• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFJ] infjs, what do you think of this? - from an entp

velocity

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
477
MBTI Type
epic
i dated an infj about a year ago - the relationship did not end well. i was 18, he was 20. we broke up one night over an argument about the death penalty (specifically for a pedophile) - i was against it for several reasons (i was a "feeler" back then) and related it in terms of empathy - mainly because i did not believe in condemning another human being to death because of a condition which she or he may be helpless over. there were better alternatives. (fi?) he was appalled by my argument and asked me why i could defend such twisted individuals who violated society and impinged on the innocence of children (fe?)- he took it as a sign that my soul was somehow corrupt and i had no sense of moral boundary. he broke up with me that night.

i was really hurt and bewildered that night, but have since moved on quite happily in my life. he did a few really hurtful things to me after our break up and now i have walled myself completely off from him. i see him now as a selfish pig who is only concerned with preserving the purposed "sanctity" of his own soul. he has no concern over matters or people that don't directly benefit him and he is defensive and deludes himself that everything he does for others is altruistic and a reflection of the sensitive perceptiveness of his intentions.

as a result, i get a negative gut reaction when i think of infj's-but it's something i want to overcome because it's silly to attribute the same characteristics to everyone of a general personality type.

infj's, let me know what you think.
 

iwakar

crush the fences
Joined
May 2, 2007
Messages
4,877
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
infj's, let me know what you think.

About what precisely? Your experience? Your opinion?

The most surefire way to rid yourself of any prejudice is to 1) acknowledge it (which you've done) and 2) open your mind to new input (ENTPs in general are great at this) and let the truth speak for itself.

You'd do well to observe the INFJs within view and their conduct, whether in real life or on this forum. We're simply a group of individuals with lots in common, and we run the gamut from appalling to delightful, just like any other type.

Hope that helps. Welcome to the nuthouse. :hi:
 
Last edited:

lorkan

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2008
Messages
260
MBTI Type
INFJ
Maybe you didn't take his opinions seriously enough. It could be that you listened to his oppinions, collected the information and then moved on stating your own perceptions, as if what he said didn't matter. If you take it seriously, you would probably give him other perspectives or information he missed. I really don't understand the why people are so afraid they may change other peoples minds, I don't think that is a bad thing. INFJ's usually always want to be better.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
i dated an infj about a year ago - the relationship did not end well. i was 18, he was 20. we broke up one night over an argument about the death penalty (specifically for a pedophile) - i was against it for several reasons (i was a "feeler" back then) and related it in terms of empathy - mainly because i did not believe in condemning another human being to death because of a condition which she or he may be helpless over. there were better alternatives. (fi?) he was appalled by my argument and asked me why i could defend such twisted individuals who violated society and impinged on the innocence of children (fe?)- he took it as a sign that my soul was somehow corrupt and i had no sense of moral boundary. he broke up with me that night.

i was really hurt and bewildered that night, but have since moved on quite happily in my life. he did a few really hurtful things to me after our break up and now i have walled myself completely off from him. i see him now as a selfish pig who is only concerned with preserving the purposed "sanctity" of his own soul. he has no concern over matters or people that don't directly benefit him and he is defensive and deludes himself that everything he does for others is altruistic and a reflection of the sensitive perceptiveness of his intentions.

as a result, i get a negative gut reaction when i think of infj's-but it's something i want to overcome because it's silly to attribute the same characteristics to everyone of a general personality type.

infj's, let me know what you think.
It sounds like he was not the most healthiest of sorts. From what I have read, healthy INFJs are usually very good at understanding opposing viewpoints even if they disagree with it.
 

velocity

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
477
MBTI Type
epic
About what precisely? Your experience? Your opinion?

The most surefire way to rid yourself of any prejudice is to 1) acknowledge it (which you've done) and 2) open your mind to new input (ENTPs in general are great at this) and let the truth speak for itself.

You'd do well to observe the INFJs within view and their conduct, whether in real life or on this forum. We're simply a group of individuals with lots in common, and we run the gamut from appalling to delightful, just like any other type.

