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[MBTI General] Idealist Thoughts on INTP Romance

INTP

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INTPs? Romance? Ewww. Too messy and inefficient :tongue:

but sometimes its the only way to get there, so you have to do it :yes: .

j/k

i think this fits pretty well

The INTP as a "Romantic"

By Bo Ahlberg (your blog keeper)
I, as an INTP male, am a romantic but....

> I am romantic about people not Places
Cities are not romantic, beaches are not romantic, walks in the park are not romantic... but doing these things with the object of your affection is romantic.

> I am romantic about how I feel about someone not Situations or Occasions.
Valentine's Day is not a romantic occasion because everyday should be romantic.

> I am romantic about what I am doing with whom not where I'm doing it or when.
Be it shopping, shoveling dirt, or a night on the town... All are romantic if the one you love is with you.

> I am romantic spontaneously in spontaneous ways.
The romantic in me is very shy and only really comes out when it feels safe. If you treat it well and accept it for what it is, you would be rewarded with its frequent return. Treat it poorly, the deeper it hides, and the less frequent the visits. Ignore it or treat it badly and its feelings for you will die.

but understanding that some people need the place, situations and occasions to get enhanced(or even create) feeling of romance in them, it must be done their way also. and i dont think its just a chore you need to do, because you want to make the other feel appreciated and loved and because making someone you care about happy and feeling loved, its a pleasure to do this romantic stuff to others, even tho i dont care much if they do it like this to me.
 

Oeufa

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but sometimes its the only way to get there, so you have to do it :yes: .

j/k

Aye, but being a girl who doesn't give a fig about romance has it's advantages. Men are usually pretty happy rather than miffed that I would laugh in his face for being so cheesy and acting like he just walked out of a rom-com. That said, gestures of genuine affection are important to me. A store-bought cards, roses and chocolates on Valentines day? Not so much.

My problem is I seem to attract NF men, so they usually are pretty amused and/or hurt that romantic gestures don't do it for me really.
 

Salomé

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Valentine's Day is not a romantic occasion because everyday should be romantic.
If every day is romantic then no day is.
Not to mention that he's contradicting himself.
Sure he's INTP?
 

INTP

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Aye, but being a girl who doesn't give a fig about romance has it's advantages. Men are usually pretty happy rather than miffed that I would laugh in his face for being so cheesy and acting like he just walked out of a rom-com. That said, gestures of genuine affection are important to me. A store-bought cards, roses and chocolates on Valentines day? Not so much.

My problem is I seem to attract NF men, so they usually are pretty amused and/or hurt that romantic gestures don't do it for me really.

i kinda feel bad for those sensitive true romantic nf men dating intp girls :biggrin:

If every day is romantic then no day is.
Not to mention that he's contradicting himself.
Sure he's INTP?

how does the statement contradict itself? and i think what he meant was that valentines is not like some special romantic day.
 

Thalassa

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How did you know this! It is so true in my experience! bah wish I read it years ago. :steam:

lol which part? most of it's just from my own personal experience...and the lesson I learned seriously came from being on this site and reading about/interacting with INTx...the ephiphany actually only came very recently, to my dismay
 

PsychedelicPlatypus

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I've been with my INTP for two years now, and the things I love most about him are:

- a general sense of ambiance, or innocence
- very laid-back, until someone says something stupid...
- pure, uncomplicated, childlike emotions...tickles my Fe and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy :wubbie:
- deep insights and interests
- will randomly dish out very intellectual lectures on how things work or why something is the way it is (which is a major turn on bc I love learning things)
- when asked a question, no matter what it is, thinks deeply about the topic and gives very specific answers (what he thinks, why he thinks it, etc.)
^ actually what attracted me the most in the beginning
- abstract
- thinks all my quirks and the lame things I'm into are adorable, or at least endearing...he loves that I'm a dork and that makes me the happiest of all :happy:
- actually the only INTP I know who's not into WoW or overly obsessed with video games

He does tend to leave a trail of mess behind him wherever he goes, but as long as I gently make him aware of it he's usually more than happy to clean up. Provided his attention span lasts long enough for him to finish the task. I've found taking him by the hand and going "Let's go clean up the _____ together!! Whoo!!" is a good method to get house-holdy things done. Having lots of sex also tends to make him more proactive. :yes:

One of the worst things though is that sometimes he gets in very melancholy moods, and try as I might, I can't get him out of them. This tends to wear out my Fe very fast, and I feel generally upset that there's nothing I can do to get him out of his "funks". I am learning that the only prescription for this is adequate man-cave time, however, and am working on encouraging alone time...even though I'd rather be snuggling. :puppy_dog_eyes:
 

Salomé

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i kinda feel bad for those sensitive true romantic nf men dating intp girls :biggrin:
This thread has helped to reinforce my belief that the things that attract INTP men and the things that attract INTP women are VERY different. (Mostly because most of what the NF women write makes me gag.)
how does the statement contradict itself?.
Now I'm doubting your INTPness too.
 

Salomé

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are you an intj or why wont you explain?

It's just that I sometimes struggle to find words to make the blindingly obvious even simpler...
 

