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[INFP] INFPs and Depression?

ragashree

Reason vs Being
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Nov 3, 2008
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Maybe your mom was having a bad day herself, stressed to her limit (sounds like she is thinker so feeling would be very draining to her at that time) and she just didn't have the resources to deal with your needs at the time you needed her. So she made a snap comment she may already have forgotten and wasn't that serious about.

Maybe, it's quite possible. But you are giving the impression that you are actually justifying her behaviour here *maybe identifying with her as a mother yourself?*. I really don't think that a feasible explanation of WHY her mother might speak to her like this should be allowed to distract from the very real hurt and undermining of self-belief it can actually cause. There's a good discussion here http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/relationships/13858-justifying-other-peoples-behaviours.html on the problems with justifying someone else's poor behaviour, so I won't repeat it too far in this thread. Forgiving them for it is another matter: but when someone is on the recieving end of this kind of devaluing treatment, their first responsibility is to take steps to protect themselves. Feeling sorry for someone who is treating you poorly is not the way to bolster your own self esteem, or to push them into giving you better treatment, regardless of whether they are actually intending to hurt you or not. This is the sort of reasoning that can lead to someone turning themselves into a victim, and I really wouldn't recommend it.

Superkumquat would know better than anyone else how much her mother makes a habit of this sort of thing, and having underlined the issues which her mother may be bringing to the table in this instance, I would hope that she is able to decide for herself how much of a problem it is at other times.
 

DylanKerouac

New member
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Feb 11, 2009
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7
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INFP
Things affect me really deeply, but that's just how I am. Ugh. Any thoughts?

I'm not trying to be humourous here, but if things affect you really deeply, & she thinks you need medication, then I wonder how much that says about her mental status XD

"OMG YOU'RE SAD SAD SAD WE CAN'T HAVE THAT! HAAAPPY PILL! HAAAAPPPPPYY!"

I myself suffer(ed) from the same type've thing, only..I think I shared compassion too much with some of the folks I talked to/related with the hobos on the street sleeping in our bowel-matters & freezing to death nearly every night, along with the people who would KILL to have the non-stressful unlived unexciting life I do..that I just went numb, because it was too overbearing to care about THE UNIVERSE (not saying I did, but tis what the image appeared as).

You don't seem that very different from the deep-down INFP cores; we ARE the Idealists & Healers, afterall. Seeing someone trembling & horribly beaten offends something in us greatly where it destroys our visions of reality & the way things are meant to be (in our perception; seriously, does it ever seem like "the way" things should be are THERE in full-view yet you know it'd be difficult to convince anyone of a different type/zodiac sign to see your views completely?), & the Healing, well, it's Healing.

I'd ask your mom if she could be more supportive & encouraging of your sensitive urge to people's relations & emotions. Tis a rare gift, especially concerning strangers. Maybe the girl in the class deserved being yelled at? Maybe the teacher asked her repeatedly to do some assignment & she hadn't? What exactly happened that she'd be yelled at for?

Also take into consideration of your zodiac sign, if you're an Aquarius or a Water sign IN ADDITION to being an INFP, well then; you're extremely sensitive by default as a person.


*wonders if that was an adequate insight for a first post on a new forum*
 

scantilyclad

almost nekkid
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Jul 31, 2007
Messages
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It sounds to me like you are just passionate. That is not depression and I'm fairly sure it is mostly normal.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
Maybe, it's quite possible. But you are giving the impression that you are actually justifying her behaviour here

No, you're assuming. I had a thinker father and have a thinker sister. I know how they act when they are at low ebb, they overreact to feeling. It overloads them, short circuits them. They make snappish, quick statements without thinking it through.

Did I say in my response that this was absolutely what was going on with the mother in the OP? I don't recall that I did.

Explainations aren't justifcations except for bleeding hearts.

really don't think that a feasible explanation of WHY her mother might speak to her like this should be allowed to distract from the very real hurt and undermining of self-belief it can actually cause. There's a good discussion here http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/relationships/13858-justifying-other-peoples-behaviours.html on the problems with justifying someone else's poor behaviour, so I won't repeat it too far in this thread. Forgiving them for it is another matter: but when someone is on the recieving end of this kind of devaluing treatment, their first responsibility is to take steps to protect themselves. Feeling sorry for someone who is treating you poorly is not the way to bolster your own self esteem, or to push them into giving you better treatment, regardless of whether they are actually intending to hurt you or not. This is the sort of reasoning that can lead to someone turning themselves into a victim, and I really wouldn't recommend it.

