[MBTI General] NFJ: Not Done Being Angry Yet

[redacted]

Is this an Fi vs. Fe difference? Do other NFJs need time to clear their heads, and if they don't get that time, feel resentful?

The intensity of my feelings can be almost choking sometimes.

I think it's an Introverted Perception thing.

 

[bluebell]

I'm prone to strong emotions because of PTSD-type reactions (PTSD trumps INTP in terms of responses to stuff). If I react to something emotionally, I *need* to talk through it straight away, process it by listening to music, write about it etc. Emotions are the one thing I can't process internally. And if I have to delay talking through something, it takes quite a high toll on me and I feel like I'm climbing the walls.

 

[maerzhase]

I am an INFJ. I notice that I rarely get emotional outbursts about small things. However if I do get angry, I will show it and it tends to come as a surprise to other people. I also forget my anger very quickly unless someone violated something I feel very passionate about. Still I tend to give a lot a warning signals in this case. I would say that IXFP tend to sulk longer than other types.

 

[Tigerlily]

lumping types together doesn't really work for me. while i nearly always score INFJ I am not much like some of the other INFJ's I've seen on here and there's really no rhyme or reason that i can tell other than they are not me.

i believe in addition to who you are at birth, life circumstances also play a part in who you become. for example lets say you grew up with negative parents who told you, you were worthless and wouldn't amount to anything. don't you think that is going to change the way you approach things and how you react to people? lets say you were born unattractive and were teased about it growing up. won't that make a difference in who you become and how you react to things? I realize this may seems as though we're striding away form the op, but i am going somewhere with this i promise.

 

[Poki]

ENFJ and getting angry on others behalf. I will try to tie what I have learned about Ti to how dominant Fe affects anger. Fe is the feeling that pushes us to do things for others. For an Fe to do this they need to use Ni to think of all the possible solutions so they can pick the best one. Since they are inferior Ti and not Te they rely on others to help. Doing things for others is their strength, its how they let people know they are loved. When someone else steps in the way its that persons fault that they were not able to make this person feel loved. The more they care about the person, the more intense the feeling. The anger is generally directed at the person who causes the problems. So to them completion is everything, because when they dont follow through to completion they dont feel like they were any help. This comes out as blame and anger and can actually be directed at a single person if that single person derails the effort being brought about for the group. While you can control your anger when someone causes you frustration, you have a hard time when the screw up cause one of your missions to be aborted that is directed towards those you love.

I think this is how an ENFJ shows there love, keep them from showing it to someone and all hell breaks loose.

 

[Biaxident]

lumping types together doesn't really work for me. while i nearly always score INFJ I am not much like some of the other INFJ's I've seen on here and there's really no rhyme or reason that i can tell other than they are not me.

i believe in addition to who you are at birth, life circumstances also play a part in who you become. for example lets say you grew up with negative parents who told you, you were worthless and wouldn't amount to anything. don't you think that is going to change the way you approach things and how you react to people? lets say you were born unattractive and were teased about it growing up. won't that make a difference in who you become and how you react to things? I realize this may seems as though we're striding away form the op, but i am going somewhere with this i promise.

Yes, I believe it does.

I would be more likely to trust people.

 

[Skyward]

I definitely relate to the 'escape and process' period after an argument. These usually happen after I do something stupid, apologise, and the other person doesn't believe my apology (I HATE it when that happens. Its one of the few things that pisses me off). I have deserved the skepticism in the past, though, if I have a good string of stupidity before the 'backbreaking straw.'

I find that I can also be in a 'get out of my face' mood just randomly. I will show when I don't want to deal with the elitist that just likes talking to me because I play WoW too. He think's I'm an ass because all he gets to see is my PO'd part. In a different respect, a wacko in our school is an acquainance of mine because we both can casually talk about some of the most base things.

