[ENFP] ENFPs having to do it all?

[BlackCat]

Oh my gosh my step mom used to do this. Misunderstanding /= lies. Geez.

It's the most pathetic thing I've ever seen played out. I was sure to tell her I thought that too. Since this happens all the time and I got sick of being falsely accused.

Now that I think about it I see why she drives her twin sister insane. Her twin is an INFP and she basically gets the same treatment that I do, only it's been their entire lives (52 years I believe). I have always been able to totally sympathize with my aunt about my mom. It's funny, my mom ALWAYS asks my aunt to help her with something and my mom basically gets the same response from my aunt as she does me. She says "You guys are ASSHOLES I don't get why you hate me." Me and my aunt go when that gets said.

So now since I think my mom is an ENFJ this thread is officially TOTALLY derailed.

 

[Poki]

It's the most pathetic thing I've ever seen played out. I was sure to tell her I thought that too. Since this happens all the time and I got sick of being falsely accused.

Now that I think about it I see why she drives her twin sister insane. Her twin is an INFP and she basically gets the same treatment that I do, only it's been their entire lives (52 years I believe). I have always been able to totally sympathize with my aunt about my mom. It's funny, my mom ALWAYS asks my aunt to help her with something and my mom basically gets the same response from my aunt as she does me. She says "You guys are ASSHOLES I don't get why you hate me." Me and my aunt go when that gets said.

So now since I think my mom is an ENFJ this thread is officially TOTALLY derailed.

I was gonna send the OP poster a message earlier "sorry for derailing your thread"

 

[Lady_X]

True that. I see ENFJ being much more the "support meeee" kind of person. And it pretty much happens how you explained it.

really...hmmm...i wonder if my enfp sister really is an enfj like i first thought.

she's kind of a clean freak and can be really bossy and way emotional...and i'm not like that at all.

 

[Costrin]

The parent didnt choose your type though. Some types dont get together very well, some types dont understand the other person. As a child gets older they need to learn to try to be flexible also. We dont teach how to understand other people or how to bend with them and see there weaknesses so how do you expect the types that are not naturally good at those things to all of a sudden be good just because they become a parent? The kid will rebel, they have lived with it to the point where they dont want to change at all. There are 2 sides here.

Type is irrelevant. What matters only is the persons actions. If the person is a bad parent, then they are a bad parent, regardless of type. Some types get along better naturally, and some types conflict more naturally. A good parent will be able to handle this, if they can't then they aren't deserving of respect.

 

[Tiny Army]

My twin brother is an INFP and he is completely cowed by our ENFJ mother. She actually convinced him to move in with my crazy ISTJ sister because she liked him more and it was his duty as her big brother to take care of her.

 

[Poki]

Type is irrelevant. What matters only is the persons actions. If the person is a bad parent, then they are a bad parent, regardless of type. Some types get along better naturally, and some types conflict more naturally. A good parent will be able to handle this, if they can't then they aren't deserving of respect.

Actions can be faked, actions can also be done with the intent to be returned, these people are doing it to get something in return. To me action is not important, it is the reason behind the action that matters. INTPs like to read into what people say, I like to read into peoples actions. If its sincere you could screw up all day long, and it means more than the person who faked it and did it right.

You seem pretty set in your thinking so I am not gonna try and argue especially when the definition of "bad parent" is not a hard line, but is up for interpretation.

 

[Costrin]

Actions can be faked, actions can also be done with the intent to be returned, these people are doing it to get something in return.

Yes, and?

To me action is not important, it is the reason behind the action that matters. INTPs like to read into what people say, I like to read into peoples actions. If its sincere you could screw up all day long, and it means more than the person who faked it and did it right.

I'll clarify a bit. First, I'm using respect in the sense of "I think your a worthy person in this area." So I could respect or not respect different aspects of the same person. I give respect if their effective in that area. So I would respect a parent if they were a good parent, which is correlated, but not necessarily caused by the intent to be a good parent. So if a person who had completely negative intentions ends being a good parent, then they can get my respect (although they wouldn't have my respect in "being able to realize their intentions"). And if a person who had good intent ends up failing as a parent, they wouldn't have my respect as a parent (but could possibly have my respect for effort, or something).

You seem pretty set in your thinking so I am not gonna try and argue

Well, I guess don't respond to this post then. Maybe others are interested, or maybe I'm just typing this for myself. That's ok though, I like doing this even if no one responds.

especially when the definition of "bad parent" is not a hard line, but is up for interpretation.

Yup, entirely subjective.

 

[Laurie]

Above all remember it is HARD to be a parent. It is hard to make the right choices and keep yourself out of the way with your children. As a teen it is easy to look at a parent and think that things are wrong or out of place when it might just be a parent trying to do the right thing.

Being a "bad" parent is someone who doesn't care, most people try to be good parents. It is just difficult.

 

[BlackCat]

My parents must be lucky then. I'm a straight edge, so no drugs or alcohol or smoking. I am pretty self sufficient, cook for myself etc. I am not insane. The only thing I require is for me to be left alone most of the time. I don't see how someone with common sense could screw that up.

 

[Laurie]

It's still hard. And maybe you are like that because they didn't screw up? Parenting is difficult. Probably feels more difficult on me because I have four. But still.