Hope that helps. Welcome to the nuthouse. :hi:

hey iwakar. sorry, i realize i wasn't clear with what exactly i was looking for. i'll try to be a little more specific.

he related heavily to his type, seeing within himself the heart of a "mystic oracle" of sorts. he took pride in being an INFJ and as a sensitive confidante to lot of people's problems. that's why it's difficult for me to emotionally divorce myself of the "INFJ" connection. i saw his ego entirely dependent on how other people appreciated his emotional "depth" and "experience." he would listen to people's opinions about his own conduct as long as they were positive and tactfully expressed. he only saw in himself what he wanted to see - a sort of reality blinding idealism. thus, when i think of "INFJ" i think of someone who derives the most happiness from being acknowledged as deep and soulful and i ask .. is this true of all INFJ's? do you see yourself as "sensitive?" from where do you derive your greatest joy? what are your best qualities? do you react dramatically when your idealistic expectations are shattered? is it easy for you just to shut someone off if they don't agree with you?

i'm sorry if i offend anyone - i don't mean to at all. i just want to get a greater picture of the "truth." it just made me sad because i saw the warmth and open-heartedness and love he professed disappear - just like that. (especially since at the beginning of our relationship he described our connection as "cosmic".) it took me a long time to get over that. later, he became "enamored" with me again and i gave him another chance - but it was a relationship where i felt like i was walking on eggshells because i couldn't criticize him at all for fear of incurring his anger and defensiveness. this time, i ended up breaking up with him. i normally hear of how great and dynamic entp-infj relationships are, so i wanted to bring another side to it.

your response did help, thanks girl. :)
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
thus, when i think of "INFJ" i think of someone who derives the most happiness from being acknowledged as deep and soulful and i ask .. is this true of all INFJ's?

Probably not. That's not where I derive my happiness. However, I do enjoy deep and soulful experiences ;)

do you react dramatically when your idealistic expectations are shattered?
Yes, but you would never know about it.

is it easy for you just to shut someone off if they don't agree with you?
Depends on who the person is. Not my s/o though, I would want to hear them out.

it just made me sad because i saw the warmth and open-heartedness and love he professed disappear - just like that.
I doubt it disappeared just like that. The INFJ doorslam is only physical, I think. The feelings are still there.

later, he became "enamored" with me again and i gave him another chance - but it was a relationship where i felt like i was walking on eggshells because i couldn't criticize him at all for fear of incurring his anger and defensiveness.
Hmmm...that sounds familiar :cheese:
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
do you see yourself as "sensitive?"

Sensitive how? In the general term, yes, I see myself as sensitive. Sensitive and in tune with my own feelings as well as of those around me, and not wanting to hurt other peoples' feelings. I'm also very much for good communication and making sure there aren't any misunderstandings.

from where do you derive your greatest joy?

Hmm.. could be a variety of things. Nature and beauty mostly. Trying to appreciate the littler things in life, but also up for new experiences and variety. Deep connections with people. Probably other stuff..those are a few.

do you react dramatically when your idealistic expectations are shattered?

Dramatically? No, I don't think so. I've been told I can become more cold and distant - and I feel quite flustered - when I feel I'm being attacked or if there is conflict. But I tend to keep my emotions in check.

is it easy for you just to shut someone off if they don't agree with you?

If it's something that I've put a lot of thought into and is pretty integral to how I view the world, and the other person totally disagrees, I might conclude it's too big of a chasm to bridge -- just too different. Then I might not have a problem shutting them off.

Part of it is that I don't wish to change the other persons' views - so if they state something that's drastically opposed to my own viewpoint, then I figure, that's that. We're completely and utterly different, no changing that fact. I'll listen and I'll even probably understand the other viewpoint, and I'll probably remain very civil and will find it interesting.

But within, the gears will be turning. With viewpoints, it's often not so much the specific viewpoint, but the implications of that viewpoint and what that says about the persons' underlying character and 'soul' that is really what I'm noticing. Is that underlying trait something I could ultimately respect? If not, time to move on - or adjust the nature of the relationship.
 

velocity

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
477
MBTI Type
epic
But within, the gears will be turning. With viewpoints, it's often not so much the specific viewpoint, but the implications of that viewpoint and what that says about the persons' underlying character and 'soul' that is really what I'm noticing. Is that underlying trait something I could ultimately respect? If not, time to move on.

got it. one of ni's talents. thanks for clarifying, i'm getting a better understanding now. :)
 

dearie.b

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
14
MBTI Type
INFJ
thus, when i think of "INFJ" i think of someone who derives the most happiness from being acknowledged as deep and soulful and i ask .. is this true of all INFJ's?