Superkumquat would know better than anyone else how much her mother makes a habit of this sort of thing, and having underlined the issues which her mother may be bringing to the table in this instance, I would hope that she is able to decide for herself how much of a problem it is at other times

Good grief you really, really don't know me as a poster if you think I was justifying the woman's behavior or suggesting that the OP feel sorry for the other person. I am not a freaking bleeding heart who has to either bleed for someone else or totally demonize them to escape bleeding for them.

For my own sanity I had to recognize the limits of thinkers in my life and one of those limits was that when they were at low ebb they reacted badly to emotion and feeling. How the hell is that making an excuse or justification for their behavior? It isn't. All it is doing is like when the UV is at full bore outside, wear sunscreen. It's wasn't meant to be about who is right or wrong, it is just about what is. (or could be)
 

ragashree

Reason vs Being
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Did I say in my response that this was absolutely what was going on with the mother in the OP? I don't recall that I did.

Explainations aren't justifcations except for bleeding hearts.

Good grief you really, really don't know me as a poster if you think I was justifying the woman's behavior or suggesting that the OP feel sorry for the other person. I am not a freaking bleeding heart who has to either bleed for someone else or totally demonize them tio escape bleeding for them.

Sometimes INFPs can get a bit defensive too, Heart. And miss the facts a bit when they're being so! I made no absolute statements; I was working from what I actually saw, however, and trying to make sense of it. If you don't mind me being pedantic I will happily rephrase my original statement to say that I was getting that impression from what you said, and I don't think it would be a difficult one for someone else to get either, which is why I responded as I did. Unless you say why you actually made that post *which you still haven't* I honestly have no better ideas on why you posted what you did. I didn't call you a "freaking bleeding heart either", even if your screenname suggests that you're some sort of heart, so I'm not quite sure why you feel the need to tell me twice that you're NOT one!

No, I haven't seen enough of your posts to know you as a poster. But I wouldn't want that to affect my judgement too far even if I did. I am not in a position to analyse your intent. But given that your post came across in that way to me, and that there are likely to be a lot of people with less life experience than either of us reading the thread, including I would guess the opening poster, I felt that my response was very necessary at that stage.

I had a thinker father and have a thinker sister. I know how they act when they are at low ebb, they overreact to feeling. It overloads them, short circuits them. They make snappish, quick statements without thinking it through.

I have five "thinker" older siblings, so :tongue: I am well aware of this tendency! But what's your point in making it? Any more than the previous post? It seems pointless to argue about this unless there is some solid reason for disagreement, which I really don't think going by what you've said that there needs to be ;) It might help me to know where you are actually coming from here...
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
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What's up with the whole pulling apart one short encouraging post? I don't think you are helping anyone ragashree.

It's not bad to give an alternate idea for something.
 

ragashree

Reason vs Being
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What's up with the whole pulling apart one short encouraging post? I don't think you are helping anyone ragashree.

It's not bad to give an alternate idea for something.

Seriously, was that purely rhetorical or did you really want an answer? Or did you just not bother to read my last post?
 

briochick

half-nut member
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So I was talking to my mom about this terrible teacher I have, and how he was yelling at this girl and it really upset me. And after I get done explaining how terrible the teacher was, thinking that my mom is actually interested, she tells me that she was thinking about getting some depression medication for me, and told me that it's not normal to get so upset over things. And I was wondering, is this extreme empathy a personality thing, or is really abnormal? Do any other INFPs have problems with depression?

Honestly, I have no clue. They say that INFPs feel deeply. I do and I usually empathise to the point that it feels like I'm feeling the other's emotions. I can be very happy or devistated. All I feel is almost overwhelming in its intensity. It's always been that way. That being said, I do have anxiety and depression appart from that. *That* being said I might not have those if I hadn't grown up hearing that all intense emotions were bad and there was something wrong with me and the best I could do was try and keep people from finding out. I went to a therapist who thought I had ERD, but I'm beginning to wonder if all along I've been a lot more Ok for who I am than I thought. Still, I do take a depression med, not because it actually makes me not depressed but it dulls all my emotions down to a level that's not usually overwhelming, because the world isn't tollerant of people who get overwhelmed.

