[MBTI General] Problems with ISTJ snide remarks

[d@v3]

I think at its core, it's just a function of the obligatory T/F difference; differences in S/N and other axes can just drive it home.

My ENTP brother-in-law responded to my EnFJ sister announcing a surprise romantic dinner by stating that he had another obligation, and she was hurt by that. When he told me the story, it just seemed obvious that he should have at least started out with "Thanks, but..."

Yeah, I'm willing to guess you have a point there Greed. It makes sense, it's probably the N/S and T/F differences!

But see that just wouldn't happen with me. I mean, once I make a committment to dinner or something like that, especially if it's with a loved one, NOTHING will stop me from being there. I mean, yes, things happen by surprise, but I would never schedule something over something else like that.

 

[garbage]

Oh, no.. she had planned it when he just happened to have another obligation that was important to him and sprung this surprise dinner on him. There's no way he could've known.

Really, I think she actually knew about his other obligation.. but that's another story..

 

[raz]

I think at its core, it's just a function of the obligatory T/F difference; differences in S/N and other axes can just drive it home.

My ENTP brother-in-law responded to my EnFJ sister announcing a surprise romantic dinner by stating that he had another obligation, and she was hurt by that. When he told me the story, it just seemed obvious that he should have at least started out with "Thanks, but..."

Hmm. Trying to think of my own reaction to that situation. I wouldn't have enough time right on the spot to sugar coat my response. I'd say something quickly like, "I have something else I have to do tonight, can we go another time?"

 

[d@v3]

Oh, no.. she had planned it when he just happened to have another obligation that was important to him and sprung this surprise dinner on him. There's no way he could've known.

Really, I think she actually knew about his other obligation.. but that's another story..

Oh, well.. thats a tough situation, I would still try my best to come up with an excuse to get out of whatever the other obligation was [also depending on what it was] in order to go to dinner.

 

[raz]

Really, I think she actually knew about his other obligation.. but that's another story..

Drama, drama, drama....

 

[garbage]

Hmm. Trying to think of my own reaction to that situation. I wouldn't have enough time right on the spot to sugar coat my response. I'd say something quickly like, "I have something else I have to do tonight, can we go another time?"

That's exactly the "problem" as I see it.. I think he reacted in the same way and she took it to heart.

I can see how an extreme feeler, taken to the extreme, could take that as a sign of flat out rejection of them as a person or having different priorities. Granted, it would likely be completely irrational for them to think that way but.. hopefully the thinker knows the feeler enough to try phrase things in a more feeling manner, just as, hopefully, the feeler knows enough to not take these things as a sign of personal rejection or having a different set of priorities.

No matter how we as individuals think, and no matter how much we know the other person and can try to "correct" for them, though, we still likely can't completely overcome our default mindset 100% of the time.. there will be a part of us that will, say, still things personally or still just value the sharing objective information.