[NF] To NF males, what's the deal with this guy?

[Fidelia]

What did end up happening with this situation? I see the thread was started over a year ago and I'm curious how it turned out.

I started busking when I was about 19 and didn't know what to do when I ran into people similar to the one you describe. They are not offensive enough to freak out at and be rude to, but they are strange enough that you regret having been as nice as you were. And then they realize they are skating on thin ice and apologize if you got the wrong idea and you feel like a chump, but then they keep pushing their luck. Sometimes they are just extremely socially awkward. More often than not though, they are more messed up than you would have thought and sometimes are even dangerous. Do not let it get to a point that you do not feel safe or comfortable!

I have learned:

1) Trust your what your gut is telling you whether or not you feel you have evidence to back it up.

2) Make sure that other people in your life know who this person is and don't give out any more personal information. Think out ahead of time what you'll say if you are asked for more information than you wish to give.

3) You can be pleasantly assertive. Something like when he says "I'll bet you you're the type of girl that..." etc you can just say, "I'm sorry, I don't give out personal details to people who are not close to me." When he ventures into any sexual harassment at work territory, say matter-of-factly that you don't expect to deal with any of that and should it be an issue, you are well equipped to take care of it. There should be a very clear message to him that those "testing the waters" topics are completely off limits. On the phone, you can arrange to be very busy and answer more shortly. Also make a point of explaining that he should not call you. If he protests that he didn't mean for you to get weirded out, you can pleasantly say, "I'm not, but I am very busy at work". Do not have time to chat after you get off the bus. Bring a book to read on the bus. Do the opposite of the things that make people feel welcome and listened to, and remain neutral and businesslike about it. People like that do not understand or accept f*** off even if you were to say it. Do not get drawn into a discussion of why you have backed off. Think ahead what you will say if asked.

 

[chris1207]

I figured it out. He's trying to probe you (lol not literally) to find out if there's anything that's troubling you. If so, he wants to help. ENFJ's like being helpful. The reason he approached you in the first place is because you presented yourself as accessible. This guy basically doesn't get out enough and you should tell him that, I think it would help him. Tell him that you don't want his help and that it isn't his fault but that you value being independent (like an NT would.) That should remedy the situation. Unless of course he's gotten the message by now...

I don't think he was trying to be an ass. Just wanted to drum up drama so he could fix it for you.

I had to laugh at the comment that said that he had intentions of sleeping with you and he was probing you with information so he could swoop in like a hawk. I highly doubt that. I'm an ENFJ and know ENFJ's. So BBBBBBBLllllllllAAAAWWWWW!

 

[Fidelia]

Please tell me that you don't do this! It scares women, especially when you comment on looks, you are not in a date setting and we are not flirting. Immediate suspicion unless you manage to convince us you can see it only as an outside observer and not an interested party.

While you are here, can you tell me why ENFJs seem so underrepresented in the Idyllic? Were they driven out, are they disinterested, is their E and J ness keeping them too busy in the big wide world? We want to probe you. (Well, not in that way either).

 

[TaylorS]

1. Could be a stalker

2. Maybe he has a friend or relative that was a victim of sexual harassment or assault in the recent past. After my friend was raped I became worried about the safety of female friends and acquaintances, though my reserved nature kept me from looking creepy like this guy is, but, as Cris1207 said, he possibly "doesn't get out enough" and thus is acting creepy without meaning to.

 

[chris1207]

Please tell me that you don't do this! It scares women, especially when you comment on looks, you are not in a date setting and we are not flirting. Immediate suspicion unless you manage to convince us you can see it only as an outside observer and not an interested party.

While you are here, can you tell me why ENFJs seem so underrepresented in the Idyllic? Were they driven out, are they disinterested, is their E and J ness keeping them too busy in the big wide world? We want to probe you. (Well, not in that way either).

