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[ENFJ] In love with an INTJ

Dollface

New member
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
8
MBTI Type
ENFJ
So here's my deeply personal and deeply messed up situation: I started to fall in love with my INTJ friend when I was engaged to an ISFP. It happened gradually and genuinely confused me at the time, but out of loyalty and respect to my partner I ignored my feelings and married him as planned. Right before I did, I found out my fiancee cheated on me at his bachelor party. I married him anyway... the money was spent, he promised me we would go to therapy, and I still felt a deep obligation to the commitment and our history. While he is a beautiful, generous, and kind person... the last year and a half of our marriage have been horrible for me. I have been cheated on before and the shattered foundation of trust has led to me spiraling into a deep depression that led to therapy and anti-depressants. Our marriage started collapsing into itself (slowly) since day one of marriage. We fought through half of our honeymoon and any sex life that we have disintegrated because I could not get past him cheating. That said, my love for my INTJ friend has just grown stronger. I have fallen so deeply for him that I sometimes imagine myself raising his children. He doesn't know this. A few months ago after a particularly bad fight with my husband, I asked my friend if he's ever been attracted to me. I told him I needed to hear him say no so I could move on. He said no and I did my best to accept it as truth. Recently he approached me via text regarding his attraction for me and that he has "wanted me ever since he knew I wanted him". He said and did so many things to make me think otherwise prior to this, but I have always known deep down that it wasn't true. After some very vulnerable exchanges over messaging my INTJ friend came back and said he has decided that he never sees us together but that we could be best friends. We have "sexual attraction, a great friendship" but that the "romantic" part is missing. Every time we talk about it, my heart hurts and I cry. But I am still in love with him. I know that I should continue with therapy and trying to make my marriage work, but I dream about my friend constantly and I know that out of all the people I have ever met- I have ever loved anybody as much as I love him. We connect on another level that we understand what the other is thinking with just a glance. It drives me crazy that he doesn't understand our emotions but out of all the times I've tried to move on from him my heart just falls over and over again. Help me!!
 

Luminous

༻✧✧༺
Joined
Oct 25, 2017
Messages
10,230
MBTI Type
Iᑎᖴᑭ
Enneagram
952
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
:hug:

You are seeing a therapist for your own treatment, yes? If you're only seeing one as a couple, I think you should see one just for yourself who could help you explore how to approach this very complicated and painful situation. I'm sorry you're in so much pain.
 
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