[MBTI General] Why do I get this feeling that I don't know who I am?

[dee]

Anyone else feel this way?

You know, why do I need an online test to tell me who I am?
What the he**?
Why is it that I often feel that I am being someone else, and not just being me? (which is?)

I mean I have some pretty concrete ideas and ideals, but I have to keep reminding myself, "you see you are 1) xyz 2) abc, etc"

Why, why?

 

[jaku]

you have to want to reach inside and find that answer. there's a difference between yourself and your self. but the self that only you know doesn't follow suit with the rest of society so you may believe it's off limits and not going there as much you're just not as in touch with it. so sometimes you're all the other selfs you feel you need to be to make things work right.
the more i be the more i am. if you truly make answering this question a very central part of your life i think you can find some answers. and some more and some more and some more.

 

[nolla]

That's good. If you knew who you are, you'd be really reluctant to change into something that you can be because that would be unknown and unknown is scary. Now you can get to know you, and by doing so, change yourself. The people who know themselves are usually too rigid to see that there is a lot more than meets the eye.

 

[BlueScreen]

I always have that feeling because every time I get close, myself has morphed again and evolved. I think it was the realisation that I can never catch up that has kept me exploring. You have between life and death to learn as much as possible about yourself and the world, and every time you choose not to without a justified reason, it puts you a few steps back at the end.

 

[dee]

but the self that only you know doesn't follow suit with the rest of society so you may believe it's off limits and not going there as much you're just not as in touch with it. so sometimes you're all the other selfs you feel you need to be to make things work right.

Yes, so true about me, maybe thats why I can't really get in touch with my true self.

the more i be the more i am. if you truly make answering this question a very central part of your life i think you can find some answers. and some more and some more and some more.

That would be amazing...
To find the answer...

All the things I like, I don't do, and all the things I do, is because either I have to do them or it's the right or responsible thing to do.

For example, I would love to play sports, like when I was a kid, I was a real tomboy, but now....no sports whatssoever!! I hate that, I want to be free and I want to be me, but I feel I can't, cause that would be strange, society speaking.
Yknow, like this working Mom, playing basketball, or soccer or whatever, after work just wouldn't look right...

 

[Totenkindly]

Why do I get this feeling that I don't know who I am.

Anyone else feel this way?

Yes.

I'm not really sure who you are either.

All the things I like, I don't do, and all the things I do, is because either I have to do them or it's the right or responsible thing to do...Yknow, like this working Mom, playing basketball, or soccer or whatever, after work just wouldn't look right...

You're right, hon -- figuring ourselves out is hard business.

And when we get older, there are some things we're definitely expected to do just as part of fitting into whatever culture we were raised in and lived in. It's kind of hard to avoid, even if it's not fair in some ways.

The bottom line is, you can do whatever you like as long as you are willing to pay the cost for it. Some people live on the fringes of society because they're willing to pay anything (even sacrifice social acceptance and economic compliance) to do their own thing.

Your example of being a working mom who plays sports after work, I think, is a splendid idea if you're balancing that with the other responsibilities you've taken on (namely, the kids). If you have people in your life who are willing to support you and make sure everything is covered, and you have the opportunity to play sports [I say that because I have not run across a lot of working mom's basketball/soccer leagues, but maybe you just meant informal time after work], and it means that much to you, I don't see why you should have to give it up just because parents or someone else is criticizing you for doing so (if that is the case).

It's your life; and if you can make it all work, then go for it. I think society does place too many arbitrary limits on things and easily traps people in roles unnecessarily.

Sometimes our needs and desires do change over time. I remember many things I used to consider such a priority before I had kids, and once I had them, my interests just shifted a lot. We do figure out a lot about ourselves, the more opportunities we present ourselves with; but we are also constantly changing and rediscovering who we are and what we like and do not like. Life is sort of exciting that way.

