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[ENFJ] Join us,ENFJs are direct or not ?

Hap

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Dec 17, 2008
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ENFJ
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ENFJ
ENFJs are direct or not ?
 

Hap

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Dec 17, 2008
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ENFJ
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ENFJ
I am very puzzled ,because as an ENFJ, I think I am very frankly. if I am gotta say something ,then i will say it without hesitate. And I think i will never lie,even though something maybe will make others uncomfortable.
But ,This is only my own's view. one of my friends is an INTJ, He said i am too indirect about everything. so ,confused! here, I am thinking that maybe as an INTJ he can't recognise my direct way of doing things.
so , here i want to know as an ENFJ, how do you think of yourself ?
or, if you have knew some ENFJs, how else do you think of them ?
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
EF's wanna get along with people, hence they might not lie but they certainly will 'dress it up'. That's what your friend meant.
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
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Sep 25, 2008
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2,725
MBTI Type
infp
I've only known one ENFJ (that I know of) and I'm not sure if he wasn't direct enough or I was too clueless to pick up on his directness.

In matters of pursuing me, he was way too subtle for me to pick up what he wanted, and an ENFP was in my life around the same time who was very very direct so the ENFJ lost out because he wasn't direct enough for me. I then found out through my friend that he had been trying it on with me and I hadn't been aware at all.

But I really am quite clueless about what anyone wants from me, I won't know someone likes me til they say it in a way I can identify, or it's blatantly clear in other ways.

Maybe it was just that specific ENFJ who had trouble with being direct.
 

Hap

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Dec 17, 2008
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ENFJ
EF's wanna get along with people, hence they might not lie but they certainly will 'dress it up'. That's what your friend meant.

'dress it up' yea, i think it is right. in this case,he is right.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
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Dec 3, 2008
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4,310
MBTI Type
INTJ
An INTJ will call an ENFJ indirect because an ENFJ will, from time to time, with a good heart and cheerful smile, make choices for the people around them without announcing them.

And it's only a problem if an ENFJ also works hard at making those choices stick. INTJs prefer to choose for themselves.

ENFJs, if they want to rule, have to make sure their intuitions encompass enough of the world.


Well, no--they don't have to, not really.

It's up to them.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
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Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
I am very puzzled ,because as an ENFJ, I think I am very frankly. if I am gotta say something ,then i will say it without hesitate. And I think i will never lie,even though something maybe will make others uncomfortable.
But ,This is only my own's view. one of my friends is an INTJ, He said i am too indirect about everything. so ,confused! here, I am thinking that maybe as an INTJ he can't recognise my direct way of doing things.
so , here i want to know as an ENFJ, how do you think of yourself ?
or, if you have knew some ENFJs, how else do you think of them ?


I am pretty sure that this is because you don't want to hurt peoples feelings.

If a large person asks : Do I look fat in this pants ?

Answer

ENFJ: Not exactlly, this detail here does not look good to but you will be alright.


INTJ: No, this pants don't make you look fat, you look fat because you are fat. (if INTJ is not wearing a mask)


This are simplified answers.
 

lastrailway

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Aug 11, 2007
Messages
508
I'd say the Fe-Ni combination doesn't sound very promising in terms of being direct.
And an ENFJ I know personally is not direct at all.
 

01011010

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Jun 22, 2008
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3,916
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INxJ
Stating what you want/need/mean in a sugar-coated, round about way isn't direct. It only causes more confusion.
 

Kalach

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INTJ
There is the other side too.

That Fe is directive--and I guess a lot of times goal-oriented--is unnerving, but it does also mean there will be a lot of times when it is direct, straight-forward and honest. Fe seeks a kind of objectivity (I read), so I'm guessing that there are times when someone will need to hear they look fat in those pants, and Fe will both say so and be there to support the result.
 

Hap

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ENFJ
I am pretty sure that this is because you don't want to hurt peoples feelings.

If a large person asks : Do I look fat in this pants ?

Answer

ENFJ: Not exactlly, this detail here does not look good to but you will be alright.


INTJ: No, this pants don't make you look fat, you look fat because you are fat. (if INTJ is not wearing a mask)


This are simplified answers.

Yea,I think ENFJs don't want to hurt others feeling.
 

chris1207

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Apr 11, 2008
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XNXX
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3w2
I don't see what's wrong with not being direct. Just cuz you don't give a crap about people saying personal about you INTJ's doesn't mean that everyone's a robot. I wouldn't be surprised if INTJ's have lost out on job opportunities because they don't understand how to handle people.

To the INFP talking about the ENFJ not getting with her: I can relate to the ENFJ. Maybe he really, really liked you and was afraid of rejection. I have no problem interacting with an attractive chick if I don't like her but man one I do start liking her it's like a switch. I suddenly become very timid and short of words. Oh well.
 

