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[MBTI General] NFJ: Not Done Being Angry Yet

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
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Sep 25, 2008
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If you offered to do that maybe you wouldn't be in that situation, just sayin.

I always do, I'm not into festering boils of a bust up, I apologised over and over lol but she always needed time to work her anger out her own way and come back to make up after.

The thing is, I've usually become more pissed off over the time it's taken to make up, and the cycle begins again. :D

2 sides of 1 crazy coin.
 

the state i am in

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You could take her for an orange julius in the food court. :)

just get two straws so your braces don't get caught when you inevitably get to your lady and the tramp make-out moment.

it takes me a while. i need to get away from the person (object!) more so to free myself from their feelings than mine. they seep into me and i can't stop them. i feel how they feel so strongly and i know their view cannot encompass my own original feelings, and i get so frustrated it's like bottle up and explode. i just get tense and they start reflecting off of me and shooting out everywhere like stray bullets.

i need to get away so i can know how i truly feel (in my silence), slowly and deliberately and without noise and corruption imagine them and how they truly feel, let it sift thru Ni, then i have a much much better chance to know what to do. as an infj Ti also helps unpack overlook details and analogies that help shed light. but if i'm really upset there's virtually no chance i'll be able to sleep that night without intoxicants.
 

Atomic Fiend

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I always do, I'm not into festering boils of a bust up, I apologised over and over lol but she always needed time to work her anger out her own way and come back to make up after.

The thing is, I've usually become more pissed off over the time it's taken to make up, and the cycle begins again. :D

2 sides of 1 crazy coin.

No, that's not what I meant.

Can't we just kiss and make up?
 

cascadeco

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just trying to gauge what type of "upset" we're talking about here and i do realise that we all have our own passions so of course what upsets you might not upset me, etc. :)

I feel like I am contradicting myself by these various posts, because in general this emotional agitation might not even be terribly visible on the outside.

It's more of a general 'how I am' thing -- just that in general, I need a lot of down time to process various social situations, or interpersonal dynamics, and it tends to happen more often in romantic relationship (go figure...the intimacy). It doesn't even take a 'fight' or my being emotionally hurt/irritated/angry for me to need this down time. It might just be a discussion about something, or a question posed to me, or whatever....and the discussion/question might disturb/confuse/alarm/catch me off guard in some way, and/or I simply don't know my thoughts on said question or subject yet, I might get some sort of internal emotional reaction (or maybe not), and will need some time to assess that reaction first, and compose my thoughts, etc -- THEN I'll be able to answer or discuss.

(I recognize though that I'm probably now derailing this thread, and this isn't necessarily even an NFJ thing)
 

Domino

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I'm relating to a LOT of what's being said here, and I do think there's some strange contradictory element to our brand of anger. It's not as if my getting up and walking off after the storm is a sign of abandonment or that I'm trying to put someone in their place.It's not about rejection. It's about salvaging my sanity and making sure what just happened is filed into the proper boxes. I want to be connected to my loved one again, but I have to be sure how I feel so I don't step back into something and then suddenly realize things aren't okay.

All I know is if the wall of fire has gone up, it takes a bit for the smoke to clear.
 
S

Sniffles

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Yes I can relate to this. I usually need to sleep it over at least once. Usually I'll feel better when I wake up the next day.
 

the state i am in

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It doesn't even take a 'fight' or my being emotionally hurt/irritated/angry for me to need this down time. It might just be a discussion about something, or a question posed to me, or whatever....and the discussion/question might disturb/confuse/alarm/catch me off guard in some way, and/or I simply don't know my thoughts on said question or subject yet, I might get some sort of internal emotional reaction (or maybe not), and will need some time to assess that reaction first, and compose my thoughts, etc -- THEN I'll be able to answer or discuss.

(I recognize though that I'm probably now derailing this thread, and this isn't necessarily even an NFJ thing)

so true. i think of it less dominated by thoughts, which it probably isn't and you're probably right. but i can't even HEAR my own feelings without the bombast of the explosion echoing in my ears until i'm alone and allow the ringing to stop. and it's not even an explosion. it's just any energy that i perceive as being negative, hostile, hateful, or extremely hurtful to my ideals, self-image, beliefs, etc. anything i care deeply about and is SERIOUSLY important to me, there's the warning alarm sound and i just feel consumed by it and in-operational for a while. disillusionment is usually part of this, but i get it sorted eventually. i'm smart just sometimes slooooow when it comes to feelings, there's a lotta meaning to shift around and tweak.
 

Domino

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so true. i think of it less dominated by thoughts, which it probably isn't and you're probably right. but i can't even HEAR my own feelings without the bombast of the explosion echoing in my ears until i'm alone and allow the ringing to stop. and it's not even an explosion. it's just any energy that i perceive as being negative, hostile, hateful, or extremely hurtful to my ideals, self-image, beliefs, etc. anything i care deeply about and is SERIOUSLY important to me, there's the warning alarm sound and i just feel consumed by it and in-operational for a while. disillusionment is usually part of this, but i get it sorted eventually. i'm smart just sometimes slooooow when it comes to feelings, there's a lotta meaning to shift around and tweak.

