met... assume independence first.. then connect later, I assume, something like genuine empathy. My emotional assumptions immediately connect people to something magical, childlike and cosmological.. then its just me trying to push and separate things partly because my intellect objects to this with the threat of "inconsistence".

we give empathy differently. we feel that feelings should be updated and feedbacked by Ni and Ti. they should change. ours do bc we feel with the symbols and objects around us. and the way that that is organized via Ni big picture perspective changes the whole colour of the symbolic landscape.

we want to connect with the feeling core of others, but we do not have something so deeply held, concentrated, inwardly accumulated to give in return. we cannot empathize with you in the way you empathize with us. we want to tweak and show you other ways to perceive that could alleviate what we see as a mental/emotional cramp (when you are hurting). we feel that eliciting your feelings out from your interior and helping you articulate them should help free you from the suffering they give you (when they are painful). but that is not necessarily what you need, and why the communication can get so fucked up sometimes.

we want to merge with your feelings somewhere in the middle, but it can be trying bc there is so much complexity, chaos, and colour in Fi that new perspectives and angles keep upsetting the connection/articulation. it feels like you are just going in circles, but the feeling itself is multi-faceted, threaded, and complex in ways that are not easily linguistic (sequentially ordered, sentenced, etc). tipping the scales, weighing out all the feeling tones, wanting a unanimous decision internally that FEELS good and satisfying and freeing. it's a slow process. 4 hour conversations that explore much but don't reach conclusion. it feels impossible sometimes to break thru or penetrate straight into the heart of things.

 

[Siegfried]

Aren't objectivity, authenticity and truth pretty closely linked concepts? How does the pursuit of authenticity undermine objectivity? Or reworded, how does seeing the person, rather than creating the person from various ideas you have in your head of what people are, appear more subjective? It tends to mean you have something less predictable in your system when you come to make the decision. But I don't really see why ignoring parts of a system, so logic feels more certain, achieves anything more objective or solid. It is just feels like it does.

There is merit in what you saying. I'm not particularly against or in its favour, I believe Fi is utilised better in others than me, its more how I feel it in my usage. The concern is that what one believes is authentic, might be superficial to another person's Fi, what one feels is authentic, it is difficult to sometimes observe the more subtle errors made in the process, it can be very subtle, one hasn't fully subjectively experienced the sum of another's life, the other cognitive processes help somewhat to give different angles and a more accurate picture. I don't think its particularly good to rely on one cognitive process in general, I would say similarly for the logical functions aswell.

 

[BlueScreen]

Agree with costrin. Fi is a killer sometimes, and makes you feel so insignificant or imperfect. But when it is going well, you wouldn't want to trade it in for anything. There is just that want to escape what it demands of you sometimes. I tried for ages to destroy it. It doesn't really work. And embracing it can be quite fun.

 

[sculpting]

I probably am..

How's this for a nasty contemplation:
Fi drives us to feel some weird sense of empathy and connectedness, right?
If the connectedness was true.. then it should follow that all would feel connected.
It's not true, therefore... we are all crazy.

I get this. For those who I care about I "love" them. Since I care for most everybody (not inculding slimy ENTPs) then I have these odd childlike connections with many, many people I work with. I really do care deeply for them and many of them seem enthralled by the childlike quality I posess. I can analyze it analytically and understand how to use it to accomplish goals and tasks but at the end of the day-It's real. I want the best for them.

Where this backfires is with ESTPs and ESTJs mostly. They really dont understand it and think I am really odd. and crazy. it hurts sometimes.

 

[BlueScreen]

There is merit in what you saying. I'm not particularly against or in its favour, I believe Fi is utilised better in others than me, its more how I feel it in my usage. The concern is that what one believes is authentic, might be superficial to another person's Fi, what one feels is authentic, it is difficult to sometimes observe the more subtle errors made in the process, it can be very subtle, one hasn't fully subjectively experienced the sum of another's life, the other cognitive processes help somewhat to give different angles and a more accurate picture. I don't think its particularly good to rely on one cognitive process in general, I would say similarly with the other logical functions aswell.

Yeh, I think in isolation it might not be. I just know as an ENFP it can feel like an observational function almost. There seems to be total awareness of when I don't know things and where the ambiguities are. There isn't really much guess work or subjectivity at all, because everything needs to be contextual, and every situation is a new context. Direct comparisons to previous situations, like many types do to decide what something means or is, aren't really used that much. It's like read each one on its merit and if it is something completely new, adapt your brain to the situation, and understand this new thing.

Another thing we noted in one of the other threads is Fi appears to only have a few set values, the rest is interpretation. The values seem to be along the lines of, "don't cause harm to people", and "don't restrict the freedom of people or harm their ability to reach their potential". There can be a significant difference between what people perceive as doing these things though, which is where some subjectivity may lie.

 

[sculpting]

honestly Fi is not so well developed for me. It is a big gaping hole of scariness in there that I wall in with Ne/Te. It lives underneath and I share it with those I trust but it is such a gaping, poorly protected weak spot that I dont always trust it and I struggle to protect it.

 

[BlueScreen]

***strange post fixed and replaced with rainbows***

Actually my bunny rabbits haven't arrived yet. They take my soul and tell me they will give me everything, but what do I get? Kool-Aid, some Zs, but no bunnies!!

 

[Lady_X]

yikes...talking to you people is too weird.

 

[BlueScreen]

hehe, we worry you in some way?

 

[Tiny Army]

Fi is great. It's Fe I have a problem with.

Fe is like Cyclops from the X-men; it's great if you need to laser through a wall but get some ruby quartz sunglasses on that shit or everyone around you will be a charred lump.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

Which is funny as Cyclops maybe ISFJ.