INTP

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It's just that I sometimes struggle to find words to make the blindingly obvious even simpler...

i think what he meant was that valentines is not like some special romantic day.

you are the once who makes statements that contradict itself
If every day is romantic then no day is.
 

Salomé

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As Vic likes to say: we perceive by making distinctions.
 

INTP

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As Vic likes to say: we perceive by making distinctions.

lets assume that im a retard intp with crappy Ti, but even crappier other functions -> i cant understand these simple things that usually come naturally for an intp. id like to hear some explanation about where he is the contradict in what he says. i bet its just something that you understand in a wrong way, therefore see a contradict that isnt there.
 

MacGuffin

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lets assume that im a retard intp with crappy Ti, but even crappier other functions -> i cant understand these simple things that usually come naturally for an intp. id like to hear some explanation about where he is the contradict in what he says. i bet its just something that you understand in a wrong way, therefore see a contradict that isnt there.

"If everyone is special, then no one is."

If analogous, then you have assume something cannot be romantic if it is commonplace.
 

INTP

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"If everyone is special, then no one is."

If analogous, then you have assume something cannot be romantic if it is commonplace.

:doh:
if every house is red, then no house is red?
 

MacGuffin

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:doh:
if every house is red, then no house is red?

Wrong analogy. I didn't say I agreed with it, but "romance" has to have a contrast to exist at all... if I understand it correctly. Sort of like if you make everyone rich, is anyone really rich if there are no poor people for contrast?
 

Salomé

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lets assume that im a retard intp with crappy Ti, but even crappier other functions -> i cant understand these simple things that usually come naturally for an intp.
OK. I think I can manage to assume that.
id like to hear some explanation about where he is the contradict in what he says. i bet its just something that you understand in a wrong way, therefore see a contradict that isnt there.

I see contradictions everywhere.
Valentine's Day is not a romantic occasion because everyday should be romantic.
It's rather impressive that he managed to cram so many logical fallacies into such a simple sentence... Or it would be, were he not deadly serious.
 

Magic Poriferan

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:doh:
if every house is red, then no house is red?

I suspect the color of a house is not enough of a broadly encompassing abstraction to be comparable, and red is not a relative enough concept.

Surely you've heard statements such as "if everything were good, nothing would be good" which is basically equivalent to saying "if there were no evil, there'd be no good".

What would you say if I said that if there were no unromantic days there could be no romantic days?
 

INTP

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Wrong analogy. I didn't say I agreed with it, but "romance" has to have a contrast to exist at all... if I understand it correctly. Sort of like if you make everyone rich, is anyone really rich if there are no poor people for contrast?

no its not. the word romantic is used to describe what something is like, so it can have its contrast from other things like other peoples lives, that can be for example annoying. just like how i used the word red, it gets its contrast form other colors, so it doesent have to get its contrast from colors of different houses. just like romantic day doesent have to get its contrast from the days of the couple, it can get its contrast from other things that describe how the day is.
 

slowriot

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I've been with my INTP for two years now, and the things I love most about him are:

- a general sense of ambiance, or innocence
- very laid-back, until someone says something stupid...
- pure, uncomplicated, childlike emotions...tickles my Fe and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy :wubbie:
- deep insights and interests
- will randomly dish out very intellectual lectures on how things work or why something is the way it is (which is a major turn on bc I love learning things)
- when asked a question, no matter what it is, thinks deeply about the topic and gives very specific answers (what he thinks, why he thinks it, etc.)
^ actually what attracted me the most in the beginning
- abstract
- thinks all my quirks and the lame things I'm into are adorable, or at least endearing...he loves that I'm a dork and that makes me the happiest of all :happy:
- actually the only INTP I know who's not into WoW or overly obsessed with video games

He does tend to leave a trail of mess behind him wherever he goes, but as long as I gently make him aware of it he's usually more than happy to clean up. Provided his attention span lasts long enough for him to finish the task. I've found taking him by the hand and going "Let's go clean up the _____ together!! Whoo!!" is a good method to get house-holdy things done. Having lots of sex also tends to make him more proactive. :yes:

One of the worst things though is that sometimes he gets in very melancholy moods, and try as I might, I can't get him out of them. This tends to wear out my Fe very fast, and I feel generally upset that there's nothing I can do to get him out of his "funks". I am learning that the only prescription for this is adequate man-cave time, however, and am working on encouraging alone time...even though I'd rather be snuggling. :puppy_dog_eyes:

:wubbie::wubbie:

WANT INFJ GADGET NOW!
 

Salomé

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if every house is red, then no house is red?
More like: if everything is red, red has no meaning. Part of the meaning implicit in red is what it is not: not blue or yellow or brown or grey. In a sense what is red is where red is not - but that's a digression too far.

If you gave me red roses every day, I'd start to long for pink carnations (even though I love red roses and depise the colour pink). Such is human nature. There are planets where diamonds are more common than sand (carbon is more common than silicon). On such a planet people would covet sandstone rings. A big part of the allure of romance is novelty, scarcity, mystery - this is how we measure "value", fickle beings that we are. If all men were romance gods, all the time, most women would swoon over clueless, hapless, pedestrian dolts (instead of it just being the NFJs who find them so irresistible).
 
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