[ENFJ] What is depression like for ENFJs?

[Harlow_Jem]

What is depression like for ENFJs? What are tell-tale symptoms of a depressed ENFJ? How can someone deal with a depressed ENFJ?

 

[Anja]

I'm making a guess here that they become very judgemental of others in their discouragement at making changes in "the way things are."

 

[The Third Rider]

Depends, when I get depressed I feel real down but at the same time I don't like it for other people to see it so I sort of hide it. I don't like to talk about my issues and I won't bring the up unless someone genuinely cares enough ask me what is happening to me. Sometimes At the same time I will also only talk to you about my issues if I trust you enough. I will also get mad and start thinking some "dark" thoughts, and be real negative about stuff as a whole. I will provably throw out certain hints that I feel like shit but I wont say anything too directly about it. As far as signs? Well I guess I wont be me typical cheerful self and you will notice that I get upset a lot easier than usual and won't want to hang around people as much.

 

[Harlow_Jem]

Depends, when I get depressed I feel real down but at the same time I don't like it for other people to see it so I sort of hide it. I don't like to talk about my issues and I won't bring the up unless someone genuinely cares enough ask me what is happening to me. Sometimes At the same time I will also only talk to you about my issues if I trust you enough. I will also get mad and start thinking some "dark" thoughts, and be real negative about stuff as a whole. I will provably throw out certain hints that I feel like shit but I wont say anything too directly about it. As far as signs? Well I guess I wont be me typical cheerful self and you will notice that I get upset a lot easier than usual and won't want to hang around people as much.

Hmmm...and how can someone best help you when you're depressed?

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

I don't think I have ever "seen" an Fe dominant depressed. One of my best friends is ENFJand he never actually looks depressed or anything... he just hints that he is. (something that -really- annoys me.) He won't say "i'm upset I need someone to talk to." He will just try to act like everything is ok, ask me about myself but only really be thinking about himself. Not sure how to explain it...like he will ask me how my day was, and after I'd say "good" or something he will just say "well at least ONE of us had a good day..."

 

[The Third Rider]

Hmmm...and how can someone best help you when you're depressed?

I guess just asking him how he is doing or if he feels down. being supportive and positive about things, help a lot. It just depends of the situation, sometimes I just want someone to just be there and listen to all my issues without them actually giving me any advice. Well, if anything just tell him that you notice how he is feeling and let him know that you are willing to listen to him. May be he wont be ready to tell you what is happening to him right on the spot so simply let him know that if he needs someone to talk to, you will be available for him when ever he needs support and eventually he might come to you.

I don't think I have ever "seen" an Fe dominant depressed. One of my best friends is ENFJ and he never actually looks depressed or anything... he just hints that he is. (something that -really- annoys me.) He won't say "i'm upset I need someone to talk to." He will just try to act like everything is ok, ask me about myself but only really be thinking about himself. Not sure how to explain it...like he will ask me how my day was, and after I'd say "good" or something he will just say "well at least ONE of us had a good day..."

He won't tell does that because he wants you to ask him how he feels. Its about you "genuinely" caring enough about him to ask how he feels. If I tell you to ask me how I am feeling it just feels kind of fake, almost like you really didn't care enough to ask me how I feel so why bother letting you know how I feel. Deep down we do want you to ask us so that is why we throw out the hints. Also like I said, i don't like people to see when I am down so I usually slap on a smile and carry on with my day.

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

I guess its good to hear it from the horses mouth. Personally I find that method of showing your emotions extremely shallow, but sometimes I forget that people have different ways of expressing themselves....

I do care how he is feeling but when he just hints at it I get the feeling that he is playing games with me that I don't have the patience for.. We are good friends and if you are feeling down and need someone to talk to I am going to listen and try to cheer you up. The indirect suggesting is something I've never found appealing in others or myself. Well at any rate I can understand why he does it more now, thanks.

 

[sakuraba]

I knew an ENFJ who had major depression issues. She had to see a therapist and was put on many different medications for the depression. At times, this ENFJ was suicidal and eventually ended up being temporarily put in a mental hospital.

What was this ENFJ like when depressed? If you didn't know her well, and only saw her public facade, you NEVER would've even guessed she was depressed. In public she was cheerful, friendly, personable, smiled a lot.

She put herself out there a lot, but also held a lot in. Did quite a bit of attention whoring, especially online with her MSN and Facebook. She always advertised how she was feeling, weather it was good or bad.

 

[chris1207]

Well, when I'm depressed I like to listen to energetic as an upper and just stay at home and sleep. I'm not really a big fan of hanging out with people when I'm in this state. I, myself, really don't get out enough to know the difference between being depressed and not any more. The only thing I know is that my neck and back hurt when I'm depressed.

For as personal as we take things and as down on ourselves as we get, we ENFJ's sure do have excellent days, like we're on top of the world. It's kind of like we rubber bands of emotion while everyone else are just blocks of wood or something.

 

[jtanSis1]

ENFJ's do so much even they're depressed, and still hide it so others can be encouraged. You all need and deserve the most love and care more than any other type since you give out so much of it.

