• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[NF] INFP and INFJ Friendship

Journey

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
261
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6
How can we get to the INFJ core? I do agree with you. I often feel the INFJ will help the INFP to focus more on the INFP's needs, but the INFP can't really return the favor because they're already so all over the place that it's more difficult to stop for a second and focus on the INFJ.

I think the INFJ can see very clearly all of the disastrous traffic in my head and freeze it instantly. But when I look towards the INFJ, I see a wall. Not in the sense that the INFJ puts up a wall against me, it's just that I lack the ability to truly see the thoughts going through the INFJ. I can only scratch the surface. They can tell me how they feel about something, what they're thinking, but I feel unable to help in someway beyond listening. I feel like I cannot share in those thoughts or feelings as much as I really want to do so, that I lack so much in that INFJ ability to connect to others.

But I do really wish I could reach the INFJ "core" and better understand my friend, for she is truly one of the most honest and wonderful people I know.

Thank you for posting this. I had a close INFP friend who tried to say something like this to me several times before his death, but I didn't understand him. Now I do. We were not as close the last few years of his life after his remarriage, but when I knew him he was pretty much a black hole of emotional need. So our relationship was fairly one-sided and I let it be. It's good to know he recognized it and wanted it to be different. Thank you. :)
 

LavaLucy

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2008
Messages
72
MBTI Type
infj
Oh my goodness, LavaLucy, are you actually me and is my INFP friend your INFP friend? It's only because we don't live in the same country that we haven't done Bret's dance together yet, but I am visiting her in America next month and we are trying to get tickets to see FotC together! She and I really seem to have the same sense of humor.

I think you're on to something there ;)
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
How can we get to the INFJ core? I do agree with you. I often feel the INFJ will help the INFP to focus more on the INFP's needs, but the INFP can't really return the favor because they're already so all over the place that it's more difficult to stop for a second and focus on the INFJ.

I think the INFJ can see very clearly all of the disastrous traffic in my head and freeze it instantly. But when I look towards the INFJ, I see a wall. Not in the sense that the INFJ puts up a wall against me, it's just that I lack the ability to truly see the thoughts going through the INFJ. I can only scratch the surface. They can tell me how they feel about something, what they're thinking, but I feel unable to help in someway beyond listening. I feel like I cannot share in those thoughts or feelings as much as I really want to do so, that I lack so much in that INFJ ability to connect to others.

But I do really wish I could reach the INFJ "core" and better understand my friend, for she is truly one of the most honest and wonderful people I know.

Between my husband and myself, he seems to need to talk about how he feels so he can know how he feels. "I have to talk this out" is a common refrain. This seems to me the one of the benefits an INFP can give, the ability to listen, hear and provide some mirroring.

He talks to no one else deeply about his feelings though (I think it would be healthier for him if he could) and others have complained to me at times that they want to know him better but feel he doesn't want to be known. This is not true, he does want to be known but opening up with others is hard, it's hard to be vulnerable.

So I guess I am saying the best way to try to get to their core is just a lot of listening and trust building, more so than needed with other people.
 

file cabinet

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
411
So I guess I am saying the best way to try to get to their core is just a lot of listening and trust building, more so than needed with other people.

in the past i feel like i've tapped into infj's most effectively through exchanging really long emails. gives them time to think about what they want to say instead of being put on the spot, and brings discussions to a level that seems more palatable to them.
 

TheEmeraldCanopy

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2009
Messages
280
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
Thank you for posting this. I had a close INFP friend who tried to say something like this to me several times before his death, but I didn't understand him. Now I do. We were not as close the last few years of his life after his remarriage, but when I knew him he was pretty much a black hole of emotional need. So our relationship was fairly one-sided and I let it be. It's good to know he recognized it and wanted it to be different. Thank you. :)

:hug: Glad to help. :)
 

TheEmeraldCanopy

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2009
Messages
280
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
What are some ways an INFP can better learn to recognize when they are overstepping their boundaries (venting too often, becoming too needy, etc.) with an INFJ?


I have maybe... five INFJ friends, so this is something I am constantly exploring in my head.
 

Kristiana

New member
Joined
Dec 28, 2007
Messages
326
MBTI Type
INTJ
It seems to me it's more about psychological health and emotional well-being than it is about type. At least in my experience, I've known some very unhealthy, broken people and some very healthy, stable people... and an unhealthy INFJ is far less equipped to be a good friend than is a healthy INFP.
 

JivinJeffJones

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
3,702
MBTI Type
INFP
How many of these INFP + INFJ threads are there anyway? Every time I turn around there's a new one stuffed full of lengthy, thoughtful, heartfelt posts.
 
Top