[INFJ] INFJ - unhealthy traits

[eclare]

I'm not sure what a mental breakdown would be like for an INFJ.

A lot of crying and hiding from the world but desperately hoping that someone will come help you.

 

[Bamboo]

I assumed that the poster meant that INFJs can have a really hard time saying "No" to people - this is part of the martyr complex. They don't set boundaries for themselves regarding how much they can really handle, and they'll take on the world's problems as if they are the only ones that can help.

OH. Yeah that makes sense.

 

[cascadeco]

Correct tibby. ESTP is our shadow.

Yoinked from TeamTechnology:

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the INFJ's shadow may appear - a negative form of ESTP. Example characteristics are:


* being critical of others, and finding fault with almost everything
* being preoccupied about unimportant details

Those are the only two that I really relate to from the list, when stressed. An example - when stressed I can become pretty anal about stuff like the apartment not being up to standard in cleanliness, and that stuff will really bother me.

But as for the other stuff - decisions, excess eating/drinking/exercise...eh, not so much. Maybe it's because when stressed I'm aware that I'm stressed, so I do a lot of preemptive things to avoid doing anything stupid -- for example, I'll isolate/withdraw so I don't have to deal with people, because I know I'm highly critical at the moment. I don't trust my own judgment/perceptions when I'm stressed. And I won't overindulge in anything because I KNOW I'm stressed, and I know that's not the answer. That sort of thing.

So for me...it would be general irritability, negativity, isolating myself, and being anal about things.

 

[Bamboo]

Wow you guys take a while to get moving then BAM you really come out in force. Lots of info here.

An observation:
I think I can see a dynamic resulting from the martyr complex combined with a belief/presumption that other people can read their minds. Do y'all ever find that you might take on too much, and then maybe get angry/frustrated at other people when they don't come to help you?

Maybe people don't realize what you want, particularly before you tell them what it is you want.

Maybe right?

 

[lorkan]

In a logical fashion: yes. I don't tell others my expectation of good manners or anything. I usually expect people to be either more aware or interested enough to ask me about my expectations. Or else I usually see people as arrogant or ignorant. And it stresses me out to think of all the things people could've done right but didn't do. It's unfair, I know. I should make clear better of what I expect but I'm afraid of an unpleasant response so I just save the pain of confrontation. (Unless I feel I'm level-headed with someone)

 

[Prototype]

I assumed that the poster meant that INFJs can have a really hard time saying "No" to people - this is part of the martyr complex. They don't set boundaries for themselves regarding how much they can really handle, and they'll take on the world's problems as if they are the only ones that can help.

Could that be because an INFJ type cares too much?...

It would lead one to think that an unhealthy INFJ would come off as a push-over.

 

[eclare]

Wow you guys take a while to get moving then BAM you really come out in force. Lots of info here.

An observation:
I think I can see a dynamic resulting from the martyr complex combined with a belief/presumption that other people can read their minds. Do y'all ever find that you might take on too much, and then maybe get angry/frustrated at other people when they don't come to help you?

Maybe people don't realize what you want, particularly before you tell them what it is you want.

Maybe right?

Ding Ding Ding....We have a winner. This is EXACTLY right.

 

[King sns]

By not having boundaries I mean not being able to say "no" (like someone said above). Which also leads to co-dependancy with others, enabling, neediness, overextension. And as a result they may become bossy and demanding and manipulative. (Probably because they figure, "well I do this and this for people, why can't they do this and this in return!") They forget that we are each our own individual and in the end we each need to make decisions for ourselves.

 

[MrME]

I can only speak from personal experience, because I am the only INFJ I have encountered in the "real" world. It took me a long time to go from an unhealthy state of mind to a (relatively) healthy one. Then again, I was raised in a lopsided home -- Mother was ISFJ and loved her kids ... Father was an emotionally abusive alcoholic who told his eldest son (me) that he was essentially worthless ... and I grew into adulthood believing it.

I think I was in my shadow personality for all of my childhood after puberty, and well into my 20s. It took me a long time to climb out of the trap.

I was:

-Very needy. People took advantage of me all the time.

-Gullible. See above.

-Paranoid. I didn't trust anybody, even close friends.