I'm not sure about ALL but personally I'm not really concerned about how people see me and I don't think a person should identify him/herself in line with how he/she is perceived by others. To me, a mature person knows him/herself.

do you see yourself as "sensitive?"
When the other person (could be animal too) is weak, disadvantaged or needs help. But other times, I can be quite oblivion about others feelings, and only to realise it later when I take a reflection.

from where do you derive your greatest joy?
Meaningful exchange of ideas & opinions, learning by myself and from others (must be someone who has a wide/deep knowledge, about anything. Basically, someone who really knows what he/she is talking about. And working on being a PERFECT (according to my ideal) person. :)

what are your best qualities?
Uh..........This one I really don't know, do I have one??? If I must say one it would be persistence/consistency. I finish everything I start.

do you react dramatically when your idealistic expectations are shattered?
Yes, but his is done privately.

is it easy for you just to shut someone off if they don't agree with you?
This is what I do as a teenager and when I was in early 20s. What happened is that I applied quick judgement over things/people. Now I've learned to wait for a while because I've been with an ENFP.

I think as people get older/more mature, they'll be able to see that difference is not the end of the world. Reading your story, I feel you and your ex are still in the period that each of you are beginning to form an identity (with increased self awareness), so when you discuss an issue you got the feeling that the other is trying to persuade you. But as you get older, you'll learn to listen and respect others' opinion without feeling your own is being threatened.

Again, this is only my opinion and please feel free to ignore it if it sounds like preaching.
:)
 

simulatedworld

Freshman Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2008
Messages
5,552
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Breaking up with someone over a disagreement in moral crusades is the NFJest thing I've ever heard.
 

Paisley

Strolling Through The Shire
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
498
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5w4
i dated an infj about a year ago - the relationship did not end well. i was 18, he was 20. we broke up one night over an argument about the death penalty (specifically for a pedophile) - i was against it for several reasons (i was a "feeler" back then) and related it in terms of empathy - mainly because i did not believe in condemning another human being to death because of a condition which she or he may be helpless over. there were better alternatives. (fi?) he was appalled by my argument and asked me why i could defend such twisted individuals who violated society and impinged on the innocence of children (fe?)- he took it as a sign that my soul was somehow corrupt and i had no sense of moral boundary. he broke up with me that night.

i was really hurt and bewildered that night, but have since moved on quite happily in my life. he did a few really hurtful things to me after our break up and now i have walled myself completely off from him. i see him now as a selfish pig who is only concerned with preserving the purposed "sanctity" of his own soul. he has no concern over matters or people that don't directly benefit him and he is defensive and deludes himself that everything he does for others is altruistic and a reflection of the sensitive perceptiveness of his intentions.

as a result, i get a negative gut reaction when i think of infj's-but it's something i want to overcome because it's silly to attribute the same characteristics to everyone of a general personality type.

infj's, let me know what you think.

Good Lord, you've just described me. When it comes right down to it, if you're looking for "pig-headedness" the INFJ tree, is the right place to bark. I can see where you were coming from, but if you're argument was stupid and pig-headed, that is enough to set off an INFJ and makes it easy to cut ties with someone physically, but usually nothing is enough for them to cut ties, emotionally, like cascademn said. If anything, we'll forever want to change you and check up on you, to see if you've made any "progress".

I love heated debate, but I never take it so personally, however if you're point is logically fallacious and completely retarded as though you were supporting pedophilia, I would forever see you as an idiot. However, in that specific case about breaking up over capital punishment, as an INFJ male, I see both sides of the coin. Death works, but death is too good for the pedophile, as they need to suffer for a while with the reality of (apart from it's immorality) it's destructive psychological, physiological, and sociological affect on the victims and society. I see nothing wrong with castration for repeat offenders, but what's needed overall is longer and stricter jail sentences and more rehab for those predators. At least you're in the right ball park. :)

I broke up with a GREAT girl, because it would never last with our opposing worldviews. I hung on as long as I could but it just fizzled into the ether. I can love the person, but I will never love a diametric worldview. As the worldview and the person are one and the same in our eyes, the part we want to love and invest in, we can not. We're left with loving everything else, but what's important to us. We can't give you our full love and devotion. It's not so much you, but it hacks off this vital part of our own ability to love you, creating an inability in us. Removes our power to love!! LOL! (That's a great line, I'm going to use that, and quote myself, hahaha)

Rule of thumb for long term relationships with the INFJ male: When personality and attraction are extremely strong, lifestyle and worldviews always veto that strength.