Kalach

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INTJ
The deal for INTJs is we thrive on real input.

Any piece of information we care to come across goes into the robot brain--it's as big as a planet--and gets processed. The information gets run through the intuition jumpers, the Te advisors, the whole memory system, the works. The system is looking for the right place for that information.

Be indirect, and you throw off the system.

And the system checks itself a lot. A very lot. A lottie lot. A disturbance in The Force does not go unnoticed. We use inductive logic to be as smart as we are, and an inductive system isn't shit if the inductive base--every damn thing you know--isn't coherent. So we check it. A lot.

In other words... be indirect and you're fucking with the INTJ in front of you. What feelings do you spare by being indirect then?


And INTJs would have no honour if INTJs hadn't lost jobs for not knowing how to handle people. Handling people isn't what we're meant to do.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
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Apr 23, 2007
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1w2
So I've been thinking about this, am I direct or not. A situation that just happened today may contain a clue.

One of my male friends is thinking about making a move on one of his old coworkers. He's in grad school and comes home every couple of months or so. Whenever he comes home he always invites me and the other woman out some place. I know he likes her and I think she likes him as well, so the last two weekends I've bailed on him when he's asked if I want to go or not because I don't want to be an interloper.

Will I tell him why I don't want to be with him and his possible boo? No probably not. I don't know if that counts as indirect because bailing is working for now and if it ain't broke why fix it. My reasons for not wanting to go are psychological and easy to deny, specifically I'm getting the feeling that he's playing both ends against the middle and I don't know why he keeps inviting me out with him and this woman. So my first line of defense it to opt out because all I have is a hunch and there's no use in mentioning it right now.

So my (in)directness is based on how receptive I feel the victim will be and how correct I feel I am. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at gauging possible reactions to what I'm saying and if I feel like something I have to say will be ill-received I'll try to figure out a way to put it to out there that yes, may come off as indirect. I guess I'd be an iron fist in a velvet glove, but do you really want the glove off? No, I wouldn't tell someone their ass was fat in a certain outfit, I'd say it wasn't flattering and suggest alternatives. I also notice it's mostly Ts saying ENFJs are indirect, so maybe there's are skew here?

When I'm dealing with a person who I feel I can be that level of honest with and won't get all pouty I'm all for it. I prefer to be a plain dealer with people, but I don't want to flay anyone.
 

Kalach

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INTJ would say, there's a guy who won't do better because he's dumb enough to think he's being clever.

If someone were using me as a smokescreen to get at a friend of mine, as soon as I got the chance--like literally as soon as intuition told me something--I'd uber-totally-not-casually-at-all say, "So-o-o-o... you, him, mm, mm, right?" And then I'd listen to whatever was said next. (I probably wouldn't listen for too long though--the purpose of bringing up the topic at all would have been only to get this third person to start dealing directly with my friend himself.)

Call it a concern for the truth, call it disinterest in people stuff, call it an introvert's lack of networking energy, but I find the "Hey, look! A dirty secret!" approach much more appealing than the long, circuitous human harmony management approach.

You guys are indirect. You can afford to be. You have good goals in mind and the energy (and interest) to see the game play out. INTJs by contrast are saving their strength for other stuff.


I honestly believe I'd prefer to be flayed than misdirected. I was advising an ENFP once. He was trying to work out how much to tell a nice INTJ girl about what he had been up to when they weren't together. I told him, don't manage her, tell her what you know, you're probably going to be really surprised what hurts an INTJ and what doesn't.

Bravado? Dunno. ENFJs, you are the people lovers/managers. Am I being too brave with my future flayed self when I set about asking other people to be direct?


EDIT: I'm guessing here, but I think the thing makes you say you like direct is, when you decide the moment calls for it and you think it's right, you like jumping right in and doing something.
 

The Third Rider

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I guess I am a paradox, sometimes I am indirect and sometimes I am too direct with things I say. I can never figure myself out.
 

01011010

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Be indirect, and you throw off the system.

And the system checks itself a lot. A very lot. A lottie lot. A disturbance in The Force does not go unnoticed. We use inductive logic to be as smart as we are, and an inductive system isn't shit if the inductive base--every damn thing you know--isn't coherent. So we check it. A lot.

Yes. Succinctly explained.
 

Hap

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I think ,ENFJs ,because they are Js,so they choose to be indirect or direct. That's to say,they are very direct only when they feel safe and right, they judged.
Otherwise,they will show the indirect way to you ,a way of protecting themselves.
But sometimes they did it maybe because they don't want to hurt other's feeling.
Maybe to an INTJ, it is useless,because they use feeling less.
 

mlittrell

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9w1
half i know play passive/aggressive and the other half are actually pretty forward
 
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