 

[Wild horses]

My friend who is ENFJ went completely off the charts when she became depressed.. out of interest do we become our shadow selves just under stress or is it under other psychological states deviating from the normal as well. I would say she became alot more irratic than usual missing deadlines unpredictable...

 

[Limonali]

I am resurrecting an old thread but I feel a bit under the weather lately.
The problem is, I have lived in a place where I have very few friends for some years now. Being ENFJ and stuff, I went out trying to make friends, and tried, and tried and tried, but was not very successful at it. So I've lived in relative isolation (I have some friends, I am just used to many more) for an extended period of time. And that is not a natural state for ENFJ.

When sad, I turn into a hermit too. It's just something about trying to preserve your social butterfly self and not put the sad vulnerable one out there to people that might not necessarily understand. I wonder why - being Fe - we all seem to have this mechanism.. it's like we do not trust people will try to help us & love us with as much patience as we usually love them - and we kinda need this intensity of care from others when we are down (INFPs seem to be very good at that though!).

Anyway, my isolation was coupled with other stress over extended period of time: difficulty finding work, living in a foreign culture that I don't like, just normal day-to-day stuff. I am putting a lot of energy trying to leave this country and move to a different one, but I feel drained all the time. I just don't quite know where to get the energy from, so decided to drop in here on all of you, my fellow ENFJs and see if we could chat about our dark days a bit and maybe make them a bit lighter.

 

[Istbkleta]

living in a foreign culture that I don't like

Could you be more specific pls?


Also, if somebody who used to be a close friend tries to contact the ENFJ and the latter does not respond, how can I tell if the ENFJ is hermitting, hates me or something else?

 

[Joehobo]

I am resurrecting an old thread but I feel a bit under the weather lately.
The problem is, I have lived in a place where I have very few friends for some years now. Being ENFJ and stuff, I went out trying to make friends, and tried, and tried and tried, but was not very successful at it. So I've lived in relative isolation (I have some friends, I am just used to many more) for an extended period of time. And that is not a natural state for ENFJ.

When sad, I turn into a hermit too. It's just something about trying to preserve your social butterfly self and not put the sad vulnerable one out there to people that might not necessarily understand. I wonder why - being Fe - we all seem to have this mechanism.. it's like we do not trust people will try to help us & love us with as much patience as we usually love them - and we kinda need this intensity of care from others when we are down (INFPs seem to be very good at that though!).

Anyway, my isolation was coupled with other stress over extended period of time: difficulty finding work, living in a foreign culture that I don't like, just normal day-to-day stuff. I am putting a lot of energy trying to leave this country and move to a different one, but I feel drained all the time. I just don't quite know where to get the energy from, so decided to drop in here on all of you, my fellow ENFJs and see if we could chat about our dark days a bit and maybe make them a bit lighter.

All you need is more INFP love.

There doesn't seem to be many ENFJ's here but I hope one has pmed you so far.
Maybe all you really need is that encouragement that you yourself may give alot to others, a change of scenery would probably do you wonders.
From what I've experienced with an ENFJ.. just need something to look forward to, a plan in the works so to speak, keeping busy and being around good people that have a good influence.

 

[Neutralpov]

I am resurrecting an old thread but I feel a bit under the weather lately.
The problem is, I have lived in a place where I have very few friends for some years now. Being ENFJ and stuff, I went out trying to make friends, and tried, and tried and tried, but was not very successful at it. So I've lived in relative isolation (I have some friends, I am just used to many more) for an extended period of time. And that is not a natural state for ENFJ.

When sad, I turn into a hermit too. It's just something about trying to preserve your social butterfly self and not put the sad vulnerable one out there to people that might not necessarily understand. I wonder why - being Fe - we all seem to have this mechanism.. it's like we do not trust people will try to help us & love us with as much patience as we usually love them - and we kinda need this intensity of care from others when we are down (INFPs seem to be very good at that though!).

Anyway, my isolation was coupled with other stress over extended period of time: difficulty finding work, living in a foreign culture that I don't like, just normal day-to-day stuff. I am putting a lot of energy trying to leave this country and move to a different one, but I feel drained all the time. I just don't quite know where to get the energy from, so decided to drop in here on all of you, my fellow ENFJs and see if we could chat about our dark days a bit and maybe make them a bit lighter.

Yeah we need another ENFJ to help us almost. I find that when in "the grip" I am not aware of the level of stress I am under and tend to think I am just fine. I also wouldn't dump in my friends if in a true anxious or depressed state. I find seeing a therapist most helpful. I have only ever been for a few sessions after a serious change/breakup but it helped see that I was internally dark, critical, thought I should have known it all, and very hard on myself (enneagram 1). But they helped me hold and pause on decision making until I passed out of the temporary grip state (2-3 weeks, and some small decisions for the better) and then help me see it next time so I could be aware of it. Basically only the person who can handle the real problem, mental stress and thoughts being overwhelming, can help. Not a friend.