 

[nolla]

For example, I would love to play sports, like when I was a kid, I was a real tomboy, but now....no sports whatssoever!! I hate that, I want to be free and I want to be me, but I feel I can't, cause that would be strange, society speaking.

You know what you should be, so why not be it? Sure, it might seem odd for the people who thought they knew you, but in the long run, do you think they will judge you for being what you are? There's nothing wrong with being a tomboy. Don't let their expectations keep you down.

I think society does place too many arbitrary limits on things and easily traps people in roles unnecessarily.

Yeah, I never understood why it is so. What motivates people to try and enforce the roles? It would be so much better if we could all just roam free

 

[Totenkindly]

You know what you should be, so why not be it? Sure, it might seem odd for the people who thought they knew you, but in the long run, do you think they will judge you for being what you are? There's nothing wrong with being a tomboy. Don't let their expectations keep you down.

Yes, frankly, life is too short to be spending it all trying to make everyone else happy, if you're crushing yourself in the process.

In the end, you are unique, and you have something to give that no one else can give; so why do we all say everyone has to be the same and give the same things? There are some basic standards just as part of living, but lots of variety to go along with it.

I think our biggest and most unique contribution in life to others is ourselves; and if we're constantly crushing it or trying to be someone we're not, we're not contributing all we could be.

In terms of contributing the things that make you feel most alive and offer you the deepest ways to engage others, be yourself and let other people deal with it.

 

[EcK]

because ur clinically insane? (just an idea)

 

[Totenkindly]

because ur clinically insane? (just an idea)

There's always that.

 

[Travo7]

Anyone else feel this way?

You know, why do I need an online test to tell me who I am?
What the he**?
Why is it that I often feel that I am being someone else, and not just being me? (which is?)

I mean I have some pretty concrete ideas and ideals, but I have to keep reminding myself, "you see you are 1) xyz 2) abc, etc"

Why, why?

Yes, I feel this way. When you say you "have to keep reminding yourself..." are you saying that the fact that you strive to do so is in some way inauthentic?

 

[cascadeco]

Anyone else feel this way?

You know, why do I need an online test to tell me who I am?
What the he**?
Why is it that I often feel that I am being someone else, and not just being me? (which is?)

I mean I have some pretty concrete ideas and ideals, but I have to keep reminding myself, "you see you are 1) xyz 2) abc, etc"

Why, why?

I've definitely felt this way at times.

As for the online tests...at least for myself, at times in the past they've provided me with a window and an 'explanation' as to why I am the way I am, and provided a group I felt I could belong to, and on the negative side, provided me with a scapegoat/excuse for my behavior, as if it was something set in stone that was unchangeable...but I only think it's unchangeable if you want it to be unchangeable. People can always work on themselves.

Then sometimes I realize that none of it really matters anyway, and perhaps identity is something that can shift over time, as you see fit. It doesn't have to be a solid rock that is constantly the same, and that's rigid - it can be molded. And that's something that everyone's going to have their own opinion on - is identity/personality something you want to preserve, and do you want set traits that always remain as is, that are easily definable and that you can always go back to, or are you ok with modifying things as you go and being ok with not having a strong sense of self, in the "I am X, Y, and Z, all of the time." Actually I think it's a bit of both -- there are things about ourselves that will always remain the same, and that will never change, but I think there's more room for flexing than we give ourselves credit for, or allow ourselves to achieve. Personality systems can be great frameworks for giving you general traits in who you might me, but they can be limiting if you hold too hard onto those definitions. Maybe it's OK to have a mishmash of contradictions - that's human. The only reason it seems to be NOT OK is when you try to match that up with one of 16, or 20, or whatever, systems. That's the only time you start questioning.

As for often feeling you're being someone else or not being true to yourself, well....yeah, that comes and goes for me. Probably depends on how prone you are to accommodating others in real life. I have the accommodating tendency, which now that I'm aware of try to keep in check. So yeah, at times I'll suddenly realize that I'm not being 'ME' as much as I want to be, or should be, and then I take a step back and reassess everything and find more solidity again.

