[INFP] Heavy sense of self and other

[jeeze]

jeeze, I relate to whatever it is you described 110%. I don't know how old you are, but I'm 29 and kind of used to all you mentioned. I became aware of it around my twenties or even earlier. I believe certain people -and even certain (herd) animals- have a heightened awareness, that serves a purpose (imho). It's a bit confusing cause it resembles social anxiety and it deviates from the social norm.

On life being pointless : i'm in it for the occasional extasy, and only then and there, I know it's all worth it.

I dated an LCSW for three years and she thought that I may have social anxiety, so as a test to prove my commitment to her I saw a shrink. They prescribed me different drugs to dull my "anxiety." The drugs did nothing for me. I mean I could have just been taking sugar pills. I'm certain what the deal is is that I typically ignore engaging with people because I hate feeling too much. You know the deal, often talking face to face with people reveals some kind of heavy sadness or bizarre awkwardness about them--probably a result of how fucked up our ideals are these days. Of course this not always the case, and I have much more tolerance with people I've know for years.

It's refreshing to think that this is some heightened sense of awareness, but I'd gladly take some opiate to eliminate it any day. Could you talk more about how this sense helps serve a purpose in the world today?

 

[jeeze]

I can shut myself off emotionally. Not all the time, but it takes something small to ruin my mood so then I get in an everything sucks mode and stay there. My self awareness doesn't go away either. Sucks, right? And I get the energy aspect of it. That alone is tiring. I don't think depression is a part of it, but then again I'm not a doctor. But my honest opinion is that if you were depressed, I don't think you'd have to question it.

You're right, I'm not like clinically depressed. It's just often heavy, ya know? I would like to turn it off, for good. I not saying this to be emotional, but how cool would it be to just not feel and not have the perspective to know that your missing some deeper thing--ignorance is truly bliss I think.

 

[jeeze]

Do you mean that you get sucked into feeling other people's feelings? Because I do and it's very difficult for me to get rid of it unless I first get away from those people. Very negative people are the worst. They are totally pulling me down.

I've learned to shut my sensing off beforehand or put things away (mentally) when something is taking a too big toll on me. But in intense people situation or intense group situation - it is nearly impossible for me to feel my own emotions. I'm a chameleon in that way even if I absolutely hate it. Myabe I'll learn to deal with it someday...

Living in California I think everyone is intense. I think a major problem for me to deal with is the dichotomy between two voluntarily segregated populations based on race. Because of this there is a lot of weird tension. And more than that the tier system in terms of class here is amazing. Peoples need for power and prestige is sickening to me. I am more chameleon than anyone I know. I strive to be accepted and pass what I see as emotional knowledge to those in my life. It's not a mission or anything, but WTF!!! is wrong with people.

 

[jeeze]

you should read up on the 7 chakras and you would find that your soul is at the 4th or higher stage where you become overly compassionate, but also start to realize that your separating from most of the populous since most are now below you in spiritual maturity. Just a guess, can't be sure with these things.

I've never read on the Chakras. But after browsing what I've read I feel as a child I could relate with the 6th, however as I age and slowly get chopped down by the machine I'm struggling to keep my head in the 4th. My tolerance for true seeing is becoming more cynical.

 

[jtanSis1]

used to live in CA myself and I hear you.