[MBTI General] Which other types have you found to be consistently disastrous in relationships?

[21%]

What are "emotional needs"? What are examples of some?

I can only speak for myself. My "emotional needs" include my partner letting me in on his true feelings, my partner listening to me and validating my feelings (not just brushing them aside and saying "Don't feel bad. You think too much"), being sensitive enough to my mood changes (so that he can sense if I'm upset without me telling him outright), being interested in how I feel about things and willing to discuss his own feelings about them, and also understanding what I need to feel loved and appreciated

 

[Esoteric Wench]

ESFP. Ugh. Starts out great. Then when I get tired of having "fun" and want to get down to serious matters (I don't mean a relationship commitment. I just mean talking about the meaning of life or other esoteric topics), I realized we were on different planets.

So now I have fun with my ESFP friends. But I wouldn't date one, and don't expect to have any long theoretical conversations with them.

 

[Stanton Moore]

I was married to an ISTJ. It wasn't a disaster, but things got in the way anyway. It wasn't her fault.

 

[JoyOfTraveling]

I used to think I had an issue with S but I am realising I dont, if I like the brain, I can be with anyone- maybe not an extreme S. I am an extreme EN and borderline FP and TJ- I switch between ENFP in personal and ENTJ in professional (trained myself) lives so can handle those elements but its the S element that bothers me. Am with a borderline S/N now and so far, touchwood though as an ENFP-ISTJ, we have some very tricky moments!

 

[musicnerd93]

I've never been very successful in the area of relationships. (Am still not.) But, I did have brief relationships with an ESFP and an ENTP.

The ESFP guy was very sweet, but way too needy and posessive. He also didn't find what the fun was in being eccentric. I always felt like I had to be overtly normal with him...Which is not fun at all!!

ENTP guy, we didn't last past the end of the day he asked me out. Apparently, he changed his mind because he had just got out of two bad relationships and didn't want to launch into another...then, he texted me about a month later to excitedly announce to me that he had a new girlfriend. <_<

At the moment, I am so, deathly attracted to another INFP that it almost makes me ill. Not just physically, but I have this emotional thing for him. Even if he looked like a completely different person, but had the same personality, I would still be head over heels for him. And I can tell he likes me too, but we're both too reserved and nervous to move forward about it, so I can already tell it won't work.

It was said earlier that NT's and NF's shouldn't be paired together. I somewhat agree. I find NTP's very physically attractive, and they're great to have as friends. But, when it all comes down to it, I don't think I could hold out in a relationship with one for too long. I think too many details would dominate. (Although, I can also be wary about my past 'experience'...if it was even that, with an ENTP.)

 

[jtanSis1]

mostly I's and P's have trouble with IP's the most due to rarely being sure and rarely letting people know anything about them.

 

[Poggle]

As lovers, other ENFP's are the worst. No really, two ENFP's should never ever date.

The worst part is that it *seems* brilliant at the time. At last here is a girl who understands the rubbish I speak, who can read my feelings as quickly as I can read hers, with whom there will never be any misunderstandings, who will sit on my cloud with me...

...right up until the point that it's suddenly a disaster. Because you can't have a relationship with no misunderstandings, with no opportunity - ever - to sneak a feeling past your loved one, where everything you feel is spotted whether or not you want it to be, were you have no opportunity to simply be...

...but the very worst of it is that one partner will discover this before the other and then (obviously) end it, but then (suddenly) they won't be able to explain why to the other in a way the other understands, because the other will still be stuck to the dream.

But the guilt and the heartbreak - regardless of who ends it - they will be shared.

As friends and colleagues, however, other ENFP's are the best, for the all the reasons above. As friends and colleagues it's the TJ's that nark me off with their cold uncaring logical thoughts....

 

[myriah]

I tend to date ESTPs. Our relationships always start out great and then things suddenly fall apart spectacularly towards the end. Siiigh.

 

[skylights]

i've discovered that i prefer to date Js because i am so P myself. the right kind of J helps me to make decisions i feel secure in, and i really appreciate that about them.

oh, and looking back, i tend to date NFs. interesting.

As lovers, other ENFP's are the worst. No really, two ENFP's should never ever date.

The worst part is that it *seems* brilliant at the time..

this. this this this. i didn't know about typology at the time, haha. and our likeness was both our source of great happiness and our ultimate doom (DUN DUN DUN). my biggest problem was that i didn't feel like there was any grounding in the relationship. neither of us were particularly rational or particularly organized, and i ended up being the more rational and organized one - not to mention more committed. i'm a big fan of compromise, but being responsible for both of us was both restricting and draining, and the extra effort wasn't really reciprocated on my SO's part. suffice it to say we are much better as friends.

i have a lot of trouble seeing myself in a relationship with an INTP too, because i have 2 in my immediate family. and while i know and love their wily ways, they tend to always think they're right, and are rather blunt. i kind of like to be finessed. also i would have 3 INTPs around me all the time and that is A LOT of INTP.

so far, my favorite = ENFJ

i also had a brief thing with an INFP which was incredibly sweet and fun but also a little too removed-from-real-life for me. we never had anything "official", though, and we didn't break up so much as just fade. i definitely still miss that sometimes.