When the latter is what dominates the conversation, beware, because they usually don't come up unless they are an issue. When the issue is too "HOT BUTTON" for you and the INFJ, it's only a matter of time, before the relationship ends. To salvage it, you'd better be able to see both sides of the coin, and understand where the INFJ is coming from, and be able to back up both views. Understanding your position well, is almost an inferior position to the INFJ's ability to see both sides, and realization of which one is ultimately better overall, to them.

INFJ's as loving as we are, are highly intelligent and will tell the nicest old lady, that she's an idiot without saying she's an idiot, through well crafted wordplay. We are sensitive to the issue at hand first, and to the person, second. When the person is no longer reasonable and hidden motives and evil's are evident, the person's feelings are completely off the table and the issue trumps the feelings of the person. Ad hoc, depending on the scenario and INFJ.

Ooops, I wrote an essay...sorry.
 

eclare

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2009
Messages
139
MBTI Type
INFJ
dearie.b hit most of the major points. In general, there are very few things that get me riled up but those few things can really cause a sh*storm of emotional backlash.

That said, I don't know if I've ever experienced a person argue that passionately in FAVOR of the death penalty. Usually death penalty proponents (at least in my experience) go with the cold logic approach. Unless, that is, they themselves have been victimized in such a way that they have a very strong personal investment in the issue.


Also, your ex sounds like kind of a douchebag.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
7,708
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
738
yaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnn

are u really really an entp ?

I mean, your posts are so long.
 

IrishStallion819

New member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
219
MBTI Type
INFJ
The important thing is not to let one "negative" experience with a type of person, let it affect your whole perception of that kind.. Just like a woman who has been raped by a black man, shouldn't think all black men are evil but what that "one" paticular man did a wrong towards her.. Also, Its important to remember that we all do things that "sabotage" our relationships with other people; Just when we get upset at someone for what they have done to us, we then need to make sure that we look at ourselves.. I would just encourage you to make right with this person and ask forgiveness and admitt where you have done wrong to him.. Life is too short to harbor hatred feelings towards and it'll make you feel so much better when you make right with another person.. Realize what has happened in the past, should stay in the past and you shouldn't let it affect you anymore.. But we has human beings, tend to harbor ill feelings about eachother, for what has happened in our past.
 

dearie.b

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
14
MBTI Type
INFJ
I hung on as long as I could but it just fizzled into the ether. I can love the person, but I will never love a diametric worldview. As the worldview and the person are one and the same in our eyes, the part we want to love and invest in, we can not.

:wubbie:That's what I thought a few years ago, I guess that's because INFJs tend to identify others by their worldview/ideas. When I met new people I could only remember the ones with extraordinary ideas and/or share my own worldview.

But now I try to relate people more with their personalities, INTENTIONS (I believe INFJs JUST KNOW it) and feelings. That's another thing I learned from ENFP, everyone has something to offer. :wubbie:
 

Paisley

Strolling Through The Shire
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
498
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5w4
:wubbie:That's what I thought a few years ago, I guess that's because INFJs tend to identify others by their worldview/ideas. When I met new people I could only remember the ones with extraordinary ideas and/or share my own worldview.

But now I try to relate people more with their personalities, INTENTIONS (I believe INFJs JUST KNOW it) and feelings. That's another thing I learned from ENFP, everyone has something to offer. :wubbie:

Haha, ya! :yes: Some things positive and some things not so positive. Why stick with a relationship that'll end in tears all the time, because of opposing worldviews? It's a matter of what you're willing to put up with, and to what extent.

What I'd like to propose is that INFJ's view themselves as a nation and when we find a person to love, they're like our ambassadors. It's an arrogant stance to make, but it's nonetheless an accurate description of our type of omniscience. When the INFJ views a loved ones worldview with disdain they hate how that would eventually manifest itself and disapprove of how that stance will cause that person to act. Therefore the person is no longer the INFJ's ambassador while they're out in the world. It's like the INFJ sees into the future of how the opposing worldview will handle different circumstances, and threatens this national allegiance and ambassadorship to the INFJ. At the same time, when we do find our ambassadors, we tend to put them on a pedastal which hurts the relationship, because of the high expectations we put on our loved ones.

I love a lot of people, but I know right away if it'll last or if it'll fail, even when all the worldviews are lined up. I get really nervous and awkward when a girl meets the criteria...blushing...smiling....staring...looks of amazment.....it's ridiculous and embarrassing really. :blush:
 
Top