[ENFJ] You know you're an ENFJ when...

[proteanmix]

YES YES YES!!!!

I have it BAD....and I went to therapy to figure out WHY. I will ALWAYS find the girl that 'needs' me in a crowd. I'm never attracted to the ones that don't.......and I am so sick of it.

That is amazing that you clued into that.....

Maybe not so much.

When I was in college I'd find some pretty warped people and play therapist, partially to fed my ego and partially because I thought I could help. I was usually totally over my head and nothing I could really do anything about. I wouldn't necessarily say I sought them out, but after a few years I did begin to wonder why half of my friends I was nursemaid to. I remember one of my old suite mates told me once "you're like my mama bear." That comment really disgusted me and I still don't know completely why. Well I do sort of know why in retrospect because I felt matronly and old and parental and I was barely 21. And like I said it fed my ego because I felt like I was really getting into someone and I liked people heeding my words so carefully and asking me what I thought they should do like I was an oracle or something. There was a little powertripping involved in it.

I'm not saying I'm far past that point, but I've definitely chilled with making myself so available for therapy with people and finding people that I have more reciprocity with. It is nice to have people see that in you though. When my coworker I was having problems with last year came up to me when she was about to have her baby and started sharing her anxieties and fears about the impending birth of her baby I did feel flattered. That was completely out of character of her (she's an ESTP who's always blustering and grandstanding everywhere), but then again she did have hormones coursing through her body so I don't know how seriously to take it.

I'm trying to get some evidence for some thoughts I have about FJ/FJ relationships (platonic or otherwise) because I'm trying to figure out if what people refer to needy/clingy/dependent are "normal" FJ personality traits of if it's something more.

I saw this Oprah episode with a mircobiologist, there's fecal matter everywhere!

I also thought about my paranoid delusion of a two foot tapeworm living in my intestines that will burst from my body at any minute but I decided to go with the more lighthearted one.

 

[Desperado44]

Maybe not so much.

When I was in college I'd find some pretty warped people and play therapist, partially to fed my ego and partially because I thought I could help. I was usually totally over my head and nothing I could really do anything about. I wouldn't necessarily say I sought them out, but after a few years I did begin to wonder why half of my friends I was nursemaid to. I remember one of my old suite mates told me once "you're like my mama bear." That comment really disgusted me and I still don't know completely why. Well I do sort of know why in retrospect because I felt matronly and old and parental and I was barely 21. And like I said it fed my ego because I felt like I was really getting into someone and I liked people heeding my words so carefully and asking me what I thought they should do like I was an oracle or something. There was a little powertripping involved in it.

I'm not saying I'm far past that point, but I've definitely chilled with making myself so available for therapy with people and finding people that I have more reciprocity with. It is nice to have people see that in you though. When my coworker I was having problems with last year came up to me when she was about to have her baby and started sharing her anxieties and fears about the impending birth of her baby I did feel flattered. That was completely out of character of her (she's an ESTP who's always blustering and grandstanding everywhere), but then again she did have hormones coursing through her body so I don't know how seriously to take it.

I'm trying to get some evidence for some thoughts I have about FJ/FJ relationships (platonic or otherwise) because I'm trying to figure out if what people refer to needy/clingy/dependent are "normal" FJ personality traits of if it's something more.



I also thought about my paranoid delusion of a two foot tapeworm living in my intestines that will burst from my body at any minute but I decided to go with the more lighthearted one.

WOW....great stuff...thank you for sharing that. Yes, I have led a parallel life to yours.....I've experienced the same dynamic.

I would be FASCINATED to see what you find about FJ/FJ relationships!!

 

[Lisa73]

When you enter a room of 50 people and within minutes know the most vulnerable person in the crowd.

When you cannot understand how anyone can overlook the nuances of compassion and empathy.

When you take care of others more than yourself.

When you grow resentful from all the giving you do; without any in return.

I'm curious about this last point. If you always seek out the person in the room who needs you, then why are you resentful when they don't give back much in return? It seems as though someone who needs attention may not have much to offer you in return.

Is that a fair question?

 

[Jack Flak]

I'm curious about this last point. If you always seek out the person in the room who needs you, then why are you resentful when they don't give back much in return? It seems as though someone who needs attention may not have much to offer you in return.

Is that a fair question?

*whispers* You're talking to people who prefer F to T. Tread lightly!

 

[freebird]

You know you are dealing with an ENFJ when:

He opens his arms for a hug before you're all the way in the door.

He takes one look at you and asks what's bothering you (of course he's the only one who could tell anything was awry at all)

You can't stay mad at him (even in jest) because it hurts him too much

 

[Usehername]

I'm curious about this last point. If you always seek out the person in the room who needs you, then why are you resentful when they don't give back much in return? It seems as though someone who needs attention may not have much to offer you in return.

Is that a fair question?

He said you "know." He didn't say he was seeking them out.

Much like I would "know" the colour of the walls in the room. Just becuase I perceived it doesn't mean I was seeking it out.

 

[Desperado44]

I'm curious about this last point. If you always seek out the person in the room who needs you, then why are you resentful when they don't give back much in return? It seems as though someone who needs attention may not have much to offer you in return.

Is that a fair question?

I KNOW who the person(s) is or are.....but I don't necessarily seek them out.

Frankly, its difficult to have a personality that wants to give.....you never know if the other person is up for it or can give you anything back......so end up with a ton of trial and error and you're usually very disappointed.......despite open communication.