I don't do anything. I would never comment on a woman's looks because I'm always worried they'll take it the wrong way. Women have enough body issues. Plus, I'm N meaning I don't really pay attention to that sort of thing. I flirt by acting like a jackass to entertain them a la Conan I'm just saying that I could tap into the whole thought process of an ENFJ. It took me a while (read the article 2 months ago or so) but Ni finally had an epiphany and I had to share.

Also, that's kind of an asshole move to put my on the chopping block like that (had to read it again to let it sink in.) This isn't the inquisition lady. Like WTF! I'm only not erasing the rest of my post because I'm not like that.

ENFJ's and ENTJ's don't care about an internet forum when they could get out and about and make a difference in the real world. I'm here because I've never really been all that social. I've always been afraid of being emotionally overbearing on others (my mom's an ESFJ and she's a monster.) So I pop in every once in a while between WoW and work and say hi.

 

[stigmatica]

Hmm... I'm always getting into trouble along these lines. I truly am a "Nice" guy and all that, and often it gets taken as some kind of maneuver.. which annoys me to no end. I love to flirt (obviously), but it's all in fun, and I run like hell when someone starts to think otherwise... He isn't running. That's a bad sign.

However.. based on the OP, this guy is not taking any hints, which indicates pure creepiness to me. Best to get away from this one, I think. And why does he want to talk about your relationships at work? That's not even flirting, IMO. That's getting too personal without invitation. I guess he could be a really slow nice guy, but I doubt it.

 

[Fidelia]

Dear chris1207 -

I'm so sorry! I certainly never had the intention of making you look bad and I meant you as a collective group (ENFJ men), not you as in chris 1207. I found your post interesting and was wondering why there wasn't more that came from the ENFJ perspective. I didn't intend any offense, although rereading my post, I guess I can see how you may have felt that way. I hope there's no hard feelings,

Fidelia

 

[qwertsquirt]

sounds like an nf to me, but not of my nature.

He's hitting on you, just watch out.

 

[Airwalker]

Sounds like a weird, creepy stalker type gay guy..trying to force himself into..... your life.
Break it off. Otherwise you'll wake up one morning with your ass hurting and a funny taste in your mouth.

 

[sweavo]

This is bullshit. He's cracking on to you. He says he isn't so he's either lying to you or to himself. Either way, that doesn't give me a good feeling about your future together!

Regardless of personality type, your desire not to offend him is your enemy.

Even if you genuinely have something that he can genuinely hlep you with, the subtext is still "I will help you and then you will learn to value me and then you will show your appreciation by [insert sexual fantasy here]"

If you're very lucky the sexual fantasy only involves other people seeing him on the bus with a hot girl (you).

run away!

 

[Betty Blue]

OK here is the situation, someone I met on the way to work traveling, says he wants to help me out and has been going way out of his way to help me.
At first I was sure that he has some sort of thing for me, then he went on to tell me, don't think that I have some sort of thing for you etc. I am just trying to help, because if I were in your situation I would have wanted someone to help me etc.
But then every time we talk he somehow steers the conversation to what goes on at work, and if guys at work are hitting on me and stuff, and be dropping comments like, cause you are so pretty etc, it would be hard not to be flattered and enjoy flirting...
Then I'll say something like thats not the case, that people know I'm married and so on, and that they know their boundries.
I mean I try to be nonchalant, but I still don't know whats up with this guy.
He'll go back and say again that hes not trying to flirt with me but then go back and say weird stuff like if you ever want to go out and party and go crazy I can give you a ride to so and so a place.
I don't know what to think about all this.
On the one hand he had me convinced for awhile that he really just does mean well, and just wants to help me out, but then he'll say weird stuff or compliment me or say how I should be careful about sexual harassment at work and so on. Is this like a brotherly type thing, or what, I mean I have really high intuition, but this guy has got to be NF so I can't figure out if hes being real or has some hidden agenda.
NFs what do you think?
Maybe he just enjoys talking to me? cause I'm a good conversationalist?
Am I being paranoid?

No not paranoid, something has got you wierded out.
If you're married get your spouse to go with you, see how this person reacts, just a thought