and just reading this sentence made me think happy thoughts.
I also realized something important too about the whole "control" thing: I tend to only do it in a situation that I feel is too "chaotic" or where I don't have enough understanding of all the variables. In those times, I need to exert my controlling ideas on someone and be able to see the reaction of that control to feel better about my own standing in a situation. Since I often feel like I need to do this, I prefer to do it with people that I know well and care about, and therefore can trust that they know what's going down. Thus it tends to be NFP friends that bear the burden of I suppose what I would call "backseat living" where I just want to check up on their lives (read: Plans) so that I know that they have THEIR shit together, because in this particular situation I don't have mine together, against my will.
In any case, FantailedWall, it could totally be that case with your dad, and in that regard it probably is less "I JUST WANT TO DOTE" than you think. He might be controlling for the sake of his own emotional stability/comfort!
Hmmm. I think you're half-right.
By which I mean I
know he does it because he worries about me - sees the potential and freaks out that the free-spiritedness and flakiness of my nature is going to get in the way of my achieving, and thus (in his mind) my overall happiness.
I think a biiiig contributing factor to this mindset was his upbringing. See, my dad was raised in Europe on the run in World War 2 - as a Polish-Jew (the race, not the religion) and even post-that, his life was never what you could call easy. He had to learn to rely on himself from a young age and basically got by via his intellect, seeing school/university/achievement as his way to prove/improve himself/his life and such. He basically had to work his way up from nothing, and it's gotten him the full life he now has.
So, I've come to realize this as the main equation to what he attributes to happiness - intellect + knowledge + achievement = well rounded, stable, gainful life.
It's hard for me to explain how different I am and that (whilst I love learning, and do well at uni) my career achievements are not the be-all and end-all of my happiness - this is where the attempt to control on his behalf comes in, I think.
Thing is, we've never actually openly discussed this in these terms - we often argue because I try to explain this to him (that I understand why he is how he is but I'm not like that) but he's taking it all as excuses for...oh, various things - 'laziness/no will to succeed/putting socializing first' etc, etc.
Phew.
So, INTJ's - tell me this - are you all as stubborn/set in your ways/hard to get through to as my father - or was I right in attributing a large part of his attitude to his upbringing?