( I always type with F, N, and J near 50% and I at around 60-70%. I act a lot more P than some other INFJs I know. And no one can out-Ni Apollanaut )

 

[the state i am in]

i believe in addition to who you are at birth, life circumstances also play a part in who you become. for example lets say you grew up with negative parents who told you, you were worthless and wouldn't amount to anything. don't you think that is going to change the way you approach things and how you react to people? lets say you were born unattractive and were teased about it growing up. won't that make a difference in who you become and how you react to things? I realize this may seems as though we're striding away form the op, but i am going somewhere with this i promise.

of course, i think that's just "health." how the enneagram has levels of development. the conflicts and the relationships are similar, but the ability to healthfully integrate and find helpful SUPPORT plays a HUGE role in how well things turn out for you.

my entire life i've had some support but very little understanding. right now i have more support AND more understanding than i've ever had. it's no surprise that i'm far healthier than i've ever been.

i aspire to be able to stand in there and take the Fe impressions that sometimes pummel and hurt me. i want to be able to hear my own small meek Fi in the midst of their deafening roar. i want to be able to do emotional judo and become a healing person for myself and others. ride my waves of inspiration w/o fearing the ominous characters you meet in dark back alleys and the human anchors that sometimes sink the ship. i cannot yet do this. to be able to connect and hold on to and HEAR the negative feelings around me w/o short circuiting.

we've all got a ways to go.

 

[faith]

Yes, my emotions are strong and it takes some good alone-time to regain equilibrium. Not because I'm still thinking "mean thoughts" about the person, but because the anger hasn't yet dissipated.

I was trying to explain it to Lee just now. It's sort of a residual, 'intransitive' anger left over after the explanations and apologies. Not directed toward anyone; just there. And I need to get away so that others don't think I'm pouting or resentful or holding a grudge. Leaving the scene helps me clear my head and reorganize my thoughts.

If there is no resolution, however--no adequate explanations or apologies--then it will take a lot longer, and require much more intentional effort from me, to dissipate the anger.

 

[Bethedee]

Yeah, sometimes I tell people directly, and most of my closest friends love me enough to be ok with it anyway when I just have to say "look, I get that you're sorry, but I really need some Time."

If I don't get the time I end up just trying to pretend that whatever happened didn't happen, while I stay mad on the inside and eventually decide I can't take it anymore. The way I feel can go completely out of control if I don't get to process and let it run its course.

 

[MacGuffin]

The solution is obvious. The NFJ must have sex with their opponent to assure them they do not hold a grudge.























...I'm looking for an NFJ to fight with.

 

[sciski]

i believe in addition to who you are at birth, life circumstances also play a part in who you become. for example lets say you grew up with negative parents who told you, you were worthless and wouldn't amount to anything. don't you think that is going to change the way you approach things and how you react to people? lets say you were born unattractive and were teased about it growing up. won't that make a difference in who you become and how you react to things? I realize this may seems as though we're striding away form the op, but i am going somewhere with this i promise.

True enough, but with PinkPiranha and LadyJaye we have a unique opportunity to study types with opposing functions who have the same upbringing AND genetic makeup, thus controlling for quite a few variables! (I'm assuming the twins are identical). It's a sciency dream!

 

[Tigerlily]

The solution is obvious. The NFJ must have sex with their opponent to assure them they do not hold a grudge.




...I'm looking for an NFJ to fight with.

wow...

 

[MacGuffin]

wow...

Oh... sorry to expose your strategy.

 

[Tigerlily]

Oh... sorry to expose your strategy.

oh right, the married with kids one. you caught me. can't put anything past you.

 

[MacGuffin]

oh right, the married with kids one. you caught me. can't put anything past you.

See? The kids are proof of your major arguments!!

 

[Domino]

The solution is obvious. The NFJ must have sex with their opponent to assure them they do not hold a grudge...

*patronizing head shake* Clowns.

Public places have saved me from this. (Cue Whatever to jump in here with all the places she's fought and had sex in! lol) I swear. Getting into a serious brawl with someone you care about seems to turn some people on when the smoke clears. I've been caught in the cross-hairs with an ENTP and ISTP after fights that were clearly awful for both of us but somehow exhilarating. (I don't fight for fun.) You get the impression that they aren't trying to hurt you and you aren't trying to hurt them, and you fight your way to the middle of the ring. It's nice.

I'm looking for an NFJ to fight with.

The dark lord banishes thee!

True enough, but with PinkPiranha and LadyJaye we have a unique opportunity to study types with opposing functions who have the same upbringing AND genetic makeup, thus controlling for quite a few variables! (I'm assuming the twins are identical). It's a sciency dream!

haha! It really is a rather nicely packaged science-y sort of set-up!

wow...

He's disgusting. Just cover your nose and the smell goes back into tolerable range.

 

[the state i am in]

i believe they teach this technique in business schools all across america.

 

[Domino]

i believe they teach this technique in business schools all across america.

That's what the board room table is for!

 

[the state i am in]

That's what the board room table is for!

and secretaries. and wives. and mistresses.

also, daughters of co-workers and/or the Opposition.