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[INFJ] INFJ personal relations

AgentOrange

New member
Joined
Dec 18, 2008
Messages
28
MBTI Type
ENFP
I was recently reminded of this in the welcome thread. I, unfortunately, don't have the chance to be around too many INFJ's, but the ones that I do have the pleasure of being close to are usually pretty open me, but SO guarded around most people. I mean they're fine sharing ideas, and are pretty sociable, but like to keep feelings or details of their life to themselves much more than most types.

This has been quite relevant once I started dating an INFJ, because I'm a LOT more open about my personal life. I make sure I keep pretty tight lipped about him, to be respectful of his wishes. However, he still teases me for "ruining his image" because people are beginning to think he's human :rolli: .

Is this something that anyone else has noticed?
 

redacted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
4,223
Ha yes. I maintain an image with most people, to keep them from having power over me. I need to figure some stuff out about a person before I choose to let them in. I just don't trust many people...
 

karenk

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
160
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
This describes me too. I'm open in other general ways, but my personal life is a closed book. I wonder if this has to do with instinctual stacking. I'm sx/sp. I tend to share info with just a few individually and not with "groups." (It's funny- I make others stay "tight-lipped" too. ha.)
 

Flush

New member
Joined
May 19, 2008
Messages
203
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
You have now described my INFJ friend.
 

Dash

New member
Joined
Nov 14, 2008
Messages
31
MBTI Type
INFJ
I'm exactly like that, and the exact opposite of that at the same time. Long story short, I've learned to only share my inner nature with people I "trust". And by trust, I mean TRUST. Otherwise, anything I share is usually used against me (like Evan was talking about).

However...those that do earn my trust are allowed ALL the way in. I become the epitome of an open book. I'd even show the person my emotions *gasp* 0_0.

My advice to you (even though you didn't exactly ask for it lol) would be to take his caution very, very seriously. DON'T mock him about it...worst thing you could possibly do. Think of his inner-self as a Holy Grail of sorts. Guarded by 1000 knights in shining armor...it's not unlikely than no one will ever see it. Of course, don't be more concerned about it than he is. That would be somewhat awkward lol.

The odds are that he'll be presenting you with opportunities to "earn his trust". No matter what he says during the "test", what he's really saying is "Here's my heart :heart:...what will you do with it?". Here's a little tip about (at least some) INFJ guys. We have the ability to shield our hearts from unwanted damage (you'd be amazed). But when we let our shields down with someone we feel close to, we're actually relatively "fragile" =/. That doesn't mean our outer-"shield" is just an act though. We are really that strong. Ha, we're a walking paradox.

EDIT IN: My need to keep my inner-self "private" is exactly why I don't share my Enneagram even on the internet =).
 

Ardea

o edward cullen!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
729
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
7
Why would they feel a need to hide it?
 

Dash

New member
Joined
Nov 14, 2008
Messages
31
MBTI Type
INFJ
Why would they feel a need to hide it?

I'll use myself as an exmaple.

Throughout my entire life, I've been literally SURROUNDED by people...especially girls & women who just love to torment me, mentally (though there have been a few guys). Whether it be getting a thrill about keeping a very "big" secret from me, or mocking me for no apparent reason, they just can't get enough of it.

I one of my theories is that my non-masculine masculineness has something to do with it. To have it make any sense what so ever...let's just say I'm masculine in the same way that Jesus was (not Christian...just using him as an example). I consider my forgiveness & love for pretty much anyone my greatest strength (or in the top 3). Not only that, but I don't easily take offense. Even by people who outright try to hurt me.

To connect the dots between those two paragraphs, I think that at least for me, I become a semi-unintentional 'mental-punching bag'. When people lash out, they usually expect that they'll get at least some recoil back. With me though, I don't give them that recoil. I don't even get/feel angry with them at all. Instead, I help them talk it out, give them sympathy for whatever made them "lash" out, etc. Which in turn, instills the thought/semi-pathology that says "Oh, Brian doesn't get angry at me if I get angry at him...I can use him as a vent!".