 

[step0nmi]

I am so much like an ENFP, but the way we go about things is different. My goal in life is to be happy, nothing more, I just want to enjoy life. When life causes this happiness to fade, we will do what we know how to get it back to this point. For an ISTP we will simplify, we will try to become more efficient and it will not stop until we become finally find a way to enjoy life again. At some point we will say fuck it and just stop and let everything crash and start over. I think for an ENFP instead of trying to be more efficient you push to fix everything so you can relax and just be happy. The balance for an ENFP is that they do not rely on others so they will finally crash and have to reset. The good thing is that you are independent so when you crash you dont blame those around you for not doing enough to help you suceed. Its how we learn what we can handle and how far we can bend. This also causes us to be stronger as a person. I agree it sucks, but I can tell you when I crash is when I learn the most about myself.

THIS IS SOO TRUE! I'm always crashing. Maybe that's what I'm learning right now? maybe I need to crash first in order to pick myself up.

I never blame the people around me. I am at fault for EVERYTHING I do.

I do like to do a lot of things, but it is not always for other people. I have actually learned to NOT do that these last couple of years. I use to do that. "I picked up for you honey!" and what-not and then he would be like "No, you picked up because you HAD to pick up...not for me, it was needed to be done" so, not to gloat or anything...but my husband is my personality type soul mate so he's taught me a LOT

you know...I think what's happened in this thread is good for discussion wise. but, it's kind of two totally different topics. I mean, one part of it is a kid dealing with his parent and all I was trying to ask is: Is it the ENFP that is making me want to do everything? not really the cause and effect of how an ENFP goes about it with other folks. so sorry BlackCat but you really did derail the thread. but, I'm open for a bunch of discussions...I just couldn't relate cuz I am not a parent.

 

[Kalach]

Thread Topic A1:

Lately I have been thinking about the fact that I feel like I have to "do it all" or be "everything" in my life. I'm not satisfied if I'm not being creative or working with my hands. I want to be a working woman and also take care of the house. I guess a lot of it has to do with looking so far into the future. I'm a college student and don't have a lot of time for myself or how to figure out the things that I "want" to do. I know this is the ENFP in me, but...

Is this you?
If this is, how do you deal with it?

Change your username? People will think you're ENFJ.

But seriously, generic advice is, pick a thing and do it well. AKA. practice generating completion. See something through to the end. See what it's like to generate closure. Knowing what closure looks like maybe then becomes a tool for judging the other things you're interested in too, you get to know which ones you want to see through to the end.

Give or take 20 years, this learning process will last a lifetime.


Thread Topic 1A:

BlackCat, on the basis of one or two anecdotes, I'll go along with the assertion that your mom is ENFJ. (And you're her shadow. Lucky, lucky you.)

Can I see an ENFP in a crisis over someone being late? Oh, sure. An ENFP calling someone a liar because the someone didn't keep his part of the ENFPs plan? Oh, totally. Yep. Especially if the ENFP were an ENFJ.

So, Poki's going to be on the money for how to deal with her.


Thread Sub-Topic 1Aa:

A thing I've noticed for IXXX vs EXXX is the I side often feels the E side is doing less of something the I side thinks is important. With a sample of 2 persons, particularly, INFPs needle ENFPs over depth of and commitment to values. It's not actually that ENFPs have shallow values. It's that the INFP will be invested a lot more in being their value set. Or something like that.

Also, with again a sample size of 2 persons, INFPs tend to think ENFJs are out of touch with themselves.

But I've seen an INFP help an INFJ slow down and stop being so overbearing. It made the INFJ sad, but they like sad, and she seems that much more centered now, less pressuring others. Maybe there's hope for BlackCat's mom.

 

[BlueScreen]

I'm going to be different here and answer the topic .

I think these days I don't try to do it all as much, but in terms of dreams and long term intentions the amount I wish to achieve and the range or areas and directions I want to go, seems almost impossible to fulfill. Maybe at the moment I've realised that, and it is why I'm treading water.

 

[Poki]

THIS IS SOO TRUE! I'm always crashing. Maybe that's what I'm learning right now? maybe I need to crash first in order to pick myself up.

I never blame the people around me. I am at fault for EVERYTHING I do.

I do like to do a lot of things, but it is not always for other people. I have actually learned to NOT do that these last couple of years. I use to do that. "I picked up for you honey!" and what-not and then he would be like "No, you picked up because you HAD to pick up...not for me, it was needed to be done" so, not to gloat or anything...but my husband is my personality type soul mate so he's taught me a LOT

you know...I think what's happened in this thread is good for discussion wise. but, it's kind of two totally different topics. I mean, one part of it is a kid dealing with his parent and all I was trying to ask is: Is it the ENFP that is making me want to do everything? not really the cause and effect of how an ENFP goes about it with other folks. so sorry BlackCat but you really did derail the thread. but, I'm open for a bunch of discussions...I just couldn't relate cuz I am not a parent.

I think its personality type, but cant explain why. My mom I believe is ENFP and she is always taking things on, she always has things that need to get done. Its like there are always 50 million projects to get done. Now days she uses night time to kinda just relax and play games online like bingo.

Sorry, I helped take it off topic because you showed that you cared about his issues, probably should have took it to another thread.