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  1. #1
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    Default ENFJ here: not being able to understand where the ENFP stands

    Okay, this is my first post in this forum. So please be a little easy on this fellow ENFJ.

    I had a date with this ENFP on Thursday night. It was really nice. I had such a good time and I think he did too. During the dinner, we did multiple MBTI tests and found out that he is an ENFP. I was staying over at a hotel near the restaurant where we went for the date (i love 1 hour away and it was late and I was too tipsy to drive home). He picked up the bill and teasingly told me that the next time we go out, it will be on me. I was like, sure, we will do Starbucks then! (It sounded like he wanted to see me again?)

    We hugged each other goodnight when it was time to call it a night. He told me to message him once I safely reached my hotel. I texted him and thanked him for the night and told him that I found him handsome. After 15 minutes, the dude texted me back, asking me if it is okay for him to come over to hang out. I responded with, "Sure" - not to sound too eager. When he finally came, I asked him what made him change his mind, and he is like, "unfinished business". Now, I don't think that the guy was trying to sleep with me because he did not even KISS me goodnight when we were leaving.

    Anyway, he shows up - we chat a bit more, have some drinks that I had brought - soon, we found ourselves making out. We didn't do the deed. But while kissing, I told him that I really wanted to kiss him earlier when we were leaving the restaurant - and he said that he knew that. I also teasingly asked him, "Why didn't you say that you found me attractive?" (now, mind you, I was TIPSY.) And he was like, "there are so many things I keep to myself." We kissed some more before we literally fell asleep with our foreheads touching.

    The next morning, he gets up and had to leave for work. After he got dressed, he kissed my forehead and gave me a peck. I was like, "Kiss me again." And this time he left a loooong lingering kiss - it felt so lovey-dovey and I loved that!

    I really thought that I made an impression/he liked me/he would want to stay in touch.

    But he has not texted me back ever since.... he has not responded to my messages too...

    I really thought we connected - the NF-NF - it was also the first time that I was with an NF. So, for me, it felt - it felt like something so deep, intense, loving, and beautiful. I don't know if I am imagining it all or if what I felt was actually there.

    I do feel sad, and almost heartbroken. What's wrong with me?

  2. #2
    Talk to me. Merced's Avatar
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    If this is the whole story, you didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes these things aren't meant to be. I personally advocate for making friends with your partner before they become your partner, if you get what I mean, but yeah.

    Never, ever let anyone think you weren't good enough though. That's dumb. You'll find someone soon enough and that's all that matters.

  3. #3
    Potential is My Addiction Dreamer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SarahZafar View Post
    Okay, this is my first post in this forum. So please be a little easy on this fellow ENFJ.

    I had a date with this ENFP on Thursday night. It was really nice. I had such a good time and I think he did too. During the dinner, we did multiple MBTI tests and found out that he is an ENFP. I was staying over at a hotel near the restaurant where we went for the date (i love 1 hour away and it was late and I was too tipsy to drive home). He picked up the bill and teasingly told me that the next time we go out, it will be on me. I was like, sure, we will do Starbucks then! (It sounded like he wanted to see me again?)

    We hugged each other goodnight when it was time to call it a night. He told me to message him once I safely reached my hotel. I texted him and thanked him for the night and told him that I found him handsome. After 15 minutes, the dude texted me back, asking me if it is okay for him to come over to hang out. I responded with, "Sure" - not to sound too eager. When he finally came, I asked him what made him change his mind, and he is like, "unfinished business". Now, I don't think that the guy was trying to sleep with me because he did not even KISS me goodnight when we were leaving.

    Anyway, he shows up - we chat a bit more, have some drinks that I had brought - soon, we found ourselves making out. We didn't do the deed. But while kissing, I told him that I really wanted to kiss him earlier when we were leaving the restaurant - and he said that he knew that. I also teasingly asked him, "Why didn't you say that you found me attractive?" (now, mind you, I was TIPSY.) And he was like, "there are so many things I keep to myself." We kissed some more before we literally fell asleep with our foreheads touching.

    The next morning, he gets up and had to leave for work. After he got dressed, he kissed my forehead and gave me a peck. I was like, "Kiss me again." And this time he left a loooong lingering kiss - it felt so lovey-dovey and I loved that!

    I really thought that I made an impression/he liked me/he would want to stay in touch.

    But he has not texted me back ever since.... he has not responded to my messages too...

    I really thought we connected - the NF-NF - it was also the first time that I was with an NF. So, for me, it felt - it felt like something so deep, intense, loving, and beautiful. I don't know if I am imagining it all or if what I felt was actually there.

    I do feel sad, and almost heartbroken. What's wrong with me?
    What sort of timeline are we working with here? How long has it been since the date? If you’re cool with the thought, I’d suggest just going on other dates as if the ENFP never comes back. Who knows, they’re probably on other dates as well? But in the least, you could give them a few days more if it hasn’t been too long, they might be caught up in something else like some family issues or things dealing with work. I personally tend to give people the benefit of the doubt before my thoughts start to turn sour, but really, it could be a number of things why they haven’t gotten back to you.

    To echo @Merced’s comments, whatever the reasoning on the ENFP’s side, you can rest assure that there is nothing amiss on your end. Sorry to hear of the disappointment, it sounds you both really enjoyed each other’s company.
    The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
    -Eleanor Roosevelt


    ~Always, an Enthusiastic_Dreamer
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  4. #4
    Junior Member anNE_cognito's Avatar
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    I'm an ENFP and I wouldn't ghost/ignore someone I spent the night with, even if there was no sex involved. Of course, that's just me, and I'm a female. But I dated an ENFP guy a few years ago, and he wouldn't have ghosted someone either (for any reason). Maybe your date isn't an ENFP? Test results can sometimes be inaccurate. Regardless of what personality type he is, jerks come in all shapes and sizes. I'm sorry this happened to you Dating can be hard these days (believe me, I know). I've been ghosted a time or two, once by an INFJ that I felt an amazing NF-NF connection with. (He contacted me three months later and apologized but by that time I was over it.) Not everyone is good at communicating, and not everyone is considerate. I don't know what this guy's deal is, but know that the problem is with him and not with you.
    Step outside, summertime's in bloom
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