 

[Chloe]

I had relationship wish few INTs, and all of them were bad. Actually 1 was ISTP too.
In general ITs, especially INTs, are bad combo for me. Despite what MBTI says, I usually found them too detached and as result boring, and we didnt care about same stuff at all. They were not into having fun at all. Maybe it was just my expirience, I am sure INTs, INTPs ex can be very fun and all.. but my expirience was that they were boring to me. My top 4 priorities are : fun loving, empathic,loyal person with integrity--> I am pretty sure my perfect match could be EF, EsFj, EsFP, ENFP, ENFJ.... I could see all of it work.. especially one particular ESFJ but he's nothing like stereotypes

 

[CrystalViolet]

The most spectacular breakup was with an ESFJ (but I suspect he was ENFJ, gut feeling nothing else). We just didn't work out and we destroyed ourselves in the process.

 

[SecondBest]

Two ISFJs. Both dumped me. I idealized them both. Decent enough girls, but didn't work out.

Don't think it's really good for any N to be close to an S, whether as friends or lovers. Too many communication issues. I speak intuitively, they listen literally and misunderstand. They speak literally, I listen intuitively, but I understand. Generally, speaking, no offense to Ss, but they're not the best at deep self-expression. I've also found I have to put the puzzle pieces together for them in that respect.

 

[7thsomebody]

Dated ESTx, misery and disconnect for both.

Dated an ESTP -altogether too superficial, concrete and detached. Not even remotely interested in anything deep unless it was a pool he could swim in. So incompatible it was awful. Yet - they have this allure, male ESTPs. One of the sexiest types I would say.

 

[mochajava]

All the websites say INFJ and ISTJ are the worst possible match... That seems to be affirmed here. I like the relationship I'm in (INTJ) and the ones I've been in (IN F/T J) and I N/S T J. Interesting how similar all of these types are, no?

My INTJ doesn't 'get' me, so meeting all of my emotional needs takes work for him. But, since he's so willing to put in that effort, that's [mostly] okay with me. Though I would just like to feel understood.

 

[Onceajoan]

I can only speak for myself. My "emotional needs" include my partner letting me in on his true feelings, my partner listening to me and validating my feelings (not just brushing them aside and saying "Don't feel bad. You think too much"), being sensitive enough to my mood changes (so that he can sense if I'm upset without me telling him outright), being interested in how I feel about things and willing to discuss his own feelings about them, and also understanding what I need to feel loved and appreciated

This ^^^^ is why ENTP did NOT work for me in a long term relationship. The ENTP in my case was very invalidating, lacked empathy, could not express emotions, just liked to argue for the sake of arguing and didn't know when to quit. :steam: I wish I had got out earlier.

I think I'm best dating other NFs. I need empathy and understanding. I think I can be more appreciative of them given my past negative experience.

 

[You]

Every type....just playing.

 

[MafiaAngel180]

Psh. Most types.

I've dated many types, but I had "long term" relationships with an ESTJ (I think), 2 ESFPs, 2 INTJs, an INTP, and an ESFJ.

ESTJ--He was very much into me. But he put everyone first. And that got old really quick. It took him years to get over me though. ESFJ--He was the same way...but he was more into quality time. Very intune with his N actually. Unfortunately, he was paranoid about my motives. Such as why I didn't hold his hand at work. Um, because it's unprofessional? Plus, I felt like his love for me was insincere. I learned the most from my INTP, however, he would rather lock himself in his room for hours working on robots and porn sites. Lack of quality time. The ESFPs were great...but they have a tendancy to look elsewhere if there are any waves made in the relationship. "The Grass is Always Greener" syndrome, in my case -- which was unfortunate. And ahhhh, the INTJs -- they were like the boys who pick on you in elementary school. I loved them, but god the torment got old. I really have no desire to go back to that anytime soon. It didn't mesh well with my self-esteem.

Sometimes I wonder if I can get along with anyone romantically.

I would rather date a well adjusted polar opposite than date my supposed "ideal match" who was ill adjusted.

 

[Random Ness]

Everyone's saying NFs and NTs should not hook up. But I knew an INTJ and INFJ who were happily married. Yes, they had their Logic vs. Emotion moments, but they were more similar than different. I guess, though, being both Ni-doms and INJs helped that.

 

[babyaspirin]

INFJ + ISTJ = then for me.

Wow, sorry for everyone who crashed and burned with an ISTJ. Sadly, I've been down that same road. I was married to an ISTJ for 13 years. Splitting up was devastating for us individually, and as a family.

I didn't know that he was an ISTJ, or that I was an INFJ at the time. Only recently (from studying MBTI) have I realised it. ISTJ, that's him, spot on. Not a good combination.

 

[Random Ness]

Gosh, are INFJs naturally attracted to ISTJs or something??