That's on infps opinion.
 

Unique

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Oct 14, 2008
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"They dislike to see mistakes repeated. Consequently, ESTJ parents may have a difficult time with their children who have Intuitive or Perceiving preferences. They are extremely practical, and have no understanding or value for the creative imaginations of highly Intuitive children. They will also have little patience with the unstructured, "go with the flow" attitude of their Perceiving children. This impatience with other types is a potential downfall for the ESTJ which may manifest itself in an ugly way if the rift occurs with their own children. The ESTJ should remember that what is right for them is not necessarily right for their children."

ESTJ Relationships

I thought this was appropriate
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
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So I was talking to my mom about this terrible teacher I have, and how he was yelling at this girl and it really upset me. And after I get done explaining how terrible the teacher was, thinking that my mom is actually interested, she tells me that she was thinking about getting some depression medication for me, and told me that it's not normal to get so upset over things. And I was wondering, is this extreme empathy a personality thing, or is really abnormal? Do any other INFPs have problems with depression? I don't really think of myself as depressed... I do get depressed every now and then, but I'm generally a pretty happy person. It just seems like it's who I am. Things affect me really deeply, but that's just how I am. Ugh. Any thoughts?

What pretty much every one else said. It just comes with the territory of being a strongly empathetic INFP. No need for meds.

Interesting that your mom focused on the problem being with you instead of asking more questions about the potentially damaging actions of your teacher. Doubly so if you are in high school.
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
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SuperKumquat,
There's nothing wrong with your response. Especially if you are INFP. Trust me you would know if you were depressed, because nothing is good and you feel like you are dying inside.
You sound more hurt, by your mum's reaction. You don't need meds for that. You are just empathetic that's all. Try not to let your mum's comments get to you.
 

ScentlessApprentice

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Depression is part of my families genetics from my moms side. My mom has tried to commit suicide a couple of times, mostly because of grief from her childhood that she hasn't gotten over yet. I struggle with depression also. I think part of it came because of my parents being emotionally absent and neglectful all my life. Another part of it is that i have autism. I've always had an extremely hard time making friends, and my social skills aren't very good. So most of my life has been me hiding in my headspace away from people, and i think the lack of relation between other people is too much to bear, especially when you see other people doing it around you. You feel left out and alone, and not wanting to be part of this earth. That can cause depression.
 

musicnerd93

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I think I read somewhere that INFP's are the most likely of all types to suffer depression.

I get depressed very easily, and sometimes for reasons that people would not normally get depressed by. But, I refuse to take medication. I've seen how some anti-depressants can really mess people up and make them worse than they were before. I've told my mom about my depression problems, she keeps saying she's going to take me to seea shrink, but hasn't yet.

Look at it this way: It's a gift AND a curse. We sometimes become really depressed because of something that has happened to other people, it's just a sign that we are extremely sensitive people and there's nothing wrong with that. But, depression isn't fun for anyone who's experienced it. It just isn't.
 

ItsAGuy

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Aug 6, 2010
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I'd suggest INFJs have a similar depth of empathy for others, as what you describe sounds like me, too... I'm almost glad that I grew up before the 'medications' fad.
 

mochajava

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Jul 28, 2010
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@superkumquat - Not sure if this is out of line, but please take it as just one person's perspective (or empathy spilling over). I am quite angry w/ your Mom for thinking you should be on an anti-depressant for feeling things strongly. Part of the reason INFJ/INFPs have a hard time (read: low self-confidence, things just feel difficult) is because society is constantly sending us messages that we're screwed up for being so intense, picky, whatever. Just because something unfair happened to someone else doesn't make you a candidate for depression medication, it makes you empathetic. That's a trait, not something in the DSM-IV. Depression medication CAN be helpful, but that's if you're sure you're depressed and that medication is the route you want to pursue for treatment.

Saxman: Emotions are fuel that motivate people. Emotions are not the problem, and it is not a matter of learning how to suppress them. Rather it is about learning what the emotions are trying to tell us.
Thank you!
 
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