I won't even lie, this thread was giving me an upset stomach trying to read it all so I just scanned it. I only wanted to say that I think we all have this narcissistic desire and hope the other person wished they had made a different choice and thinks about/misses us often. The reality is that I think some types move on faster than others and I know for fact many NTs and NFs fall into that group.
As an ENTP, when I'm done I am very very done and unwilling to visit the past. It takes a lot to get me there but once I am, it's over. This combined with always having dated S types who tend to have a harder time moving on I find they tend to wanna visit the past more and express a wish that there had been a different outcome.
Having people in my past that feel were "the one that got away" is more a reflection of my poor choices in a partner as opposed to their mistakes. Whatever the cause, be it Sensors that could never meet my needs, youth, ego, cheating, lack of honesty with me/self or what ever. The real issue if I'm going to be 100% honest with myself in every single case has been more about me and less about the other person.
This may have something to do with my level of autonomy and a desire to learn from everything that has happened in my past knowing that I'm the master of my life and this includes the people I allow into it as well as what they do once inside.
Being Buddhist, I know there are girls in my past that would have been wonderful partners for me however I don't see them as the "ones that got away", I see them as women I wasn't ready for so I stepped aside so they could be with somebody that was ready. I have learned and grown so much from the choices I've made that I liked least or was least proud of that I have zero regrets. One can't be expected to not make mistakes, the only mistake one can make from them is not learning from them.
Now I sit 100% open to love and for the first time in my life able to be a man instead of a boy, I know how to treat a woman with the respect, passion, loyalty, compassion and the honesty I feel should make up the foundation of a healthy relationship. Yet with this internal search and understanding of self comes even less of a willingness to settle for somebody that isn't in the same place. So maybe there's a catch 22 here at play as well.
But "immature" is an interesting word that I see bandied about often. Were the people who left the INFJs immature? Maybe so, maybe no. Is it immature to be at different points in life? I wouldn't say that just because a person brands you the one that got away that they were necessarily immature. Maybe them breaking up with you at that point in time was the most mature act they could do.