And as you can imagine, that becomes a pattern with many people I meet. Even my own family. Thus producing a hardening of myself. I am however, working on correcting that and giving more "push back" even if I don't feel the need to lol. There is another cause that I'm aware of though.

The inner-world of the INFJ is interesting to say the least. So interesting, that it must be understood all at "once"...otherwise, it's like reading a half-complete theory on the nature of existance. Thoughout my life, I've made the mistake of letting people hear bits & pieces that can ONLY be heard with the complete story behind them. As a result of that + some odd process in which people get a thrill out of putting me down, a lot of semi-deep feelings/thoughts that I've shared backfire on me pretty baddly.

That goes back to my last post in which I talk about letting people in that I "trust". The biggest mistake was trusting most people...which I truly can't (and by trust...I mean share a DEEP bond with). 'Tis why I only shared my Enneagram with a very few & selected individuals.

I'm aware that my post sounded extremely "pesimistic/biased" about people at large...but I'm actually not. I'm pretty much willing to give anyone a chance. Unfortunately though, to see my inner-most being requires a high-classification-rank =). Wish it weren't that way =/. My Fe wants to share EVERYTHING (like I was saying in my last post)!

So yeah...lol. That's even the shortened version 0_0. Consider it a bird's-eye view into the mind/perceptions of an INFJ lol. And also, sorry for the extreme length. All you did was ask a small question lol =P.
 
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Silent Stars

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
410
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Yeah, that about sums it up.

I myself have been quite tormented my whole life up until I was kicked out of my house earlier on this year because my mom didn't like the music I listen to (even though I only listen to it with my earphones and nobody else hears it); she thought it was bringing demons into the house just by the cds being there (I listen to a lot of Satanic metal...and by that, I mean stuff that is not a joke, like Deathspell Omega.). (She is of the conservative fundamental evangelical Christian persuasion....ugh.) I'm so glad to finally get away from that negative environment (especially after she remarried, stuff went very downhill after that). School was terrible as well....constant torture that didn't even go away in high school; it just got more subversive. The one year I spent at college was a really bad experience as well, and led me into a very bad depression (I eventually ended up flunking out....I was at Purdue University, wanted to major in physics.).
 

Dash

New member
Joined
Nov 14, 2008
Messages
31
MBTI Type
INFJ
Yeah, that about sums it up.

I myself have been quite tormented my whole life up until I was kicked out of my house earlier on this year because my mom didn't like the music I listen to (even though I only listen to it with my earphones and nobody else hears it); she thought it was bringing demons into the house just by the cds being there (I listen to a lot of Satanic metal...and by that, I mean stuff that is not a joke, like Deathspell Omega.). (She is of the conservative fundamental evangelical Christian persuasion....ugh.) I'm so glad to finally get away from that negative environment (especially after she remarried, stuff went very downhill after that). School was terrible as well....constant torture that didn't even go away in high school; it just got more subversive. The one year I spent at college was a really bad experience as well, and led me into a very bad depression (I eventually ended up flunking out....I was at Purdue University, wanted to major in physics.).


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's exactly me!!!!!!!!! My Mother thinks that the music I listen to in private remotely affects the entire family. God it's sick =/. Oddly though, my Mother does it via Metaphysics. Though, she did used to be a fundamentalist Baptist (the no rock beat kind).

Heh, sorry for being off topic =/. I can DEFINITELY relate to you though *emapthy* =(.
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
Yeah I can verify the accuracy of that description. Heck marmalade even wrote a post here detailing those traits of me. :redface:
 

Dash

New member
Joined
Nov 14, 2008
Messages
31
MBTI Type
INFJ
I think we may have been raised in the same religion...

Hmmm...a possible connection between INFJs and fundamentalism? Ha, kidding. Ironic though, as MBTI is evil by Christian standards.
 

cherchair

New member
Joined
Nov 2, 2008
Messages
238
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I share more here than I do with those I'm closest to irl, and even here, I share mostly events rather than feelings.
 

AgentOrange

New member
Joined
Dec 18, 2008
Messages
28
MBTI Type
ENFP
INFJ's seem to be individuals with a lot of emotional depth who have a really unique way of looking at the world and I don't know how to word it.. things are really personal to them. It's like their words and actions are an extension of themselves more so than other types.