 

[Sunshine8]

[/QUOTE]Frankly, its difficult to have a personality that wants to give.....you never know if the other person is up for it or can give you anything back......so end up with a ton of trial and error and you're usually very disappointed.......despite open communication.[/QUOTE]

Totally agree here - I have read tons of books on open communication with others, but I am realising that perhaps I just need to have more open communication with myself - and bloody listen to my intuition as soon as I start wanting to take care of a potential partner or I think 'O-Ow'...

Once I care about someone it's hard to see the forest for the twigs I am stabbing myself with because I am not a tree.



I don't think there is a risk of the average ENFJ missing the opportunity to explore a romantic possibility - more likely a risk of taking on someone else's s&*^t and being blamed for it all in the end when you can't save them...

 

[Desperado44]

I don't think there is a risk of the average ENFJ missing the opportunity to explore a romantic possibility - more likely a risk of taking on someone else's s&*^t and being blamed for it all in the end when you can't save them...

Oh boy....you nailed it there....that my be the THEME of every relationship I've ever had......

I'm going to start playing the Papa Roach song SCARS any moment...

 

[The Third Rider]

Used to ask myself why I only attracted people who had issues as well. I guess is that we can be too nurshuring and we just walk around trying to save poeple but in return we (or atleast on my case) never get anything back in return. Not that this is the only reason that you help people but after a while you wonder if its even worth it anymore or if you are going too far trying to help others. I personally have promised myself to not try to get as involved as I used to, sometimes me trying to help things have gotten me in messes that I should have never been in.

 

[Desperado44]

Used to ask myself why I only attracted people who had issues as well. I guess is that we can be too nurshuring and we just walk around trying to save poeple but in return we (or atleast on my case) never get anything back in return. Not that this is the only reason that you help people but after a while you wonder if its even worth it anymore or if you are going too far trying to help others. I personally have promised myself to not try to get as involved as I used to, sometimes me trying to help things have gotten me in messes that I should have never been in.

In some sick way....I'm comforted in knowing I'm not the only ENFJ that falls into that rut. It SUCKS.....and in the last 5 years, I've traced my own issues to an underlying resentment that I give, and give, and give and save and give and save some more.....and get nothing in return.

I would love to know HOW to break that cycle and not attract women who have no ability to give anything in return.

 

[jtanSis1]

You guys need to talk to more INFP's. Vulnerable people might come to you, but we want to help them and are never approached because they think were as bad or worse off than them. We always consider the nuances of compassion and empathy. We like taking care of others more than ourselves and are usually not resentful. Our reward is seeing others feel better. I think Kiersey had it right in relationships that only the outer letters need to be different. INFP for ENFJ etc. Same values but different methods to reach common goals and balance out the other.

 

[The Third Rider]

In some sick way....I'm comforted in knowing I'm not the only ENFJ that falls into that rut. It SUCKS.....and in the last 5 years, I've traced my own issues to an underlying resentment that I give, and give, and give and save and give and save some more.....and get nothing in return.

I know what you mean, its not that distorted to feel comforted (I would say relieved is the better word) that you are not the only one that has this issue. It just reemphasizes your mind that there is nothing wrong with you and it happens to other people as well so its "normal".

I would love to know HOW to break that cycle and not attract women who have no ability to give anything in return.

Well, I tried picking things up from different people. For example my mother is nurturing to a point and will listen to you and help you in which ever way posible, than after a while if you keep talking about your problems she will tell you to move on and if you keep going back she will get pissed off at you and tell you to pick your damn self up and move on (one time that is exactly what I needed to hear). Than there is my ENTJ, who has zero, border line negative empathy, if he doesn't care he will be a complete asshole about your issues. Example, his ex called him like 3 days ago and told him that one of her friends got killed, he said; "so? was he part of your family? If not than I don't care." and said that to him his netflix movies waiting at home were far more important to him than knowing about her friend's death (he dead serious about it too).LOL On the other hand if he slightly cares about you and your issue he will try to listen but will crack jokes and make you laugh instead of empathazing with you, which also helps because it changes your mood back to positive, but he doesn't allow people to leach on for emotional support.

You guys need to talk to more INFP's. Vulnerable people might come to you, but we want to help them and are never approached because they think were as bad or worse off than them. We always consider the nuances of compassion and empathy. We like taking care of others more than ourselves and are usually not resentful. Our reward is seeing others feel better. I think Kiersey had it right in relationships that only the outer letters need to be different. INFP for ENFJ etc. Same values but different methods to reach common goals and balance out the other.

Were can I find me a INFP?

 

[jtanSis1]

No one dares to take revenge against you. (except INFP since revenge doesn't work on us)

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

You know you're an ENFJ when...

You take the MBTI and it tells you that you're an ENFJ.​

 

[Jack Flak]

You know you're an ENFJ when...

You take the MBTI and it tells you that you're an ENFJ.​

I scored ENFJ once. Does that make me ENFJ?

 

[jtanSis1]

Are either a knight in shining armor or cinderella looking for your princess(damsel in distress) or prince charming. (hint: read INFP profile)

 

[jtanSis1]

http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=healer

 

[Domino]

You know you're an ENFJ when...

You take the MBTI and it tells you that you're an ENFJ.​

Edahn replies. Hilarity ensues.

I wished for a kid on Jeopardy to go down in flames because he was smug and stole Dorothy Hamill's hair cut. Does that count toward my Devil/Angel quotient?

I'm frequently designated a "safe" person when someone I know is emotionally maimed. It didn't let up a whole lot, even when I was just out of the hospital. For the first time, I truly had to go to bat for myself and tell people "no". It felt bad, but this was life or death. I had to consider my own survival.

 

[miss fortune]

... when you hear 15 years later that your childhood enemy is on the registered sex offenders list and you announce "I KNEW that I had a reason for disliking him!"



I love my sis, but she's a bit odd sometimes