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[INFJ] INFJ in love with INFJ

ArchAngel

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Joined
Jan 11, 2009
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79
MBTI Type
INFJ
Oh, I hope I don't wind up regretting this ... but this is really important to me, so I suppose I should take the plunge ...

I am a very INFJ male, in love with the first INFJ female contemporary I have ever known well. I also am in a position to develop a relationship with a younger INFP female.

The INFJ woman and I have been very close friends for some time now. We never took it to a real relationship, though it has been what one could reasonably call "dating."

I read recently in an MBTI relationships book that it is typical of Apollonians to meet, become friends, and have passion develop very slowly and after-the-fact, as opposed to instant spark.

Has anyone had such an experience?
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
Has anyone had such an experience?

Yes. I literally went crazy thinking about the first INFJ woman I ever interacted with on a more personal level. Wasn't really romantic feelings, but it certainly indicated a very deep attachment and affection to her. I swear I never felt that way before in my life!
 

ArchAngel

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Jan 11, 2009
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79
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INFJ
I swear I never felt that way before in my life!

YES ... exactly!!!

At first, this seemed a little perverse to me, since she and I are almost twins, so much alike --- a kind of self-love.

But I am a firstborn and she is a lastborn (very good combination) and we are 8 years apart --- so there is enough difference to keep it interesting ...

OTOH, this is a first for me --- new emotions. I don't quite know what to do next --- and it isn't my only option, so I'm trying to parse it all very carefully ...
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
Well in my case, there wasn't too many options for me since she's already married with kids. So she remains a very good friend.

As I said, my feelings aren't romantic really, but more platonic for a kindred soul. If that makes sense.
 

ArchAngel

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Jan 11, 2009
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79
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INFJ
That makes sense. In my situation, I find the romantic feelings and the friendship feelings equally satisfying, and that's a first for me, too ...
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
3,932
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INFJ
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6w5
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sp/sx
You should probably give it a go if you like her enough, and not worry too much about type at this stage. I think the problem with type and relationships is we can sabotage things before they start. Any combination should be able to work in principle.

That said, for some reason the thought of INFJ/INFJ frightens me a bit ;) (sorry...I've probably just done what I said we shouldn't!) It could be extremely intense, almost too intense. I'd like to date an NF man but would probably prefer him to be an E.

I have a friend who I've not been in touch with much in recent years, but apparently he is an INFJ, and it seems to fit. If he is I think he'd be the only male INFJ I know. A few of our mutual friends have suggested to me (and maybe to him) that we'd be good together. I'm not attracted to him particularly, but if I were and he was too, I'd be kind of tempted to give it a go...
 

Vasilisa

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Feb 2, 2010
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Aren't we just so lovable?


Howsoever it turns out, love fearlessly, ArchAngel.
 

Crescent Fresh

Diving into Ni-space
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
802
MBTI Type
INFJ
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4w5
I don't think it'll work on me as it lacks of sparks.

Although for pure friendship, INFJ is the perfect fit for me (my best friend is an INFJ, and we both understand that we need each other's space). That's the good thing about being friends with INJFs as you know what irk them and what not.

I also agree with Silkroad, I generally prefer ExxPs, though lately I felt INTJ could be an interesting match too.
 

bluebelle

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Mar 23, 2011
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6
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INxj
I have done it. I dated an INFJ and im an INFJ. I have never been so in love and so heartbroken at the same time. I think he felt the same.
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
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^ Unfortunately, from anything I've come across on this forum, it seems as though a) these pairings are uncommon (not really that surprising as INFJs are fairly rare and especially male INFJs), and b) they tend to not work out so well.

But...I really also believe that relationship decisions shouldn't be made on type.
 

Vasilisa

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^ Unfortunately, from anything I've come across on this forum, it seems as though a) these pairings are uncommon (not really that surprising as INFJs are fairly rare and especially male INFJs), and b) they tend to not work out so well.

But...I really also believe that relationship decisions shouldn't be made on type.

What have you come across on this forum indicative of an INFJ pairing that tends to work out well?
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
Joined
May 26, 2009
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sp/sx
What have you come across on this forum indicative of an INFJ pairing that tends to work out well?

Hmmm... :laugh: you mean we tend to have relationship disasters generally? Or is it a straightforward question? ;)

That's actually a very good question. :huh: What do you think yourself? I think with the INFJs who are in successful relationships, they seem to be involved with various types. I can't think of trends.

And you know, that probably applies to all the types here. So maybe we should just forget about applying typology to relationships, even though it's probably in the top three reasons why people consult and contribute to forums such as these... :laugh:
 

timewind

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Apr 29, 2014
Messages
7
MBTI Type
INFJ
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4w5
As an infj, the most powerfully intense relationship I've had was/is with much a younger female infj. in fact, i regard her as my soulmate in every possible way; my life can't be complete until we are together again. we had a very intense relationship for about a year (she pursued me at first) and it got to the point of seriously discussing marriage. she was also stressing about life in general and she ran (it was just too intense for her and too confusing). I was devastated like I'd never been in my life, it was literally like losing part of myself. we couldn't even talk, it was total exclusion. then after about 6 mos she came back into my life, and we are sorting through things little by little. It's not where it was (yet?), but her feelings are still there. I'm just not sure she can deal with them. I'm struggling to figure out how to cultivate those feelings and to get us together again. It's not easy work and it brought me to this site.
 

highlander

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Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
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6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Two INFJs together would have to be really rare. It's interesting how today, they could find each other online. 50 years ago, it would be incredibly unlikely that they would run into each other.
 

Qre:us

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Nov 21, 2008
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4,890
For the sake of brevity, the title should have been called: Masturbation.
 
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