 

[nolla]

I think our biggest and most unique contribution in life to others is ourselves; and if we're constantly crushing it or trying to be someone we're not, we're not contributing all we could be.

Damn, you always know to say what I should have said!!! What is wrong with you!?

Yeah, but seriously, that thing you said back there, I have so often thought of that. It isn't selfish to be what you are, since if you aren't, then what is it that you have to give?

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Who am I? is the deepest question you can ask in Buddhist practice. The way you're asking it right now, I think the answer has to do with a need to understand one's reaction, gain control over them, feel unique, and feel valued.

Moved to Personal Threads.

 

[Totenkindly]

Hi Cascade! :hi:

Damn, you always know to say what I should have said!!! What is wrong with you!?

I'm a brat.

Yeah, but seriously, that thing you said back there, I have so often thought of that. It isn't selfish to be what you are, since if you aren't, then what is it that you have to give?

I think the problem is that being who we are sometimes means we have to step on other people's toes and not meet their expectations.

If we disagree on the validity of the expectations, then some people see the choice as selfish while others will not. And sometimes people have entered into relationships being someone other than who they are, which will stunt the relationship and growth potential... and there's not always a way to set things right without having to renegotiate or perhaps even dissolve the relationship if an agreement cannot be reached.

(So the same choices can seem legitimately selfish to one group of people, while legitimately unselfish to another.)

Getting back to the OP... some people just naturally mirror and adjust in order to deepen and maintain relationship. Unfortunately, in doing so, they lose part of themselves; they're constantly ignoring some parts of themselves in order to lessen potential friction and disagreement and to build consensus. (We can call that the "chameleon" thing if you want...)

If you do that, you can't help it; in a weird way, that IS part of who you are. At the same time, there's a need to learn when not to chameleon to the surroundings; otherwise, you'll feel like a non-person eventually.

 

[dee]

Thanks everyone I really appreciate all your answers.

because ur clinically insane? (just an idea)

very funny...

Yes, I feel this way. When you say you "have to keep reminding yourself..." are you saying that the fact that you strive to do so is in some way inauthentic?

No, it is authentic, it's just when I get that mirroring feeling so strongly sometimes, it' like it's my way of reminding myself that I do have a self, opinions, values, etc, etc.

Then sometimes I realize that none of it really matters anyway, and perhaps identity is something that can shift over time, as you see fit. It doesn't have to be a solid rock that is constantly the same, and that's rigid - it can be molded. And that's something that everyone's going to have their own opinion on - is identity/personality something you want to preserve, and do you want set traits that always remain as is, that are easily definable and that you can always go back to, or are you ok with modifying things as you go and being ok with not having a strong sense of self, in the "I am X, Y, and Z, all of the time." Actually I think it's a bit of both -- there are things about ourselves that will always remain the same, and that will never change, but I think there's more room for flexing than we give ourselves credit for, or allow ourselves to achieve. Personality systems can be great frameworks for giving you general traits in who you might me, but they can be limiting if you hold too hard onto those definitions. Maybe it's OK to have a mishmash of contradictions - that's human. The only reason it seems to be NOT OK is when you try to match that up with one of 16, or 20, or whatever, systems. That's the only time you start questioning.

very good point, thanks

I think i want to be myself but a part of me is scared, because I want others approval. damn!

I am going to get over that one of these days, ( hopefully..)

 

[BlueScreen]

because ur clinically insane? (just an idea)

. Most entertaining post in the thread. I think I might become an ENTP, or at least an ENxP (if I'm not one already).

 

[dee]

You are one if you find that extremely entertaining....

 

[Cimarron]

I get that feeling sometimes, too. Nothing wrong with pondering and searching. "Which part of me is the real me?" is something I wonder a lot. But it's probably all parts.

Good luck to you finding your way.