I've often wondered if INFJ's growing up shared things about themselves, and had a lot of people not understand them and were totally crushed by it, especially if those people they trusted ridiculed them in some way.

I could just be trying to relate it to relate it to my experience as an ENFP though. A lot of people I know get wrapped up in the ENFP contact high, back back away as soon as I become an actual person, which has led me to keep my a lot negative emotions and worries to myself. That's one of the reason's I love the INFJ's in my life. From what I've seen they don't scare easily :wubbie: .
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
Hmmm...a possible connection between INFJs and fundamentalism?

Guess I'd be the exception to that, since I wasn't raised in a fundamentalist enviroment; and I generally can't stand them - although I'm not as eager to engage in the standard bashing of them either.

Ironic though, as MBTI is evil by Christian standards.

Some Christians think it's evil, other Christians don't. You can find Christians on either side of that debate.

Richard Rohr even wrote The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective.

Now as for some of the critiques I have read of MBTI and the Enneagram from Christian perspectives; on some levels I can sympahtise with the concerns of about ties to the New Age movement, and I always keep an eye open towards those tendencies.
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
INFJ's seem to be individuals with a lot of emotional depth who have a really unique way of looking at the world and I don't know how to word it.. things are really personal to them. It's like their words and actions are an extension of themselves more so than other types.

I've often wondered if INFJ's growing up shared things about themselves, and had a lot of people not understand them and were totally crushed by it, especially if those people they trusted ridiculed them in some way.

Yes that's exactly how I felt growing up, and in many ways those feelings still linger. Oddly these feelings become more intense when around people close to me(friends and family), which add onto it. :(

I could just be trying to relate it to relate it to my experience as an ENFP though. A lot of people I know get wrapped up in the ENFP contact high, back back away as soon as I become an actual person, which has led me to keep my a lot negative emotions and worries to myself. That's one of the reason's I love the INFJ's in my life. From what I've seen they don't scare easily :wubbie: .

Im interested in knowing how an ENFP's experience could relate to ours. It seems ENFPs are often the talk of the party, wheras we're usually not(at least I'm not).
 

AgentOrange

New member
Joined
Dec 18, 2008
Messages
28
MBTI Type
ENFP
My advice to you (even though you didn't exactly ask for it lol) would be to take his caution very, very seriously. DON'T mock him about it...worst thing you could possibly do. Think of his inner-self as a Holy Grail of sorts. Guarded by 1000 knights in shining armor...it's not unlikely than no one will ever see it. Of course, don't be more concerned about it than he is. That would be somewhat awkward lol.

Haha, I've paid a lot of my dues, and he's really open with me in most ways :D (Jerk, INFJ forced me to be patient). Don't worry.. I tease him lots, but never about anything serious. And even though I get really excited and can blab about my life, I'm really good at keeping other people's secrets and making sure I don't say anything that would make people close to me too uncomfortable.

and belive me I would never want to breach trust with anyone.. especially not an INFJ :ninja: .
 

Ardea

o edward cullen!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
729
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
7
Hmm... well... its seems natural that "everyone will not be able to understand everyone else". Basically, I think all types are misunderstood in some way. ENFPs, I think, probably have a stupid resilience (I use this kindly) because we're just that way. We'll express something the same way because it feels appropriate. Some get it, some don't. That's okay. We got it off of our chest. Those that do, can talk about it further. Those that don't should at least sympathize or ... something.
 

Nat

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2008
Messages
66
MBTI Type
INFJ
Yes, I have an image I maintain, but I don't think its just related to INFJs. I'm sure other types do it to - maybe to a lesser extent.

With people I'm close to, I don't worry about expressing my feelings or my views on things. I really admire people who just don't care, but I think if I expressed everything to everyone, they would think I were slightly crazy! :blush:

I've often wondered if INFJ's growing up shared things about themselves, and had a lot of people not understand them and were totally crushed by it, especially if those people they trusted ridiculed them in some way.

I get a feeling with people that tells me whether it is or isn't a good idea to let them in...
 
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