All of this. Very much agreed.
 

the state i am in

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this girl i know thinks of this moment like an atom bomb. she has NO IDEA when it will come but she is terrified of it bc we had it happen once before. all of a sudden i can not joke my way out of it, the wind picks up, sheets of hail, cows on rooftops, etc.

something hurts me and just gets magnified as it passes thru me and shoots out in all different directions. temperance is quite a virtue, they say.
 

Laurie

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my anger last about as long as a sparkler...it burns hot and fast and then it's over...i wish i could stay mad longer...it just requires effort to stay mad...it's like i just automatically revert to my happy state of mind.

Yeah :cry: I think it's easier to be taken advantage of this way. I used to get really offended when people would take breathers after arguments. I finally got used to it. Now I understand it a little more.
 

Domino

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this girl i know thinks of this moment like an atom bomb. she has NO IDEA when it will come but she is terrified of it bc we had it happen once before. all of a sudden i can not joke my way out of it, the wind picks up, sheets of hail, cows on rooftops, etc.

something hurts me and just gets magnified as it passes thru me and shoots out in all different directions. temperance is quite a virtue, they say.

This sounds extremely familiar.

I'm always speaking of my Fe-Ni combination as a calm plain ravaged by storms that blow up out of nowhere and roll over into a sense of silence again. All you hear is the dripping of rain and a rumble in the distance.
 

prplchknz

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depends on the situation, most of the time less then five minutes I'm like lalalala ooh lets go get some skittles! but their's been rare occasions where I've been angry for months and want to murder the person.
 

Domino

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depends on the situation, most of the time less then five minutes I'm like lalalala ooh lets go get some skittles! but their's been rare occasions where I've been angry for months and want to murder the person.

You could be my sister. Oh to be an NFP. :hug:
 

prplchknz

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i don't think I'd like being able to stay mad because the rare occasions i do it really effects me negativly I tend to not sleep and i have no appetite. I mean I can't see why anyone would want that. Also I tend to be very avoidant if I think someone's mad about something, I think this is because my mom's an NFJ and when she's mad its best to let her cool off. and in the past she'll be mad at someone and I'll be like I need this signed for tommorow and then she'll go off on me, and I'm like :shock:
 

Tallulah

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For clarification, though, how often do y'all get mad enough to have major blowouts with your friends/family? I'm not saying I never get mad or hurt, but I don't think I've had a major fight with anyone since I was a teenager. I guess I tend to avoid relationships where that's a possibility, I don't know. Seems like most of the time fires can be put out before they reach inferno proportions, no? I think it just makes me uncomfortable when someone has a big blowup out of nowhere and I don't see it coming and don't know that I did anything to provoke it.
 

Littlelostnf

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Ok, so I'm seeing a theme of not being rushed through one's feelings until one has felt them return to a natural balance on their own. If I get pushed to "talk about it" too much/too early, I just explode into a ball of spines. And as cascade said, it's impossible to talk about it when I'm not entirely sure yet how I felt about what just happened. I also resent being pushed to talk because it feels like a demand to share/expose something of myself with someone who just hurt me.

This goes for bad fights only. Not common tiffs.

My mind seems to go blank and all I can think about is getting off alone to get things back online.

I think maybe Ni has a big hand in this. It wants to sift through everything and make its connections before releasing the event.

I haven't been on in a while but had to come to say this is me in a serious argument (as you said not common tiffs) The Ni needing to sift through everything...figure out what it all means..I need that before I can discuss how I feel. I feel that if I'm pushed I will most definitely not address what is really causing my reaction.
 

Domino

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i don't think I'd like being able to stay mad

I wish it were a choice. I can't believe how roiled by emotion I am, and I'm even talking about the good times, not just the bad. Whomever ultimately winds up with me had better like it hot because I can't control the Fe, just it's manifestations. :(

My sister says she can watch the weather changing on my face even if I don't outwardly react.

because the rare occasions i do it really effects me negativly I tend to not sleep and i have no appetite. I mean I can't see why anyone would want that.

Negative emotions really bother LadyJaye, especially when prolonged. I hate to see her struggling with something dark and oppressive that won't resolve itself because her natural state is to be generally optimistic and open. We run into a real problem when she can't divest herself of a bad feeling or bad experience. It makes her feel sick and upended. I'm the brooder. She's not. And I don't like it when something pushes her from PopNFresh to Godzilla. She's very tough, but it ticks me off when anything or anyone intrudes on her good nature.

Also I tend to be very avoidant if I think someone's mad about something, I think this is because my mom's an NFJ and when she's mad its best to let her cool off. and in the past she'll be mad at someone and I'll be like I need this signed for tommorow and then she'll go off on me, and I'm like :shock:

I've been taken hostage by NFJ on a rampage many times in my life and it's pretty awful. And you'd think it would help *being* an NFJ, but it doesn't. It's just as bad for me as for anyone else.
 
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