-Arrogant. I was always looking for reasons why I was better than people, but I would only ever find ways that I was worse, so I compensated by pretending to be a bad-ass. LOLz, indeed.

-Moody as hell. My emotions would fly off the handle at any given moment, and then I would guilt myself out about it, then I would get depressed, and the whole cycle would start over again.

-Phobic. I am still working through this.

 

[lorkan]

By not having boundaries I mean not being able to say "no" (like someone said above). Which also leads to co-dependancy with others, enabling, neediness, overextension. And as a result they may become bossy and demanding and manipulative. (Probably because they figure, "well I do this and this for people, why can't they do this and this in return!") They forget that we are each our own individual and in the end we each need to make decisions for ourselves.

Making own individual decision (not considering others feelings) would make an INFJ unhealthy in my eyes.

 

[kiddykat]

Hmm... I wouldn't necessarily say that the INFJs I knew had a martyr complex, although the one unhealthy trait that I did find in the both were the fact that once they made their mind up about something, it was nearly impossible to convince them otherwise.. but that was them. I don't know about other INFJs, and I think any other type can be just as bullheaded, depending on how much importance we place on certain issues.

What I learned in how to deal with INFJs is, if ya really love them, let them go. If they need their space, give it to them. Maybe, they're too hurt to really have to deal with certain things that may be deeply bothering them. So to try to pry it out of them is like squirting lime on an open wound. Let it be..

Besides, once someone holds strongly onto their own beliefs, there's nothing we can do to really change that. I believe, peoples' attitudes/beliefs change only if they want to. Only time will tell. So set them free. If they come back, then good. If not, then just let them go & wish them well, because that's what people who care do- wish the other person all the best, much love & respect, regardless of what happens. Hope this helps!

 

[Venom]

ALL OF THEM!

 

[iwakar]

ALL OF THEM!

Okay, now you're not even making sense.

Shoe fly!

 

[MrME]

Holy crap, I suddenly feel like I'm in the NT forum ... !!

 

[Glycerine]

Okay, now you're not even making sense.

Shoe fly!

He knows he secretly loves us but is just afraid to admit it.

 

[Paisley]

Those are the only two that I really relate to from the list, when stressed. An example - when stressed I can become pretty anal about stuff like the apartment not being up to standard in cleanliness, and that stuff will really bother me.

But as for the other stuff - decisions, excess eating/drinking/exercise...eh, not so much. Maybe it's because when stressed I'm aware that I'm stressed, so I do a lot of preemptive things to avoid doing anything stupid -- for example, I'll isolate/withdraw so I don't have to deal with people, because I know I'm highly critical at the moment. I don't trust my own judgment/perceptions when I'm stressed. And I won't overindulge in anything because I KNOW I'm stressed, and I know that's not the answer. That sort of thing.

So for me...it would be general irritability, negativity, isolating myself, and being anal about things.

That sums me up. Totally agree! I'm very similar that way, although, with added pig-headedness and cockiness, of my own specific style. I don't usually lash out, but become very internal and have a lot of negative self talk...beat myself up.

Babylon Candle is kinda right though, I am kinda crazy....but only compared to you.....to me I make perfect sense.

 

[Venom]

Babylon Candle is right though, I am crazy.

fixed.

 

[Paisley]

I can tell you really like INFJ's, lots of fun hey?

 

[Glycerine]

Perfectionist to a fault
Highly critical
Overly sensitive
"woe is me" syndrome
intense mental/emotional breakdowns
Paranoia
Pessimism
bull-headedness-won't listen to reason
Clingy
extra moody
a doormat-too submissive
dogmatic
delusional

Of course, this is a description of an extremely unhealthy INFJ (theoretically)

 

[01011010]

Perfectionist to a fault
Highly critical
Overly sensitive
"woe is me" syndrome
intense mental/emotional breakdowns
Paranoia
Pessimism
bull-headedness-won't listen to reason
Clingy
extra moody
a doormat-too submissive
dogmatic
delusional

Of course, this is a description of an extremely unhealthy INFJ (theoretically)

Dun, dun, dun.

It is correct. Every single one. You bastards are lucky to have many other redeeming qualities that trump all the bs above.